Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.
Achilles: *Loud gasp*
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Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.
Achilles: *Loud gasp*

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The Odyssey as headlines!
art: (1)Head of Odysseus from a Roman period Hellenistic marble group representing Odysseus blinding Polyphemus (2) Penelope with the suitors by John William Waterhouse (1911/12) (3)Portrait of Don Lorenzo de Medici and Athena Cosimo Ulivelli (17th century) (4) Circe offering a cup to Odysseus by John William Waterhouse (1891) (5)Neptune and Amymone, 1757, Carle Vanloo (6)Odysseus returning home by John Flaxman (16th/17th century) (7)The return if Telemachus to Penelope by Antonio Zucchi (1726) (8) Illustrattions for Homer's Odyssey by Jan Styka a Polish painter (1901-1903) (9)Helen recognising Telemachus, son of Odysseus by Jean-Jaques Lagrenée (1795) (10)The Companions of Odysseus Steal the Cattle of Helios (fresco by Pellegrino Tibaldi, 1554/56)
Odysseus: i am, as the kids say, awake.
Patroclus: do you mean woke?
Odysseus: yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.
Odysseus: I miss my wife. Menelaus: I miss my wife too. Achilles: Me too. Agamemnon: Nah, I’m fine.
Odysseus and Diomedes in Skyros: You have to come with us to Troy.
Achilles: I'm too gay for that.
Odysseus: Well, then you'll be interested!

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What had a greater cultural impact: the French Revolution or two gays (Patroclus and Achilles)?
Odysseus yelling at Poseidon: I only respect one authority. And that authority is my wife.
Odysseus: How bad can it be?
Menelaus: The Trojans have killed Patroclus and we have abandoned his corpse at the gates of Troy.
Odysseus: ...
Odysseus *coming out of the tent*: Everybody, listen to me. We are doomed! DOOMED!!