#demand avoidance

for nd and demand avoidance havers, setting goals like we're supposed to (according to NT ppl at least!!!) can lead to an immediate and intense avoidance of that very thing we are wanting to do

this happens for me ALLL the time. i set a goal like " i want to read every day for 10 minutes before bed" and thats great until about 10 minutes before bed happens and i go "fuck That? past me isnt here & im the boss now. & i dont feel like fucking reading"

the substack was not the most intuitive read bc i think they framed the idea of anti-goals as a "negative" goal

like instead of "i will brush my teeth" it becomes "i cant leave the bathroom in the morning until my teeth are brushed"

and at first i was like Ok maybe??? maybe that could work?

but its just a different kind of demand? and i know in the moment i would just go who says i can't leave this room rn? no one can stop me? and leave anyway

and i was also having difficultly framing anti goals in ways that i couldnt interpret harmfully ??? like

"i won't stress myself out" becomes feeling guilty for being stressed anyway

but i've been chewing on this concept and. i think a key aspect of anti-goal making is your personal values???? like through the wording of the anti goal itself your future & present self is active in the scenario

so instead of "i can't leave the house until i'm dressed" it becomes "i refuse to feel uncomfortable with how i look"

I have a fic to finish. But because it is *for something*, and there is a certain expectation to it, I have been a ball of “don’t wanna” for several months. It’s a nice fic! I like the premise! But no. Demand attached. Immediately no.

I do LARP, and in the game I play most frequently, I have realised I am good at a thing, so I have taken an in-game job that is required to do that thing. It has become immediately unattractive. Instead of gleefully plotting how I can improve or ruin someone’s life with my fun little power, I am just sitting here wondering whether I should quit so people stop expecting things.

Me when I'm asked to do something but uhhh.

Demand avoidance is a pain.

Also new meme template imo! Go read The Property of Hate by @modmad

Blank one under the cut: