#phdcandidate

13|07|2022

Most important elements:

♥︎ Double-headed color felt-pen, Bic

♥︎ 0.1 to 1.2 black pens, Uni-ball

When I started, we got a new head of the department, she was young (still is, ofc), ambitious and everything. I was quite proud that I'm at uni with women in leadership (previous one as well). But... There were troubles. She didn't believe anybody, she suspected that everyone hates her (lately it was actually true) and... I mean, how much chances do you stand against your boss, right? If she tell you to do something, you have to, because that's how it is.

What I haven't seen coming was that the rest of the professors were sure I'm informing against them. She asked me to do that, no jokes. She did... But I haven't. Never ever. Because Jeeesus, what kind of person are you to ask something like that or do that. But the professors didn't know and they were so sure. Without any proof. They had nothing apart from me staying in her bureau. That was it.

My supervisor was ofc sure as well and the tension was so fawking obvious. Every feedback I got was humiliation. Why do I write it? Everybody knows. Or the opposite. Or even better - no answers at all.

So I was at uni where every professor didn't trust me, with supervisor who humiliated me and... I was fawking trying to get a degree.

When I moved to Vienna for a scholarship, I was so so happy. It was an escape from my abusive mother and from the madness at uni. And I found job here. I could stay. In that moment, year ago, I choose to take a year break and then go back to uni.

Year is not that much, guys. Not at all. So last week I wrote another email to my supervisor asking for one more year. The answer...got me. Arrogant once again, literally laughed at me for asking that, telling me I didn't write the whole year and he needs a really good reason to do that.

I cried. I was upset. I cried again and then I made my decision to quit.

So... What I'm trying to say is, Uni is stressful, people are idiots and men as well. I had my first burnout there, working like stupid and in the end... Yeah.

-oh you mean I HAVE to stay home? I'll try to manage... [while petting the cat in pjs]

-All the cocktails cancelled? Oh no, sad... [:D]

-the conferences too? Will they be streamed at least? [I was actually looking foward to that :/ ]