This comment has given me renewed life.

may:

**

Happy was losing his mind.

The Avengers Compound had been destroyed. Completely decimated, or so he’d overheard. He hadn’t driven over to check himself because that didn’t seem important in the wake of - everything. What did seem important is that everyone was clustered here, at Tony and Pepper’s house. 

The lakeside cabin wasn’t large enough to fit everyone, but that didn’t seem to matter. At least Happy had kept his room - well, the guest room - because he was Morgan’s defacto babysitter while everyone else figured out how the world was going to work now. Even Captain America couldn’t kick Happy out of that bed! Or Captain America didn’t - Pepper had been fuzzy on the details. 

There were spaceships parked down the road, literal alien spaceships, and maybe Happy should be used to weird stuff by now but he wasn’t. 

None of that was what had Happy losing his mind, though. 

He sat on one of the wooden rocking chairs that the Starks kept on their porch and stared. 

“I’m talking to a tree.”

The tree stared back at him.

“I am Groot,” the tree said. 

“The tree is talking to me,” Happy said, trying to make that phrase enter his brain. 

“Hey asshole.” The talking and walking raccoon came up next, passing by where Happy and the tree were having a conversation on the Stark’s porch. 

“I am not the asshole here,” Happy defended. “I think you’re the asshole, actually, if you’re calling me an asshole!”

The raccoon paused. Happy couldn’t remember the raccoon’s name, if the raccoon even had a name. If the raccoon talked though, it probably had a name, right? 

“I mean, I am. Sure.” The raccoon shrugged, and Happy was losing his damn mind. “I was trying to be a helpful asshole and translate what Groot was saying but you know what? Don’t mind me.” 

The raccoon leaned over and swiped the bowl of candies that Happy had been snacking on. 

Happy meant to protest, but - 

“Oh my God I was just talking to a raccoon. The raccoon was talking to me.”

“I am Groot,” the tree said, which seemed to be what it always said. 

Happy eyed the tree. 

“Are you calling me an asshole?” Happy asked, suspicious. 

Rhodes walked out of the house, the lines on his face etched in deep. Happy almost felt guilty asking him, but - 

“Is the tree actually calling me an asshole?”

“I am Groot,” the tree repeated.

Rhodes shook his head and walked away, down to the lake where a few other members of the Avengers had set up tents. 

“I am Groot.”

“Stop calling me an asshole!” Happy stared at the tree, but the tree only blinked. Happy pushed out of his chair and stomped away, following Rhodes’ trail down the lake where there were people who didn’t call Happy an asshole.

Can y'all imagine,after being outted. There's a press conference. Poor Pete is probably ready to ralf and many other not so nice bodily functions. Happy,and May and even Pepper and Morgan are there. He was given a script to go by. Pepper brought in her whole PR team.

He steps up to the podium. Questions flying,the main one of course being a confirmation of his secret idenity.

He's freaking man! And what passes through his head? "What would Tony do in this situation?"

All of a sudden he steels himself.

"Oh no" Pepper thinks. "I know that look. Damn you Tony." She thinks,with a smile,she can't be mad.

"Mr. Parker! Mr. Parker! What have you got to say for yourself about the allegations of being that no good masked menace" bolstered a man up front,an air of superiority and smugness. Hair high and tight littered in salt and pepper and a very well manicured mustache.

Peter shaken but resolved,clear his throat. Stares out at the crowd.

"I. Am. Spiderman."

The crowds bursts into a ruckus. Peter is rushed out into a safe quite space. May looks dumb founded.

"What the hell kid? You were supposed to follow the script!" Screams Happy.

Petes ready to defend himself when a peel of laughter flys. Its Pepper. Morgan looks up to her confused but bemused with a little grin on her face. Shes not sure whats so funny but its always nice to hear her Mama's laughter,especially when it's doesnt happen as often anymore.

Peter: Who’s Lindsay Lohan?