“They” being your parents, ex, friends, or whomever. They being the person in your life that made you believe your needs are conditional. Growing up, I recognized that my safety was dependent on my mom’s mood. Looking back on it the only word I can think of for my mother’s actions is “selfish.” Everything in the house was hers and she could take it away at any moment, depending on how she felt that day. I remember constantly hearing “you’re an ungrateful little bitch and I’m not going to buy groceries anymore. I’m just going to buy food for me and me alone. I was so much happier when I lived with my two cats. Don’t ever have kids, Marisa, they’re not worth the stress.” My earliest memory of this was when I was seven. My mom would use these threats of taking away food or taking the door off my bedroom or throwing out all my clothes into the driveway to “keep me in line,” to keep me submissive and under her control. To do what? I honestly don’t even remember. Looking back there’s just so much fear I just remember doing whatever she said to keep the peace. To this day I still look to my partner for permission to do seemingly normal things: turning on a light, listening to music, eating food. On one hand, it is important to be contentious and courteous—maybe the light will put a glare on the TV, maybe he doesn’t want to listen to music right now, maybe he was saving that food for later. On the other, I recognize I’m still relearning how to take up space in my own home. And every time I ask, he always replies “you don’t have to ask me; this is your home too.” And each time he says that I know he’s apologizing to my inner child that I even have to think for a second I need his permission to do something. #innerchildwork #reparenting #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #conditional #innerchildhealing #codependentnomore #cptsdrecovery #depressionrecocery #anxietyrelief #basicneeds #themotherwound #motherwound #emotionallyimmatureparents #cyclebreakers #generationaltrauma #youmatter (at San Francisco Bay Area) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLAeQz4DbAB/?igshid=1nf0osyddld5q
