#pocd

tags from @pancakeling rb of my oda sketches

hi yes okay so. POCD. pedophilia ocd. irrational fear and intrusive thoughts about being a pedophile. makes it difficult to function and exist outside in public or specific areas of life. so yeah. Anyways

why would oda bsd, a man who dedicates so much time to taking care of little kids and dazai, be able to do all that while having pocd? isnt that cruel?

1 - i think oda would have a good handle on his pocd. i like the idea of someone who has pocd but is able to function and be a good person anyways. oda has come to be able to cope well w the intrusive thoughts especially so with his caretaking of the children. it's his calling to be a caretaker, which could be why his ocd latched onto pedophilia as a topic. but yeah. oda got this. he suffers but he survives well.

2 - yes thats the point. pocd and in general ocd is cruel cruel cruel

ok now why would i worry abt being seen as horrible and disgusting for this headcanon?

bc i have stupid ocd too and internet is terrible when u have ocd. and people are rlly stupid and bigoted when ocd and especially pocd are brought up. and also again seems like a cruel headcanon to give oda but thats the point

ANYWAYS SO WHAT PROMPTED THIS HEADCANON ?

ive long had this comic idea in my head that pre-18 was primarily focused on dazai and venting my frustrations of being 17 onto him. bc being 17 Sucks. esp w my disorders. yeah. anyways. so basically dazai develops a crush on oda and at bar lupin one night he confesses these feelings and oda rejects !!!!! because he is responsible good adult !!!!!!! has to put dazai down easy. and dazai hates it he hates being 17 he wants to be 18 and he wants oda to want him.

i was very much waiting impatiently to be 18 so i could leave this comic idea behind #theocdmakingmefeelguiltyforit But Then Becoming 18 Just Added More Depth

once i was adult i knew the ocd would shift ever so slightly. like its the same shit but different now that i was no longer a minor #eviltwoyearsofbeing17 but also what it did was create new channel of venting frustrations into that comic again but now from oda's position!!

i just. think it's beautifully painful and interesting to in addition of having to gently reject dazai, oda's also dealing internally with the awful awful pocd guilt. oda would be very well versed in handling his ocd, but this incident would lead to an increase and rebubbling of intrusive thoughts and intense shame and guilt . and oda has to deal w that. because i think again yes its cruel thats the point. it's that kind of angst that is deeply comforting in a way, or at least copingful for me.

so yeah oda w pocd real

tw: mentions of harassment and bigotry will be mentioned

i dont use tumblr all much, but honestly, i don't know how safe or not so safe tumblr rlly is for girlies anymore. this site has a lotta potential to bring girls like me together but i also noticed a lotta ppl with not so stellar intent are watching ppl a bit too closely so it's rlly not a smart idea to rlly share much of urself on platforms like this.

i would love to interact with all the ocd girlies ie myself who have had similar battles to myself but i don't think i rlly would wanna do so on tumblr. i would love to find different platforms and sites (ie fediverse) to rlly make friends with more girls like myself where there isn't a lotta drama and a lotta really bad ppl tracking girlies similar to myself and trying to escalate issues and situations and drama.

the internet can be a beautiful place for ppl like me trapped in areas where connection IRL can be really hard but i don't see connections forming on mainstream social media sites such as tumblr in the years ahead :((((. tumblr is a hell of a lot better for girlies like me than places like elon's twitter and facebook and youtube, especially since i haven't seen a MILLIONTH of the AI slop i tend to see on those other apps, don't get me wrong at all but it really is prone to the same issues and same dynamics as those sites, thus why i tend not to rlly be active here.

i think if ur a girlie with a lotta OCD and a lotta intrusive thoughts that r eating u alive, u might wanna be taking privacy and anonymity way more seriously bc unfortuantely, there are a lotta bigots on this site and they are screencapping what u post on here, trolling and sharing and it can spread easily, and unfortunately i have seen the abject harm said bigots have caused towards girls who struggle with many of the battles i do.

I don't like being around kids because I have intrusive thoughts about them.