#radicalselflove

tayneetinsley

The pain that Nick, the Oath, and Lord Davis have inflicted upon Sel makes any healthy romantic relationship between Nick and Sel improbable. Selwyn says it himself: “There’s so much baggage between Nicholas and me, there was never going to be room for anything else to grow.”

Throughout the entirety of Legendborn, Nick never once shows any care or affection for Selwyn, the boy he was raised alongside. He punches him, alienates him in front of their friends, and takes advantage of the fact that Selwyn was forced to swear an Oath that Nick had the luxury of being able to walk away from. Instead of finding kinship with Sel, Nick just does his best to ignore him. 

I cannot think of a single instance in the entire book where Nick expresses care, concern, admiration or any positive emotion towards Selwyn. Can you?

Once Sel realizes that Bree isn’t Shadowborn, the two of them are able to develop a positive relationship. Bree has the empathy and wisdom to look past Sel’s previous cruel treatment of her and recognize it as a symptom of the terror and abuse he faces (Yes, the Oath Sel is under is abuse). 

Nick has none of that empathy towards Selwyn. He doesn’t have Bree’s wisdom to accept that Selwyn made a mistake when convinced she was a Shadowborn. Nick doesn’t accept the possibility that Selwyn could be a positive influence on anyone. 

“Did Sel get to you again?”

“Not like that”, I say vaguely. “He...gave me some combat tips yesterday.

“What?” Nick’s jaw clenches. I ordered him to stay away, not to look at you, not to talk to you--” 

“It’s fine.” I squeeze his arm. “It was good. He genuinely helped.”

He looks skeptical, but some of the tension leaves his shoulders. “Still, Rule Three is in full effect.”

It would be incredibly, incredibly toxic for a polyamorous relationship wherein Nick and Selwyn are coupled, not only because of the power imbalance, but because Nick has never given any indication that he loves or cares for Selwyn. It would be wrong to trap Sel in a relationship where he is not loved. And Sel doesn’t love Nick either. 

The best advice my father ever gave me was…

"learn to forgive yourself"

Whenever I regret anything or remember my mistakes I remind myself of his words.

Often we are quicker to forgive others than ourselves.

But we need forgiveness too.

🍃I don't know if this is a universal dad experience or if it's just my dad, but we don't really have banter, we don't talk very often, we usually sit in silence if we are ever alone, but when we do talk, he drops some dad wisdom.

🫀The kind you get with lived experience.

🌊The kind the world gives you whether you want it or not.

🌿I had to remind myself of this today and if you too regret whatever mistakes you may have made, I hope you remember to forgive yourself too.