People used to think I was gay growing up.
Cause they didnโt know what to make of me.
I didnโt register as cishet guy. There was always somethingโฆ feminine about me.
I liked dinosaurs, and running around in the mud, and the color blue sure. But I also liked pink, and dolls, and romantic comedies.
Sometimes I was asked if I was gayโฆ cause thatโs the closest box people could fit my gender nonconformity into.
But I didnโt even get gender growing upโฆ not really. I liked what I liked. And people called me a boy, so I guess I was. Even though most of my friends were girlsโฆ and especially as puberty hitโฆ hanging out with boys often made me uncomfortable in ways I couldnโt describe.
Then everything became a tangle of self hatred during puberty. Hating my bodyโฆ and realizing I was seen implicitly as a risk to women. I tried to be a good manโฆ but I feared becoming a man.
And I didnโt understand what was wrong with me. Why I hated being a boyโฆ as soon as I was able to understand what being a boy meant.
Turns out in the end I am gayโฆ just not in the direction people sometimes thought I wasโฆ
Im a trans woman, and a lesbian.
