Sometimes I will sit here and think..that shows their character, not yours. Be who you are, treat others how you want to be treated, live and let live and the ever so famous LET THEM
But how do you…
Let them disrespect you
Let them undo what you built
Let them teach your own children to stand for everything you are completely against
I think I am one of the kindest people. I have a big heart
And how do I be ok with it. I could teach and scream and fight but what do I do next..I can’t just let them and more so let my kids learn to be disrespectful
Many things weren’t an issue before kids were even in the picture. How do you navigate parenting when you and the other parent have completely different values? How do you teach your children kindness and acceptance while also respecting that you can’t control another person’s beliefs?
Why now?
For separated couples, how do we do it
I can’t tell them they have no rights to their opinions
They are learning what they are taught but I’m not teaching them this
There are adults this way who have rights to there opinions and beliefs..but what do you do for children when the parents aren’t on the same page? Just let them? Ignore them?
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I've been thinking on this video a lot over the past few days. I encourage anyone that works with Loki to watch it and seriously consider this perspective. Not that you have to agree with it by any means, but my own contemplation of this is proving to be quite interesting. I'll put my thoughts below a line so you can choose to engage with them after watching the video if you so desire. (It is 20 minutes long, so there's a bit of a time commitment.)
The thing that stuck out most to me here is the moral ambiguity of the trickster. It is such a quintessential aspect of pretty much all trickster deities, yet so many Lokeans (myself included) treat Loki as some sort of "all good" deity, or at least feel like he can do no wrong (or some similar sentiment), like he is always on our side and our side is Good. I think Rune makes a great point (around minute 6:00) that, in trying to distance Loki from the Christian concept of Satan, we have gone so far in the other direction that we may view Loki as a deity that is unambiguously good. But, as he also points out (a little after the 11:00 minute mark), to weave between the dark and light means you must also engage with the dark, and that our values (that we assign to the concepts of light and dark) are not inherently the values of tricksters.
It's that point on values that's had my brain churning. Because as a queer neurodivergent person, I feel support from Loki. I had a whole little trance journey that unintentionally turned to a small personal ritual for joining their family. My very being exists in the liminal like Loki does, and I can find comfort from them in that space. That does not, however, mean our values that inform how we move through the world are the same, and there are a whole slew of reasons for that.
One reason is that very binary of light and dark/good and evil has been ingrained in me from a young age. Even if I can recognize nuance and grey areas, it is still often challenging for me to accept or engage with it unless it in some way already aligns with my values or personal worldview. Conceptualizing it is one thing, but actually navigating and living in it is another. For example, I generally don't think murder is a great idea, but I do see how things like killing the United Healthcare CEO, for instance, make a statement that can facilitate change. Just as much as sending an innocent man like Abrego Garcia to a death camp makes a statement that can facilitate change. That sort of change can be for the benefit of the many over the few, but our individual values are what shape our idea of what is actually beneficial and to whom it is beneficial to. I would certainly prefer that we solve problems and care for as many people as we can without the loss of life, but that does not mean that Loki (or any other trickster, or even deity in general) shares those values. It does not meant that this liminal being I find myself aligned with won't be a catalyst for or support such violent actions. Nor does that mean I have a moral obligation to distance myself from said trickster.
Let's look at the lore for a minute. Loki is of Aesir and Jotun descent - an amalgamation of order/structure, and untamed chaos. They embody masculinity and femininity and use both as it suits their needs (Thrymsvitha). They exist within the established order while still ripping it to shreds (Lokasenna). They are willing to instigate death and the destruction of that very order they exist in so that new life, and therefore a potentially new order, has a chance to exist (Baldrs draumar). Their partners reflect their willingness to not just love and engage with both order/light (Aesir via Sigyn) and chaos/darkness (Jotun via Angrboda), but also their ability to quite literally breed both light (Vali and Narfi) and dark (Jormungandr, Fenrir, and Hel) to perpetuate the presences of both within all of existence. Loki's very being walks the line, jumps over it, moves it around, destroys and redraws it, always making it difficult to know where the line is or if it even exists at all. That is liminality. That is ambiguity. That is what and who we are aligning ourselves with as Lokeans, no matter what our personal values are.
In our current political landscape in the U.S., I see this kind of liminal energy manifesting in my spiritual community. There is a pull to learn how to engage in situations that may become violent just as much as there is a pull to engage with one another in laughter and joy. Both are needed to survive - not just in this climate, but throughout life in general. Being capable and willing to engage with darkness as much as the light. Loki has become a much more prominent deity in my community, and that seems to be true even further beyond us. I think we are seeing a need to engage with this trickster energy as we see it manifest more in the world around us. As much as we use it to further our own values, others can use it for theirs, and we can't say or control if and when Loki supports us both, even if we are in direct opposition to one another. But it is in Loki's DNA to do just that. We all want to survive, after all, and Loki certainly looks out for their own survival. (Just look at how they dealt with Thjassi and Idunn, or the dwarves with Sif's hair.)
This is my opinion at the moment and I know it may change with time, but I think, ultimately, if we are going to align ourselves with Loki, we need to accept that we are aligning ourselves with the dark as much as the light. We can act and live in whatever way we choose to. We have personal agency and are allowed to have our own values that shape our concepts of dark and light, regardless of our deities of choice; but when we tell people we work with, worship, or in any other way associate with Loki, we are making a statement that we accept (if not embrace) those forces at play within the world. For myself, I think part of my work with Loki is to simply work towards greater acceptance of that truth: that what I consider to be light and dark is not universal, and that what I do consider light and dark exist simultaneously both out in the world and within me. (That's what shadow work is, right?)
As always, I am open to respectful discussion on this. I ask and answer questions in good faith that we are respecting one another, and as such may ask for clarity on meaning or tone. I encourage you to do the same. It is also important as we engage to remember that it is okay if we ultimately disagree. We can discuss without making it about who is right or wrong.
Was the breakup devestating and hard to watch? Yes.
Bradley breaking down is 100% on point. Bradley knows deep down the extent of her actions, but unless someone holds her accountable, she will continue to pull shit like that. She has not set boundaries for herself, and there is no line she wouldn't cross when it comes to family. But that's not how the world works. Actions have consequences, whether we like it or not.
Laura sticks to her values and draws her boundaries. Not only is she breaking her own heart in putting her foot down on the blatant unlawfulness that has occurred this season. But she is also demonstrating to Bradley what it is to take responsibility, to be held accountable. She got herself into this relationship. She will take herself out of it when it does not align with her values.
I just hope one day I can be as strong as Laura. She has taught me so much already, but there's still so much to learn.
I've recently given advice on starting healing by telling an anon to make lists showcasing traits they love about themselves, traits they want to work on, and positive affirmations. I like these lists because the act of making them forces your mind to give time to things that are positive about yourself, something that you may not be in the habit of thinking about if you do a lot of negative self-talk. It frames the distance you have to go as something you are motivated to work on and believe in yourself to achieve, and positive affirmations help give you positive things to think about yourself for easy retrieval throughout the day. This way, if you put them in a spot you can easily see every day, you can view them and remember to work towards living your life honoring the things you value in yourself.
(If your needs and goals change later, there's nothing wrong with updating your list! For example, if you thought it was a positive thing to be strong and take care of everyone around you, you could later change that to reflect the value in asking for help.)
Anyway, I figured I'd share my lists. Today I'll share my current list of things I value about myself. Challenging you guys to write your own and, if your circumstances allow, put them up where you can easily see them! It's okay if you can only come up with a few right now, or yours don't look exactly like mine do. Just put some thought into it and do what works for you!
I am a deeply caring person. My attention to detail means I make those around me feel cared about in very important ways.
I am hardworking and thorough in all works that matter to me.
I have a strong passion for justice.
I have a formidable resilience in fighting for myself.
I have a gift with words and a drive to use it powerfully. I balance this well with the internal desire to use it for good.
I am deeply insightful.
I have made it very far and found spaces for myself in a world not made for me.
I have a formidable capacity for learning and growth.
I am the kind of person who, by being myself, makes the right people feel less alone.
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"Some people are your relatives but others are your ancestors, and you choose the ones you want to have as ancestors. You create yourself out of those values."
— Ralph Ellison
Should I get into a relationship with a guy I'm not interested in? There have been a number of guys who've asked me out, and I've rejected every single one of them because I feel nothing for them. Honestly, I've had maybe 3 crushes in my entire life, and I'm 23 in university when my crushes were in high school. My guy friend (who's in a serious relationship) is getting a bit annoyed. He even told me to just throw my shoe, and whoever it lands on would be my boyfriend as a joke. He says, "Do it for the experience, at least."
You shouldn't ever date someone you don't want to. Some people crave relationships and/or sex, and some people don't. Your friend sounds like he's projecting onto you, which isn't cool and fairly immature. Do what feels right to you. Despite what society may tell you dating and sex are optional pursuits that many people solely crave (and it's best for them to maintain this area of their life for their well-being). If you don't feel the same, that's perfectly ok. Societal pressure will always be there, but sacrificing your needs is never a good idea unless perhaps you need to make sacrifices to pay your bills or save your health.
