There’s a quote in Fangirl, at the way end of the book, where Levi says to Cath, “You’re like a happy starfish that got its arm back”, about her being friends with her twin again.
That’s how we feel about her. That talking to her has that !!!! feeling. It feels familiar, like home (in a good way).
(Ironically, talking to my siblings doesn’t feel like that. It’s okay, and it’s fine, and not triggering for the most part. But it doesn’t feel exciting, or connecting in the same way.)
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She laughed as she used a towel to dry her damped hair “To my defense, I was trying to be as quiet as I could be.”
“You got somewhere to be?” I asked looking over at the clock seeing that it was barely nine o'clock.
I could see her momentarily debating if she should tell the truth or not “No, I actually don’t.” She finally said.
“Then why you tryna get away from me so fast? You regretting last night or something?” I said as I sat up
“Yeah, because I’m going to just give my virginity to someone and move on with my life.” She said and rolled her eyes
“That’s how it seems.” I countered
She probably was having second thoughts about us having sex but didn’t know how to admit it.
She sighed before walking over to where I was “Let’s be honest here…” She began “What did us having sex even accomplish? Yeah, we got rid of all sexual tension that’s been built up for all these months but what else?” She questioned.
I cocked my head to the side as I looked at her. My eyes wandered over her thick ass frame. I couldn’t help myself, shorty was bad as fuck and I just wanted her to drop that towel and get back in bed with me.
“ASHTON!” She yelled, breaking me from my thoughts. “What Eve?”
“What are we really doing? Huh? We fucked but the question still remains the same, what are we doing?” She asked as I sighed, running my hand over my face.
“I like you, Eve, I don’t see how you don’t see that shit. I brought you a dog and threw you that party. I legit have feelings for you baby.”
“That don’t mean shit!” Clearly, she wanted to argue while I, on the other hand, want to slide back between her thick ass thighs and give her some more of this dick.
I threw the sheets off my body and sat on the side of the bed and stood to my feet. “Come here.” Looking up to her she stood at the end of the bed and gave me a stupid ass look.
I walked over to her and grabbed her, pulling her roughly to me and wrapping my arms around her body. “Why the fuck you make shit so fuckin’ complicated for?”
“Ashton, I’m not about to be like Adrienne, you’re not gonna do me like you do her. I’m not anyone’s fuck buddy that’s go-”
“Shut up, Evie. Did I say you were just a damn fuck buddy? You and her are not even on the same level. I like you, shit I see myself building some shit with you. I fucked you raw, something I’ve never done in my adult life, so trust me when I say that I’m not gonna treat you like that girl. That was just sex but, us, this is something different.”
I looked down into her eyes, as she stared back at me. I knew she thought I was running game on her but I wasn’t. I really liked this girl even when I tried not to like her, I caught myself missing and wanting her every day.
“Ashton, don’t play me. I will beat your ass.” I chuckled and placed my lips by her ear. “I’m not gonna play you, now drop the towel, Eve.” I whispered in her ear.
She dropped her towel as I stepped back and admired her naked body. I licked over my lips and smirked.
I turned her body around and pushed her back on my bed. Automatically, she spread her legs for me. My eyes went straight to that pretty ass pussy of hers. I swear she got some gold between her thighs.
I would never admit that to her though. Arming her with that kind of ammo would surely be the death of me.
Evie:
I looked up at Ashton who wore a smirk on his face as he eyed me with hunger in his eyes. I can’t even lie and say that this man didn’t rock my entire world. If this was the kind of dick I was missing all these years then I was mad as hell.
He grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him forcefully, he gripped my thighs. He laid down on top of me, stroking his already hard dick. I didn’t know why he was making me feel like this.
I didn’t want to get attached to this nigga but the way he put it down on me, I just knew he was going to have me doing things I never even thought of doing for a man.
He pushed inside of me, causing my lips to part.
“Shit... slow down,” I told him, he pushed all the way inside of me as my walls gripped and tugged on his long, thick pole. I felt myself gushing over his dick as soon as he entered me.
He grumbled sexily as he got on his knees and placed my thighs in the cooks of his arm as he hammered his pole into my spot.
My moans soon turned to screams as he hit a spot that I didn’t even know I had. I swear a bitch felt this nigga dick in my fucking stomach. “I’m a turn yo little ass out.” He growled into my ear, biting it softly.
His words alone turned me all the way on. My clit throbbed as he kissed my lips sloppily. His tongue intertwined with mine while he pounded inside of me so hard that the bed shook along with my body.
I had a big problem on my hands with this man for sure. Since getting a sample of this dick, I swear I didn’t want to share and I wasn’t.
____
“How you feel Eve?” Sean asked as he slid into a seat next to me
“Tired,” I said as sunk into the plane’s plush seat
“How you come off a vacation feeling tired?” He questioned
My eyes closed as I leaned against the window “Extraneous activities.” I said softly.
The last couple of days of the trip, Ashton made it his mission to try to wear me out and he definitely succeeded. My body was sore and I planned on spending the entire plane ride home resting.
“Whatever nigga, you barely did anything,” He said sucking his teeth
I waved him off “Just because I didn’t do much with you negros, doesn’t mean nothing was accomplished. It ain’t always about you, Sean” I teased.
Ashton boarded the plane next, taking a seat on the opposite side of me. “What y’all over here talking about?” He questioned as his hand brushed against my skin softly and quickly.
it was so quick that I don’t even think that Sean even noticed. My eyes met Ashton as he wore a slick smirk on his face before I ripped my eyes away from his.
I shouldn’t even be attracted to this jack ass but my crazy ass found everything about this fool attractive. From the way he licked his perfect lips to his asshole persona.
I was as crazy as he was.
“Nigga where you been at for the last few days?” Sean asked, his brows dipped in confusion. I looked back and forth between the two before staring at Ashton.
“Yeah, where you been?” I wanted to see the excuse that he came up with. I knew that the crew knew that we liked each other or whatever. I was curious as to what this crazy fool would say.
“Unlike you two, I actually had to work.” he said looking in between Sean and me "And remember, we did that thing yesterday” He responded looking at me as my eyes grew widely at his response. My head snapped towards Sean who wore an unreadable expression which kinda scared me.
Sean and August were super overprotective of me and damn near worst than my own blood brother.
“Y’all did a thing, without us?” August overhead Ashton talking and came and leaned on Sean’s seat
“I-it was a last-minute thing, it was a concert thing that we stumbled upon” What we had was low key a date. Ashton wanted to do something fun together before we left so he took me to dinner and a show.
“Y’all fake as fuck, I like Spanish music” August said
“It was Portuguese.” I smiled
“Same shit bro, we do things as a squad! No man left behind.” August
“Y’all left me behind that one time” Ashton interjected
“She didn’t like you at the time nigga, that shit don’t count.” he said causing us to chuckle
Sean has yet to say anything and his silence was starting to get to me.
“We should leave Evie alone, she said she was tired earlier.” he finally spoke “You know we will talk about this shit when we get home.” Sean stated lowly in my ear as he kissed my cheek and headed to his original seat
August followed suit.
I let out a heavy breath, taken aback by his response. “He knows and he’s going to murder me when we land.” Ashton smirked as he took the seat Sean was previously in, he lacing his long fingers with mine “He don’t know shit.”
“He will if you continue doing shit like this.” I mumbled throwing my blanket over our hands
Ashton
10 1/2 hours later.....
We had finally landed back in Los Angeles and I was over-excited about being back home. I loved vacationing but this vacation was one for the books. From the business part to Evie finally letting a nigga in and breaking her walls down.
“So....”
Evie's sweet voice filled my ears as she stood in front of me. I leaned against my car, watching her nervously place a strand of hair behind her ears. “So what? Why you acting like this?” I palmed her waist, pulling her close to me.
We’d just pulled up to her home from the airport. I wanted her to go home with me but she was adamant about going home to spend some time with her best friend and brother.
“Acting Like what, Ashton?”
“Acting timid and nervous.” I leaned down, kissing her lips softly.
“This.” she said simply looking up at me “It all happened so quick, how do I know I’m not just some fling that you’ll get bored within the next two weeks?” she asked
“You really think sex is about to change everything we been through over the last few months?” I asked
I knew she was untrusting, her bitch ass step-pops was the blame for this being the main bump we always had to get over but, I needed her to understand that I wasn’t going to switch up on her.
“Eve, I promise you, you’re the only woman that has ever had me like this. I’ve never been tied up in a relationship because if I did it’ll distract me from my work and responsibilities. So I hit up bitches from time to time but nothing like this.” I broke down to her
“I’m not a bitch.”
“Out of everything I said, that’s what you heard?” I chuckled
She opened her mouth to speak when her front door swung open. “EVIE!!” My eyes widen with shock as his voice sounded through the yard
“What are you doing?” there was annoyance in her voice
“Tell your company you need to come in the house.” my face scrunched up “Sean, I just kno-”
“I SAID, tell yo company you gotta come in the house.” he repeated
“I’m literally both of y’all boss.”
“Look, don’t even argue with him, just go home, Ash.” Evie said
I kissed my teeth “I’ll hit you a little later.” I bent down and kissed the side of her mouth “I’ma beat this nigga ass one day.” I went to place an actual kiss on her lips but Sean cleared his throat.
I kissed my teeth, I looked back at that nigga and mean mugged the fuck out of his ass. “Nigga shut the fuck up.” I grumbled. I kissed Evie lips softly, gripping her waist.
“Bye baby.” I glared at Sean one more time as he stared at me with a blank expression.
I didn’t know what the fuck was this nigga problem but I was surely gonna find the fuck out what the fuck was going on.
Sean
Evie slipped past me with her luggage and forcefully dropped her duffel bag on the floor next to her carry-on. She had the only attitude and I wasn’t with it.
I looked over at Tish who avoided my gaze.
“After almost an eleven-hour flight, before you go home and get some rest, you come to my house causing a scene?” Evie’s arms were now crossed as her foot tapped away at the floor
“Nobody caused no scene, plus I said we were going to talk when we got home, you rushed out the airport with that nigga so quick I couldn’t even get a word in.”
She kissed her teeth “Because I just know you’re gonna wanna argue with me about this shit Sean and I just don’t don’t have the energy for it.” She said
I shook my head “You should be thankful you got somebody looking out for you. I’m going against my own best friend for you.” I fussed
No one else was going to tell her, they would sit back and watch her get played then talk shit behind her back just like they do with Adrianne.
“And what exactly are you going against him for? He’s done nothing to you for him to be on your shit list.”
I’m convinced women just don’t be picking up on context clues. They see and hear what they want to and because of that, shit comes back to bite them in the ass.
Of course, I don’t want to throw my mans under the bus but Evie is a good girl and the last thing I’m tryna let happen is him do this girl wrong because she got a fat ass and pretty face.
“Eve.” I pinched the bridge of my nose “I’m 27 years old, I’ve known the man since I was 6. He’s not a bad person, but I’ve never and I do mean, never, seen him take any woman he’s messed with seriously. You’re fucking with a nigga that’s never been in love let alone a relationship.”
Her face scrunched “Wait… huh?” She scratched her head softly “Never?” She questioned
“No, when we were younger it was “none of these hoes impress me” but now as we’re older he says he’s not about to let no girl come in between him and his success.” I broke down to her “I’m not saying any of this to sabotage anything y’all got going on or trying to build, but as my homegirl, I just wanted to give you a fair warning of the type of nigga you dealing with.” I said
“And I do appreciate you for that, Sean. Whatever Ashton and I are doing is fairly new, I wasn’t trying to keep anything from either of you.” She spoke up, her attitude seemingly evaporated as she looked between Tish and me
“No one said you were, Evie, Sean is just telling you how his friend is. Regardless of what’s going on, this is your business but he’s just looking out for you.” Tish said finally breaking her silence
I nodded “Look, Eve, if you feel like you’re different then by all means, keep what y’all doing going. All I’m saying is that I think you should watch out for certain signs. Don’t let what I said change how you feel because Ash is older now and could be ready for a woman like you, just be careful sis.”
* * *
Flopping down on the bed, I pulled Tish down with me and onto my lap “You sure you don’t have to go get your baby?” I asked
She shook her head “Apparently she’s house shopping with her daddy.” She said with a slight roll of her eyes “I’m going to go get her in the morning though, we have a flight to Oakland tomorrow so she can meet the rest of the family.” She signed
Rubbing her thighs, I kissed her shoulder “How’s that going?” I asked
I was flabbergasted by Tish’s whole situation. At one point I saw where everyone one was coming from when they called her selfish but hearing her speak about her experiences, I got why she had to be selfish. Feeling alone at such a young age would drive anyone to do selfish irrational shit. I don’t agree with everything she did, but I understood and I believe that’s all she wanted from people.
She shrugged as her arms found their way around my neck “I hate that I have to be in this mess but I did it to myself, I’m dealing with it the best I can.” She smiled weakly “Enough about me, how was Argentina? Have fun?” She questioned
“If you’re trying to see if I was good or not, I was. I wasn’t fucking with none of those hoes.” I said
“You’re not my man, so I don’t care.” She said with a smirk
I chuckled “Ouch! That’s cold nigga.” I said in a joking tone
She shrugged as her smile grew wider “But it’s true.” She said
“Nah, see, because you been talking shit from the moment I boarded my plane to Buenos Aires.”
“Whatever, Sean.” she rolled her eyes
I couldn’t help but smile “Argentina was cool, I needed the vacation.” I finally answered her questioned
“Yeah because you work like a dog.” she said with a raised eyebrow
My fingers strummed her side softly “Work hard now, spend all my money and chill when I’m old.” I simply said “How do you feel about your interview next week?”
“I don’t know... I never saw you in super work mode before and I can’t thank you enough for getting me this interview.”
“You know you’re my girl, I gotta make your you got a secured job by the time you graduate and don’t even sweat it. You already know me, just because I’m one of the people conducting your interview shouldn’t make you sweat and my director is cool, so you have nothing to worry about.”
I already knew putting Evie and Tish under one roof was a recipe for chaos but definitely a risk I was willing to take. She was swiftly becoming one of my favorite people and making sure she was straight was a top priority.
Today in boundaries, we finally messaged our old best friend saying that we miss her, we’d like to hear from her, we feel frustrated and sad, and that we won’t message her again till she responds. (It’s been almost 3 months since she replied to us.)
Different alters wrote the message. We’re feeling overwhelmed right now.
Hopefully that’s good that we sent it though. And it’ll be a boundary for us, to hopefully think about other things (and people who, you know, do talk to us) for a bit.
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the other day i was talking to a good friend who’s known me (and my family!) for a really long time, and i was venting about a family relationship, and then we started talking about how my relationship with they keep me warm feels really different and much better than my family relationships, and she told me, “Love means nothing if you don’t allow it the power to be expressed. It doesn’t even matter how someone feels about you, you deserve for them to be able to show it to you. And if they don’t, it’s bullshit.” like wow. oh my god. i’ve been highkey thinking about that for 5 days now.
i was ranting to my cbff about my parts/alters last night, and she was really validating. when i explained to her about my caretaker/protector and the situations that she’s in, she said, “wow, what a coping mechanism. i* will save you from this situation”
honestly? yeah. growing up dissociating is apparently having other people in your head be grownups for you
i talked to my cbff last night, and i told her about my parts/possible alters. and i prefaced it with, “okay so you might think i’m crazy....” and i explained about how i’m in trauma therapy using IFS language (roughly), and how it feels like these “parts” of me have gotten much stronger recently and kind of.... taken over me? i told her it feels like i don’t have a Self, which is something that i talked to my therapist about too.
and my best friend from when i was little, listened. she heard me kinda word vomit (more than i usually do) and i sent her my vent art, and she said, “that sounds like such a scary, disorienting thing.”
it felt so good to talk to her about it. like, i’m pretty sure she doesn’t have DID or OSDD, but it felt so good to talk to her about it because i knew she’d listen, and be supportive and caring, and that she knows me really well and wouldn’t be scared away by it.
