vecnaâs will roast was actually so evil and cruel like âŚâŚ.. to say to someone âi used you because i thought you were weak. i was pleasantly surprised to find that i over estimated you. you were the first and the weakest of them of all. youâre weakness allowed me to see Just how far i was capable of pushing someone. because you never put up a fight. i just pushed and pushed and pushed. and it didnt even take that much effort. you broke so easily. you were so weak. thank you.â all of this as memories of his lowest moments in life playâŚâŚ. and then drop them to the ground like theyre insignificant and powerless as you send monsters to attack the people he loves. âŚâŚâŚâŚ.
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what you described sounds like maybe depersonalization maybe? I experience something similar at times
Thank you for reaching out,
That does sound like it, i wasn't aware of what it was called. I do feel like a passenger and I'm aware of what I'm doing, but also it feels like I'm not even doing it.
I just feel like, things that I'm doing, aren't even for my benefit or enjoyment. Like the things that are happening aren't for me, they're for someone else. So I definitely agree with that . Though, I'm not sure if that is exactly what it is! But that is definitely close to what I'm feeling !
Like you're taking care of a kid and giving em good food and doing things for em because it's for their benefit but it doesn't really do much for you except keep em happy, even if you're just doing it, cause you kinda have to, that's kinda how I feel rn.
How do any of those things impact anybody else except me?
Why is it anybody's business?
In my formative years as an adult it seemed everyone from random strangers on the street to my grandparents were concerned with some external element about my body. Even today I am not sure how any of this is relevant to them. Maybe they wanted me to be something other than what I was.
I can clearly recall a conversation with my father who had said I was too pretty, I think at the time I was somewhere between fourteen and sixteen, and quite frankly I didn't see anything wrong with being pretty. In all my relationships I always wanted to be the pretty one. But then he said something about prison to a young teen who hadn't even had as much as a suspension. Miss me with your failing gym ass.
Was there an assumption about my future that I was unaware of? I think these kinds of judgements about the physical is something all queer young people and anyone who doesn't conform to societal norms continue to face. What is it anyone's business who I go to bed with or as?
As a person with intersectional identities, I think this is something the dominant group will always do, because I also didn't talk Black enough, but at the same was too dark-skinned and not all my interest were Black approved. I am sure if I was fucking with anyone, they would wonder why I don't fuck with anyone. Why can't I just be, as I am, unadulterated, with out any conditions?
How does it benefit you molding me into something I am not? I thought Mr. Rodgers said I was special just the way I am, when did this become no longer true? I am one of those people who have never really found their tribe, there is usually something about my personality that alienates me from the group. I literally lost a friend as an adult because I enjoyed the use of the word nigger, soft R.
Once again I am not suicidal, but when it comes time for this journey to end I am more than happy to leave as frictionless as possible, you won't find me begging for more time, wish I had done this differently or wanting to see this person one more time. I am like deuces, fuck all this! The things we say, and the things we want are always so damned incongruent it makes navigating this world all but impossible with out coming out scarred and traumatized in someway.
I don't want to come across as bitter, but disappointed. I had such high expectations for this life and was repeatedly let down by how folks always wanted you to be a part of something, even if it made no god-damned sense to you. I remember my grandmother being so adamant about me joining her church, which I never did, because it seemed like Christianity just didn't encourage critical thinking, and I had genuine questions in Sunday School that would always be brushed off, because I needed to have some blind faith, miss me with that bullshit.
Let's be clear I am no Baldwin, but I am also not dim-witted, when the math ain't mathing I am not going to partake. I am also not going to go along to get along, that has never been me. If something doesn't feel right I am going to challenge it. Maybe I set the bar too high, or maybe other people just settle for less, I have never been one to settle. If I want the best than I am going to have the best, full stop.
I am just so done with the hypocrisy of this world, what folks want in the streets doesn't line up with what they do in the sheets. Furthermore I am beyond adapting myself to someone else's ideals of who or what I should be. I think this is why I had trouble finding employment because I refused to dim my light, adjust my tone, make myself less threatening to whyte folks. If I am qualified, friendly and professional that should be all I need to work, I shouldn't have to navigate inappropriate touching, comments or constantly being othered.
What is this entry about, I am not sure, really. Its just so sad for me to see the young people today still have to put up with the bullshit I did when I was their age. When are we going to progress as a society and not be caught up in these very regressive patterns that aren't really serving us? I just want to do my time and keep it moving. I really wish this had been better. I guess there is a reason I am so attracted to science fiction, shows, books and stories that take us away from this world, that explore different ways of being and existing I guess I never really accepted that this was all there is, I always wanted more, better.
As I did my yoga something I heard on my playlist kept resonating in my head, 'we all had a bad time in twenty-twenty'. That didn't feel at all true to me, albeit I was taking care of a grandparent I never really liked, I was also working for the first time in six years, even with all the challenges it was exciting to have so many balls in the air. I think I am figuring out what truly may be my issue, I naturally thrive in a catastrophe, and most of my life has been not apocalyptic. I know I have my head a little too much into those fantasy-worlds, but I think I would be perfectly suited to a post-apocalyptic world.
The characters in these stories that resonate the most with me are usually average people who are good at thinking creatively to solve their solutions and I think that is something I am perfectly apt to do. Even with all the tragedies and challenges throughout my life I was always able to keep a calm head and navigate complicated situations, making sensible and logical decisions. There's a reason I am NOVID, a person who never got the Rona. I was able to maintain practicality throughout all the adversity of a global pandemic to a point that I was barely phased by it all.
This is something I think is true of all of us misfit toys on this island called earth, I think we were born into a place not ready or appropriate for us, maybe some of us belonged on indigenous lands, as a tribal oracle or conflict resolver. Or maybe in a side-universe where everyone was fabulous all the time. Perhaps somewhere deep in outer-space where basic survival was more of a priority than any of these other extraneous things that us earthbound folks seem to think are so damned important.
If there was one thing I could do I would wish that there was indeed next-lives and all the people disappointed or treated harshly in this one for attempting to live their truth openly and proudly, that they have a life where all the things they are are overtly and publicly accepted, appreciated and valued. I saw something where there were a bunch of babies waiting to be born, waiting to choose their parents and their new lives. Bump that, I would have told all my fellow babies who weren't ever going to fit in to miss me with all that being born ish and lets get the fuck up out of here and do our own thing. Because we shouldn't have to live in a world where we are questioned for who or what we are, but we should be the answer the world was always waiting and hoping for.
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 Jordan Peele has given us yet another piece of art to dissect - Nope can be understood in multiple ways, with countless underlying meanings that have been unearthed and discussed since the filmâs release. However I have my own thoughts about the religious imagery, rabbits, and the tethered themselves.Â
Jeremiah 11:11 pops up multiple times throughout the film, the verse itself reads: âTherefore thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto themâ. This verse, originally meant to warn the Judeans that their immorality would eventually lead to their destruction, can be understood as a notification of impending doom based upon current or past actions. We see 11:11 before the tethered make their appearance, so we can understand 11:11 as a warning that they are coming. And after we learn that the tethered were created by the government in an attempt to control the masses (for their own gain), but were ultimately abandoned for their lack of a âsoulâ, we know that their revenge is the destruction that was foretold.
The rabbits, which the tethered are forced to eat, also serve as imagery with deeper meaning. Rabbits themselves are often used for experiments, obviously against their will. But why did Peele include these rabbits and how do they really fit into the filmâs message? When we think about experiments and black history, there are countless accounts of black individuals and slaves being used for experimental purposes. The Tuskegee Study for example, was a study that collected data from 600 black men - 399 with syphilis and 201 that did not have the disease. Their consent was never collected and they were told they were being treated for bad bloodâ, instead of an actual life-threatening disease. The goal was never to actually treat the individuals, it was just to study how the disease progressed - or in other words, how it killed them. There are also other accounts of procedures being done on female slaves against their will, like those of J. Marion Sims, who went on to be called the âFather of Gynecology''.Â
Connecting back to the tethered, they represent the âotherâ, whatever the other may be. They are the forgotten, and in our society, the forgotten and othered are often those who donât have the privileges of most. They are often people of color and people of lower castes - they are those who have been left to fend for themselves. The tethered, like lab rabbits, female slaves, and Tuskegee experiment participants, have been used and then thrown away. The tethered got their revenge, though, so the question remains - when will our society be blown up by those it has forgotten?
There are places for you to fit in as yourself I promise you just havenât found them yet or canât access them but theyâre there and youâre not âtoo muchâ for those people. Youâre not too much.
