#collegeacceptance

it’s finally happened, you’ve hit rock bottom. your worst fear has come true

the decision is out: “we regret to inform you” and everything else is a blur. your world: shattered. ever know what it feels like to have your world shattered?

breathing? gone. sense of awareness? gone. one full, fledged, panic state. evething you have ever thought of, every single ounce of hope pent up in the last 6 months are useless. it ends here. what you thought were your dreams, ended here. your cheeks turn red, your feet turn cold, you can’t hear anything around you. the people there for you are trying to say things, are trying to hug you, all you see is gray pain. just... pain.

you question if you’re good enough for anything you want in this life. leaving your fate in the hands of the more powerful while you sit there for months drowning in what seems to be your optimism. i’m sorry, it’s the only thing that gets me to sleep at night, the only thing that keeps me grounded. cover your face and duck down because the uncertainty of getting accepted is too great.

there aren’t enough stories about anxiety and persevering, there aren’t enough “my family has been in poverties”, there aren’t enough “i couldn’t afford an SAT tutors” “here’s why i got this grade please reconsiders” there aren’t enough sad stories to tack onto your back for everyone to see to at least get deferred? God forbid accepted? at the end of the day you wonder if anyone knows or wonders you’re good enough? how is the institution you’ve been pouring your heart into for the past 4 years telling you you’re not good enough for them and you’re still supposed to think you’re good enough for yourself?

i’m not sure if you’ve ever felt this kind of pain before but i just know one day it’s all going to subside. pain doesn’t go away: it numbs overtime but the question is how long do i have to wait until it does?

one day we’re gonna be okay. one day we’ll go to college in the fall and realize “maybe i belong here instead” you’re not going to have the biggest name brand of the century, you’re not going to have internships pouring at your door, your school will not be on the news, people will not be asking you for future connections from all kinds of countries, maybe your school doesn’t have as many resources, maybe the president’s kid didn’t go to your school, maybe your teacher doesn’t have a ph.d, maybe your school isn’t ranked top 5!! MAYBE it doesn’t matter? life is only miserable when you ignore every other factor besides the unrealistic expectations you’ve set for yourself.

maybe you have to work harder for what you want in life: and i’m talking big picture. maybe life turned out that way because life knew you could handle it.

you’re gonna be okay. i can’t promise you’ll be great, i can’t promise it’ll be easy. but you’ve made it this far and that means you can keep going, one step at a time ✨