"Dear Barb 2: Advice For Daily Life"
I met this really wonderful girl last year while I was attending the University of Ottawa. We get along great and have discussed marriage. She lives in B.C. while I am in Ottawa, but we are managing to keep in touch. The issue is that Janelle is Muslim, and I am Catholic and I have my doubts about whether we can make a marriage work. We have had some heated discussions and have been able to resolve them; however, once we bring children into the situation, I am not sure it will be as easy. For example, I definitely want my children to be raised Catholic, while Janelle wants the children to be raised within the Islamic faith. Also, she has not told her parents that I am not Muslim, as according to the Islamic faith a Muslim woman can not marry a Catholic man. I foresee a lot of problems in addition to the distance, so Iโm not sure if this relationship will work and if I should continue or end it. Thanks - Dan.
Thanks for writing. Since you already seem to have so many doubts this may not be the marriage for you. Uniting two people with completely different religious beliefs is difficult, and if you have doubts going into it, itโs only going to make it that much more challenging. You will be met with many obstacles from her family, depending on how strict they are in following Islamic law which states:
โUnder Islamic law, regardless of the school of thought, Muslim women may not marry non-Muslim men, while Muslim men may only marry non-Muslim women who meet the definition of Kitabia (also spelled Kitabi, Kitabiyya, Kitabiyah, or ahl al-Kitab), or 'people of the book' - which typically refers to followers of Christianity and Judaism. In some countries, including Burma, Israel, and Indonesia, there appear to be restrictions on interfaith marriages involving people of religions other than Islam as well.โ (Library of Congress, Prohibition of Interfaith Marriage)
Many issues need to be worked out before you enter this marriage. For example, will you both respect each otherโs religious practices and traditions? You each must participate in the practices of the otherโs religions, if you choose not to it will create a wedge, not only within your religious lives, but also in your everyday life. You are already thinking about children and the faith they will be raised within. Your children can be raised within both faiths and then they will have the freedom to make their own choice as adults. Before you choose to enter marriage, you need to iron out all these issues, plus possibly begin sharing each otherโs religious practices now and see how comfortable this is for you both. It is possible to make an interfaith marriage work, but you need to be committed and I donโt feel that commitment from you right now. The two of you need to discuss the direction you want the relationship to go. Good luck Dan.
