the one were i don't have to think to deeply about, i can just sit back in my mind and just do the thing i'm told to do OR (fuckin' yes) i can do various other things instead to fulfill the avoidance side of things and THAT'S OKAY ACTUALLY the bosses like when you do stuff just outside the box that can be fully observed from the top of the box
it's working for me so far, there's also a rumour that it's unlikely to be exactly the same all the time unless i want it to be like that and you know how we go through phases "i want same same okay now different, gods please, different, that good now stop changing" you know how it goes and this job just does that.....not always in perfect alignment with my mental tides but close enough usually
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Maybe it's some biological rule that once someone finally gears up to do something they've been procrastinating for a while, their parent has to materialize in their doorway and tell them to do that very thing, or to do some unrelated thing RIGHT NOW that'll totally disrupt their momentum.
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People have GOT to learn to stop asking me to watch stuff. You're gonna have to wait in line behind the four hundred pieces of media other people have asked me to watch, which is behind my thousand-video Watch Later playlist, which is behind the, like, 20 videos I watch over and over again.
It's not personal, but it's not happening any time soon...
Symptoms: Restlessness, the urge to indule in addiction, being hormonal, easily frustrated in general, arousal (nonsexual or not), limbs hurting or just generally feeling weird or frustrating or a need to stretch, hunger, inability to focus, feelings feel like they have a time limit before you BURST, and the feeling of NEEDING to do a thing you wanna do - also being unable to sleep, or just not WANTING to. General awful feelings, like extreme jealousy, is common too.
The hormonal stuff came a bit sudden in my opinion, started out with mere hunger. A typical affected area, hungry or not, in this state, is the stomach. Anyways, I don't have any ways to remedy, this, so usually I just EAT if needed, and try to ignore my hormones, because sometimes things get worse if you even think about them a little bit more. Other common things include cuteness aggression to an extreme degree, hatred of things to an extreme degree, increasing the anger and of being snappy and rude and all, decreased patience, decreased tolerance for stuff (like certain sounds or music in general), increased fear , increased fear of unknown spaces or situations or people that you generally sometimes fear or something (which can also activate this in the first place).
The bad thing, is that I've ALWAYS been hormonal and emotional, so yes I've felt this much before.
Other things that help me: Alastor from Hazbin Hotel (I'm a critic, not a fan, just fyi) ... or how I view him (which is not how he actually is), stuff that reminds you of yourself, and having access to what you need NOW and not WAITING for it or finishing anything or doing anything else instead/first (basically, I was gonna do stuff, but like, no, nevermind, I fucking CAN'T - like I NEED to just piss and then go to my room and stay there), and of course; not being looked at or seeing, the people who just make you MORE frustrated (not in a good hormonal way, but as in, ANGER), and not being able to hear them - especially if you decided to deal with your hormones in like one of the only 3 ways I know of (which is weird since my Alastor misinterpretation is someone I'd wanna be friends with, but he helps - maybe it's because he's not someone I'm all platonically horny around and is instead, like, just someone I'd really like to be around and tell stuff to and plan schemes with ... you know, sometimes I wonder if I even GET platonically horn horn for gals or female characters - like yeah I REALLY wanna be friends and do fun stuff and talk about stuff and hug, but, like, I've also wanted to have an older friend for long, and that older friend - aka "eerily similar to Office Worker hypothetical adult" - is someone I'm ACTUALLY platonically horn horn over - I wonder if I've always been platonically horn horn and how it started, but I mean, wanting to be best friends with someone and having that loyalty and wanting affection more than usual and wanting to be near each other more than usual, and to make schemes and keep secrets, etc, HAVE been things I was basically BORN with, so yeah I've had that species of friendship, as a concept, for a long time...) - anyways, basically, I need people to shut the fuck up and leave me alone unless they're someone who can distract me IN A GOOD WAY, or NOT make it worse.
My Pathological Demand Avoidance is acting up, and I think this is the same or similar to that feeling I felt as a kid when I wanted to stay up at night - like I'd say "I threw tantrums", but I mean I was just mad and argued and told my mom I REALLY didn't wanna go to sleep, and then I literally couldn't sleep anyway (I mean not that I was EVER good at sleeping in childhood - I most often didn't sleep fast and/or enough, but still) - also it may be more typical during hot weather - like, this whole emotion - anyways, I'll tag it with Pathological Demand Avoidance tags in case that's relevant. This feeling was way more common in childhood for me, so NO, it's not just "puberty" - although maybe I was, like, genuinely on a chemical level, unusually hormonal. I mean I DID have a lot of fear, emotions in general, sleeping issues, and Pathological Demand Avoidance and stuff. It may help to have an aesthetic blog.
