#jambert

Fandom: The Witcher

Ships: Geralt xJaskier, Aiden x Lambert

Rating: Mature

Tags: open relationships, spanking, caning, bdsm, kink discovery, no sex

Geralt watches Jaskier get spanked by Aiden, then Lambert get caned. It makes him realise something about his own desires to submit.

Written for @thewitcherflashfic round 71. I couldn't help myself, I see traditional schoolroom and that's where my mind goes.

It had sounded like a standard contract: Waah, evil mage - please help us. He had followed up with the alderman, a thin sallow man with a face that just screamed ‘I will try to cheat you’ but autumn was fading fast and Lambert needed every contract he could get between here and Kaer Morhen before winter hit. Missing animals, strange lights and scary noises, blah blah.

No actual danger to humans though, not even any concrete evidence to connect the so-called mage to the missing animals around the town. Lambert had been around long enough to know things died and ran off all the time, didn’t always point to some big mystery.

He had rolled his eyes as he left; they didn’t need a Witcher really, just someone with enough balls to go evict a mage. But hey - they were willing to pay, and maybe this could be one of those short and sweet jobs that always seemed to land in his brothers’ laps.

He should know better by now than to have those kinds of thoughts. Only ever led him into trouble.

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Yennefer

Pros:

Geralt would be so mad

ultimate revenge 

Yennefer totally would do it too

they are both very hot and would have such a great time together 

would probably have a painter come in and create a potrait of them doing it and then send it to Geralt this is the level of petty we are talking here 

Cons:

might not be good for them in the long term, this isn’t a good coping mechanism 

Geralt might actually kill Jaskier 

Eskel

Pros:

he’s nice and also considerate which is something Jaskier probably needs rn 

Geralt would be horrified and angry, this is literally his brother 

also Geralt would come HOME to this which is an extra level of petty 

Cons:

Eskel is more likely to make Jaskier talk out his feelings about why he’s doing this than actually sleep with him 

might also refuse out of respect for Geralt cause he’s like that 

this might become a Jaskier therapy session 

Lambert

Pros:

He absolutely would agree

is probably into some weird shit which Jaskier is probably too so he can go all out 

very loud sex, maximum annoyance factor 

same as w/ Eskel, Geralt would have to come home to this 

Cons:

Geralt might not be that mad 

He would probably be disappointed but not surprised 

he just expects shit like this out of Lambert

Triss Pros:

Would probably be down

probably likes music so Jaskier could serenade her

also very smart they could discuss the state of politics on the Continent

wouldn’t talk about Geralt at all

very chill and relaxed

Cons: 

not really a revenge fuck considering Geralt and her aren’t family or exes

so this might not really be much revenge 

I had to rush my dog to the emergency vet at 3am, and the brand new low-key flustered vet had to wait for the experienced vet tech to arrive before they could take a look at my sick fur-goblin. But oh my god, I don't know if it was exhausted eyes deceiving me, but the vet kept looking at the vet tech for approval with stars in her eyes and I'm looking for a silver lining in this whole nightmare. Doggo is sick but doing better btw

It would be so cute if Jaskier was a brand new vet getting flustered by the super competent veteren vet tech. Like, they were both so incredible with my pup, but the vet tech had her absolutely melting and even got licks to her face mask 🥺 Just a cute scenario.

.

Imagine the normally kinda cranky and snarky Lambert being an absolute soft bamf and showing the softness more than usual because it's 3am, he only fell asleep at 1 and had been pulling very long shifts all week, and keeping up a semblance of professionalism while Jaskier is around is just exhausting at the best of times because that cute asshole does not want to be kept at arms-length and is personally setting out to ruin Lambert's life

.

And "Geralt, stop laughing you absolute ass! This isn't funny. He has these blue Disney fucking princess eyes, and he sings lullabies to the animals, and the social media accounts he's set up for the office and the local animal shelter have gotten senior animals adopted, and he actually sews them outfits and somehow partnered with old geezer homes for them to crochet shit and walk the better behaved dogs?? How is he real I hate my life

...Eskel shut the fuck up. Not you too - no wait!! Don't you fucking dare call Vesemir, I will shove that phone so far up your ass that you'll be burping ringtones

.

...so he kinda just says fuck it and invites Jask back to his place after a 3am emergency call-out because it's within walking distance and they are covered in cursed fluids without a change of clothes, and Jaskier will literally never stop complaining if he has to clean aforementioned cursed fluids out of his car's upholstery

And it's 5am and Jaskier is wearing his clothes, looking infuriatingly at home, and he just wants to have a nice thing for once. Jaskier is that nice thing

.

Or maybe Lambert and Aiden are poly and in a semi-open relationship, and Aiden stumbles out of bed at 6am to find his husband and a random(?) pretty boy passed out on the couch. He just kind of shrugs and starts to make breakfast for three, and within 30 minutes of meeting this sleep-rumpled mess he gets it. He gets why Lambert is enamoured like a 12 year old

Jaskier is an infuriatingly Nice Thing™

And if Lambert doesn't want to take the risk, well, Aiden has never claimed to not be an impulsive dick. But, an impulsive dick who loves his husband and doesn't see why those two should be pining like children

.

But like, Jaskier is super embarrassed over not knowing;

1. That his hot coworker that he's a little in love with is married (he wears his ring on a necklace because of regularly encountering cursed fluids at work)

2. That Lambert and his husband are ridiculously in love, and Aiden, Lambert's husband, seems nonplussed over waking up and finding a stranger (apparently wearing Aiden's clothes because Lambert just grabbed something from the clean laundry hamper FML) drooling on his husband's chest

.

So fuck his life and curse his romantic heart because his crush's husband would be very easy to fall in love with too

.

3. Aiden makes amazing french toast that caused an honest to god moan to get ripped out of his throat when he took that first bite, and that would explain the memorable day where Lambert came into the office with two distinct icing sugar handprints on the ass of his scrubs and looking like he'd rip anyone's head off for mentioning it after Jaskier leaned in close, smelling the heady notes of sandalwood and petrichor that clings to the man, and whispered that he might want to clean himself up in the bathroom because something is on his pants

4. Lambert prefers sandalwood and it's Aiden who smells like a storm

5. Not knowing they were poly and spending the first 10 minutes acting very Apologetic and Awkward. Post-poly relationship enlightenment he spends another 2 minutes rambling about how one of his friends is in a poly relationship and celebrating their 13th and 15th anniversaries and, Good for you two, having open communication is a hard thing to find in a lot of relationships wow

And Lambert and Aiden just look a bit amused and confused, because they really don't need approval but they get where he's coming from when he says, "...and don't worry Lambert, I might be a chatterbox but your secret is safe with me. I don't want to create any trouble for you, I know that the receptionist got pretty snippy with me once she heard I was a bisexual disaster and took more offence to the former than the latter."

And see, that derails their plans of seduction, quiet plans made using eyebrows and other silent languages that people who know each other for years develop.

Because, sure, Jaskier had only been working there ruining Lambert's life hes a grown man why is he fucking adorable singing old lullabies that he half remembers from life before being fostered by Vesemir for 6 months, but Beth has only been there 2 weeks and that shit will not fly

And anyway Beth gets reprimanded and quits before she's fired, but now they're in a really tight place at work because even a shitty receptionist/admin assistant keeps the place running in ways not evident or appreciated until poof gone.

.

So highschool just let out, and Ciri is a feral teenager that takes very much after her late grandmother and Yennifer, and she's looking for a summer job. Boom 💫 Now she's low-key tormenting her uncle Lambert and trying to play matchmaker with these two ridiculous men and an exasperated uncle Aiden.

....

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion/Witchers Characters: Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Eskel (The Witcher), Lambert (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Lapdance, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Group Sex, today's fic brought to you by the fact that Eskel absolutely FUCKS, yet another fictional man who should be illegal, also lowkey brought to you by britney spears' toxic Series: Part 6 of BiKM Bingo Challenge Prompt Fills Summary:

Jaskier plopped down on his sofa, exhausted. He wasn’t even drunk tonight, he hadn’t had time, between talking to people and trying not to embarrass himself after closing off his first tour. He’d had a good show, he’d closed the tour with a full arena, they’d all had a good time in the afterparty, and he was ready to collapse, pretty much.

That was, until his boyfriends entered the room.