#pureocd

(Continuing from Part Two)

First, as the exposure treatment progressed, the thoughts started to weaken in their insidiousness. My need to confess any past mystakes started to slowly vanish, always approaching my pain with time and compassion.

Then, one day, i was able to get out of bed again. It did take a huge lot of effort. I think, in my recovery path, getting out of bed was the hardest thing to do. After the third time, it began to get easier. With a schedule at first, then slowly flexibilizing my routine, things started to feel enjoyable again. In some time, you stop caring about the thoughts, and you just want to do something exciting again. Something to feel alive. May be you can kiss your significant other with deep love without feeling corrupt, play a videogame without feeling joy like an undeserving gift, or just stare at the birds in your garden or park.

Medication helped me a lot. I was prescribed, at first, Sertraline and Risperidone. Then only Sertraline, 50 mg who increased gradually until 200 mg (im still in that level, since some months ago, and because it was my ideal dose). It should be clear for people with prescribed meds, none medication would solve your mental health issues by itself. A simple reading about mental disorders tells you that mental disorders are both of psychological and biological origin. Nothing in this existence works by itself. These are interconected factors.

I can say that medication and cognitive therapy, both, helped me equally in overcoming my OCD, diagnosed at this point obviously. You learn to cope, to behave in peace in presence of umconfortable ideas or thoughts. In your path, you may encounter even new views of seeing life. I found buddhist and other eastern philosophies who introduced me to a path of liberation, also. Being a former strict atheist, i wasn't easy, but with your heart open and full of compassion, for others and for yourself, you can do it.

If you reach this point reading this, know that you can talk to me if you need it. Im open to give my loving support. I believe in you, you can do it. You are not alone, your ocd is not unique, your toughts are not particularly real. We all have dirt in the backyard, of all kinds. But we are not them. We are what we decide to be.

Hugs and kisses for everyone who needs them.

I tend to have 2 types of DayDreams ... 1 is where I'm talking to a small group of people, the other 1 is where I'm having flashbacks and trying to handle myself better. These tend to end in worse case scenarios, and I often feel the need to act them out. Sometimes I get super angry based off of these daydreams.

This is my most recent, recurring day dream:

Real life part

- I was going on a bus, and the driver told me and my friend to pay an extra dollar. My friend did, and I called him a swear word as we were walking away. He told us to get off the bus. I waited for a while, before my friend told me to leave and I did.

Day Dream

Now I'm vividly daydreaming what I would do if I was in that scenario again. It keeps running through my mind. Should I just wait until he calls the cops? Should I just sit there? Every scenario ends badly in a worse case way. The part that bothers me is that he should have just kept driving. I also wonder if would keep driving if I just stayed there, or would the cops have came?

These daydreams cause anxiety and sometimes I act them out.

What do you think? Is this Mal-Adaptive Day Dreaming or a symptom of Pure OCD?

Shout out to @madd-para for her videos

@cookiedreemurr as well