#working memory

Not really, no.

I mean, such people do seem to find my blog often and their responses often let me improve my blocklist or provide great writing prompts, but I don't write with that audience in mind.

I write mostly because it helps me work out my own thoughts.

(Those of you who are neurodivergent may relate to some of this.)

When thoughts exist only in my mind, they can be vague, circular, or incomplete. Writing requires me to commit to specific words in a linear sequence, which forces me to make implicit ideas explicit and organize fuzzy notions into coherent statements. I can't write "that thing about the situation" and expect to be understood, right? If I'm writing, I'm forced to name the thing and define the situation - and that sharpens up a lot of sloppy thinking.

My working memory kind of sucks (AuDHD), and writing lets me offload thoughts into what I'm writing...which frees up mental space/cycles for examining those thoughts, in context, without leaving things out.

Written words become objects you can observe rather than processes you're caught inside. Writing gives me a little distance and perspective I'm not otherwise able to access/generate. Y'know how meditation enthusiasts say that meditating lets them observe their own thoughts dispassionately? That's what writing does for me. It lets me evaluate my own thinking more objectively, which helps me spot contradictions, gaps, or assumptions.

Speaking and internal thought move quickly, often skipping steps. Writing is slower, and forces me through the intermediate steps of reasoning. This helps reveal where my reasoning breaks down or where I'm making leaps without support.

When I'm writing, though, the audience I imagine reading is made of people like these.

I've only posted a few, but I get messages and Asks like this regularly.

I got this one just yesterday:

So it turns out that the readers I imagine writing for...actually exist.

And really, that shouldn't be surprising.

It would be easy to believe from the behavior on Tumblr that most of the world is made of hateful people who differ mostly in which rationalizations they use as poor replacement for thinking...but I don't think that's reality.

I've been telling my kids since they were very young that about 30% of every population is just awful.

That means ~30% of Americans, ~30% of Ukrainians, ~30% of Presbyterians, 30% of high-masking autistics, 30% of one-legged, left-handed bisexual redheads.

~30% of every population can't be moved by facts or reason, and there's not a lot we can do about that.

You might think from online behaviors that the ratio has gone from ~30% to ~70% in recent years, but I don't think that's true.

I think the ratio has stayed at about 30%, but that the algorithm makes that proportion exponentially louder than they've ever been. That creates the illusion that they're a greater proportion than they are.

Here's the thing, Anon: You and I are not alone in wanting more supported, reasoned perspectives- It just feels that way.

There are a lot more of us than I think we realize, because the algorithm doesn't amplify support and reason - it amplifies emotion, confirmation bias, and echo chambers.

The business model of social media, focused as it is on engagement, isn't likely to be reformed any time soon.

So in the meanwhile, I want to produce more thoughtful content, support more thoughtful content, and share more thoughtful content...because I think a lot of us are starving for it.

Obviously it's been unsuccessful and it's fucked up my life in more ways than once but I wanted to know whether you had any advice?

ADHD evals vary from provider to provider but there are some things that tend to be consistent. For people doing a full diagnostic battery instead of just a brief interview, it typically involves three things: A diagnostic interview (where the provider asks you questions and you answer based on your life experiences).

Following the interview, some providers will integrate a "continuous performance test" which is a test that tracks how well you are able to perform mental tasks without getting distracted. This is often also accompanied by a "test of cognitive functioning," which typically includes things like IQ tests and tests that test your skills with working memory. IQ tests and tests of memory functioning are often longer than other psychological tests as they are intended to measure multiple factors that contribute to the constructs they measure. Each domain intended to be measured on a good IQ test will involve 2-4 smaller tests to more accurately measure the area of cognitive functioning meant to be measured.

(I know that IQ tests are highly controversial, and rightfully so, because in the U.S. they were originally used enforce racist immigration laws and perpetuate stereotypes against PoC. In actuality, the earliest IQ tests used weren't used by racist American psychologists they were utilized by the French government to sort children into the grade levels of the newly-minted French public education system. If used as tests that pull a broad academic skills an IQ test can usually measure someone's academic performance with some degree of accuracy. They do not reflect total intelligence or mental ability, but they can indicate areas of strength of weakness related to common academic skills.) (They can also be used for differential diagnoses in academic settings if used appropriately by someone who is trained and aware of the other factors that can impact scores on IQ tests, such as fatigue, effort, assessor bias, place of education, and level of education among others.)

Following the interview and use of continuous performance tests, memory assessments, and cognitive functioning, some providers will also use diagnostic screeners or personality inventories made specifically to identify other common mental health diagnoses. Some of the most common things we see misdiagnosed as ADHD are depression, anxiety disorders such as GAD or OCD, post-traumatic stress, and substance use disorders. Being able to rule these out with some degree of confidence is, in my own barely professional opinion, required as part of a good diagnostic assessment, as it can also highlight areas of strength that can be used to provide better, more specific, less medicine-focused feedback to patients.

A pocket-sized, portable, modular, customizable, fully-manual, externalized working-memory system.

Elsewhere on the internet, someone in an executive dysfunction hacks group asked others to share one purchase they made that has helped them stay on task and organized. I posted a few of these photos, and said "blank cards".

I wrote a lot, in response to a few questions about them, so I may as well share it here, too. And add a bit more.

I struggle to use technology for scheduling and reminders.

I'm great at using technology... just not for that. I need something in my hands that can't turn into a multi-function distraction device. And alarms and alerts require me to be near the device, hear them, and not just ignore them or repeatedly hit snooze.

I struggle to build and maintain routines. I hate having to rewrite lists whenever something changes. I need to have things laid out in front of me so I can see them all. I need to be able to hide things, so I only see the important thing....

So, having a modular, portable, customizable, hand-sized, completely manual system to organize my tasks and responsibilities and goals has been very helpful.

I call it my Do Deck, and I build a hand of cards every morning, from the 'daily' cards, the day-of-the-week cards, and whatever other cards are needed. My routine is 'whenever I'm not sure what to do, I check the Do Deck, and make decisions'.

Sometimes, I lay out the cards on a flat surface, in small piles, for things I plan to do around the same time of day. Sometimes, I just put the cards into an order I like and put them in my pocket and look at the top card until it's finished and goes into the discard pile, leaving a new top card to look at.

If I decide I want to do things in a different order, I can just move a single card... no erasing and re-writing items on a list needed. If I need to add a note to a permanent card, I can write lightly in pencil. If I need a card for a one-time thing, I can just write out the whole card in pencil, to be erased later.

It started as index cards, cut in half, and I was using them to plan the next 24-48 hours. Eventually, things got stabilized enough that I had cards for a weekly routine of caring for myself and doing stuff around the house. It's been about 5 or 6 years now, and has expanded to include a monthly 'ides' period, for getting important monthly things done (like bills and changing filters and such), as well as a shorter monthly 'changeover' period, at the end/beginning of a month, for checking the calendar and thinking about plans, and making temporary cards for the new month goals.

I write out the task names in black ink, then use colored felt tips to add the line to either side of the task name, and to color top edge of the card and a little down the sides.

The various categories each get their own color, which is mostly useful when it comes to separating cards and re-filing them at the end of the day.

The main two categories are the daily cards (things I want to do every day, like brushing teeth, changing underwear, cat meds and litter and food, etc.), and the day-of-week cards (things I want to do on the same day each week, like laundry, making a shopping list, doing my nails, etc.).

"Ides" is a period of time in the middle of the month, when I try to do the monthly things (paying rent, washing bed linens, vacuuming, changing the filters in the air and water filters, etc.). The name was taken from Julius Caesar / William Shakespeare ('beware the Ides of March...'), because it was stuff I dreaded having to deal with. It's centered on the 15th, and goes five days to either side, for 11 days each month that I try to get the important monthly stuff done, far in advance of any due dates. Around the beginning of Ides, I go through my Ides cards and file them in with the daily cards, under the tab for the specific day I intend to work on each.

"Changeover" is a period of time when one month changes to the next. Centered on the 1st, and goes two days to either side, for a total of 5 days. The Changeover cards are about self-care, wrapping up stuff that's mostly done, and planning for new things / the upcoming month. (Toenails, household inventory, writing new cards for monthly goals, etc.)

"Temp" cards are written in pencil, so I can erase and re-use the cards. Anything that's a one-time task, or comes up so irregularly that there's no real reason to have a permanent card (designing a business card for my housemate, getting my tires rotated, returning a call after someone leaves me a message, etc.)

"Occasional" are things that happen often enough that I might want a card for, but which don't fit into a recurring weekly or monthly schedule. Unfortunately, this means that I often forget to look through the stack and remember what's in it. I try to look through every now and then and pull some cards to put into my 'to potentially add to the hand for some upcoming day' display.

"Equinox" cards are pulled out twice a year, during the months of the Spring and Fall equinoxes (when the days and nights are the same length). Basically, 'spring cleaning' and 'changing of the seasons' type of stuff.

The "food prep" cards don't get used, but the idea was that I could review them and make decisions about what foods to make. A different 'menu item' that I was comfortable making / enjoy eating / felt was easy and nutritious, on each card. But that ended up not being needed / not working with how I approach food and cooking.

The two most important tips I can give, regarding making your own Do Deck, would be to 1) constantly experiment with how you use it, how you organize it, how you display it, how you interact with it…... it is for you, and it should reflect your needs and the ways that it works best for you, and 2) have someone that you talk with about it, regularly, so that you have a recurring time to focus on it, and someone to bounce your thoughts about it off of.

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Here's a couple of Discord posts, three years apart, showing the difference in how I've been making and using my Do Deck.

The blue plastic card-holding things were a purchase I made earlier this year. I don't use them as much as I had been expecting to, but they're nice to have available.

I'm actually far more interested in the two drawers from my housemate's no-longer-wanted coffee pod organizer. Less chance of bumping a table and having cards topple, the tilt makes it easier to see when looking down at them, there's space for stacks of cards (like the discard pile, in this pic, or a stack of things to do in a certain order, or things to do in the same room or with the same tools), and it just feels less busy to look at.

On the topic of change and experimentation, here's something that doesn't seem to be working for me, but might be useful for someone else — with a holepunch and a binder ring, you can secure a stack of cards together into whatever order you want. I tried it to get me to do my physical therapy, and it's useful for telling me what the exercises are, but hasn't been helpful in getting me to do them. Probably, in part, because it doesn't ever get put into my hand of Do Deck cards, due to the ring. (Maybe I need to add 'foot PT' to my daily Body Care card.)

And, finally, remember that part where I said there were two main tips, and the first is to constantly experiment with the cards and how you use them, so that they meet your specific and changing needs? (Also, the combination of novelty and familiarity is essential, for AuDHD me at least.) The second tip is having someone to talk with, regularly, about the Do Deck. And I don't think I could have maintained and grown this concept without that help.

Pictured below is a card layout for part of a day. One stack is for general stuff I was trying to do, and one stack (the one with the "Call Card" as the topmost card) was for my twice-a-week hour-long phone call with the person who listens to me talk about my plans, takes notes, reminds me of things I asked to be reminded about, and acts as a second brain while I go through my hand for the day, make and file cards for the days ahead, and otherwise focus on myself, my needs and priorities, and the systems I use to attempt to meet them. They've been doing that for five years, and it's been the most self-productive five years of my life (doing the things I decide should be done, not just the things I have to do or am expected to do).

If you feel as though something along these lines might be helpful to you, I recommend thinking about your 'working memory' like a desk. (Working memory is basically the stuff going on in your brain to help you keep things in mind... what you're about to write down, the next thing you intend to work on, the next steps of the thing you're actively working on, the locations of things you just put down, etc.)

Some people's working memories are very large desks with built-in filing cabinets, in the penthouse of an executive suite with massive windows. They can spread out a vast array of things on that desk, and keep them all in sight, well-lit, at the same time, while having a meeting with other people.

Some people's working memories are tiny, rickety old desks without any drawers, in the dark and dusty windowless corner office. You struggle to see what's on your desk, it's hard to fit much on it, and it can't bear any heavy loads. Bumping the desk means things fall off behind it, and you have to crawl under the desk, in the dust and gloom, to find them, doing your best not to bump your head on the underside of the desk and lose even more stuff. Although you may find that thing you lost three months ago while you're down there.

Externalizing your working memory (writing things down, putting stuff places you'll be forced to see it, or otherwise making sure that Future You has a record of what Past You wanted them to know, and possibly act upon) is like artificially making your metaphorical desk larger, an essential skill for those whose desks are too small, in offices that are too dark, and who struggle to get things done because of it.

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