#pro plural

There's 8 alters and 1 fragment in the system. The fragment is Toshinori.

Izuku doesn't switch often. He's usually the one in control and the others are co-con. These headcannons are mostly based on when they have more influence over Izuku if not 100% in control

Yoichi:

Yoichi is usually the one co con the most because he misses socializing. Sometimes he'll just push Izuku away to talk to anyone. Even Mineta. He likes talking to everyone!

He doesn't know boundaries well so he gets very weird rather quickly. He doesn't have ill intent so it makes him sad when others find him creepy.

He makes inappropriate jokes at terrible times, he acts rather childish at times due to his own trauma. He loves hugging and cuddling people. Tenya is his favorite to hug because his build is similar to Zen's... We won't go there.

Internally he knows everything. He knows the layout of the headspace. He did technically create it so it makes sense.

He's the glue that holds everyone together. He is extremely comforting and rather fem (due to trauma)

His favorite people are: everyone. There isn't anyone he doesn't like or at least tolerates.

He is kinda sorta good at masking? He's just a more cuddly and slightly more creepy Izuku.

Kudo:

Kudo rarely fronts. He is a persecutor/ prosecutor (an alter that hurts ppl outside the system.) He will never admit it but he's technically a misguided protector. He hates being vunerable and Katsuki.

He refuses to forgive Katsuki for all the bullying, one time he beat Katsuki's ass just for the hell of it. He holds majority of the anger Izuku feels towards others.

Y'know the phenomenon where a person hates someone that's really similar to them instead of someone opposite? That's Kudo with Katsuki.

He doesn't like loud people either. There's very few he does like. Tsuyu, Shoto, and Momo are the most tolerable to him.

He tries somewhat to mask as Izuku but whenever he gets into fights, all masking attempts are out the window.

Bruce:

He's also a protector and more stable then Kudo. He rarely talks. He mutters alot instead of talking. He has little to no interest in Izuku's friends.

He does find the bakusquad funny. He lets out a small chuckle at their antics. He usually sticks with Tokoyami, Shoji, and Koji (they're the most quiet)

He doodles on the side of Izuku's assignments much to the dismay of Aizawa. He doesn't like the doodles crowding the assignment.

He mainly doodles All Might, Yoichi, Kudo, and random eyes.

He's mediocre at masking. People just assume "oh Deku must be asocial today." Which is better then some of them.

Shinomori:

He's a caretaker. He comes out whenever Izuku or the others are stressed out and he calms the body down. He also comes out when others are in distress (mainly because Izuku's autistic ass doesn't know what to do in these scenarios)

He likes getting high with Sero. Do NOT ask me where this headcannon comes from.

He hangs out with everyone. He takes notes on everyone so that he knows how to comfort them. He's a big teddy bear <3

He fantasizes about running into the forest and never coming back. If you ever see Izuku training at midnight it's probably him

He likes not wearing clothes. Especially when training. He'll be barefoot with no shirt in the snow if he can. This gets him scolded by Tayutai.

He's pretty good at masking, often times people liking him more then Izuku because he's less awkward and stuttery.

Banjo:

He's the main socializer whenever Izuku isn't available. He's loud and annoying ngl. He often takes the fall when the others get in trouble. When Aizawa or Toshinori or Gran Torino scold Izuku, it accidentally triggers him. It gets annoying after awhile

His favorite people are Jirou, Denki, Kirishima, and Mina. He thinks they're super fun and chill. He likes loud people who can be loud like him. He's loud and he needs everyone to know it.

He's also very big brother coded. He can and will do anything anyone needs. Unless they're illegal like getting Sero weed. He also gives the best hugs.

He doesn't bother masking as Izuku. One time Sero asked if he was on drugs which made Banjo upset because he was in the DARE program /hj

Tayutai:

We dunno his role. He's just really quiet. He rarely ever comes out. He likes reading and studying. He often comes out during tests and study sessions. It's funny because he thinks Tenya is kinda annoying.

He likes lofi music and does meditation n shit. I like to think he'd make a little crystal collection for the sake of "protecting Izuku"

He keeps Banjo in check. He scolds Shinomori for being naked, he scolds Kudo for getting into arguments, he gets frustrated with Bruce for being unsocial. He scolds Nana for alot of things. He scolds Toshinori for idk. He scolds Yoichi for being weird. He's just a dick low-key

He stares at anyone in class 1A who talks to him. They get uncomfortable and stop talking (which is what he wanted)

Like Bruce, people just assume Izuku is asocial that day. Still a bit creepy due to staring

Nana:

As the only girl, she relishes in the fact Izuku has girlfriends. Humor me for a sec.. I like to think she has "girl talk" with the girls in 1A. She mentioned having a painful period. Which then confused the girls in 1A.. they threw Izuku a "happy trans party" which confused the fuck outta Izuku, a cis man.

She had endomitosis in her life okay? That shit sucked.

She is the only one who has noticable dysphoria.. but it's not that bad.. mostly weird. I mean she has a dick now. That's a pretty big mind fuck.

She is super protective of everyone. She once beat the shit outta Monoma for being Monoma.

Seeing Toshinori triggers her to front and she loves hugging him and being cuddly. This confuses the shit outta Toshinori. She mumbles about missing him, happy he's still alive, forgiving him for retiring.. Toshinori doesn't understand any of it.

Her favorite people are Toshinori, the girls in 1A, Eri, Kota, and Aizawa. She respects Shouta alot. She gossips with Yoichi about Erasermic and other ships.

She mentally adopted Kota and Eri. It's a coping mechanism.

She is probably the best at masking as Izuku (aside from the whole menstrual misunderstanding.) She's more confident but still mutters under her breath. And she's an All Might geek.

Toshinori: (heavy projection on this one based on my own experiences/ feelings)

He's a fragment that holds most of the blurry feelings/ some of the trauma. Whenever he comes out he quietly dissociates. He usually just lays his head down and tries to rest. He has no mouth so why bother screaming?

He can somewhat function. He can write, listen, and walk.. tho that's on a good day. He usually just lays there feeling like static. He often gets scolded by Aizawa and the other teachers for not working.. at first Aizawa tried scolding but after getting no reply he just gave up and gave him detention.

Often times he'll stare at his irl counterpart and cry quietly... Which once again creeps Toshinori out (this man needs a break)

His favorite person to hang out with is Shoto and Ochaco. Shoto especially because he also dissociates and doesn't typically socialize so he just sits with Toshinori quietly reading. Ochaco tries to understand but she struggles a little. It is a rather big mind fuck so we won't blame her.

What's masking?? Mask as who?? What are we doing?? What is this??

It's been almost three years since I started my blogs. Wow. I've been on tumblr a hell of a lot longer, but I really wasn't involved in the system community. I started out firm and loud. I probably inadvertently fakeclaimed (I went into this with the rule that I would NOT directly tell anyone they were faking, it was a boundary that I knew would ruin me socially if I crossed it, but I'm sure I probably did without meaning to), I name called and made fun of people and things. I was disrespectful to people. I invaded tags to get my message out there, though I was quick to stop once I realized I was making the tags unusable for the community I claimed to want to protect.

I learned very quickly what was appropriate and what wasn't, what I could get away with and what I couldn't. It started to become a numbers game, influenced by the risk of the post.

I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies, and I amassed a following of over 2k. More people have come and gone from my little community than I ever thought possible. People made fanart of me, and I cherish those so deeply. I have over 300 asks because I struggle to delete the ones thanking me.

And the more I was thanked, the nicer I got, the more thanks, the nicer I got, rinse and repeat until I had trouble NOT empathizing with pro/endos. The more I was willing to listen, the more legitimate sources I came across that disproved my original ideas about consciousness. The people sharing the sources were more respectful than I thought they'd be. Things were starting to look a bit cloudy.

I talked to my colleagues about how they, as therapists, would handle some of these endos in their practice, and while their belief in the concept varied, kindness and attempts to understand was the consistent answer. When had I lost that kindness and understanding that had driven me to that field to begin with?

Colleagues, yes. For those who don't know, I have a degree in social services and counselling (plus a degree in law). It's why the current situation with the antis turning on me is so funny. I still can't get into the mindset of some of these new anti endos, I just can't imagine justifying that level of cruelty. I had lines that I wouldn't cross, and I didn't think people could be worse than me.

... That might have been a trauma thing, looking back on it.

So I got desperate.

I spoke to the actual doctors who wrote some of these papers all of us are quoting. Everyone was arguing the meaning of the words, so I went directly to the source.

Dr Colin Ross, who wrote about endogenous multiplicity in the 80s. I told him everything-- about plurals, non-traumagenic systems, syscourse, what was being debated, how I and others interpreted his words, and what I wanted to learn.

Was plurality only trauma based?

And back and forth and back and forth we went, with me asking over and over again in different ways, NEEDING to hear that it was.

But I never got that answer. He meant what he meant. He said what he said and he meant it.

That plurality was not only found in the aftermath of trauma.

And I said nothing to anyone because I couldn't reconcile it.

Don't try to read between the lines, I assure you, there isn't some hidden meaning to be found there. I can't share all of the messages because some contained personal information, but my final response will tell you all you need to know.

(It did NOT, in fact, make sense, and it took me three years to "rethink my paper" that endogenic plurality wasn't possible, I did not win that conversation, it was a dying stance that was not supported)

I've been accused of paying too much attention to my follower count, but I can't really help it. It's really scary when you make a post and see a sizeable drop. It means a lot of different things. My posts have less reach and support. I've upset people. I've done something wrong. My community is leaving me.

I'm in a weird spot, where I'm blocked by so much of the pro/endo community that I have nothing to join, and the anti endo community, who I still wholeheartedly support, continues to leave me for -checks smudged writing on hand- being too nice??

Misinformation about DID is a massive problem, and it's why I still consider myself anti endo and support that community. I relate to them in such a way that I'll always gravitate to and empathize with them.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

At this point, though, how can I not be pro/endo when Colin fucking Ross says it's possible?

I've already written about how I'm really struggling with these labels, and I love the people that have stuck around while I struggle to figure this out.

I hurt when I see the people that once supported me leave.

My (online) world is shrinking. Literally.

That's scary.

When you've watched so many turn away, you start to wonder, with every post, where is the line where the rest are going to leave? Is it this post?

I just want to be me, us, we want to laugh at the stupid crap people say, system or not, I want to talk about my disorder, I want to combat misinformation, I want to have productive, fun conversations about ideas and concepts with people who disagree and have different interpretations. I want to play devil's advocate and get people thinking. I want to be able to comment positivity and kindness on any post I see, I want to feel comfortable talking to more people about their ideas. I sympathize with anti endos, I relate to CDD systems, I still firmly believe that CDDs and plurality are different, unrelated concepts.

My priority will always and forever be the CDD community first and foremost.

However, I am a hypocrite. I have gone straight to the horse's mouth and failed. I've seen so much research that I finally get it. I'm grappling with holding on to this conversation with Dr Ross, wondering what harm I could have prevented if I'd gone public with these emails earlier.

Since when has being open to change been a bad thing?

Since when has showing respect to lived experiences been a bad thing?

What am I? What label describes this?

How do I go forward from here?

What are you going to do with this information?