#splitting cw

either you’ll be me, or you’ll show up in my system in some shape or form…

and god i don’t want that to happen!

Crackpot system theory:

I'm not the original core

Back in 2019 when we first became a system, Linkle split off of me. But, here's the thing, that's also when "I" started questioning my gender.

This new mf then decides to name itself...

NotCloud.

His name is NotCloud.

The term "Splitting" Is used by both people with forms of osddid and bpd. We dont see it talked about much at all and we have both did and bpd so we thought we'd start the conversation about it and talk a little bit.

fair warning, because i know from having dyslexia, there are some large blocks of text as i go into this so if its hard for anyone to read i'll have a tldr at the bottom.

Lets start with what splitting means in osddid. Splitting is the 'creation' or forming of new alters or parts. Typically alters split under the conditions of stress/distress. Its not always obvious when an alter splits, sometimes it may happen without the system or even the alter themself knowing, while sometimes it may be more clear that someone new has split but things are different for every system so the identifiers for it can vary. (the link goes a bit more into depth about this)

As for splitting in terms of bpd. While splitting is a symptom in more personality disorders than just BPD, i chose to talk about bpd because its the one i have therefore making it easier for me to talk about from experience. When someone 'splits' they are subconsciously using a defense mechanism, typically when in an uncomfortable situation, "seeing thing as black and white" as some people put it. It can make "grey areas" hard to accept/recognise in the sense that to someone whos splitting things are either one or the other and no in between. ("x must be lying or telling the truth, its a yes or no, theres no way there can be an inbetween" for example) (This sight talks about it a bit more, though im personally not fond of the phrasing it still seems to explain it a bit better than i can.)

I'd like to talk a bit about what its like having both bpd and did. I dont always recognise when i split a new alter or have splitting episodes, honestly realizing a new alter has split is much easier for me to identify than when im splitting in a bpd episode. When i recognize a new alter has formed i notice things that are normally familiar, like people we know or things about the space around us, no longer seeming familiar. other things that give it away for us could be the alter having a different mood than whoever was fronting before (ex. going from feeling upbeat to suddenly feeling very uncomfortable), a change in music taste or something similar.

however when we split during a bpd episode, as a mood disorder it, at the very least, only shows up in a few of our alters. Not every alter may show symptoms of bpd but for those who do, like myself, it can vary between what symptoms show themselves. On the topic of splitting as a symptom, when one or more of us have a splitting episode it can cause an argument.

The arguments usually involve matters of protecting the system in different ways, whether we should cut contact with a person or theyre actually safe for us to be talking to, stuff like that. the arguments are always something like "x could be lying or leave us when we need them, people did that before it could happen again." "or not, x is a different person, theyre sweet and caring, they like us theres no need to dump them." its very hard for us to see a middle ground, its either one thing will happen or another and theres no third option. of course every argument has to end, often ours end in a sort of 'stale mate' per say, deciding to wait things out before making a final decision on things.

to avoid making this longer than it is already, TLDR; there are many differences between splitting with a personality/mood disorder like bpd and splitting a new alter, having both can cause some difficulties but doesnt make things any less manageable.

if theres something you'd like to share, whether its your experience, a question or more resources on this topic please go ahead and share.

thanks for taking the time to read this

This is what I get for splitting off before Jax being a woman was made canon, huh? /lh

-a Jax fictive (he/him)

I coulda split in anotha system thas got no sourcemates anywhere but I hit the jackpot n goddamn I'm so lucky

Even if Dally's like his usual self huffin and rollin his eyes n shovin me off the front room bench wheneva I mention that he really does care bout us Greasers

Darry… He's still bein the groundin influence in my life even now I look up to 'im so much cuz he's helped us outta so many situations where I ain't known what to do and he really does care bout us

Ponyboy's jus as mischievous as I remember him n he's always tryna drive Darry up the wall for fun, heheh… I really do feel like that line that goes "Ponyboy, this house ain't a home without you"… He's like the shinin light'a the Curtis brothers n I mean it

Johnny's sweet n shy as ever and jus a small conversation with him seems to calm down Dally when he gets all pissed off, and he always gets so embarrassed wheneva anyone points that out

Two-Bit's always crackin jokes n me and him've got a runnin joke where he calls Dally Marcia, me Cherry n I call him Beverley n we pretend to be Soc girls to annoy Dal and it works every time, and today Dally called him his brother without thinkin and the both'a em went red it was hilarious n kinda sweet

I dunno man I'm listenin to "Stay Gold" and "Soda's Letter" from the Outsiders musical and jus started feelin real sappy I love my brothers Thas all

-Sodapop Curtis, The Outsiders (tag as fictive and #🎼🖤🌌 please)