#newrn

Easy way to talk to doctors and get orders

Yesterday was one of the most difficult and frustrating days on the unit. My preceptor was assigned a modified section, less patients who create MORE stress. Taking one patient was more than enough. It was one of those days where it felt like no matter how much I did it was never enough. One thing after another with the most particular, nonstop requests. Leaving the hospital, knowing that I had off today, Mother's Day, it had me thinking about her mom who was at the bedside. Sure I get to leave at the end of my shift but her mom has to go back home with her. I began to feel empathetic more towards the mother than the patient. As the mother is the sole caregiver I can only imagine how much time she actually has for herself, to take care of herself, to relax by herself. I can only hope that I was able to provide some slight sort of "put your feet up and relax" relaxation for this patient's mom throughout the day. Sometimes when I leave the hospital after a crazy day all I need is something sweet. Last night it was a splurge with warm apple pie and vanilla ice cream... for dinner. This morning I did an hour of cardio to attempt damage control. Then off to pick up flowers at Trader Joe's, lunch in Brooklyn with Bubby and now back to the island for Sunday dinner with the other side of the family. Every day I am thankful for my mother, my grandmother, my Bubby and all the other motherly figures in my life. I am becoming who I am because of you all.

*True but cheesy, but appropriate PSA; take care of your patients the way you want your mother, grandmother, aunt, and other motherly figures to be taken care of. 

I don’t really know if this is the right terminology but at least I'm not confusing the word benign with malignant right now. I LOVE scrolling though insta about healthcare things. This morning I came across a post about an M&M (morbidity and mortality conference). However the post isn’t really what I gave a shit about. It was the comment that I found underneath. The user commented “we learn from our mistakes and errors not from our achievements or good outcomes it is called endurance- we are like elite athletes the more we practice the more we become experts, but in the way we certainly have mistakes.” Besides this man’s poor grammar it was almost as if he was watching me these past few weeks and just delivered me my horoscope of some sort. As a new nurse  it’s been extremely frustrating not knowing as much as i’d like to and making stupid mistakes (like switching the rate and volume on an IV pump and trying to suction a patient without the suction on and detaching a PEG tube without clamping it first). BUT THIS IS HOW WE LEARN-making mistakes. Yes I know that these things won’t necessarily cause death but they’re still mistakes, and i’m still learning and eventually, in a matter of months I will be down in the ER handling life threatening circumstances, and I can assure you that I will still be learning, making fewer mistakes!

This week I had a lot of firsts. I dropped my first NG tube into someone’s stomach who was actively projectile vomiting blood, on the first shot- may I add. I also gave meds and feedings through a PEG tube. The learning lesson from that? ALWAYS CLAMP before you detach... unless you want regurgitated feeding contents and gastric juices all over you. On that same patient I suctioned a tracheostomy for the first time. This is by far one of the scariest things I’ve done. Knowing that you’re practically suffocating someone while trying to help them at the same time makes my nerves fire and blood rush to my face. 

I also made my FIRST big purchase. Queue price is right voice- “A brand new car”. It feels good to actually put some of my earnings and hard work in school and at the hospital lately into something that is tangible. Insta with witty caption to follow shortly. 

Little about me...

New Nurse Graduate

Terribly Optimistic

Love Little Ones

New Job at {insert clever fake name of place to avoid violations} as a Pediatric Immunization RN

So giving shots to kids ALL DAY is not my dream job.  Actually, I applied on a whim and the idea of sticking needles in squirming kids all day is pretty daunting BUT.......  I have these crazy ideas for my soon-to-be little patients!  

Nursing is hard. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It has been a little over 3 months that I have been off orientation. And during the first month of my orientation I was not doing yoga, just exercising at the gym. That first month of orientation I was a mess, stressed, moody, and depressed. I even got walking Pneumonia. Contracting Pneumonia brought me back to yoga. If I had not started taking up yoga on a consistent basis back at the end of January I bet you I would have quit my new job as an RN.

The stress that comes with dealing with disgruntled patients to disgruntled family members and /or visitors, to dealing with trying to contact doctors over the phone,  to dealing with these new interns, to the endless charting we must do for each patient, to dealing with patients climbing out of bed because they are beyond confused related to either dementia or they are in alcohol withdrawal, to dealing with attitudes of the nurses we work with side by side, to taking care of an end-of-life patient, to dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics that affect the patients we advocate for leaves one thinking, 'Why did I choose to be a nurse again?!"

Yoga saved me. Yoga brings me back, and reminds me to just "breathe." Sometimes at work I still forget, but then the next morning I go to my hot power yoga class and find myself again and start anew. Recently, when I get home from my evening shift I have started to do some restorative yoga poses before bed instead of bingeing on chips. Yoga slows me down, calms me down, and releases all the emotional and mental pain I've absorbed from taking care of these very sick patients.

Moreover, yoga reminds me to be more mindful at work. To remember how I talk, how I act, how I stand, and how I move affects how my patients will react, and also how the family members, how my fellow nurses, and how the doctors will react to me. 

Yoga keeps me healthy and becomes a constant reminder to myself that I must be aware of how I take care of my body  by being aware of what I put into my body. Therefore, since April 1st what I eat and drink has become more and more of a vegan lifestyle. My mind-body awareness is enriched even more now that I practice yoga 4-6x/week. A lot of the foods I have eliminated like meat, dairy, and processed food has helped my moods become more stable.

Yoga helps me live my everyday life better. Like my teachers say, "We practice it here, so we can take it there."

Last night, at change of shift one of the night shift nurses gave me a compliment. She said,

"Ava I just wanted to tell you that you're doing really well. Every time I have gotten report from you and followed your patients I haven't had a problem. I feel like we don't hear how well we are doing enough, so I thought you should know."

Ever since I started as a floor nurse I always get anxious when night shift takes over. There have been times I haven't dotted my "i"s or "t"s, in other words, I've made mistakes, and heard about it from them. So, it was a really nice change and a surprise when this nurse complimented me. I felt like, 'maybe I can do this...'

Being an RN, let alone a new RN is hard, it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, even harder than nursing school. Because now, this is the real-world. I am responsible for my patients during those 8 hours they are under my care. It's my nursing license on the line. And no matter how you did in nursing school, the real training, the real learning comes ON THE JOB!

I remember last week my friend (also an RN) and I had talked about the fact that compassion is part of our job when dealing with patients. However, as I have been working now, I realize sometimes we don't show compassion to each other, to our fellow nurses or the doctors we work alongside with. I've been guilty of it too at times, but I try my best to catch myself, stop and be more patient with whoever it is I am working with. 

The hospital can be a high-stress environment, but with the help of my daily yoga practice I am starting to manage it better than when I started. I am even more compassion for others than I ever thought possible, and in addition, I have found compassion towards myself...

Ever since I was young my inner voice was not very kind, to say the least. "She" was harsh, degrading, and violent with words. And for a very, very long time I believed every word. One of my favorite songs growing up was by Sarah McLachlan, "Good Enough." Sarah McLachlan's songs always understood me in ways I couldn't understand myself growing up.

"...he's never been there for you don't you know that why is simply not good enough so just let me try and I will be good to you just let me try and I will be there for you I'll show you why you're so much more than good enough..."

So, yes another example of how yoga has made me a more compassionate and loving person, that now I am "so much more than good enough."

Last night I had a patient experiencing some anxiety over their family member. So, while I was giving her medicine I decided to try and teach her Pranayama breathing, in other words, breathing from the belly. After about 4 breaths coaching her through it she was able to calm down. I want to do more than give meds to my patients. I really want to teach them yoga. 

Yesterday, it was just me, my brother, and my dad sitting in a local coffeeshop/bakery enjoying Father's Day, drinking coffee and having conversation. My dad started talking to me about how I need to stop saying, 'Wish me luck" before I go to work. He said he can sense the stress I am feeling already, and that I need to approach it in a different way. Then, he told me a long time ago when my mom started working as an OR nurse, he said every night my mom would come home crying. I was shocked. My mom never opens up to me about her past unless I pry. I wish she would, because my first year as an RN is so f*cking hard! But, my dad said something that made me feel better, "She didn't do yoga, you are better equipped than she ever was." He is right. I am. 

Last Saturday night I had a pretty tough night. I was so behind to the point that I had to give verbal report to the next shift. I work evenings, and I didn't clock out until 1:30am. So, when I came home I actually did some yoga poses, and it helped me. It grounded me. I don't know where I would be without yoga. One of my only regrets in life is that I didn't find yoga sooner.