#startingover

You’ve been holding it together longer than anyone knows. Smiling when you’re hurting. Pushing through the days like your heart isn’t screaming.

But something in you is tired. Not lazy. Not lost. Just… tired of pretending you're okay.

There’s a version of you on the other side of this pain. Not the perfect one. Not the fully healed one. Just the one who finally said, “I’m not giving up on myself.”

If you’ve been feeling like you’re drowning quietly in your own life This isn’t your ending. It’s your return.

📘 This Is How You Come Back to Life A book created for the ones starting from zero. For the souls who want to rebuild gently, powerfully, and on their own terms.

☕ When you’re ready, start here - your comeback begins now.

“I lost my hair, my uterus, and my career—but not my future.” This is my story, in my own handwriting. A survivor’s journal, carved from the messy middle— for anyone still figuring it out. 🌱

If you’ve ever had to start over… If you’ve ever felt like you were the broken part… This post is for you. You are not behind. You are becoming.

Does anyone remember roughly two months ago when I posted Back to the Roots—an essay detailing how I had to restart my original family tree (with 7,000+ individuals) from scratch due to my own pre-hobbyist negligence catching up to me?

At the time of that post, I already had 30 individuals nestled into my new, pristine tree. Since then, I've added another 150 meticulously researched and cited individuals to keep all entries consistent and verified.

Last night, I realized with a frustrated heart that I forgot I decided I wouldn't add transcribed-only data to the verified information pool, but that was definitely what I'd been doing with the new tree. I don't know how many individuals were affected by this oversight.

I have to give myself some grace, though. Suddenly changing up a long-standing habit is difficult. All I can do now is fix the issue before I go any further.

Do I start completely over again? That's certainly an option, but one I'll use as a last resort. With only 180 individuals, it should be relatively easy to go through them all to discover which ones need damage control. If the undertaking becomes more trouble than it's worth then I'll likely start fresh.

I can't stress this enough. No matter how much time/energy/love you've already invested - you can walk away from it right now and it will be okay. You will be okay. It's okay to start over.

Surviving a war wasn’t hard.

It’s the path that came after.

They always said that the battle would be hard. For you it really wasn’t. Most of your life was a fight. Jumping from home to home was no way to live. So when you were offered a chance to serve, you took it. Not because of patriotism. Nor was it for some need to protect. It was only for a roof over your head, warm clothes and something to eat. You were strong, you’d always been. So fighting for a cause was worthwhile.

Months, years of training and drills, you were exposed to the real thing.

Life.

It was cruel.

Brutal.

Standing out there with a rifle in your hand and the people you’d come to call your friends drop one by one felt unreal.

For the first time in your life, you felt fear. Not for your own life. But the ones of the people who actually had something to live for. Someone to go back too.

“Fall back!!”

You ducked behind the boulders after the yell from your lieutenant.

“Sir we’re surrounded!!” Your evaluation was an understatement. If you made it out of this situation alive, it would have been a miracle. His head laid back on the rock, clutching his tags. You just watched. Waiting for some kind of signal from him. It was down to the both of you. There were more than a dozen people out there. You swallow.

“I’ve got a little sister back home. For the longest time it’s just been the two of us. She’s always taken care of me. Whether I live or die out here, her tuition is getting paid. I was a wash out. I’d never done anything good with my life. She is the only thing that matters to me.”

It feels like yesterday that he’d told that story. All of you had been sitting at a checkpoint as you went over lost loves and past screw ups. You’d never been someone of sentiment. That’s why you’d spent the night just listening to the very entertaining stories of your comrades. Your family.

He was your family.

Maybe your life didn’t have to be for nothing. For once, this felt like a decision you made out of understanding what was next. Not just a choice for your convenience.

“It’s been an honor sir.”

His eyes shift to your side, and when you jump from behind your spot, he panics, rushing to load his gun.

“S-SOLDIER STAND DOWN!!”

He cursed, scrambling to reload. His attempt to follow was stopped, because the onslaught of bullets continued. He jumped behind a thicker rock. You just lifted your weapon, taking out as many enemies as you could. The crashed truck from earlier presented a good cover. Huffing, you did a mental note of the positions of each person. You’d only managed to strike down two, and that alone felt like sheer luck.

Gritting your teeth, you continued. Your first shot took down another, and you gasped when a bullet struck you right in the shoulder. Eyes clenched in pain you pushed through. You're fired with all your might. The second your bullets ran out, you accepted your faith. There were maybe six men left. Help was ten minutes out. If your Lieutenant was smart about his approach, he could survive this. So you dropped your empty gun, waiting for the inevitable.

The sound of lightning ahead is what seems to stop all movement. At first you assumed it was some kind of enemy battleship that was approaching. Because the earth seemed to shake. But your enemies didn’t look very reassured. Because they had seized all attacking to look at the gaping hole that opened in the sky. You staggered back, eyes wide in disbelief.

That doesn’t seem like the only unrealistic situation. Just beneath it, your eyes catch a flash of green. The light seems to disappear just as fast as it came.

“YALE!!”

Your mind just barely processed your name being called. Your superior was sprinting in your direction as he fired his gun. It’s obvious that he was just as terrified at what seemed like an impossible anomaly in the sky. He took down each target, easily. They were far too distracted by the freaking worm hole that appeared in the sky. The second he was by your side he grabbed your hand.

“We need to get the hell out of here!!” It was an order, but your body wouldn’t move. It refused to.

“SOLDIER!! WE HAVE TO GO!!”

You blinked, staring at him. Motion returns to your body, and the second you take a step, your Lieutenant is thrown at least ten feet away by what looks like a spark of lightning.

“LIEUTENANT!!”

Your scream echoes and so does the clap of thunder. You race to his side. When you drop to your knees, you check his pulse urgently. He’s unconscious, but alive. You sigh, dropping your head on his chest in relief.

“I’m back.”

The tremoring tone of something behind you makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. You turn around shakily, greeted with demonic red eyes. This stranger is wearing a bright yellow suit, with a bolt as what you can only assume is his emblem. If you can call it that. The red slowly retracts from his eyes, and you make out a very human gaze. Blond hair, dangerous eyes. This is not a friend. It can’t be.

“W-What the hell are you…”

He tilts his head, a satisfying crack ringing. His steps are slow, taunting almost. A sinister smile planted on his lips.

“Never mind who I am. It seems you both are in a tough situation.” His eyes mark the many dead bodies. Some of which are people from your squad.

“You’ve lost quite a bit of people, how tragic. “

His tone is mocking, and you grit your teeth. Your evaluation of an enemy is correct. Your eyes drift to a gun a few feet away. One you hope has bullets for you to at least defend yourself.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Your eyes dart back to his form.

“What do you want?” You try to level your voice. Because he seems to get off on your fear. He’s just a few feet away.

“Ultimately, I’m going to kill the Flash. But I suppose I could have some fun here with the both of you. What year is it, where are we?”

Your mouth stays shut. You aren’t sure who or what this Flash is, but it can’t be good if this thing is after it.

“Not in the talking mood.”

You barely have a chance to breathe, because your body is lifted right off the ground. You struggle to pull in air as he holds you upright. You grab at your neck, but his grip offers no resistance.

“Speak.”

Your gaze hardens. Even though you’re terrified, you would quicker die then let this enemy gain whatever it is he’s after.

“Maybe if I kill your little boyfriend over there, you’ll be more willing.” He shoves you to the ground, and you hit the dirt with a grunt, coughing, gasping.

He moves over, the sound of dirt beneath his feet are like daggers to your chest. You crawl, trying to stop him.

“N-No...”

The closer he gets to your lieutenant, the faster your heart beats.

“If I manage to make it back after this tour, I promised her I won’t come back. It’ll be over. We’ll move to a nice quiet town in Florida and just enjoy life. “

You sob at the words of your commander that rush back.

The man kneels, lifting his hand that now appears to be vibrating.

“I’m going to kill him, then I’ll make you suffer until there is nothing left. You’ll wish those men had killed you.”

It all feels like it’s happening so slowly. His hand is aimed right for your Lieutenant’s heart.

“STOP!!!!”

A pulse of green flashes throughout the entire terrain, and he grunts as his body is forced into the air. You stare as his body hits a boulder. He’s wedged between the rock, and all you can do is gape. You’re still somewhat groveling in the dirt, You can hardly comprehend what just happened. But it’s clear that whatever it was, he’s not happy about it. He pulls his limbs out of the rock aggressively. When he’s free, the deadly red light in his eyes return.

“I’m going to kill you.”

He rushed forward, but didn't even make it within ten feet of you or the Lieutenant. His body is stopped by what you can only assume is an emerald shield. The bubble sound it makes is so loud. Both your bodies are completely sheltered. The being in yellow slams his hands angrily against it. When it's clear that he can’t get through, his angry grunts turn into laughter.

“I will be seeing you again.”

The tone of that brings an unpleasant chill. In a rush of red lightning, he is gone.

There is nothing you can say to try and make sense of all that has just happened.

All you can do is be thankful that you are still breathing.

That is all your brain can truly process.