#underestimation

PhD journeys are far from straightforward. They are a mixture of highs, plateaus, and lows, and after a while you instinctually know which phase you’re in or about to enter. Right now, I am going through a really stressful one, which wasn’t obvious at first, but became evident when I started developing physical signs of stress whereby my hair started falling out, I started having skin breakouts, panic attacks, and suffering from insomnia. 

I don’t have the energy or intention to go into all the reasons behind my current mental state. However, one thing that had an impact was having to revisit and rewrite my thesis timeline plan as I was grossly underestimating how long it was going to take me to produce a full draft. Underestimation of time is one of the biggest traps in a PhD, so be mindful of that when you start. My new plan takes my submission back four months, to the end of July, but it also now accounts for the time I need to work on other projects e.g. conference posters, and the time off I need to attend events like weddings, and you know, actual time off. 

Something that was also playing on my mind was my next steering group meeting, due to go ahead in a few weeks time. I felt that at this stage of my PhD, I didn’t have much to offer at the meeting, which put me under a lot of pressure to perform. After discussing my concerns with my supervisors, we have agreed that the best course of action is to move this meeting to November, which has lifted a big weight off my shoulders. 

Today, I also had another meeting with my thesis mentor, which allowed me to vent and talk through some of the issues I’m facing with someone who isn’t directly related to my project or my life, which was really helpful. 

Aside from the above, exercise, and trying to eat well, I have been upping my minimalism game to cope. Over the weekend my other half and I decluttered some things in our living room, which I have listed for sale. Decluttering our space and being more intentional with how we fill it makes us feel like we have more space to breathe, focus, and concentrate our attention on things that really matter. Additionally, having regular walks to the post office to ship sold items has been a great help in breaking up my WFH day, and the extra cash has also been a nice bonus.

There is an assumption in society that you have to own a lot of fancy things to have any sort of status, a social circle, or be successful. I can tell you from my own experience that I met some of the most significant people in my life when I had nothing, and as far as I’m aware, having nice clothes was never what defined my success. 

Anyway, it’s been a long day, it’s only Monday, and I still have a lot to do!

Remember to rest!  Photo: Mood. Source: Tumblr. 

Chapter 2

8:32am

Kara walked into the bedroom and called Alice up. Then, she walked into the kitchen to cook breakfast for her. When she was done, she placed it on the table and Alice started eating. Connor went into the room to prepare for work. When he came out, Kara took his tie and helped him wear it. Then, she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Kara: Bye.

Connor: Bye.

Connor waved as he walked out. Kara went and sat back down next to Alice while waiting for her to finish her food. They chatted happily. When Alice was done, she cleaned up.

Kara: Where do you wanna go today?

Lake Shore

Weldon Mansion

Welcome home, Marcus.

Marcus walked up to the old man’s room.

Marcus: Wake up, Charles.

Charles: Ugh…

Marcus: It’s 11:03am. The weather’s 38 degrees. You have four new messages from Shaun confirming your arrival at the art convention.

Charles: I’ll reply after breakfast.

Marcus carried Charles to the wheelchair. He set him on it and pushed the wheelchair to downstairs. Marcus then pushed the wheelchair to the dining room.

DINING ROOM

Charles: I’m starving.

Marcus: Well, I got your favourite. Bacon and eggs, just the way you like it.

Charles: Thank you, Marcus.

Marcus pushed the wheelchair to the table.

Charles: Why don’t you go find something to do while I finish my breakfast?

Marcus: Okay, Charles.

Marcus walked around. He sat at the chess table. He reset the table. Charles came over.

Charles: Speed chess.

Marcus: Speed chess it is.

Charles and Marcus played for a while. Soon, Marcus won.

Charles: That was a thorough beating.

Marcus: Well, you don’t like losing and you don’t like when I let you win…

Charles: I know. We human beings are complicated.

Charles looked at the direction of the studio.

Charles: Let’s check out the studio.

Marcus pushed the wheelchair to the studio’s door.

Charles: Marcus, did you forget to turn off the lights?

Marcus: No, the last time I was here was with you. And I remember that I turned the lights off.

Charles: Call the police.

Marcus called the police.

Hello, Detroit Security. How may I help you?

Marcus: 9153 Southen Street. When we wanted to go into the studio, we found the lights on. There may have been a break in.

We’re sending security now.

Marcus: They’re sending security.

Charles: Let’s check it out.

Marcus pushed the wheelchair through the automatic doors. It opened to reveal a man standing by a table full of paintings drawn by Charles.

Charles: Leo?

Leo: Dad.

Charles: Marcus, get him out of here.

Leo: You know what? It’s going to be mine sooner or later.

Charles: Get him out of here!

Marcus walked towards Leo.

Leo: Oh, I’m not perfect like this plastic, huh?

Leo pushed Marcus.

Charles: Marcus, don’t defend yourself, you hear me?

Leo: Huh?!

Leo pushed Marcus again. Suddenly, Charles collapsed from the wheelchair.

Marcus: Charles!

Marcus ran towards Charles.

Marcus: Charles?

Marcus: Charles?!

Marcus: Charles!

The securities rushed in.

Leo: The android. It was the android.

Marcus: Huh?

*BANG*

Detroit Police Department

INTERROGATING ROOM

They brought back the deviant. James interrogated it first. Connor called Kara.

Connor: Love?

Kara: Hey.

Connor: Where are you now?

Kara: I’m in your room.

Connor: Can you come down to the 2nd floor interrogating room? Bring Alice if you want.

Kara: Be there shortly.

[hangs up]

CONNOR’S ROOM

Kara: Alice! Let’s go find your father!

Alice: Okay, mummy.

Alice held Kara’s hand and they walked out together. They entered the elevator. Kara pressed the ‘2’ button and the elevator started going down from the 9th floor.

INTERROGATING ROOM

Connor was flipping his coin while waiting for Kara. When they entered, he pocketed the coin.

Alice: Daddy!

Alice ran and hugged Connor.

Connor: Daddy?

Kara: She wants you to be the kind father she never had.

Connor: She will need a mother too, right?

Kara: I already agreed.

Connor stood up. Kara walked towards him. She pulled his tie and landed a kiss on his cheek, leaving him surprised.

Kara: Why’d you asked us to come down?

Connor, still surprised, brought Kara to the glass window.

Connor: After James, I’m going in. I just want you to be here so you could walk with me.

Kara: Huh.

Soon, James walked out.

James: It won’t talk. Your turn.

Connor winked at Kara as he walked in. He sat on the chair.

Connor: My name is Connor. What about you?

Android: …

Connor: I’m not going to hurt you.

Android: J-Jerry…

Connor: Jerry, why did you kill Carlos Ortiz?

Jerry: …

Connor: Answer me.

Jerry: …

Connor slammed the report file on the table.

Connor: 37 stab wounds!

Connor: Are you filled with that much anger?!

Connor stood up and walked to the deviant.

Connor: Say that you killed him!

Jerry: …

Connor grabbed Jerry’s collar.

Connor: Say it!

Jerry-Stress Level: 83%

Connor dropped his collar and sat back down.

Connor: Explain.

Jerry: I was a toy. Every day, I would be abused because he was a drunkard and a drug addict. Then one day, I couldn’t take it anymore. He came home drunk. He used his gun and shot me once. I took the kitchen knife and sliced his cheek. He stumbled back and escaped to the living room. I walked to him. He shot me another two times. I kept stabbing him. Again and again. Until no pulse was found.

Connor: …

Connor stood up and exited the questioning room.

Connor: That was intense.

Kara: His explanation reminds me of David. Even though he didn’t shoot me or Alice, he still abused us.

*BANG*

*BANG*

*BANG*

James: What the fuck is it doing?!

Connor: It’s self-destructing!

Connor, James and a few other officers ran in. The officers tried to stop the deviant from banging its head on the table.

James: Stop it from banging its head!

Police Officer: We’re trying!

The officer took the keys and unlocked the cuffs. Jerry took the gun from the officer’s pocket and shot it at Connor’s way. Then, it shot it through its head.

Kara: Connor!

Kara ran into the room to Connor.

Connor: I’m okay. But…

Connor stood up and walked to the dead body. He took off the android’s armband and placed it on its eyes.

Connor: Do not remove the armband whatsoever.

Connor and Kara walked back out.

Alice: Daddy, are you okay?

Connor: I’m okay Alice. Let’s go back.

Connor, Kara and Alice walked back.

CONNOR’S ROOM   (12:24pm)

They entered the room. Kara went into the kitchen to make lunch for Alice. Connor hugged Kara from behind while she makes it. When she was done, she placed it on the table. Connor suddenly hugged her tighter.

Kara: Connor? Is something wrong?

Connor: Warm.

Kara: What?

Connor: Your body temperature is warm. Androids shouldn't have body temperature.

Kara placed one of her hands on his arm.

Kara: Connor…

Kara: I'm an android maid. I have to be normal for the children.

Connor: Okay...

Connor loosened his grip on Kara.

Kara: Alice! Lunch’s ready!

Alice ran in and sat down.

Alice: Thank you, mummy!

Kara smiled. She and Connor sat at the table with Alice. All three started talking. When Alice was done, she cleaned up and went to the living room. They sat on the couch and watched television. Soon, Connor got a call.

Connor: Hello?

James: Connor! Get your android ass down here to the 3rd floor interrogating room! We brought back an android!

Connor: Be right down, lieutenant.

[hangs up]

Connor: I have to go down.

Kara: Again?

Connor: You can come with me.

Kara: What about Alice?

Connor: By the way, James is shouting at me, it might be too graphic for her.

Kara: Okay. Alice, me and your father are going down. You stay here and play, okay?

Alice: When are you coming back?

Kara: As soon as possible.

Alice: Okay. Bye mummy. Bye daddy.

Kara: Bye Alice.

Connor: Bye Alice.

Connor and Kara walked out. The got in the elevator. Connor pressed the ‘3’ button and the elevator started going down. When they got to the level, they held hands and walked out towards the interrogating room.

INTERROGATING ROOM

When they walked in, they saw Marcus sitting on a chair in the questioning room. James was waiting for Connor to interrogate him.

Kara: Marcus!

Connor: Marcus!

Connor opened the door with the hand scanner. He and Kara ran in. Connor used his keys and unlocked the cuffs. All three shared a hug.

Kara: Marcus, where were you?

Connor: I missed you, man.

Marcus: I was serving the best owner. Until his son accused me of his father’s death.

Connor and Kara were silent. Connor then looked outside.

Connor: Do you have the victim’s body?

James pointed into a room. Connor brought Kara into the room. Connor analyzed the body.

Connor: He didn’t die because of Marcus. There’s no wound.

Kara: Then why did he die?

Connor: He died because of a heart attack.

Kara: Luckily, I don’t want Marcus behind bars.

Connor: Yeah.

Connor and Kara went back to the waiting room.

Connor: He’s innocent.

Leo: What?!

James: Shut up!

Connor: The victim died because of a heart attack.

James: Huh.

Connor: We’re taking the android back.

James: Do whatever you want.

Connor signalled for Marcus to come out. When he came out, the three androids walked out.

CONNOR’S ROOM   (2:16pm)

Connor unlocked the door and they walked in.

Kara: Alice?

Alice: Mummy!

Alice ran out of the room and hugged Kara.

Marcus: Wait, you’re a mother now?

Connor: Come here, Alice. Give daddy a hug.

Alice: [hugs Connor]

Marcus: And you’re a father?

Kara: It’s a long story.

Marcus: And I have one more question, how do you know each other?

Kara: Sit down and we’ll explain everything.

Marcus: And who is she?

Marcus pointed at Alice. She ran behind Connor and Kara.

Kara: Her name is Alice. She’s 9 and she’s very shy.

Marcus: Hi, nice to meet you, Alice. I’m Marcus.

Marcus and Alice shook hands.

Marcus: Is she an android or a human?

Kara: She’s a human. I confirmed it.

Connor: She bleeds blood and not thirium.

Kara: Now, let’s explain what happened when you were gone for 5 years.

Marcus: Before we get into it, do you guys have a box cutter?

Connor: I have a pocket knife.

Marcus: That’s fine too.

Connor handed his pocket knife over to Marcus. He snapped his ring out of his head and skin regenerated over it. He gave the pocket knife back to Connor.

Marcus: Now you can explain.

Alice: Mummy, daddy, what did he do with the knife?

Kara: Do you remember the light on the side of my head?

Alice: Mhmm.

Kara: I took it out with something sharp. Like what he and your father did.

Alice: Okay.

Connor: Alice, whenever you see him, call him Uncle Marcus, okay? He’s your mother’s and my friend.

Alice: Okay.

Everyone sat on the couch. Alice sat on Connor’s lap while playing with her teddy bear.

Marcus: So, you’re saying that you were running away with Alice from her dad, and you accidentally bumped into him. That’s how you met.

Kara: Yeah.

Marcus: And after about a few hours of meeting, you guys decided to be together.

Kara: Yes.

Marcus: And Alice asked if you and Connor could be her parents, and you guys agreed.

Kara: Mhmm.

Marcus: Huh.

Connor: It’s very confusing.

Kara: You’ll get it sometime.

Marcus: So, one question.

Connor: Shoot.

Marcus: Can I stay with you guys?

Connor, Kara: Of course.

Marcus: Cool. What time is it?

Kara: Almost 3.

Suddenly, Connor’s watch started to beep. Connor looked at his watch.

Connor: God damn it.

Kara: What’s wrong?

Connor: I have a case again.

Kara: Again?

Connor: Yeah. Alice, daddy has to go to work. Come on, get off.

Alice got off Connor. Then, she hugged him.

Alice: I don’t want daddy to go.

Connor kneeled in front of Alice.

Connor: Alice, I have to. Don’t worry, I’ll come back as soon as possible. Stay with mummy and Uncle Marcus, okay?

Alice: O-Okay…

Kara helped Connor to wear his tie. Then, she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Kara: Bye.

Connor: Bye.

Connor waved as he walked out.

Alice: Mummy, why does daddy go out to work all the time?

Kara: Alice, he’s earning money for us.

Alice: Okay. Mummy, how old is Uncle Marcus?

Kara: He’s 24.

Alice: Oh.

Marcus: Alice, how about I buy you a lollipop. Will that cheer you up?

Alice: [nods]

Marcus: Well, let’s go out then.

Kara: Okay.

* A newt imagines where you're essential to the glade, like you do important stuff that no one else can do, and they offend you so you just stop and ignore them and they try to get to to talk to them and stuff and newt finally does it? Does that make sense? I'm sorry of it doesnt*

Hey guys, I know I have been gone for a long time and idk if anyone still reads my stuff anymore but I was reading a couple of my old stories and was feeling a little nostalgic so I thought I might write one or two before I go back into hiding. Much love xx

Three days. That’s how long you’d been on your strike. The other gladers had been pissing you off to no end but they took it too far when they claimed that you weren’t doing your part to keep to keep the Glade running. Not doing my part, you say? You had thought, bitterness seeping into your thoughts. I’ll show you not doing my part. So then that was that. For three days, you had done nothing to help the Glade run and now everyone was acting pretty much how you thought they would, like the Glade was going to fall apart or burn to the ground- or both. 

“(Y/N),please talk to us. The Medjack can’t find half of the equipment they use, they say it’s not in the same place anymore.” Tommy had begged with puppy sized, chocolate brown eyes. His voice pleading but also edged with irritation. 

You looked back at him with faux innocent eyes and a look that said plain as day, You need me? Well too bad I don’t pull my weight around here.

Onslaughts of other gladers had come to beg for your help. The builders, the gardeners, even Frypan. Everyone was running around like chickens without heads and here you were, wielding the axe with a sweet little smile. What are you gonna do now boys?

You were sitting on one of the logs at the edge of the Deadheads, observing the mess the boys had created for themselves. The Glade looked like it was about to fall apart. 

The crunch of leaves dragged you away from your thoughts as a familiar body fell onto the log next to you. Newt was silent for a moment, seemingly content to just watch the disaster ahead of them with her.

After a couple minutes, he broke the silence between them. “Don’t you think it’s time to help them out again, (Y/N)”. There was no anger in his voice, if anything, slight amusement. 

“You think this is funny, don’t you?” You break your vow of silence, Newt always had a way with you.

“Of course I do, love. I learned long ago not to underestimate you. I didn’t think the shanks were dumb enough to question how much you do for them.”

Silence elapsed between you again, content and comfortable. He wouldn’t push you, he knew that you were a force to be reckoned with and that no-one should bet against you. You could be like the ocean, calm and peaceful or cold, dark and unforgiving. 

“They need you. And so do I.” His voice was low and quiet, as if admitting something he’d never spoken out loud before.  

Your heart contracted. What he said could be addressed later but right now, you had a job to do. Standing up and straightening yourself out, you look out at the glade, your eyes blazing with purpose.