#girlytips

hey sweethearts!! mindy hereeeee, so i've realized something… like how we're all literally addicted to our phones?? and how our dream lives are sitting somewhere in the corner of our minds, pouting and wondering why we never hang out anymore??

i had this moment last week where i realized i'd spent THREE HOURS scrolling through videos of people organizing their fridges (which like… is satisfying but also?? what am i doing with my life). and then i had this thought that actually shook me: what if my future self could see how i'm spending my time right now? would she be proud or would she be like "girl… what are you DOING?"

the truth is that our phones are literally engineered to be more interesting than our real lives. they're designed by actual geniuses who understand our brain chemistry better than we do. it's not a fair fight!! and yet we blame ourselves for not having "enough willpower" which is honestly just mean??

✧ why we're all trapped in the doom-scroll cycle:

our phones deliver perfectly timed dopamine hits (the happy brain chemical!!) that make us feel momentarily good but leave us wanting more

the algorithm knows exactly what will keep us scrolling (it's literally studying us)

our brains are wired to seek novelty and our phones offer infinite novelty

real life has friction and requires effort; scrolling requires zero effort

we use our phones to escape uncomfortable emotions that actually need processing

the comparison trap makes us feel like we're "researching" our dream life rather than building it

i realized something that changed everything for me: the time i spend consuming other people's lives is time i'm not creating my own. and like… that's the whole game??

✧ how to break free (in ways that actually work):

identify your "scroll triggers" - for me it's when i feel anxious about my work, when i first wake up, and weirdly when i'm hungry?? once you know your triggers you can create little alternate pathways

create "phone-free zones" in your home - i have a little basket by my front door where my phone goes when i come home, and my bedroom is completely phone-free (i bought an actual alarm clock like it's 2005 and honestly?? life-changing)

practice the "dopamine pause" - when you feel the urge to reach for your phone, pause for 60 seconds. just sit with the discomfort. often the urge will pass, and if it doesn't, at least you're making a conscious choice

redesign your home screen to be boring af - delete all social apps from your home screen, make everything grayscale, turn off all notifications except calls/texts from actual humans who matter

schedule specific "input" and "output" times - block 30 minutes for consumption and 90 minutes for creation. your ratio should always favor creation over consumption

try "analog hour" before bed - read physical books, write with pen and paper, stare at the ceiling and let your mind wander (this is where all my best ideas come from tbh)

use the "future self" visualization - whenever you're about to fall into a scroll hole, close your eyes and visualize your future self. what would she want you to do with this precious hour of your life?

create ✧ focus-core ✧ routines - these are deeply satisfying rituals that give your brain the same dopamine hit as scrolling but actually build toward your dreams (for me it's making fancy coffee while listening to a specific playlist, then writing for 45 minutes)

practice "productive procrastination" - if you absolutely must avoid your main task, have a secondary important task ready (like if i don't want to write, i'll organize my study materials instead)

implement the "touch it once" rule - when you pick up your phone, have a specific purpose and do ONLY that thing, then put it down

the hardest truth i've had to accept is that there's no magic hack that makes this easy. creating a life that's more interesting than your phone requires actually building that life brick by brick, day by day. and the beginning is SO HARD because your brain is literally withdrawing from its favorite drug.

but i promise you something magical happens after about two weeks - you start to feel… different?? more present? more alive? and you realize that all along, the life you were searching for in your phone was waiting for you to look up.

your dream life is waiting for you to stop watching other people live theirs and start building your own. it's jealous of your phone, yes, but it's also patient. it knows that eventually, you'll come home to yourself.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. if you catch yourself scrolling after reading this, please don't feel bad!! just gently put your phone down, take a deep breath, and remember that you're breaking a literal addiction. be kind to yourself through the process, okay? tiny steps in the right direction are still steps. 💗

~ In The Shower ~

dry brushing - gets rid of dead skin which can hold onto smell including unwanted scenes

body wash - 1. antibacterial soap (gets you sqeaky clean) 2. skin helping cleanser (optional but hekps with soothing, bumps, dryness, etc.)

hey lovelies!! mindy here, back with another "no aesthetics post". so i've been thinking about this a lot lately (like, literally in the middle of the night when i should be sleeping but my brain won't shut up??) and i realized something that honestly changed everything for me. we're all obsessed with consuming advice, tips, strategies… but at some point we need to ask: is all this "help" actually helping?

i used to be that girl with 27 self-help books on her nightstand, 14 productivity podcasts in my queue, and approximately 10000 saved posts about "how to live your best life." i was drowning in good advice. and yet? i wasn't actually doing anything with it all.

here's the uncomfortable truth that i personally learned: collecting self-help is often just another form of procrastination. we trick ourselves into thinking we're making progress because we're "learning," but we're actually just avoiding the scary part, taking action when we don't feel ready.

✧ when you know it's become a problem:

you feel like you need to read "just one more" article before starting

you have notebooks filled with advice you've never implemented

you follow dozens of gurus but haven't committed to any single approach

you constantly switch systems hoping to find the "perfect" one

you know what to do but still feel paralyzed

you use phrases like "once i learn enough about x, then i'll start"

you feel overwhelmed by conflicting advice but keep seeking more

the most painful realization? all this consumption is actually making you less confident. every new piece of advice makes you question your instincts more. every contradicting tip makes you doubt your judgment. every perfect "before and after" makes you wonder what's wrong with you.

✧ why we get stuck in the advice loop:

consuming feels safe. implementing feels risky. reading about someone else's success story gives us the emotional satisfaction of achievement without any of the messy work or potential failure. it's like emotional junk food, momentarily satisfying but ultimately empty.

plus, there's something so alluring about the promise that the next book, the next course, the next system will finally be THE ONE that changes everything. we become collectors of solutions rather than solvers of problems.

✧ how to break free (ironic, i know… more advice):

declare an information fast. seriously. no new self-help for at least 30 days. it will feel uncomfortable, like an itch you can't scratch. that's how you know you need it.

pick ONE system or approach you've already learned and commit to it fully. not perfectly, just consistently. the magic isn't in finding the perfect system, it's in the consistent application of any decent one.

start before you feel ready. that knot in your stomach when you think about taking action? that's your growth edge. the discomfort isn't a sign to seek more knowledge, it's the signal that you're about to grow.

recognize that implementation creates wisdom that consumption never will. you'll learn more from a week of messy action than a year of perfect theory.

identify your "consumption triggers" do you reach for advice when you're afraid? uncertain? compare yourself to others? notice the emotional patterns.

create an "already know" document. write down everything you already know about your goal. you'll be shocked at how much wisdom you already possess.

trust that you are the expert on your own life. external advice can inform you, but it can never know the nuances of your specific situation like you do.

the truth is, you already know enough. you've probably known enough for a while now. the answers you're seeking outside yourself are usually already within you, buried under layers of doubt and other people's opinions.

what if the most radical act of self-improvement isn't finding new advice, but trusting the wisdom you already have? what if you already have everything you need?

so this is my gentle nudge to put down the self-help, close the tabs, unfollow the gurus (yes, even me if you need to), and start the messy, imperfect process of actually living instead of just learning about living.

because honestly, the world doesn't need more people who know all the right theories. it needs people brave enough to take imperfect action on what they already know.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. if you're wondering "but how will i know what to do without guidance?", that's exactly the point. you won't know for certain. and that uncertainty is where the real growth happens. trust yourself anyway.

i just found out that my anxiety might be causing fluctuations in my blood pressure. and i'm so scared. i don't know how to control my anxiety or take care of it to make things better. i just live in a very stressful home—in my family so many stressful things have happened in the past couple of years, and recently a new thing that just makes life so heavy. i'm just always on alert. it's like even when i am watching tv or relaxing, i just feel so unsafe. i dont mean to be dramatic, but i truly say this with tears in my ears, i'm so tired. on top of all that i feel so resentful towards my family. just when i think everything's fine something terrible happens and it affects me emotionally and mentally. do u know how i can cope? do u have any advice? idk mindy like im so sad and angry and scared all at the same time. i just want peace.

coping with anxiety

hi love. i'm really, really glad you told me this. i want you to know right away that nothing you're feeling is wrong or dramatic or a failure on your part. i am not a licensed mental health professional (obviously) i just wanted to put that out there so you know i'm not trying to give you unlicensed medical advice. although my ultimate dream IS to become a psychiatrist, i'm unfortunately not at this moment.

but i completely feel you, i was diagnosed with POTS a few years ago and it affects me every day, however, lately i've been consistently dizzy and my vision has been spinning for nearly two weeks straight (no break), just today it actually abated instead of spiked up so that's how i'm able to write this post. it's been very scary and i already have appointments to see a cardiologist, a neurologist AND an ent doctor.

when you live in a stressful, unpredictable environment for a long time, your nervous system stays on HIGH alert because it thinks it's protecting you. that constant "unsafe" feeling, even when you're watching tv or trying to rest, is a VERY REAL response to ongoing stress, NOT a personal flaw.

anxiety affecting thigs like blood pressure can sound terrifying, BUT you are not broken or doomed. it usually means your body has been carrying too much for too long. it's tired. you're tired. and that makes sense.

also, the resentment you feel toward your family makes a lot of sense. loving people and being hurt or destabilized by them at the same time is one of the hardest emotional positions to be in. it's perfectly okay to feel angry and sad and scared all at once. those feelings can coexist without making you a bad person. please remember that, okay?

i can't magically take away what you're dealing with, but there are a few things that might help you cope (especially when your life doesn't feel like something you can fully control right now):

✧ i recommend trying to ground your body before your mind. anxiety lives in the body first believe it or not. things like slow breathing, placing your feet FLAT on the floor and naming 5 things you can see. or holding something with a distinct texture or temperature can help signal safety.

✧ please make sure you rest; you don't need to solve your whole life to deserve peace. even 10 minutes where you tell yourself nothing's required of you right now is VALID rest. resting is very important and finding things you love, like a comfort show, journaling, maybe learning something during rest can make resting feel a LOT more safer and grounding than it usually is for you, just try to stack it with something that DOES make you feel safe.

✧ like i mentioned in the last bullet point, create certain things that make you feel safe and that's JUST yours, this has nothing to do with another person. examples are a playlist, music that makes you feel really calm, a personal journal, reading comfort books and annotating them, a nightly routine, siting by a window or a certain bench at your local park. just SOMETHING that tells your body that current moment belongs to you, and your safe.

✧ if you can, PLEASE, PLEASE talk to a healthcare provider or therapist about both the anxiety and the blood pressure, i'm sure you already have, i just want to emphasize this because you deserve support, and PROPER support that can actually help you. having someone take this seriously with you can be grounding. anxiety is serious, your blood pressure is serious, no one should ever, ever dim down the extensity of it. and if anyone does (your family for example) please try to find a way to mentally (and if you can... physically) distance yourself from them. the people in your life should know how important mental health is, your brain literally controls your body, mental health is EQUALLY as important as physical health and i hate that people still don't quite realize that. i'm a HUGE advocate for therapy and mental wellness. so please start looking into it if you can, it can drastically help.

and most importantly, you are not weak for wanting peace. wanting peace is one of the most important human desires there is. and even if your environment is loud and heavy right now, it does not mean this is how your life will always feel.

and i will always be here as a friend for you, you are more than welcome to ALWAYS dm me on tumblr or x (formerly twitter), i will always keep your information private and safe with me.

i'm really proud of you for saying "i'm tired" out loud. that takes courage. you are NOT alone in this, even if it feels that way right now. PLEASEE be gentle with yourself, you've been carrying SO MUCh more than anyone can see.

sending you so much love and care 🤍

✧ school crushes + self-love ✧

hi, my lovely angel! tysm for reaching out to me! i'm so glad you felt comfortable sharing this with me because tbh school crushes are literally the most confusing thing ever and chatgpt could NEVERRRR understand the "eye contact" struggle lol (believe me, i've dealt with this in school, random places AND work!)

also, yes lol, i literally have nearly 200 asks in my inbox. it's very overwhelming PLUS i have my hotline "glowettee hotline" with over 100 submissions. i'm very stressed here lol. BUT i wanted to answer your question (and start drafting some other answers for other asks)

one thing i want you to know is i know this kind of crush is not "silly" or some small hallway crush. it actually feels heavy, distracting and very weirdly tied to your self-worth. i understand yoU!!

~ ♡ first things first ♡ ~

PLEASE STOP calling yourself that!!!! the way you talked about yourself broke my heart. calling yourself "ugly af" just because a boy MIGHT like someone else is NOT THE TRUTH. i want to be honest it's your insecurity trying to narrate the story (I AM NOT BEING RUDE OR CALLING YOU INSECURE) everyone has insecurity (I have insecurity) and sometimes (most times) it tries to narrate situations in our head to "protect" us. and insecurity is a terrible storyteller. it always exaggerates, always trying to humiliate you and never tells the full picture. i promise you that you are NOT "ugly af" and comparing yourself to another girl is only going to hurt your heart. beauty is not a competition. just because she's pretty doeS NOT mean you aren't. you have your own unique magic, and the right person will see that so clearly. self-comparison is the thief of joy, literally. so, try to be a little kinder to yourself today, okay? and i mean by no means forcing you to become thewizardliz or mutter affirmations to yourself every second, THAT'S "FORCED CONFIDENCE." confidence is something you gradually develop.

~ ♡ the boy ♡ ~

now, about him.

you and the boy had a REAL connection once. banter, comfort, jokes, ease. that actually matters. people don't just imagine that. (it's a two-person experience) BUT something shifted... when boys pull away, it's often not because YOU did something wrong or suddenly became unlovable. sometimes they're confused or sometimes they're intimidated. SOMETIMES they caught feelings and didn't know how to sit with them. and sometimes they like the attention but got scared of the closeness. or they're immature and avoidant, or they could be focused on someone else... or sometimes (and this is the last sometimes) -- it's literally just timing.

the silence doesn't automatically mean rejection, BUT IT DOES MEAN UNCERTAINTY! and uncertainty is what's hurting you the most right now.

okay, quick little story before the eye‑contact part: i’m not a guy, obviously, but whenever i’ve had a really deep crush on someone, i reacted in the weirdest way. back in my freshman year, there was this person i liked so much, and our friends were low‑key trying to push us together. but i have this habit of avoiding my feelings - and avoiding the person i have feelings for - so i started distancing myself. sometimes i’d even act a little rude. it got to the point where they asked my friend if they’d done something wrong or if i hated them. hearing that honestly hurt, because it made me realize how avoidant and immature i was being just because i liked them. the whole time they thought i disliked them, when in reality i was literally into them.

so what i’m trying to say is: people react differently when they catch feelings. avoiding, pulling back, acting distant, it’s actually a really common defense mechanism when someone doesn’t want to confront how they feel. that’s why i mentioned it as a possibility for him, because i’ve done the exact same thing to someone i liked.

~ ♡ the eye contact mystery ♡ ~

okay, if you guys are making "lottsssssss" of eye contact in class, he is DEFINITELY looking at you for a reason. boys usually don't keep looking back at someone unless they're thinking about them.

BUT LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY: eye contact doesn't always mean "i like you." but it DOES mean there's still awareness. unresolved energy. familiarity, curiosity. or even guilt. it means you're not AT ALL invisible to him. but when we're emotionally invested, we start treating eye contact like evidence, like clues we HAVE to decode. that's how crushes become mental traps. and gosh, this guy at my old job was ALWAYS making eye contact with me, and STRONG eye contact, and he would never break the eye contact, it was always me, like he was trying to assert dominance over me, and i fell for that mental trap. i HAD this very big work crush on him and i still can't get him out of my head to this day.

but sometimes when a friendship that has that "banter" vibe and then someone catches feelings, it gets awkward. he might have stopped talking a year ago because he started liking you and didn't know how to handle it, or maybe he's just as shy as you are!!

~ ♡ what to do rn ♡ ~

you don't need to figure out whether he likes you or her. that question will slowly eat you alive because you can't answer it without hurting yourself.

try to understand if this situation is helping you feel calm, confident and focused OR if it's making you feel small, anxious and distracted. because i feel like for you, right now it's doing the second.

i learned that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for a crush is de-romanticize them just enough to regain control. NOT TO HATE THEM. not to suppress your feelings. but just to stop letting them dominate your inner world.

right now, this boy is LIVING RENt-FREE in your mind while giving you... confusion. that's NOT a fair exchange.

okay so, next time you make eye contact with him, try a tiny little bitty test, don't look away immediately. give him a small, sweet smile and then go back to your work. it's a low-key way to show him you're still friendly without having to say a word. i know it may seem like a lot but just a tiny smile to show him you're unbothered. don't worry about the "other girl" until you actually know for sure. a lot of times we project our insecurities onto other people and assume the worst.

about focusing on your studies. don't treat studying like an escape from your feelings. i tried that, for multiple things not just romantic feelings/relationships. instead, treat it like grounding. structure your day so your mind actually has fewer empty spaces to spiral. sit in the front. keep your notes neat. watch study vlogs. try new study methods. every time you choose focus over overthinking, you're actually choosing yourself. try to "romanticize" being the girl who is too busy building her future and knowledge to worry about a boy who isn't making a move yet. put on some lofi, take your notes, research topics you love and let your success be your main character energy lol. i am SO proud of you for actually thinking "hey, i wanna focus on my education, not a boy." you're already STEPS ahead from healing from this situation no matter the outcome.

~ ♡ notes + advice ♡ ~

okay, now please hear this part clearly... another girl being pretty does not make you any less beautiful (i mentioned this earlier in the post) but, it's important you know this. boys don't choose based on a universal ranking system of looks. this HUGE misconception that men like certain types of women is SOO SOO very wrong. we are all individual human beings. attraction is PERSONAL, EMOTIONAl and CONTEXTUAl AND VERY MESSY. the idea that you're "a fool" for liking him is just shame talking. liking someone doesn't make you weak AT ALL. staying stuck in self-hate does.

okay now some of my personal advice you can do i wanted to sprinkle in, not the boring kind lol:

STOP. MONITORING. HIS. BEHAVIOR. i will say this with pride. stop. no counting eye contacts, no decoding glances, it keeps you emotionally stuck (and like i mentioned before about my little work crush, THIS ATE ME UP! i counted each and every time we made eye contact. i was a little obsessed)

don't chase closure through imagination. if he wanted to pursue something right now, you would feel clarity right now. NOT CONFUSION.

redirect your attention to places where you actually feel competent and seen, like how you already mentioned, your studies/education. but also, friendships, interests, hobbies, people you admire online that actually motivate YOU to do better in YOUR life. invest your time into yourself and the right person for you will come along.

also, if he talks to you again naturally, be warm. but not emotionally available. protect your heart WITHOUT closing it like i did.

you are so beautiful, and such an amazing person! please focus more on yourself and know you're becoming the version of you that you want to be.

also, one more thing. you do not need to be chosen by him to be worthy. the version of you who studies, grows and becomes confident AND stops tearing herself down. THAT VERSION is already powerful, regardless of who he likes

~ ♡ final notes from ME! ♡ ~

you are so young and you have so much time to find love. don't let a boy in your class make you feel "less than." your worth is NEVERRRR defined by whether a boy talks to you or who he MIGHT like. you are smart, you are capable and you are going to do AMAZINGGG in your studies!!

crushes actually fade fastest when you STOP arguing w/ reality and start focusing/building yourself. I PROMISE YOU, one day you'll look back at this and realize this moment was not even about him at all. it was about learning FOR YOURSELF to NOT abandon YOURSELF for someone else's attention (hope that makes sense? lol)

please be gentle with your heart. you are NOT unlovable and you're MOST DEFINIETLY NOT UGLY!

sending you the biggest virtual hug + all the good vibes for your classes!! hope this helps!!

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. feel free to send more asks if anything changes!! or even privately dm for ANY ADVICE at all! i'm always here to listen <3

floss - only do this once a day perferably in the night timw to get all the gunk/ extra food out your teeth

tounge scrape - removes bacteria & build up

oil pulling - over time whitens teeth & pulls bacteria

brush teeth - well obviously...

mouth wash - freshens breath & can target certain areas of your mouth

Become Unrecognisable Before School

Start: June 12

Finish: August 10

Physical:

45 minute work out + 10 minute stretch daily

follow a diet plan

weekly progress pictures

65 oz of water daily

get 7 - 10 hours of sleep