Earlier this month (in Feb 2018), the BBC released a short video featuring my personal work, The Open Photo Project on a short video segment with their feature, The World in Pictures.
The Open Photo Project features photos and conversations of people in consensually non-monogamous relationships. It shares photos of people in their everyday lives with the goal of increasing empathy and understanding in order to de-stigmatize non-monogamy.
There has been some criticism in social media within the polyamorous community about the specific leading image the BBC selected for this video. I’m writing this to respond with my thoughts after engaging in some of these online conversations.
As many people who are involved with polyamory know, a photo of multiple pairs of feet under a bedspread is one of the main “go-to” images mainstream media chooses as a photo for their articles about polyamory. As far as I have ever seen, the feet featured in these photos are always the feet of people with white skin. A quick google image search on “polyamory” yields thin, white, young people in 98% of the images. I have been talking with a Chrissy Holman and Kevin Patterson, some leaders of local polyamorous communities, about working with them to create some stock photo options that are more diverse. That way these articles would at least have the option to be more inclusive of people of color and other demographics that are not included in most stock (specifically polyamorous) imagery.
This photo leading the BBC video was taken intentionally as a first step to create a more diverse stock photo option for articles about polyamory. We started with the multiple feet in a bed photo specifically because it is such a cliche photo in stock images relating to non-monogamy. The difference in our photo, is that we included 3 pairs of feet from black folks and one pair of tattooed feet in the photo.
There were critical comments about this photo from several polyamory groups which seem to be for 2 reasons: The first reason comes from concern that multiple feet in a bed photo implies group sex and that in this sex negative culture, that will perpetuate the mainstream stigma that polyamory is all about the sex. The second reason is that people are just tired of seeing that photo because they think it’s been overdone.
To the people who are tired of the seeing the multiple feet shot, I would suggest that you may be missing the point. When you see this as just another feet shot, are you noticing that these are a diverse sets of feet? I realize that variations of this shot have been done and that is kind of the point. I would ask those who didn’t think it was significant that the feet in the photo belong to POC and a tattooed person to question if that may be due in part to their own privilege. If you are a light skinned person it is possible that your privilege, and the fact that most polyamorous media thus far looks like you, may be preventing you from seeing the difference in this photo and its intention toward diversity.
To those who are concerned that the feet in the bed photo over-sexualizes polyamory and that is not a narrative you want the media to portray. I get your concerns. I have thought a lot about them before and since this media came out. As a queer polyamorous woman, I understand the sex negativity that exists in our culture. This is a huge part of why I created The Open Photo Project. My goal is to share the beauty, mundanity and complexity of non-monogamous people’s lives. If you look at the images and stories in The Open Photo Project, you will find images of people feeding their kids, going grocery shopping, taking a nap, eating food, doing laundry, playing video games. You will hear their words about metamours, raising children, communicating about jealousy, coming out to parents, living with a physical disability, being a POC in the polyamorous community, raising kids as a single parent, and more. To see that one photo and judge the entire project is perpetuating the over sexualization of non-monogamy is just inaccurate. If this photo of the feet is used as clickbait to bring members of mainstream society to watch the rest of that BBC video (where I talk about solo polyamory, raising children in an open relationships, the stigmas people can face…in a 3 minute video) or to the stories that live on TheOpenPhotoProject.com, I consider that a win. We live in an age of clickbait and fast media. It may be unfortunate but it’s true. If the BBC wants to use a photo that is intriguing because some might find sexual undertones and it leads people to a deeper understanding of the everyday lives of the consensually non-monogamous, I am okay with that.
While I am making this project also to celebrate the beautiful diversity in our community and to share that within the polyamorous circles, my main goal with this work is to create empathy for non-monogamous people and to destigmatize our community to the broader mainstream world. I would like to reach them wherever they are, so that they can see these images and hear your words and realize we aren’t all so different. If one photo leads them to the others, and down that path of understanding, I think it is something we can all celebrate.
So thank you for your thoughts on the feet photo, thank you for caring about how our community is represented and thank you for reading my response here. I hope this becomes part of a broader conversation around how we can increase the diversity of our communities as well as bridge the gap in understanding about consensual non-monogamy to the broader society.
