#lettersforhim

I am writing this letter to express my feelings about how much you have affected me these past few day. You practically don’t have even the slightest idea of how much you basically control me (more like my mood) but, I really wish you would have also felt the same.

For this past few days, I have been constantly thinking about you. Literally, everything, almost everything I do is driven by the thoughts of you. 

You make me smile, chuckle, grin and smirk. But, at the same time you make me feel so irritated, erratic, worried, disturbed and mad. All these mixtures of emotions that you make me feel can probably be labeled as stupid, but, I am feeling all of these wide range of emotions because of you. In just a matter of days, you make me feel these various emotions. I am almost inclined to say that I love you but, I have yet to make sure of that though. I mean, I don’t know for sure if I am just infatuated with you. Because, yes, I am like 20-something yet in terms of this confusing world called love, I still haven’t figured out its science yet. I have yet to explore more and do research in this field that is far too mind-boggling and deep. All I know, is I am still at the tip of the ice-berg for such matter. 

These past few day, you made me smile a lot yet really erratic as well. That feeling of you liking my posts or liking my day, I really feel this “kilig”. They say, it is the start of truly liking someone when you feel this for such little things that seems to be really big in such times. I keep on thinking about those times as well when we chatted each other. Yes, it was full of inquiries about medical things but dang! When we got into exchanging  of opinions and facts about things that were both new to us, that was the time I felt extreme feelings of liking you. 

I began to constantly want to chat you, want to know you even more but then, it came to a point where the exchange of wits and information, facts and deliberation became such rare events. Regardless of this, I still wanted to really want that communication and connection with you. Still, wanting and waiting. 

I always remember how you made me feel like when we chatted though. First, I smile, and get a bit giddied up. Then our chat box went a little bit lively and I begun to really have that huge curve on my lips. A little while later, it was like the only thing I give attention to was our conversation and my friends even asked what kept me busy as I could not entertain them because of you. So funny of how at those moments, I can vividly remember how I always kind of roll back and forth in my bed with that big grin in my face. Sometimes, I even do face-palms in both of my hands just because I can’t believe I was chatting with you. I can’t believe how I was feeling at that moment I was chatting with you. I was in a state of incredible “kilig”. In a state of extreme bliss that I knew, I like you.

You know, you kind of make me mad as well over these past few days. I mean, I feel so much irritated at times when you do not chat me anymore. I constantly think of ways to get to chat you. Constantly finding topics that would entice you to chat back. I felt so worried that you might know I already have this feelings of liking you so much but, at the same time, felt so disturbed whenever you don’t get to chat me or like my posts.  

I don’t know...I... I really have no clue right now if this is infatuation or not. It is just that, I feel so happy and great whenever we chat, feel so irritated and sad whenever we don’t. I keep on wondering about you and think about you.

I don’t know, but, I think it is also to much to say that I love you. All I know, right now, is that, I like these fleeting moments of simple conversations and virtual gestures that made me like you this much.

If only you knew how i always try to put on my makeup just the way you like it.

If only you knew how i always sacrifice my time & energy to exercise, so you would only see my best.

If only you knew how many times i would swallow my pride just to keep you.

If only you knew how i throw away my dream for you.

If only you knew how many things i tolerate for you.

If only you knew how many nights i cried myself to sleep.

If only you knew how frustrated i am every time.

If only you knew how everyday i sacrifice my peace, just to have you in my life.

If only you knew how i always walking on the eggshells, just to make you happy.

If only you knew how many times i hurt myself, just to keep myself sane.

If only you knew how much i hate myself for disappointing you.

If only you knew how hard i’m trying to hold on tight.

If only you knew how much i have sacrificed every inch of myself just to be the perfect girl for you.

If only you knew how much love i have for you.

hi, good morning. how you are my love? ive been thinking of you lately. how’s work? if ever you feel drain or tired. please do these things (it works for me, malay natin, mag work din sayo)  

1. breath in/ breath out

2. always go back to why you started/your motivation (what motivates you to go to work?) 

3. your bills ( hahaha this will definitely motivates you lol)

4. file for a vacation leave ( go to your comfort place or visit a friend or visit to place where in you never been before)

5. eat your fav. food 

6. take a rest, long sleep! (  note: no social media will really help too, it really does!)

7.perform your hobbies (painting, photography,drawing, playing guitar or online games) 

8. make time for your self (me time is one of the best therapy! go to mall, buy that shoes or t-shirt or short!, take a long bath or whatever that makes you happy)

9.everything has a reason / everything is just temporary so please don't dwell to much

10. and last but not the least, PRAY (it helps, it really helps. talk to him , you can lean on him, sabihin mo lahat lahat ng nararamdaman mo )

Praying & rooting for you.♥

I wasn't looking for anything at all when I met you. Actually, I wasn't planning on falling for anyone so soon that time but then I met you and that was it! I guess things just happened. I found you and I found myself slowly wanting to spend time with you. It was simple. It was easy. And I think that's how the best relationships begin. You're not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize you have something.

we are here, no, i’m here. writing another txt about fake love, almost- fragile-break love. and now, its the end, we end with our votes, we end with our promisses, but i can’t accept this, no in the best way, nick. you fucking broken my heart. i have many doubts and i still praying to you come back, and realize that you want me, and then i will show you how much i care about you, about our love.. our fake love, like this, out of the world full of fears, but with a heart in your hand, and all my love.