emily fields and the myth of the "nice girl" + complete bundle
itโs always the quiet ones.
emily fields was never the loudest in the room, she didnโt need to be. she was the one who knew exactly how to blend in while everyone around her self-destructed in plain sight. she moved like water, flowed around conflict, let people project what they wanted onto her. she kept secrets. she held space. she smiled when it hurt. and no one really asked how heavy it all was.
โง the โnice girlโ isnโt always nice, sheโs just scared
letโs start here: performative softness is not kindness, itโs self-preservation. most of us didnโt become the nice girl because itโs who we really are. we became her because we had to.
maybe you were parentified. maybe you were the middle child. maybe your household was high-stakes, and keeping the peace felt like the only way to stay safe. maybe you learned early on that if you were polite, agreeable, and helpful, you wouldnโt be left out or punished or abandoned. you were never rewarded for speaking up, so you stopped.
emilyโs storyline is full of moments like that. remember how many times she was guilted into loyalty? how many secrets she kept for other peopleโs comfort? how her own desires got buried under what other people needed her to be?
girlhood teaches us to be mirrors for everyone else. but being a mirror means no one really sees you.
โง how to stop shrinking: the nice girl detox plan
okay, soft girl. hereโs how we deprogram the performance:
๐ฏ๏ธ 1. audit your people-pleasing patterns
go through your day and ask: how many of my choices are made out of obligation? โ did i say yes because i meant it or because i didnโt want to upset someone? โ did i compliment them because i meant it or because i felt awkward? โ did i shrink myself so they could shine?
you canโt change a pattern you donโt recognize. naming it is step one.
๐ฏ๏ธ 2. start disappointing people on purpose
this sounds dramatic, but itโs necessary. begin small. cancel plans. say no. donโt explain. donโt cushion. practice letting people be a little upset.
you donโt owe anyone a version of yourself thatโs emotionally exhausting to maintain. the real ones will adjust. the fake ones will fade. both outcomes are gifts.
๐ฏ๏ธ 3. reclaim your anger
emily had quiet rage. and so do you. itโs time to honor it. being โniceโ for too long makes you numb, and numb girls donโt glow. you need to feel the anger. write it out. scream into your pillow. lift heavy weights. listen to music that makes you feel like the main villain. anger isnโt evil, itโs clarity.
โ rage reminds you of what you deserve.
๐ฏ๏ธ 4. romanticize boundaries
make them beautiful. โ โi donโt do last-minute favors.โ โ โiโm not available for gossip.โ โ โiโm prioritizing myself this weekend.โ boundaries arenโt walls. theyโre doors you control. if youโve been too nice, boundaries will feel mean at first. theyโre not. theyโre just new.
โง softness doesnโt mean self-sacrifice
emilyโs biggest heartbreaks came when she gave too much to people who didnโt give back. sound familiar?
weโve glamorized being the selfless girl, the empathetic one, the ride or die. but when youโre always the one giving, comforting, understanding, you disappear.
the โnice girlโ is often lonely. exhausted. craving someone to finally ask how sheโs doing. if this is you, know that your softness is sacred... but it needs protection. being kind shouldnโt cost you your peace.
instead of being nice, be mysterious. instead of being sweet, be selective. instead of saying yes, say โiโll think about it.โ
you donโt need to explain yourself.
๐ฏ๏ธ glowetteeโs new girl code: โ soft girls are allowed to be strategic โ kind girls are allowed to be assertive โ helpful girls are allowed to stop helping โ good girls are allowed to get angry
create a lifestyle that supports your unlearning, these are things i actually do as a certified-ex-people-pleaser:
๐๏ธ morning rituals: โ tarot pulls + emotional check-ins (if you don't believe in tarot, try affirmation cards <3) โ voice memo journaling: โwhat am i holding back today?โ โ setting your three sacred noโs for the day
๐๏ธ aesthetic habits: โ muted lipstick, claw clips, satin robes โ walks in nature without music โ pinning eerie feminine fashion on pinterest
๐๏ธ glow-up goals: โ therapy to unpack your good girl origin story โ learn to say โlet me get back to youโ โ start a private blog to tell your real thoughts
โง soft girls can bite back
emily fields was never weak. she swam every morning. she held her ground in interrogation rooms. she loved hard. she took hits and kept going. she had the kind of strength thatโs underestimated. and thatโs what makes it lethal.
you donโt need to be loud to be powerful. you donโt need to be rude to be respected. you donโt need to be a โgirlbossโ to set boundaries. youโre allowed to be soft and sharp. delicate and dangerous. pretty and protective of your energy.
you donโt owe softness to anyone who hasnโt earned it.
mindyโs final tip: if youโve ever felt like being nice was your only power. reclaim your fire. youโre not mean for choosing yourself. youโre not selfish for having limits. youโre not โtoo muchโ for being done with pretending.
a brand new notion template, made by me, specifically for people pleasers!!:
๐ฏ a printable โsoft girl sabotageโ worksheet to decode your trauma-coded softness
๐ a Notion tarot spread called โthe soft girl spellbreaker,โ where each card reveals a layer of your hidden power
๐ guided journaling altar to help you make a ritual out of self-reclamation
๐ง playlist to set the vibe
๐ค dark coquette, eeriecore, soft psychology aesthetic throughout
๐ฏ repost if youโre done being nice.