local girl seeks to discover how many em-dashes are too many em-dashes
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@witch-witcher-witchless
local girl seeks to discover how many em-dashes are too many em-dashes

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Jaskier gets his own room in Kaer Morhen. He and Geralt meet Vesemir at the gates and when the old witcher asks if Jaskier wants his own room. Jaskier assumes that the room will be a practice space, to save witchers' sensitive hearing. Everyone else assumes that he's refusing to sleep with Geralt. Misunderstandings and shenanigans ensue.
"Come to bed," Geralt said firmly, watching as Jaskier continued scribbling lyrics and humming softly. The bard was perched near the window, utterly absorbed in his work. "You’ll freeze."
“I’m almost finished,” Jaskier replied without looking up, relishing the quiet of his private space to work on his songs. Meanwhile, Geralt stood in the doorway, arms crossed, clearly unimpressed with the excuse.
“It’s late, and you’re already shivering,” Geralt pointed out, glancing around the chilly room. “And why didn’t you light the fire?”
In the great hall, the other witchers were listening to the exchange echoing through the keep.
“How long has this been going on?” Eskel asked, raising an eyebrow.
“About an hour,” Lambert replied, smirking. “And neither of them is going to back down anytime soon.”
Ciri wip
Ciri wip
jaskier sleeping peacefully in the tent while geralt fights for his fucking life like three feet away is one of the funniest things. this would've done numbers in 2020-2021 witcher fandom

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Fic thought:
Jaskier gets tired of how Witchers are treated, he's spent decades with Geralt, watching him be spit on and payment shorted, despite his best effort his songs have done little to change public opinion, and other Witchers have it much worse.
It's after the Mountain, when he and Geralt part ways, not for long, it's never for long, no matter how mean Geralt can be in a moment, the Witcher always finds him again, a gift as a peace offering and apology both, that Jaskier stumbles upon an execution, a Witcher accused of leaving a monster unhunted, but Jaskier knows that no Witcher would do such, he knows that.
That moment changes everything, changes the very course of Destiny, because there is no way that Jaskier can stand idle and watch a Witcher be killed for no reason.
And so Jaskier saves the Witcher, a Letho of the Viper school, who in turns swears his life to Jaskier's protection despite, or perhaps because of, the Bard's protests.
Jaskier returns home for the season, trying to figure out what to do with the Witcher he now has in his service, and he hears of a Cat Witcher that's been enslaved by a King and it's then that Jaskier makes a choice and a plan.
It's easy enough, Letho has toppled kingdoms before, he's a Kingslayer after all, only it's not Letho's sword that takes the King's life, it's Jaskier's.
Jaskier takes over the Kingdom and Court quickly, roots out treason and lies thanks to the Cat he frees, who also pledges his service, he has no where else to go, his past removed before the King bought him, he remembers only what he is, a Witcher, and Letho who can hear lies.
Eventually the rest of the Cats and Vipers find their way to Jaskier's growing Kingdom, as do Elves and like creatures when they hear that Jaskier's Kingdom is a refuge for the odd and mistreated.
Jaskier's not entirely sure just how it happened but by the time Geralt comes to apologize, Jaskier has been a King and been running a Kingdom for at least a year and has an Army that is at least half Witcher, he's been getting marriage offers from people that turned his family down when he decided to go to Oxenfurt to learn music.
Yennifer offered to be his Court Sorcerer, for Melittle's sake.
Jaskier just wanted his Witcher and his people safe, he didn't intend for this to happen.
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Because accidental Warlord!Jaskier would be hillarious.
No one lets Geralt live down the fact that his Bard conqured a Kingdom so he'd be safe and treated better, also they definately call him Queen Geralt, or at least Lambert does.
Jaskier and the 12 foot Skelton vs Valdo Marx HOA president
@catscraftsandcommentary @thequeeninyellowlace @thedemonofcat @0dde11eth
Oooooh I love this!
Jaskier wins and keeps it up year round and decorates it for every major (and minor) holiday
Made this for u 💝
Don't hide this in the tags @voluptatiscausa
Wrapping a nice and compact trauma processing pill in a sheet of slutty slutty cheese.
Must Brave the Thorns just looked so naked sitting in my kindle library, so I made a cover for it. I don't know if this counts as art, but I am definitely a huge fan! @inexplicifics
After seeing Paul Bullion in the Acolyte I was reminded of Melina plaiting Lambert's hair in the amazing Accidental Warlord series by @inexplicifics . Please ignore some of the weird shading, I've been working on this for ages and have stopped making any real progress on it.
Pose reference from Adorkastock and costume reference/inspo from a variety of Armstreet clothes

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the witcher characters as tumblr posts part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
S. Erin Batiste, from "Date Night"
Folks, friends, so I got an ask a long time ago from my dear panur which is a prompt for book boys Geralt and Dandelion getting it on after Geralt is turned away from a brothel.
I ask for prompts because I'm like, oh, I'll get practice writing something fast and short.
But guys, I can literally never do that. I've been working on this thing for months.
And I really actually like it and I think you will too (I hope anyway lol). I'm excited to share it. Hopefully today or tomorrow. Putting some finishing touches.
It's here! Posted on tumblr and AO3.
I haven't taken a look at my AO3 stats in a hot minute. Damn, thanks all. When I started writing fiction because fuck the pandemic and a liberal sprinkling of If I write one more academic paper I will simply wither and perish I thought I might get maybe a couple dozen views total, maybe a dozen kindness kudos at an absolute max.
Shit. Damn. Fuck. You peeps are great. Even without comments, bookmarks, or kudos, I count every hit that doesn't have a corresponding mean-spirited comment as an act of kindness ⁱ ʷᵃˢⁿ'ᵗ ᵉˣᵖᵉᶜᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˡⁱᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ⁿᵒ ᵒⁿᵉ ⁱˢ ᵒᵇˡⁱᵍᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵐʸ ˢᵗᵘᶠᶠ ᵇᵘᵗ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ʰᵒʷ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᵒᶠ ᵘˢ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ⁱⁿ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵒˡᵉˢᵗ ᵖᵃʳᵗ

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Kaer morons at a dance party:
Lambert: this hootenany is fun
Eskel: i believe it's called a hoedown
Lambert: hootenany
Eskel: hoe down
Jaskier: *trips and falls off stage*
Lambert: you're right, hoe is down