Alik'r Warriors Arrested in Whiterun Tavern for the Seventh Time Insist They Are Seeking a Dangerous Fugitive, Not Just Really Enjoying Honningbrew Reserve
WHITERUN — For the seventh time since the frost broke, Commander Caius of the Whiterun City Guard has ordered the forced removal of two Hammerfell mercenaries found face-down in the hearth-ashes of the Bannered Mare.
The men, draped in the traditional garb of the Alik’r desert, maintained through heavily slurred speech and violent hiccups that they were conducting a highly classified, time-sensitive manhunt for a treacherous fugitive. Tavern regulars, however, suggest the only thing the warriors were hunting was the bottom of a Honningbrew Reserve cask.
"It’s the exact same routine every Morndas," sighed Hulda, proprietor of the Bannered Mare, while scrubbing a patch of regurgitated venison stew from the floorboards. "They push through the doors looking grim, ask the room at large if anyone has seen a Redguard woman, and when nobody answers, they requisition a corner table and order four pitchers of Sabjorn’s finest. By midnight, they’re arm-in-arm, loudly weeping to Mikael’s lute renditions of Ragnar the Red."
The ongoing disruption has become a major headache for Jarl Balgruuf the Greater, who officially barred the Alik'r from entering the city limits last month. Despite the Jarl's decree, the mercenaries continually bypass the main gates.
"They just keep paying the 10-septim gate tax and telling the fresh recruits they’re here to 'buy armor from Warmaiden’s,'" Commander Caius told this publication, massaging his temples. "When my men dragged them out of the tavern last night, one of them tried to intimidate us by shouting about their curved swords. Curved. Swords. I had to remind him that we impounded their scimitars three weeks ago. He was threatening us with a half-eaten leek."
The political friction stems from the mercenaries’ unwavering claim that they are agents of a captain named Kematu, supposedly operating out of a covert forward base in Swindler’s Den. They allege their target is a high-ranking traitor to the noble houses of Hammerfell who sold out the city of Taneth to the Aldmeri Dominion.
Locals remain thoroughly unconvinced by the espionage angle.
Sinmir, a Whiterun resident who spends fourteen hours a day standing in the tavern complaining about the city guard, scoffed at the Alik'r's professionalism. "If this Kematu is running a crack intelligence ring, he chose the worst spies in Tamriel. I watched one of them try to interrogate a wedge of Eidar cheese."
Ironically, witnesses note that the warriors' drinks were served throughout the evening by a quiet, unassuming Redguard barmaid named Saadia. According to patrons, the Alik'r interrogators failed to give her a second glance, completely ignoring her save for one instance where the taller mercenary tipped her three septims and asked if she knew how to pronounce 'Belethor.'
At the Honningbrew Meadery just south of the city, owner Sabjorn was highly unsympathetic to the Jarl's security woes, instead viewing the repeated arrests as a triumphant market victory over the Black-Briar monopoly in Riften.
"You think Maven Black-Briar has foreign operatives risking jail time just to get a taste of her swill?" Sabjorn gloated, counting a stack of coin. "When a man travels all the way from the Alik'r desert, tastes my Reserve, and decides to abandon his military obligations just to sleep under a table in the Plains District, that’s quality you can’t fake."
As of Turdas morning, the two mercenaries are currently sweating out their intoxication in the Dragonsreach dungeon holding cells. Proventus Avenicci, the Jarl’s steward, has dispatched a courier to Swindler's Den formally requesting Kematu come collect his men and pay their outstanding 142-septim bar tab.
When approached for comment through the iron bars of his cell, one of the Alik'r warriors politely declined to discuss the fugitive, but did ask if the guard on duty could fetch him a waterskin and perhaps "just a small, quiet serving of Honningbrew" to settle his stomach.