If you care at all about people who have anxiety, autism, OCD, CPTSD, or any other number of "ruminating," "nervous," and "catastrophizing" conditions or dispositions, you need to abandon this phrase and others like it IMMEDIATELY:

"I need to talk, give me a call."

The PROBLEM isn't the request, it's ambiguity and unnecessary room to worry. Here's a little help, for the confused and ambiguous communicating types:

❌ "We need to talk."

✅ "Can we talk? I've been thinking about what you shared last night and I'd like to tell you more about my perspective."

❌ "Have you looked at your email yet?"

✅ "Did you see the email about the flight change? We'll need to update our plans."

❌ "Please come see me sometime today."

✅ "Do you have time to swing by my office and to go over the report? I have some feedback before it gets sent out."

❌ "Give me a call when you have a sec."

✅ "Can you call me so we can talk about when to meet to plan the presentation?"

❌ "When can we talk?"

✅ "When can we catch up? I miss you!"

GUESS WHAT???? Being kind not cryptic does mean saying/typing/sending MORE words vs. less. And that's fine--just say/type/send them. Your choice to take 2 minutes instead of 15 seconds will be a HUGE weight of mental load off your anxious receiver. You may save them hours or days of ruminating/worrying/obsessing.

This is especially important if you have power over them, aka, you are a boss/teacher/parent. Especially because some of these same folks won't feel comfortable saying back to you, "about what?" they'll just go on worrying until you say more. Even if they know they shouldn't. Even if they try their best to "assume positive intent." Even if they take anti anxiety or other mental health meds to help.

INTERESTINGLY, I have also heard people who say they cannot stand it when someone does this to them DO IT TO OTHERS because they forget that it sounds cryptic as fuck and they only remember their own firsthand experience. You may know that when you texted "When can we talk?" you are happily reaching out to chit chat, but they might hear it as "something's wrong in our relationship and it's so bad I'm not going to say it until we talk" and then they are wracking their brains to figure out "what they did wrong" when the answer is literally fucking nothing.

Clarity is kindness.

by Jim Harrison