I think an element of ppls difficulty here is that they have memories of being upset by fairly normal things, like a toy being taken away bc they were fighting with their sibling over it, that aren't directly about the other more general things their parents were doing, like isolating them from peers or shaming them or teaching sexism. So it seems disproportionate or irrational to be upset because they aren't identifying it as being upset about the "actual bad stuff", only the specific incident. But everything exists in context. Like if ur partner doesn't reply to a text for a day they're probably just busy, but if your partner doesn't reply to a text from you after/during conflict then that's different. So like. Are we irrationally upset about a toy being taken or are we reacting to a specific moment of parents taking away our things, enforcing their control over our lives, the inconsistency of behavior & punishment, unreasonable expectations of child behavior, etc.
Idk if this makes any sense. Anyways yeah if ur parents are abusive or neglectful that changes ur relationship to them and ur own experiences in general , not just the things listed on a cps handbook
yes I agree, that's why I always encourage people to look at it from a perspective of "what needs did I have that were not being met," because the answers to that question put all of the seemingly "outsized" emotional reactions to the seemingly "unimportant" individual events into perspective.
