Posting daily until I find a Canadian gf.

I'm autistic, have OCD, (likely ADHD), and bad social anxiety so I'm a bit of a shut-in and have never had any real irl friends. I hate leaving the house and only really ever do for appointments. I also never learned to drive, have never had a job, and am currently attending online university.

Additionally, I am trans 🏳️‍⚧️, but not in the typical sense. I am biologically male, and I identify as a boy, however I'm transitioning physically to have a female body. Essentially I wanna be a boy is a girl's body. I've been on HRT for a year and a half now and I'm definitely feeling much more comfortable with my body. It's a bit outside of the norm, (can't even find an official name for it so I primarily indentify as genderqueer) but I'm gonna be what I wanna be!

I'm a very mature, intelligent person (if not a bit uh... thirsty sometimes from having been so lonely 😭), but I also can be very fun too! I do talk a lot though, especially when it's a topic I'm super autistic about (Ace Attorney). In my spare time I love playing video games, my favourite genre being murder mystery visual novels like Ace Attorney, Danganronpa, and AI: The Somnium Files but I also like all kinds of games! (Including Deltarune, Undertale, Hollow Knight, Subnautica, Little Nightmares, Minecraft, Terraria, Honkai: Star Rail, Reverse: 1999, and of course the GOAT: My Singing Monsters) I also really enjoy doing voice acting, building LEGOs, and I'm a very creative and talented writer especially with writing dialogue. I'm even working on a (currently anonymous) fan game project with my best friend and I really wanna become a full-fledged game director some day.

Overall, I want to meet more people like me, other shut-ins who are too neurodivergent to do normal people things. I get very anxious very easily dealing with people who are different from me, especially in terms of life experience, as much as I hate that my brain works like this, it's been something I dealt with for years and years now. So far all my life I've only met one person like me so far (my absolute BFF). I'm gonna keep this blog up until I find the ultimate and ideal partner for me:

🔥 A pale, mature, autistic transfem Canadian shut-in my age, with glasses who is also attending online university. 🔥

There's gotta be like... at least like three out there right? No clue what I'm gonna yap about everyday but like I said I talk a lot so I'll figure it out! As I stated before, I recently had my trust betrayed and was hurt really badly by someone I thought was my close friend, so I think writing whatever is on my mind everyday will help me distract from the pain and anxiety of it. I'm sure not many people will actually read it but it really does still help.

Additionally, I am a teetotaler, meaning I do partake in alchol or other substances like that, nor have I ever have or ever will. I personally find that stuff disgusting and have no interest in interacting with anyone that does it. It's incredibly anxiety-provoking for me, it just really freaks me out and I want to stay away from it. So each of my posts will just have a disclaimer at the bottom just so people know this if anyone is ever interested in reaching out. I just can't handle that anxiety of talking to people that have done that stuff... It's just.. blegh yucky.

Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋

Unfortunately.. as much as I'm hoping, I have a feeling that my prediction is wrong. It's very like she won't come back tomorrow. So yeah.. I'm both.. excited because unfortunately I just can never seem to give up what little hope I have, but I'm also scared.....

I dunno sorry I'm a bit melancholy over this. It's just yeah.. a scary thing.. I still miss her a lot. I dunno sigh my head and eyes hurt so it's hard for me to put my thoughts into words properly right now. I guess yeah overall I'm just a little glum and nervous (headache definitely doesn't help).

I.. suppose we'll have to see..

Anyway, signing off for now y'all.

Okay so, to start off...

This is absolutely my favourite chapter so far. 🙌

Like oh my goshhhhh. I loved it so much. Chapter 3 was my previous favourite because Tenna my beloved but yeah no Chapter 5 was absolutely fantastic. I was honestly shocked to see there were quite a few people who were disappointed with it?? Dude getting to the garden and getting hit by Insaneintherainmusic's Field of Hopes and Dreams cover (I know the full track is different but the beginning is very recognizable from the original cover) was super hype. Like oh my gosh that was awesome. What a banger chapter. It's just so anime I love it. 😭 Also the new platforming mechanic??? Hello??? Is this still Deltarune??? Super awesome I love it!

Let's see.. what were the different parts I really liked. Well the lake scene (no not that one) with Noelle and Susie was so sweet it legit almost straight up made me cry. They're so cute I'm so happy to see things working out with them hehe.

Then holy shit that fuckin' anime opening for Flowery was incredible. He definitely is my second favourite "dark world leader" after Tenna. Like... he's just a character that like.. he's so fucking annoying yet I love everytime he shows up. 😭 Great character. Anime boy Flowey was not on my bingo card. And oh my gosh his battle theme is so banger. And using the orange soul was crazy too. Makes me wonder if we'll get blue and cyan later too? I guess there was blue attacks with the orange soul so maybe not? We'll have to see.

Oh yeah and going back to Tenna by the way, I guess I didn't really make the connection but like.. apparently Mettaton is implied to be agoraphobic in Deltarune? I guess it makes sense but I hadn't really pieced it together. As painful as it is to not have anymore Tenna, I don't regret giving him away if that is in fact the case, y'know as a fellow agoraphobe myself. ^^"

Now the biggest part I liked about Chapter 5: Ralsei. Holy fuck... this is Ralsei's best chapter by far in my opinion. Also getting hat Ralsei back was epic too. (Sorry I think that design is cuter than his goat form. Stupid fluffy tree lookin' boy. 😭) But anyway yeah so.. I hate to say it but throughout chapters 2, 3 and 4, I guess I found myself liking Ralsei a little less? Not to say he isn't well written since he very much is, just yeah I dunno his behaviour irked me a bit and Susie's crashout in Chapter 4 felt pretty satisfying. So yeah now getting Ralsei crashout in Chapter 5 is awesome. I am absolutely loving so much the new direction they're going with his personality. He's actually breaking out of being like an Asriel copy and developing his own personality beyond just feeling like he needs to be nice to everyone. Him being such a hater towards Flowery and bullying Orange (poor Orange 😔) just was awesome. I love angry Ralsei so much please give me more of him. Honestly it would be so great if by the end of the game, Susie is the nice one and Ralsei is the snarky, mean one haha. Like yeah him saying to Flowery "you think I want to be like this!?" is just so interesting to me and I just cannot wait to see what they do with his personality going forward. He is definitely back on top as my new favourite Fun Gang member (sorry Susie).

What else uhhh.. I loved the flowers. Seth was absolutely my favourite, they were so silly and the dynamic with Aqua was amazing. I love chaotic duos like that. I also really liked Yellow, he was very cool but that could be my Undertale Yellow bias haha. OH DUH YEAH SPEAKING OF HIM-

THE FUCKIN' ACE ATTORNEY REFERENCE WAS AWESOME!!!!

I loved that battle so much oh my gosh. Getting Krisworth/Franzkriska, Gumsusie, and Trucsei/Mayasei was epic haha. And the mechanic of having to present evidence during the fight was so cool I loved that so much. People who keep up with this blog probably know how much I love Ace Attorney so yeah getting that battle was so awesome.

Oh yeah also-

I got the egg all on my own. 😎🥚

Hehe. It took a bit. I was absolutely going back and forth on every damn room that had something resembling wheat. And when I got to the part where you cut it, I just knew it had to be there. It took me a while but I finally got it! No help or hints. I'm so proud of that.

Next up, secret boss. Probably my new favourite genuinely oh my gosh. When I saw the Mew Mew figure in Asgore's truck there was a part of me that was like "haha what if Mew Mew is the secret boss" but then I got to the shopkeeper and presumed that was the figure and they were a different person (which I didn't actually realize that was Pink until after I finished. I'm frustrated I didn't backtrack back to the shop to check. 😔 I'm literally the king of backtrackinggggg...) But yeah oh my gosh what a fight. Not only is it Mew Mew, but literally Mad Mew Mew too. That was awesome. The overall like direction of the fight was so cool. The animation, the attacks, the new use of the purple soul mechanic, and also the fucking music. Hatsune Miku in Deltarune??? Also not on my bingo card. 😭 Also I guess as a trans person I'm totally biased since Mad Mew Mew is obviously trans so I love it extra for that but just overall it was just so cool! I know some people said it felt a little random but I dunno, I think it fit fine with the chapter and there were plenty of foreshadowings with it. The Mew Mew figure in the truck, Mad Dummy can be heard talking about how something belongs to her if you examine the ghost residence, and also fuckin' Hacker telling you to "obby for pink coins and then it's catgirl time." 😭 I'm super excited to see her in Castle Town in Chapter 6.

I guess stuff I was disappointed in..? Honestly I can barely think of anything. Maybe the fact that Flowery didn't end up actually doing any damage to the Knight in the end. Kinda felt anticlimactic I guess? But even so he was still super badass so I honestly don't even care. 😭 I know people were complaining about Asgore being super vague but I dunno I don't really think so. We still learned quite a bit of valuable information and I think it was still written pretty well.

I guess lastly, the Weird Route stuff. I don't have a WR save. I didn't have time to play one but... honestly after seeing the stuff for Chapter 5... I don't think I really wanna play it. I didn't actually watch the scene, I've just see some images and read a summary but.. It's... pretty disturbing.. And I don't like that it begins corrupting your save stuff like Genocide does. I dunno. With Undertale Genocide it's like.. it never bothered me that me that much. It's just a game with cool fights I dunno. But uh.. yeah this scene just makes me really uncomfortable and it's super creepy I dunno. I still will watch in eventually I guess but yeah. Blegh. I'm a bit nervous to see how things will proceed (pun not intended) from here on out regarding it. Oh to add to the disturbing stuff I don't like, I'm not a fan of the possibility that that stupid bird Gaster follower turned Onionsan into takoyaki. 😭 Wahh Deltarune is a fun happy silly game, don't make it all creepy and disturbingggggg.. That being said it still is all very interesting. I'm nervous but also intrigued on how things will progress.

Overall, awesome chapter! I'm so excited for Chapter 6 whenever that'll come out. Toby Fox just absolutely never missed with this, that's for damn sure.

This has been probably my longest fuckin' post on this blog wow. 😭 I'll wrap up here. I think I talked about everything I wanted to. To anyone who actually read all this, I commend you haha.

Anyway, signing off for now y'all! 👋

But what really was awful was... Yeah that guy that got drunk last night that I spoke about? He messaged again today and when I told him I didn't wish to speak to him anymore, since y'know, this shit makes me horribly anxious? Yeah he was a fucking asshole and got mad at me. Totally was disrespectful towards my anxiety. Was trying to misconstrue the situation in a way completely unfair to me and accuse me of "labeling him" when I very much was not at all? And biggest of all, these are literally boundaries I set in place ages ago. And yet when he breaks them, he gets mad at me??? It's so fucking infuriating. Sigh at least I handled the situation calm and stood my ground but of course he immaturely blocked me. Dude I'm so sick of people. Why are there so many self-centred, emotionally immature jerks like this out there? I just don't get it. It's so exhausting having people say they respect your choices and will support you, but then when you're uncomfortable with your actions, suddenly it's your problem and you're in the wrong for being upset by it? I don't get it. Why are people like this???

Whatever.. Like I said yesterday, I wasn't that close to him so it doesn't really matter. Just.. like I've said with other situations, makes me appreciate the friends I have who do respect me.

Anyway yeah I'm.. really tired right now. And I'm tired because I had to take my as-needed anxiety medicine because I was so horribly anxious this evening for no reason.

So yep. Today just plainly sucked. Boy I'm sure having a lot of cruddy days lately huh.....

Anyway, signing off for now y'all... 😮‍💨

I had a panic attack earlier because an acquaintance of mine.. I messaged him because it had been a bit since we chatted and yeah.. ugh.. he messaged back saying that he was at a rave and yeah he was clearly fucking drunk..

So yep. Unfriended him. I'm not upset or anything, the guy was just an acquaintance. Not a close friend or anything, we rarely talked. Still it freaked me the fuck out. That's so fucking disgusting. Ughh.. I knew he drank socially but I didn't know who was.. that disgusting type... Like seriously a rave?? Fuck off.. It's shit like this that had made me hate the world so much that I never want to leave my house. It's absolutely disgusting and yeah. Gave me a fucking panic attack. Freaks me the fuck out to be around that gross crap.

Ughh.. I'm just in a bad mood.... This morning sucked too. I was still depressed about yesterday on top of having a bad dream about A where she finally came back but immediately removed me.... And yeah the morning/early afternoon was crappy because I just.. was tired and hot and sweaty and unfocused.. I don't know..

It picked up a bit later because I was replaying Chapter 1 of Deltarune. Y'know in preparation for next week. Being thorough and doing a lot of backtracking. Saw a lot of jokes and flavour text I've never seen before. And yeah my BFF said he'd watch tonight as I continue to make up last night but nope guess not ughhh....

So yeah. Today sucks and I'm going to bed in a bad mood it seems...

Anyway, signing off for now y'all...