وَالضُّحَى

وَاللَّيْلِ إِذَا سَجَى

مَا وَدْعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَى

By the morning brightness

And by the night when it is still (or darkens);

Your Lord has neither forsaken you nor hated you.

If only you knew how i always try to put on my makeup just the way you like it.

If only you knew how i always sacrifice my time & energy to exercise, so you would only see my best.

If only you knew how many times i would swallow my pride just to keep you.

If only you knew how i throw away my dream for you.

If only you knew how many things i tolerate for you.

If only you knew how many nights i cried myself to sleep.

If only you knew how frustrated i am every time.

If only you knew how everyday i sacrifice my peace, just to have you in my life.

If only you knew how i always walking on the eggshells, just to make you happy.

If only you knew how many times i hurt myself, just to keep myself sane.

If only you knew how much i hate myself for disappointing you.

If only you knew how hard i’m trying to hold on tight.

If only you knew how much i have sacrificed every inch of myself just to be the perfect girl for you.

If only you knew how much love i have for you.

You are the only one who stays. You know how selfish i can be, how messed up my mind can be, but still you hold my hand through it all.

Despite all the things you’ve done for me, all the things you are willing to do for me, but still i’m too full of pride. I intend to push people away and hate them for leaving me. You are different, i pushed you away but instead you open your arms and tell me how much you love me, and how we will go through every obstacles together.

I never meant any of that, that was my frustration talking. You know i’m beyond grateful to have you in my life, i value you so much, i’m very afraid to lose you and i know you are my future. You are the only person who really know me inside and out more than i know myself, the only one who will always sacrifice anything for me in a heartbeat. Thank you for always loving me unconditionally, thank you for always showing me that i am worth to be loved this much.

I’m trying to change everyday, to be the best version of myself because you deserve my best.

The only thing in my mind is how to love you better. I love you so much, even it brought me to tears sometimes.

“I never knew myself until i met you.” this is the one phrase i can say to summarize it all. I can’t even remember who i am before him. I was never sure of who i am and what i want.

I learned a lot since i met him, how to behave, how to think clearly, how to appreciate little things, how to make decisions, how to be grateful, how to be honest, how to stay true to myself, how to value myself more, how to be more confident, how to trust myself more, how to be brave, how to be more cautious, how to take care of myself, how to be more mature, and the most important thing is how to love someone.

I thought i’ve known what love is all along, but never have I been so wrong. I thought i’ve known how to love someone all along, but again, never have I been so wrong. Until i met him, then i know. 

Love is wanting to change to be the best version of yourself for him, not because he asks you to but because you know he deserves the best version of yourself. Love is doing everything you can to make his bad day slightly better. Love is sacrificing all your desires to be with him no matter what. Love is compromising each and everyday until it becomes a habit. Love is being patient and understanding all the time. Love is forgiving no matter how hard their mistakes are. Love is making him a priority no matter what. Love is selfless because his happiness is more important than yours. Love is doing your best in everything for him. Love is swallowing your pride because you value your relationship much more. Love is never want him to feel hurt or sad even just a little. Love is wanting to take all his burdens for you to carry just so he wouldn’t be burdened anymore. Love is holding on no matter how hard the obstacles are. 

Love is knowing that he is much more than enough, much more than you ever wanted and you wouldn’t want any other person to take his place, because he is perfect in your eyes.

I can’t believe how selfish i was, how careless i was, how intolerant i was, how full of pride i was, how impulsive i was, how impatient i was, how childish i was compared to how i am now. I am closer to who i wanted to be from the start, because of him. I never knew i have this capability to love someone this much, even it amazes me sometimes.

He sees the worst part of me, but still love me the same, if not more. There wouldn’t be any other man who will ever love me more than him. He is my everything.

I am one of the most indecisive person ever. But, never once in my life i am this sure. This sure of someone to be the one i’ll share more than a thousand meals with, hundreds of sundays to sleep in with, hundreds of tv series’ episodes to watch with, hundreds of discussions on how to raise our children with, hundreds of inside jokes to share with, thousands of decisions to make with, thousands of prayers to pray together with, and every thousands and hundreds more. He is the one i want to share everything with for the rest of my future.

You are so special, and i can’t believe how blessed i am to be loved by you.