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Hundred Twenty.
London traffic makes me angry, like this shit is just a waste of time and I hate it, I always like to do stupid shit but I have the police parked right behind me in this traffic so I am just sat here waiting with Rylee on the phone, I mean we arenât speaking but I am just here, she is talking to someone so I am waiting really âok sorry, I am backâ she said âyou know what, I actually hate the way wat you say Tion name, it sounds slutty, as you sayâ Rylee snorted laughing âshut up!â she spat âI was baffled you use that term, slutty, that sounds weird coming from you and that accent of yoursâ I miss her, she has been in Italy for two days now âwell blame my friends, what can I say but do you seriously think I sound slutty saying his name? Be real, I am more like telling him to do his jobâ I sniggered âI am joking, but what he do, I thought you like Tion. That day when I called you a dickhead, he was side eyeing me and glaring at me like I was the oppâ looking in my rearview mirror, I swear I wish the police werenât there âwell he is protecting his woman!â she spat âoh woman? Oh is it, right now there is a bunch of girls in the car next to me and they are looking, I am going to put the window down just to piss you offâ Rylee gasped âI was joking!â she can shout all she wants, putting the volume down ânah, you annoyed me nowâ putting the window down âalrightâ I said, the scream they let out âdamn, relax. Itâs ok, yâall good?â I asked, âtraffic is jarring isnât itâ oh they recording now âitâs the best thing, I love you so much and youâre better in person, oh my god!â the girl said âthat is funny, thank you. Yâall ainât from around here?â I questioned âwe just came to London for a hen party! We are from Liverpoolâ letting out an oh âI heard about you Liverpool girls, wildâ I grinned âwe party the best Cenchâ nodding my head âI bet, but I appreciate the love, I could hear you chanting my name for a while now. I just didnât want to have people peeping and that you know, itâs all loveâ waving them off, putting the window back up âyouâre a dickâ putting the volume back up âthen donât chat shit thenâ finally this shit is moving âmhmm I didnât mean it, you was flirting and I know you was smiling from the way you was talking, I am not happyâ switching lanes because I want to get rid of the police really âthen we can be not happy together, itâs romanticâ I laughed to myself, she is pissed off and I know it.
Rylee has stayed on the phone with but quiet âI am here now you know, so we equal?â she scoffed âwell whatever, why did you do that?â she asked âbecause you literally called Tion your man, I donât know this guy! I donât care, he was mean mugging me the last time I peeped, like I donât care. You could like this guy, how do I fucking know?â she went silent on the phone âfine, ok I did annoy you so youâre at the place then? Is my dad thereâ seeing him get out of the car with Aziel âhe is here, whatever thoughâ I shrugged âOakley, please. He does adore you a lot and he does feel bad, let him talk to you and make it up to you, do not be stubborn and make him the victim, please. Listen to me in things, this is what I know. Just let him do the running, he knows he fucked up and he did bad just donât talk down to him please, for me. I know you pissed off with him but pleaseâ I sighed out âalright, I am going now. Talk later if you can, donât work too hard with Tionâ I had to mention it âshut up!â she spat âI love you, I miss you so muchâ grabbing my phone from the handle and getting out of the car âI love you too Lee, you have to see me as soon you land babeâ Aziel ran to me âthat isnât for a few days, but I will call you tonight your time, byeâ disconnecting the call âI missed you! Where have you beenâ I always love when he holds my legs, like for him that is a hug âI am home!â he spat âwell not my home was itâ picking him up âI have missed you, you know thatâ he nodded his head âpapa hereâ he pointed âI can see, you ready for boxing? Get all that pent up naughtiness out of youâ he grinned âheyâ I said to Chris âwhatâs up?â he said back âyou got his bag?â I asked âoh yeah, itâs hereâ I am going to keep it neutral with him.
I chuckled at Aziel, him skipping is the funniest thing but he is trying to do it, the trainer is trying to get him to comply but his legs ainât doing it âhe is funnyâ Chris said âhe isâ I added âI can tell he appreciates these moments, the way he looks over to check youâre still there to watch him, thatâs loveâ nodding my head âwell this is on my list as the first thing to do with him, I rather stay here in London so I can do this with him, instead of him hitting kids he can learn discipline, itâs niceâ Aziel ran over to us âbig workout todayâ he is huffing and puffing, passing his water to him, he pointed âI punch nowâ I think his favourite part is his little fists punching those bags âyouâre Chris Brownâ some child came over to us, Aziel looked at him âyouâre Cenchâ he pointed âno my dad, and itâs papaâ he put his foot down with that âyour dad is himâ he pointed âthis my dadâ ran into me âmy dadâ reaching over to the kid and dapping him âI peeped you out there, you goodâ he smiled âthank youâ he said âgo on, goâ taking the water bottle from him âhe is too proud of his popsâ I sighed out âyeah, I mean itâs whatever, I donât think itâs hard to be better then my own dad, you know. He ainât shit really is heâ I said âOakley, I am sorryâ he apologised âitâs fine, we can be cordial. Itâs just ruined init because them two are still texting, so allow it. We canât be what we are because your daughter reached out to Juke, and that ainât something you going to like so I think for Rylee we be cool for thatâ looking at him, he ainât liking what he is hearing âhe showed me the message and she messaged him first, I just donât want it. So us, the bond we had we might as well forgetâ Chris put his head down âokâ he just said, he canât control his anger and what is even the point in it, we can just be cordial, I know him as much as he knows me, and I know he is big mad now.
Aziel wanted to go for ice cream, but he wanted me there as well, this kid is annoying because I am having to be here with Chris even longer âOakleyâ Chris said, looking up from my phone âlook, you know I donât give a fuck about anyone, I do not care for anyone besides my own, but I care about you, I came here not to babysit Aziel, but for you. I look at you as my own and I am sorry, I am sorry I came at you the way I did; I am sorry I wasnât there for you with your dad. I let you down, I know I did and that hurt you because you needed me, I know Oakley you are let down by me. You needed me even if you didnât verbally say it and I wasnât there, I wasnât there in Guyana with you and then when you came back, you saw me, and I came at you. I regret it, my regret is I came at you, and for that I am sorry. Come on man, I know you. I hung out with you for too long to know you, you needed me, and I wasnât there. You did what you needed to do for him, look I am fed up. I canât keep chasing these grown girls anymore, or be beating people up, I am done. I saw red with Juke and yeah, I did knock him over, it was stupid of me, but you and I know I do a lot for these girls, but I canât do anymore, Imani is the last of it and I am done. Emi, I hope I am dead because I canât do it anymore. I havenât even apologised to Herb, I punched him, but I came to you because itâs upsetting me to know you feel that, you lost your dad, and you was falling apart, and I promised I would come but I came to you like that. Oakley I am so sorry broâ I swallowed hard âI have so much care for you, you know that. Tell me, I want to hear itâ I know what Rylee wants, I donât want to make her life difficult either, but I know Chris cares, he is genuine.
I huffed out âlook Juke is what he is, but he is my only brother. And it does take two, when you came to me about Rylee, and that all happened I took it yeah but with Juke he isnât me, I knew where he was, as much as he is what he is, he can be led astray, this is why I got blame when he got stabbed he is stupid. Imani was to blame too but she didnât get that, she got a little sprinkle of shouting, but you didnât show that guy that came to the apartment when Rylee was pregnant and shouting, knocked me out, Imani got a holiday, but my brother could have been killed. I get it, you can be angry all you want, you have a right too, but she is of age, and she isnât a stupid girl as you all make it seem to be, Juke comes to me, he shows me, he said to me he is scared but she is at this point harassing him, putting it on him. I uhm, I ainât her dad, and you can do as you please, but I know Rylee been through a hell of a lot more with you then any of Ti and Imani put together, I was there, I saw it. You wasnât even there for him, the hate you held for Rylee was deep, but you was hurt, I took that, but you donât think that hurts Ti and Rylee, you let Imani off with it, people around got hurt instead. I am upset with you Chris, because at that time I lost my dad and so did Juke, you wanted me to lose my brother, you could have punched him instead really. Then you came at me, fucked up way too, that hurtâ Chris is silent, he ainât mad at all âI did need you, you right, I needed you to tell me fucking relax, but you wasnât, and itâs happened now, but like maybe time will heal thing but things will change in many ways, and at the end of the day we will have a connection more then ever now, including Jukeâ I take Chrisâ silence as he knows I am right.
Chris nodded his head slowly âI have regrets with Rylee, even when Robyn called me and told me. I did say she was dead to me; I wasnât there for the birth, I wasnât there for any of it, you right. I did a lot of things to her; I wanted her so hidden that she didnât exist. She is scarred from pregnancy because of me, from her pictures to baby shower to her being hidden. It was calculated by me to her mother and fed down, I made everything hell, and yeah Imani is being let off lightly more than the older two, because I donât know how to punish a girl that doesnât understand, I donât Oakley. I am sorry, I am sorry that I am this way. I took it too far, honest truth but we donât know what to do with her, that is a decision we still thinking of. I am so proud of Rylee and Tianna, both of them girls. But see it from my point of view, my guy you was older then her, I was mad, but I did take it too far. And I treated you like my son, and I still do. I just want us to go back to how we was, I do. I promise to not ever do that to you or Juke, I wonât, if I do see him again. No matter, he is your familyâ nodding my head âand not being there for you with your dad, I am sorryâ I took in a deep breath âwasnât worth you coming though, you never came did youâ I questioned âyou say that, but I wasnât worth the flight, was I? You took care of me through cancer, I see you as more, my dad wasnât there for me, you was when I had cancer, when I needed you for other shit, but you didnât come for that. Allow it though, just allow itâ I got up from the chair âI will be backâ I said to Aziel.
Aziel is just so quiet, but I feel bad âI am proud of you, you won the award. I posted you on my pageâ I turned my phone to him âme!?â he spat âyes, and Dave said he big proud of you too, and he canât wait to see you soonâ he grinned âI am so proud of you with how far you come with that boxing venture, you putting in work too son, I see itâ my son is so happy âthe family is coming downâ he said to me âyeah Lee was sayingâ I mumbled âOakley, I do need to make it up to you, I was wrong. And you did expect more of me minus the whole Juke thing, I never did come, and I wasnât there. You lost your dad, I get it. But hand on my heart, and it sounds soppy, but I love you a lot, you my ownâ looking at Chris âI get it, but you should be aware that Imani is still in contact with my brother, she messaged him firstâ I want him to know that âI donât care about thatâ he is upset about what I have said really âAziel, Chris is going to take you home ok. I have to go now, dad has things he needs to do with Slawn and the gang, give me hugâ he got up from the chair âI call you pleaseâ I chuckled âyes you can call me, you better say goodnight to me alrightâ hugging him âbig proud of you thoughâ pressing a kiss to the top of his head âsee you soon okâ he nodded his head, looking at Chris âsee you soonâ Aziel hasnât let me go yet âI miss youâ I cooed out âso do I but I need to go now, so pleaseâ he sighed out âbye dadâ he is so cute âwonât be gone for longâ walking off, I do have things I have to do, that ainât a lie with all that.
Sitting next to Walid, he is editing my thing. I am excited for it âlook what Ed said thoughâ he clicked on the clip âCentral Cee my boy, and Rylee. It was such a pleasure to be in the moment with you and wish you both the bestâ I cooed out âand Wadzâ he clicked on the clip âI am going to try and keep it short from the sandpit to now, bro I am so happy for you. Itâs a different thing when you come from where we come from, love was never on the list and was never going to be easy. To see this, I may shed a tear and Rylee, you make my boy happy and you are always welcoming when I see you, so yeah. I love you both a lot, and Aziel. We excited, see mom and pops married yeahâ Aziel nodded his head smiling âhe like I do not care I am out just out with the boysâ he laughed out âthis is cute, like to see all the thing, appreciate it. Oh she is calling meâ answering Rylee call âare you in bed?â no hi or nothing âI am with my friends why? You feeling a little heatedâ Walid snorted laughing âoh why would you say that with boys there! Maybe but it doesnât matter now, you affected my dad, what did you say to him?â Rylee is on heat, why didnât I go Italy âI said what I had to say, like I am hurt so I had to say it, what he say?â I wonder what he said âthat he feels really bad, that his behaviour was too much, you spoke like a grown man to him, he seen a changeâ rubbing the back of my neck âwell I am entering the next stage of my life I have too, but I also did it for you, because I know you want us to get on so I had to say it, but if he is upset about then maybe he has took in what I saidâ Rylee sighed out âtrue, why arenât you home, assholeâ she is big mad âbecause I am not, just use a picture or something, I am sure you have someâ which she does âno I wanted you to talk dirty to me with that British accent, ugh. I hate youâ she is a trip âyouâre so stupidâ I laughed out âno you are! You could have spoke some nasty shit to me, I needed itâ I canât stop laughing âstop itâ she is making me go red, she is crazy.
Fifty Seven.
Robyn is an emotional wreck; she really is so emotional about today and I am so calm about it all. Itâs a new era for our eldest and I am really not sure how to feel really, I am scared because she is going to enter the big world now and she will soon become the independent woman, I know she is the brightest girl I know, she isnât stupid and even though she plays around a lot she is literally the most brightest girl, she isnât dumb at all and I really think she gets her brains from me, I will take that but I am proud of her and whatever she is going to do next. I feel sad because I miss that small girl telling me what to do, she is growing now what can I say about it âmom, dad I will be going there early. I will drive myself thereâ raising an eyebrow âI drive now dad, so I will see you all thereâ nodding my head âwhy is mom still cryingâ I laughed âshe canât stop, I told you she is sensitiveâ making my way over to Rylee  âI wish I could say stop growing but itâs only upwards now, you knowâ Rylee smiled âI know, itâs erm, itâs scary because I already feel like I have lost friends, I donât know but you know, I think some were jealous of me to be honest and for me to get into NYU too, I think itâs me and a few others, like five I think that got the best performing but I accept the hate, I wonât be here for long. I will then be moving to New York and I will find other friends, I guessâ stuffing my hands in my pockets âyou and North not friends?â I hope they are, they are having a joint party âoh we are friends, North isnât my only friend but people change dad. And it didnât take people long to changeâ this is just the start for her âRylee you will learn that the people you leave school with, they arenât really going to be on the journey with you. And you do find out that they were lowkey haters, you should be the proudest of yourself, imagine that. NYU, I am proud of you, but I am also feeling itâ I smiled âyour baby is grownâ I chuckled âyeah, yeah. That little girl that would tell me I canât cook and I must order pizza because you are hungry and this was ten at night on a school night or you telling me that I just want to be like mom, and I will be just like her and you on the right road to be the next person to take over Fenty, I know you will ace itâ Ryleeâ lower lip quivered âwhat is wrong with you now?â what is with the women âwill I always be your baby dadâ I chuckled âalways, stop itâ wrapping my arm around her, now she got me teary eyed âproud of you Rylee, I am really so happy with youâ Rylee sniffled ânow my make up is ruinedâ we both laughed.
Sitting down next to Robyn in the crowd of parents at the school, I hate wearing suits. My balls be getting caught up in the pants at times, and the pants ride up every time âmy first American graduationâ Robyn said looking around âoh I forget that youâre foreignâ Robynâ looked at me âyou married oneâ nodding my head âI just didnât know what you was saying, I agreed to disagreeâ she nudged me âshut upâ Raihan made his way over to me, picking him up and placing him on my lap âare we going to see Rylee?â Imani asked, âwe are indeed, might be a long wait thoughâ the kids should be silent for a while, we got them candy because honestly itâs boring âdo you remember yours?â Robyn asked âerm I was high, if we are being realâ Robyn shook her head âof course you was, no sense in that brain of yoursâ looking up âhiâ Kim waved âyou sat ahead of us? Who would have thoughtâ I said âhi Saintâ the way Imani yelped out to say hi to Saint, even I side eyed her âoh Rylee came to pick up North and they was singing so loud as they left, least our children have made a great bondâ little does Kim know Robyn has been trying to break that bond for a while now, Robyn finds North a nasty child, but let me not âI told North that we have to fly out so we canât do a party so she is not aware, itâs going to be nice to do a joint one at my houseâ Kim just loves to talk âwe appreciate it, I think they will enjoy it more anyways being togetherâ Robyn said, but Robyn did this for personal gain, so our house wonât be a mess.
North has already walked, so I think Rylee will be coming up soon. I did tell the kids that this is boring because Raihan has now fallen asleep but I am waking him up slowly âyour sister will be coming out, wake upâ nudging him, he opened his eyes âI am sleepyâ he whined âI know but you will miss your sister, she will be comingâ I huffed out âI canât believe we have a daughter at this age and she is now a college student, where has time gone and then we have Tianna next. Wowâ Robyn said in my ear âI know, I think I will be crying when Imani graduates. I am going to be a mess that dayâ I just know it, she is my baby and my last daughter so I will be a wreck, I adore her so much âRylee Fenty-Brownâ I gasped and shot up, as I would and placed Raihan on the ground âRylee!â I shouted clapping as she walked to get her Diploma, Rylee looked at the crowd because I know she heard me holler âRylee, Rylee, Rylee. Where Melo atâ I can hear a bunch of guys just chanting my daughter name and I midway froze clapping âoh brotherâ Tianna said, looking around âChrisâ Robyn said, looking back to see Rylee holding her diploma and she waved it in the air and I smiled so wide âthat really my babyâ I said smiling, hearing a bunch of wolf whistles and name chanting again and Rylee put a finger up at someone and I peaked over seeing Melo and a bunch of boys âok, can we calm downâ Max said on the mic âthey are still dogs I seeâ looking at Tianna âhuh?â Robyn patted my arm to sit down.
Waiting for Rylee to come over and see us âwhat did you mean by they are still dogs?â I asked Tianna, I didnât forget. Robyn has gone to get drinks with the boys âwhy was they barking?â Imani asked, âI told you, dogsâ she said âyeah but you said that but you not answering why?â I questioned âthe boys are butt hurt on behalf of Melo but then again they always did that with Rylee because she wouldnât date them and then Melo made a rumour that she wouldnât put out and it was her fault and he had to leave. But on a regular day at school the boys did that anyways, I am glad I left because it was annoying to see. Rylee also told me one of the boys from the basketball team told her that he would fuck her by force because she is being too stuck up. I think she is happy to leave, I would be, what a toxic school full of rich mommy boysâ my mouth just hung open âI think it sucks that Melo was simping over Rylee for years for him to turn around and do that, I ought to slap him but he didnât want to be the one that was dumped. So really her last few months here was wack, this is why I have been here for Ryleeâ I swallowed hard âI should beat himâ I mumbled âoh there is more, you should see her phoneâ Tianna is really angry âfamilyâ Rylee said smiling âwow, look at you. I am so proud of youâ Tianna hugged her âI didnât even cryâ she said âI didâ I smiled âhas mom filled a cup up, but yay! Itâs over nowâ nodding my head âit isâ I mumbled, to find out that her last months here were not good and it was because she left Melo, I really should beat his ass but no, I am above that now, I feel annoyed âdadâ looking at Rylee âI am so happy youâre here, I think this made it even more special then it isâ I cooed out hugging her âI am always here for you all, I love you Rylee. I doâ Rylee held me tightly.
Staring at Melo, I should see her phone Tianna said but no, I canât. She wonât like that âheyâ Robyn said, looking at her âare you ok?â nodding my head âyou seem a little dazed, you sure?â nodding my head âtalk to meâ Rylee is smiling so whatever, I guess those the school friends, I am not sure âyou hear that noise when Rylee went on stage? I didnât like itâ I said to her âOh yeah, I heard it too. It was very degrading but I donât want to bring it up with her you know but they was hollering, the boys wereâ itâs annoying me âI canât do itâ I said and walked off âChris, heyâ walking towards Rylee âcan I speak to you, hiâ I said to her friends âsure, I will be backâ Rylee took her hat off and placed it on my head âthanksâ moving away âwhat was that noise about? When you walked the stage, we all heard it. I donât want to start upsetting you I just want to knowâ Rylee looked deflated that I bought it up âonce I dumped Melo the boys just became unbearable, they started to just push things and said that Melo had a chance, and some girls just you know being bitches. They erm, they tried to tease me out of the cheerleading team but that ainât me, I did it back but Melo is butt hurt and it was making things shit but I am done now, itâs fineâ nodding my head âwhat is on your phone?â I asked âwhat!?â she spat âlike they saying shit to you?â she shrugged âon twitter they would just say things like I am easy, and stuff. Itâs whatever dad, itâs in the past but they are still upset. I graduated and we can move forward, donât be upset about it, I am okâ she tried to make me feel better but she was dealing with that plus me, I feel bad.
Shaking Kanyeâ hand âhow are you?â he asked me âI am well thankâ stepping back âI am glad to see you back from the mental breakdown a better man, you look wellâ staring at Kanye confused âI know the look, I mean the pictures were everywhere, I saw them and I looked and I prayed that you would be ok. I know that look, and I know the feeling. I have been through it, I found god Chrisâ I swallowed hard âmedication they will keep you on forever, but God is all you need, but I am happy you are ok. How are you feeling inside you?â he asked âerm shockedâ I laughed âeveryone said I had cancer, some wished I did but for you to blatantly say that, wowâ I mean he is right, he has been through it âI know how it feels, trapped in your own mind and just generally alone when people say they are there for youâ nodding my head âyeah, I just feel bewildered. I feel like there is a lot going on you know. Itâs early days, I think if I wasnât on my medication I would be on my shit, but yeah. Maybe you right, I need to go to godâ he placed his hand on my shoulder âyou need help, ask meâ looking around the party, itâs a nice party they threw together âhi Chrisâ Kourtney said âhi, how are you?â I asked, she came in for a hug âfeeling old now but itâs nice to see youâ nodding my head, seeing Jbeez, he came. Waving my hand at him and Oakley âwho is that?â he pointed âtwo friends I made, Jbeez has the best connections in the UK. Anything you want he can make it happen, I was just telling Kanye how you the man of the UKâ shaking his hand âoh yeahâ looking at Oakley âwhiteyâ he dapped me âare you anaemic, you wear the most questionable shit in the heatâ he snorted laughing âI like this shit though, this is meâ he is dumb.
Picking a chicken wing from the table âdid you get those flowers for my daughterâ I asked, squinting my eyes seeing she is having fun ânoâ he said, looking at him as I ate the wing âalright, just she came back home with flowersâ he didnât say anything just swallowed hard, he is looking a little nervous âhey dadâ turning around âwhat is he doing here?â she pointed âoh you didnât know he came? He came to live out his dream of the American dream, what is it anyways?â she shook her head âI just came overâ of course she did âNorthâ waving her over âyesâ leaning on Rylee âwhy arenât you going to NYU with her, she will be lost without her mainâ North laughed âyeah, we spoke on it tooâ she said âitâs nice that you know, buying flowers for my daughter, she seemed really stressed out when you text her. Rushed out too, sending her picturesâ North looked at me so confused âRylee open your handâ I said, I am not stupid. Rylee opened her hand, and I placed the ear wing in her hand âcheckmateâ I said to her, turning around âdad!?â she spat âNorth you gave me those flowers, she did!â walking over to Oakley âcomeâ I said âRylee, stop!â I spat pointing at her, I have heard enough of her now. Walking to front of the house âI just want the truth, why did you lie and say about it wasnât me?â Oakley opened his mouth and then closed it âyou keep saying I am not disrespecting you but it seems like you are now. Just go, until I want to speak to you, and keep away from my daughter Oakley. Seriouslyâ I am going to be nice about âsorryâ he apologised, walking back inside the house, I donât want to know.
One Hundred Twelve
My children and these weekend activities, they have me up at six in the morning to get them ready for these things they like to do, I mean I canât complain because I was complaining when they wasnât doing anything, but they have made my Saturday busy, usually Chris and I split it but Chris is feeling very low so I am doing it all plus Junior, I can do it. I am fine, I think anyways but itâs hard. All three girls doing separate things, I just feel like splitting myself into three âI think itâs really unfair mom that you are not staying with meâ Rylee said, âI get it, I am sorry but Imaniâ first day doing something like this, I need to be there for herâ Rylee is in a bad mood, she wants me to stay with her for her ballerina lesson, I get it, she wants me there, but I canât stay âRylee!â I shouted at her âshe banged the door shutâ Tianna climbed from the back âI know she did and sit down. Wait in the carâ opening the door and climbed out of the car âI donât want you thereâ she kicked Frank âRyleeâ closing the SUV door behind âdonât you dare kick Frank, apologise right now!â I spat, walking over to her âsorryâ she said âyou are so unfair, always Imani. Who cares if Imani is kicking a ball! I had to be without last time, itâs my turn. You are so unfair momâ nodding my head slowly âshe is youngest Rylee; I am sorry I canât be with you. Dad is not good right now; he just needs some alone time. I am trying, next week I will come with youâ Rylee has such a face on with me âyou keep thinking I donât need you because I am oldest but maybe I donât want to be oldest, itâs Junior because he is annoying and then Imani because she is stupid. Only time you pay attention is if I be badâ pointing at Frank âsay sorry to himâ I ainât forget âproperly tooâ she looked up at Frank âsorryâ nodding my head âRylee, I am sorry. I am sorry. I do, I know it. Because you are eldest I do expect you to be ok with things, and I appreciate you bringing it up to me, I will make time for youâ she nodded her head âok, I guess I will see you when I finishedâ Rylee walked off, she didnât hug me âlove you babyâ I said but she doesnât want to know me, she is hurt with me.
Imani playing sport, itâs cute to see her. I feel like she talks more then she kicks a ball, and it makes me laugh, she explains things. The girl doesnât stop talking and she has gotten in trouble about it in class, she is so well spoken, and I love that for her. Waving at her as she waved at me, I want her to try out other things. I know she loves music, that is her go to, but I want her to try other things, she may like it too. Tianna doesnât half complain like Rylee, she is just so angry at me, I dropped Tianna off at her music class, she is still doing Piano lessons. She gave me a hug, but Rylee is heavy on my mind, I feel like she is entering a new phase in her life, and I am going to get a very moody teenager but if Chris did come with me, I could have gone there and he could be here, but I couldnât do that to him, he is really going through a lot, he is really upset about his nephew. Still missing, Tootie finally actually answering him. She said she has been looking but now they have told the police, they said itâs been so long and every hour counts and potentially speaking on death, I for one pray it isnât but where the hell did he go. Tootie said he and his friends went out, his friends are home, and he isnât. I just feel sick to think about, but I had to give him space, I canât drag him to things, I just want to be there for him. Looking over at Junior, he is picking grass and hitting into Rich, he is enjoying life, but he is quiet, and I can deal with that. I just need to make time for my eldest two, just maybe mommy and daughter, I am scared for the teenage phase.
I feel like Giorgio Baldi can fix anything, even my love life. I just love this place with my whole heart, I bought the kids here to eat. I mean mostly eat what I love most so they can deal with it âso girls, how was your day?â Rylee shrugged, Tianna giggled âRylee said she is not speaking to youâ letting out an oh âwell that is peaceful for me, thank you Ryleeâ I thanked her âno I am not!â she spat, I laughed âoh you speak thenâ she side eyed me âI just want you to pay attention to my things, even Ti agreesâ see these two, these two are trouble, Rylee the ring leader âyou do?â I said to Tianna âshe is right mom; you donât see my lessons either. Imani or Junior. Junior and Imani, we donât belongâ rubbing my forehead âI really think Junior ruined it allâ looking at Junior just licking his fingers âlook girls, I get it. But Junior is a baby, Imani needed me there, she is baby tooâ Rylee looked at me shocked âshe is not a baby mom, you think she is. You are so not fair; she wonât be a baby forever then what?â I laughed âthen I have moreâ the horror on Ti and Ryleeâ face âI am moving to momo house, noâ I am laughing at them âitâs a joke, come on girls. I will promise to do something with you bothâ answering my phone, Chris is calling me âthen we can forgive youâ Ti added, she needs to stop hanging with Rylee âhiâ I answered âJunior!â I shouted at him, the way he threw that pasta and it landed on Tianna âdonât you dare throw it back, just wipe it off. Sorry, hiâ these kids âcan you come home, after thatâ I mean what else does he think I am doing âI will, we are just eating. Everything ok?â I asked âjust come homeâ he put the phone down, oh he is not doing good at all âno throwing like thatâ I said to him, I donât think he really did it on purpose. He was so confused it left his hands âsay sorry!â Tianna said to him âhe doesnât know what that means, he is a babyâ Tianna frowned at him âeveryone is a baby to you, even dadâ I didnât want to laugh but that was funny, I giggled to myself because she is right âyou girlsâ shaking my head.
Eventful little day with the kids âgirls, hey. Listen to me, Iâm going to take Junior upstairs, please. Put your things away, if I see them scattered around here. I wonât be happyâ Junior fell asleep in the car, also he needed his nap so itâs about time he fell asleep. Walking up the steps âmom, can I have some ice cream?â Tianna asked âyes but wait for me; I will make it for you. I donât want messâ I donât know why I bother putting him in the crib because he gets out of it and does stupid things upstairs but then the girls wake him to just to then find him annoying, these girls donât let their brother live. Opening the bedroom door âRobynâ looking to my bedroom, Chris has his head poked around âare you crying?â I said shocked âcome afterâ nodding my head, let me put him in the crib. Chris has been very emotional, like heâs been showing his feelings instead of lashing out, and this is all I have ever wanted from him, I wanted him to actually show how he really feels, and he is. I wanted that from him, I adore Chris so much and I would never judge him. Placing the covers over Junior, I did a little run out of the bedroom âmom, you coming down?â I put my hand up âIâll be ten minutesâ going to the bedroom; heâs not left the bedroom since âChris?â I said, seeing him sat at the vanity table chair âHey, oh my godâ closing the door behind me âwhy are you crying? Chrisâ getting down onto my knees, wrapping my arms around him âwhat happened?â I am so concerned, Iâm scared actually âitâs ok, Chris you can cry. Iâm here nowâ he is sobbing; I am scared. I donât know what has happened, I hope itâs not because of his nephew, I am so scared to hear it âoh my baby, my poppa. Iâm here baby, Iâm hereâ I hate to hear him like this and in pain, I am so scared to know what has happened, I am praying so hard it isnât his nephew, but I think it is.
Chris wiped his tears with his hands, I passed him some tissue âare you ok to talk?â getting down onto my knees, he wiped his face with the tissue âis it Desean? What happened Chris?â he swallowed hard âthey erm, theyâ oh this is not good, my heart has dropped âmy auntie called me and uhm, they found his body in the Rappahannock River. Someone found his body Robynâ he sobbed out, my eyes welled up âoh my godâ I am in shock, this canât be happening. Not his nephew, wiping my tears âI am so sorry Chrisâ what else can I say âthey said he was there for a while, someone killed him. He was dumped there, thatâs what he police are saying. Fuck, this canât be happening. This canât be realâ Chris got up from the seat âit canât be real, this is a jokeâ he shook his head, this is the worst news to hear, this is so sad âfuck, man. He is just a kidâ getting up from the floor âI am so fucking hurt man, why my family!â he shouted âI got to go thereâ walking around the bed âbaby yes, I agree. I want to come with youâ Chris shook his head âwe can go together; I want to support you. Chris, pleaseâ following behind Chris âI donât know what I am even doing anymore, what do I do?â he turned to me âjust step back for one moment Chris, just letâs sit downâ I said to him, I am this is shocking. I am in shock too.
I just sat with Chris in silence, itâs better than him crying. Looking over at him âwhat did they say? Did your auntie say anything else?â I asked âthat erm, they think it was a hit and run and his body got dumped in there, but that is it. I canât say anything else; I canât believe that has even happened, I mean what the fuck. Who would do that, his friends said he was home, well going home. Someone really did that, that is calculatedâ placing my hand on the back of his neck âjust letâs not think that, I am ever so sorry Chris, this is so shocking. I want to be there for you Chris, so I am coming with you. The kids too, we are going to support you. Nothing else matters, itâs going to be a hard time, but I think you should be thereâ Chris nodded his head âI felt so off, I knew something was wrong. My mother is going to be distraught, man. I just donât know what to do really, what do I do?â he asked âyou be there for your family, I will be there for youâ Chris looked at me âthank youâ nodding my head, I mean it sucks I have to drag the kids with us but I have nobody to take care of them âor maybe I can get Jen and Tina to take care of them until I am backâ I said to myself âI will do that, I will get Tina actually. Just take Junior with meâ getting up, I think itâs best I donât take them all, it wonât be the best place and the girls are very aware of people being not good. I donât want that for them, I will do that instead.
The girls are going to be a pain, I just know it âTina, thank you so much. I wouldnât have asked like this, but after that newsâ Tina shook her head âno, please go. Itâs importantâ smiling at her âgirls, in the living room, comeâ I said âyou didnât come down and get ice creamâ Tianna said, she is right âI know but I need to speak to you all âI am so sorry about your nephew Chrisâ Tina said behind me, turning my head and Chris has come down with shades on, he is not good âappreciate itâ he said, walking into the living room âgirls, I have something I need from you all. Me and dad really need to go to VA, something very bad has happened and we need to go now but auntie Tina will be here, please girls. I donât want to hear it, I know I constantly not there like you want me to be, I am sorry for that but this is so importantâ I said, they are quiet âyou try momâ Rylee said, she is actually understanding âthank youâ I said âI heard dad cryingâ letting out an oh âyeah, once we know what has happened then we can explain but we need to go kidsâ the girls are understanding, my mother is calling me now âone momentâ I said answering the call âhiâ I said âhi Robbie, Chris isnât answering his callsâ she said âno, we have something on mom. What is it?â she always rings at the wrong time âhis dad is trying to call himâ I wonder why âhow sad Robbie, who would do thatâ they know âmom, I am begging you, please do not go to VA you stay in Barbados. I mean itâ she is stupid enough to do it âhe is devastated, he needs someone with him?â I groaned out âmom, I donât even think he is invited to be there, I would recommend to stay away, and you mom. If I see you there I am going to be madâ I feel so harsh âyou going?â she said âwell yes, technically that is my family mom. Not yours, and to be honest not even his real grandchild, I really think he needs to mourn in peace, thereâ my mom scoffed âyou sound like Chrisâ she spat âno, I am saving my husband from when he has to see his dad there that spoke shit about his sister when her son was missing, just drop it, I need to go nowâ I donât have the time to be going back and forth, if they go there then they do and will cause some nasty issues âsince when have you been like this? Am I speaking to Chris?â my mother is shocked âno mom, I am standing by my husband, just mind yours and I will mine. Please I need to go now, love you. Byeâ disconnecting the call.
Junior is sat in Chrisâ lap on the jet, he is calm for once but then again he is eating âI will appreciate the peace from himâ I said âyeahâ Chris mumbled âhow would you feel if your dad was there?â I asked him, itâs just a question and I am intrigued to know the answer âright now I canât think but ainât nobody telling him anything, I donât knowâ nodding my head âyou donât need to come you know, like to see my familyâ shaking my head âyou know I am going to be there Chris, I donât careâ I said, I am going to be there for him âI donât know how she is feeling right now, if I lost my child. I would lose my mind, imagine it. All those years and this, I just canât digest that he isnât here I mean. He doesnât bother anyone? I donât understand why, I am just so fucking angry, confused. I donât know what to sayâ nodding my head âI understand, we will see how it goesâ Chris looked outside the window, my poor baby. He has been feeling so off about things, he felt something was wrong and he was right, this is terrible, I feel so sorry for him.
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Eighty Eight.
Itâs been a weird feeling to be having Robynâ family in the home but not Robyn, she is being extremely stubborn. To say the least, she picked up Rylee from the home and then didnât stay either. To say that she wanted her family here she isnât coming here, and on top of that. The very night she left early she went to the club even though she said she is thinking, how can you think when youâre in the club, it makes no sense. She left Rylee behind and went to the club with Mel, she has been very off now. I think she is angry with me; I feel she is anyways. I think she is angry with me that I told Monica, because Monica did mention that she wasnât happy at all that she knew and was saying that she will speak to me, but she hasnât really, besides sending me a picture of Rylee with a wig on, that is it but today is the day, taking Robyn to the Getty museum. I have spent so much money on making it up to Robyn that I will not be doing this again, never again. Shit is expensive as hell, but I am going to push through, and I am going to continue to try and get Robyn to break down but itâs so hard, she is being very hard. I didnât think Rihanna would be so different to Robyn, I know Monica says she is just her daughter, but Rihanna is very much out there, I have fucked up big time. Even though I exposed Drake for what he is, niggas were clowning me about it and TJ said why didnât I listen to Robyn when she said, I feel like a dickhead, but I will get my wife back, I will, and I know I will. I think I just need to keep getting at Robyn, see if I didnât have my leg in this cast I would be at the club harassing her, she knows I would be too.
Majesty is watching TV but goes out of her way to sit on my cast, I donât know why but she does âyou annoying uncle again, since she can walk she be doing the mostâ Noella sat down, I laughed shaking my head âshe reminds me of what my daughter will be like, she keeps touching it. I think she is intrigued by it, you knowâ Majesty does not care and continued to remain on my cast âbig day today for youâ I breathed out, rolling my eyes as I did âI donât know, Robyn is being hard headed. Please tell me itâs not just me?â looking over at Noella âshe isâ she admitted âI think she is acting out; Robyn went through that when things were going wrong with her father. She was so upset, and she went very within herself, very dark, angry. Auntie said that she spoke to her on why she isnât coming, she is busy but then Monica said she is angry that her mother told her off about things, that her mother is taking sides, but my cousin needs to relax. I hope you can get that out of herâ I knew it, I knew she would be upset about her mother âI hopeâ I mumbled âI have hurt her a lot Noella, she trusted me so much, she said that Rylee is lucky to have me as a father and I let her down with that, I havenât been around for her, I know that has hurt her. I think she is seeing me as a bad person, itâs meâ I am to blame in this.
If I could, I would be pacing around in this room because I am nervous about today, this cast is annoying my life too because I canât wear what I want, I have to wear something nice because I know my wife will look bomb as hell âChristopher, are you in thereâ hearing the light knocks on the door, Monica is knocking on the bedroom door âerm yeah, come in!â I spat, I mean I am just sat on the bed waiting for the moment I see Robyn, I am trying to gather myself right now âsorry, I didnât want to interrupt but you werenât coming down, are you ok?â she asked âalso have you ate? My daughter is stubborn, but she said can I make sure you are fedâ I chuckled âerm yeah I have thank youâ smiling at my mother in law being so sweet âI wanted to ask when was the last time this home was cleaned?â that reminds me âerm, like about three months? I never changed the sheets since, I donât want you to do it for me but yeah, since Robyn leftâ Monica nodded her head âI can tell, you need to get a cleaner to come but I didnât come for that reason, I wanted to say my daughter is being hard right now but donât stopâ she said âI am not going too, I made the mistake. This is my fault, if I didnât see a glimmer of hope I would stop but I know she wants me, she is being hard headed but I know she just wants me to be sorry, I will get her backâ I am optimistic with her hard ass âgood, I just want some peace. I prayed for you both, but if you need help then let me knowâ Monica turned away, I need to get a cleaner to come actually.
Mel is shouting me to come out, I am here trying to find something to wear for this thing. I donât know what it is, Chris hasnât really said what it is, but itâs something. I am guessing a meal, I am sure it will be a meal or something, but I donât know what to wear âI am hereâ lifting my sweatpants up a little as I made my way out âtake your time, you have people here for youâ I havenât asked for anyone to come so who the hell is this âwho?â I said as I got to the living room âoh hi?â why is Mel and Mylah here âwe have been summoned to comeâ furrowing my eyebrows âby who?â I know itâs not me âyour husbandâ letting out an oh âno way? Did he really? How is this man here just booking my peopleâ staring at Mel, she just shrugged âwhen there is a way Robynâ she has a point âHow?â I asked either of them âwell what happened was he messaged me on Instagram, I think he also messaged Mel on there too, he said that Robyn has somewhere to go, and I need you to do her makeupâ this saves me from doing it actually âhe said itâs a little date, there will be things there. He really didnât give much away but here we areâ my smile grew âI am glad actually; I didnât know what to wear so this saves me so much time, if you want to come to my bedroom I guessâ I am just annoyed actually, more at my mom then anything, she just wants me to make an effort and that I shouldnât have left the home, it is wrong, so I havenât been home. She said the home is a mess, that isnât my problem because I am not there either.
Mel got me in a little cute Dior denim dress, I mean I haven no idea if it will fit the event but to me this looks nice as hell. Imagine if he is matching again, I am going to fall out laughing because he does this a lot âam I date ready?â I twirled in the living room âyou are, you look hard faced though. Good luck to himâ I gasped âdonât be rude, do I?â Mylah nodded her head âyou seem like you are in deep thought most of the time, like you want to smile and be happy and speak to people but your mind is elsewhere, your mind is whatever is upsetting you right now. So itâs making you look hard facedâ she has a point âI have a lot on my mind that is all, I donât know what it will bring today. I donât know what will be said, I donât know what will happen so I am just having a hard time concentrating you see, but Ryleeâ I pointed at Mel âare you ok with her, or shall I say to my mom you will drop her off with her?â Mel might have other things going on âI think Ry Ry knows me more then auntie, she may get more upset being with her so I will keep her, I will love spending time with herâ that is good, so I donât need worry about Rylee âtake a breather, enjoy yourself and just speak on everythingâ Mel said, nodding my head taking in a deep breath.
Chris called me an SUV too, he is making sure I really come to this. I love that he is doing the most too, he is making sure I am dressed too with inviting my stylist. I do wonder what the fuck he got going on at a damn museum, like I am wondering what he got going on right now. The driver opened the door for me, I smiled lightly at him as I got out of the SUV. Chris and his damn leg, trying to not smile too much âwearing a shirt nowâ I pointed out, Chris smiled putting his head down âwell I had to look good, you look beautifulâ he looked up at me âyou really do, I am just glad you came actuallyâ he laughed âI was doubting that you was because there has been a lot going on with us so I was just doubting it so I am glad youâre hereâ leaning in and wrapping my arm around his neck âwell I wouldnât not come, I like surprises and you know that. I am sad for you though, your legâ I stood back from him âyeah, itâs been a real pain for me but we good. We can still do what we need to do canât we?â nodding my head agreeing âof courseâ I breathed out âshall we go in?â he said âyeah, I will go in first. Hold the door for youâ stepping ahead of him so I can hold the door open for him, I have to take care of him now âthanksâ pushing the door open and holding it open for him âdonât be, if you werenât like this then I would have made you done it allâ which is true.
The double doors opened on their own actually, Chris and I just stood here, and they just opened âoh my godâ placing my hands over my mouth, hearing the violin started playing Diamonds just like on our wedding day. The room is filled with flowers upon flowers âhappy anniversary, I know itâs late, but I had to do itâ I am emotional, I canât even. The room is beautifully filled with flowers and roses âshall we go inâ this looks just beautiful and the song, walking inside slowly. Itâs like we are entering an enchanted place, itâs just beautiful âtwo doves, oh my godâ I pointed staring at the two doves just on a branch âthey so beautifulâ turning myself around looking around every inch of the room, how did he even do this âthe erm, the number of red roses here in this room is the same amount we have been married, every rose represents every day we have been marriedâ Chris said, and I am even more of a wreck. I am trying not to cry but I think I will be failing at this soon, slowly walking further in. Itâs just the music and the whole set up âbutterflies!?â I spat, he is has really gone out of way âI wanted it to be authentic, you knowâ one just flew by me âthis is so fairytale Chris, oh my godâ looking up at the ceiling, itâs just pure beauty âI think you need to be my creative directorâ Chris laughed out, I wasnât even joking âoh wow, Dennis is hereâ I laughed, of course he is here âso we can have the memoriesâ he is right, we do need it.
The violinist did amazing âjust bought me flashbacks to the best dayâ smiling at her as she shyed away âthank youâ I said to the waiter ânow wait a minuteâ I pointed, Chris laughed âmy life wouldnât be worth living if I didnâtâ Chris laughed, this is so sad of me, but I know my waiters âGiorgio Baldi, I swear I could cry right now, wow. Am I predictable or something, like you are just hitting it every time, I am over the moonâ the waiter laughed and finished pouring the wine âthank youâ I smiled saying âmy pleasureâ he walked off âso have I done good?â pressing my lips into a hard thin line and then nodding my head âI am over the moonâ I have to admit, itâs just so beautiful âgood, I am happy you said that because not going to lie but when I was thinking on what to do, I kind of got stuck thinking on what to do so yeah, I am happy you are feeling that way. I know we have a lot to speak on and I want to be the one to start first, but we shall eat first and then I can speak on things, but I didnât think you would come. Just because you have been off with me, and you have been going out more tooâ I chuckled âyeah, I uhm. I just didnât want my mother to know in a way, not in a bad way but she clouds my mind, parentsâ I laughed âyeah, my dad is the same to be honest so I understand but I wanted to be truthful to her, because she would have come to the home and then be like where is my daughterâ I get where he is coming from.
This whole setting is beautiful, with the violin and the whole things. Itâs beautiful âlook at thatâ turning my phone to Chris, a butterfly flew onto my plate. It was so random, itâs just there at the side âthat is dopeâ bringing my phone back, I am going to post it on my story. Itâs so pretty and itâs not moving âhow is your album coming along? I mean since I havenât been around you have been working hard on it?â locking my phone and placing it at the side of me âgreat, I must say this whole situation gave me so much fuel and inspiration. The music is based off your shitâ Chris groaned out âmy godâ he said âyeah, itâs funny because the producers are like what the fuck happened but the album is kind of done, I just need to do a few more songs but thank you for the inspirationâ Chris rolled his eyes âI am not sure if that is a good things but I am glad that you have had that inspiration to sing about what happened, I am kind of scared now to hear it. Just because I know the meaning behind it, my faultâ he doesnât even understand how much inspiration I got from this âI canât wait for you to hear it, I think you are going to hate it or love it.
I can tell Chris has a lot on his mind, I know my husband. He is preparing in his mind, he shouldnât feel like that he should just flow with it and say it âthank youâ I broke the silence between us âthank you for this, the whole meal and the whole set up. This is what I wanted for my anniversaryâ Chris grinned âso you coming home now? I am jokingâ he sat back in his chair âI am finding it really hard right now, like not in a bad way but just to explain how much I fucked up. I am so dumb, imagine doing that to anyone let alone Rihanna but I am sorry, I will forever be sorry for this because I let you down in a big way, something I said I wouldnât do but I did, I am so sorry Robyn. I was so lost in the glamour of Drake and his lifestyle, I was so lost in the fame, the fun that I put that as a priority and left you behind, when he called I was gone, I did think he was a friend and when you told me that, I saw that as you just breaking that up for me, like a threat. I know niggas see you as a lot, meaning sexy and whatever, I know there is a lot of men that would take my place, I know they will and I know I could lose you, there is always someone there and that is because they find you sexy. I know it, I see it constantly and youâre with me so itâs like what the fuck, but you are. And when you mentioned about Drake, it triggered it. I just got uptight, I always know you are better than me no matter what you say, so you saying that I just thought she wants to break something good for me, a friend. I didnât think he was like that. And it looks so bad because I did choose him over my own wife, I look like a clown, I am a clown. And my mouth, it just runs. When I am in the moment I can never stop, and I donât ever think either. Itâs never ok to disrespect you the way I have, I wouldnât let a nigga do that to my own daughter but here I was doing it to my wife, missing out on things. I am stupid but then the whole shit with Rocky, I was already like that. But now I think, it was all planned. Everything, he did it all on purpose but then it exposed that you are still messaging him, and I didnât know, I looked stupidâ his voice broke âI am sorry Robyn, I am really sorry. I just miss you so much, I miss you in the home, it doesnât feel right at all. I just want you to know how much I feel bad about everything, I treated you like shit really badly and you still were there for me in a way, but I donât deserve youâ Chris wiped his eyes.
I donât like him crying âdonât cryâ shifting in the seat âI tested you and I pushed you, taunting you about not being Rihanna, I donât like it. I bought that out of you, you didnât want too but you did it because I pushed you to itâ nodding my head âI honestly can admit that I donât treat you any less, what you are feeling and thinking is your own insecurity and you need to let it go, I married you Chris and you need to remember that. I didnât want anyone else because I love you, youâre my first love but I cannot take the attitude and I wonât stay at a place where I am being treated like shit. I will take fault in the way I said it to you and the way it came out, I didnât see Drake as a threat, but he was entering my family, he started to cause issues in my home. I kept it away because it meant nothing to me Chris, it didnât but then he was entering my home and causing those issues, so I had to say it but not in the right manner. I was angry with you because Rakim is just harmless and you started that mess, it was not needed. Yes I have his number still because itâs nothing sexual, itâs just a friend. I have a lot of male industry friends and my mother doesnât agree but itâs there, it happens, and I donât know where we go from here if you canât accept thatâ I want it to be out in the open âyou have your female assistants, I donât care. You donât hear me piping up unless itâs Seiko but that is life, females will be around, and males will be too but that is down to youâ he canât always be like this either âbut you didnât say anything about texting him Robyn, itâs stupid for me to not know this. He mentioned it to me and laughed, made me look like a jokeâ Chris said âyou was both making jibes at each other, we could go back and forth on this forever. The industry I am in there will be men and you, you canât be like this. I am married to you, I love you. How much else you want me to do Chris? If we are being real then letâs be real on this, can you take it? I canât just stop talking to every man, my mother expects me to just what, text you straight away that a man is there? Then you just donât trust me, like this canât go on right?â I canât continue this when he feels that I am above him and that every man is out to fuck me.
Love Is Blind: Chapter Twenty-Four
âRobs, we got a meeting in five minutes,â Beverly stated as she stood beside Robynâs desk.
âI know. Iâm trying to find the vendor file for Albertâs. Question? Did you move some of my stuff off my desk while I was gone?â
âI unpacked that box that was delivered the day your boyfriend came by and moved some of your files to your inbox but that was it.â
âWhat was in the box anyway?â
âThis,â Beverly pointed at a large marble figurine that was now sitting by her phone, âI left the card it came with in your top drawer. Iâm surprised you didnât notice it.â
âIâve been on Zoom conference calls all day. I havenât had time to look at my phone. It is beautiful though.â
âIt is.â
âDid you read the card?â
âThought about it but it seemed like a personal gift.â
âWell thank you for your restraint.â
Beverly laughed, âWe need to get going to the meeting. I got paper copies of the presentation slides and of the vendor file, weâll have to find the original later.â
âWorks for me.â
Robyn grabbed her iPad and followed Beverly to the conference room.
âJust something for you to always remember me by and to brighten up your desk. Love you. Christopher.â
Robyn smiled as she read the words of the card. Chris got her a just-because gift. And it was expensive as hell, going by the price on the internet when she researched what the figurine was. It was a marble statue in the shape of two non-descript bodies, one male and one female, entwined with each other. She didnât see one that looked exactly like the one Chris gave her so it seemed to be custom. She picked up her office phone and dialed a number. It rang for a few moments before she heard a voice, âHello, Professor Brown speaking.â
âProfessor Brown? I kind of like the sound of that.â
Chris laughed, âHey Baby. Whatâs going on?â
âNothing much. I just wanted to check on you. How are you?â
âIâm good. Getting back into the swing of things.â
âRegretting teaching for the summer yet?â
âActually no. I got a pretty good set of students this summer. Iâm happy about that.â
âThatâs great but I wanted to thank you for my gift.â
âYou finally opened the box?â
âThe day you came over for lunch, I completely forgot about it. Bev unpacked it while we were in Pennsylvania. Why didnât you say anything about it?â
âBecause it was a gift, I didnât want to assume you opened it already and then ruin the surprise.â
âI guess. Is it custom?â
âItâs one of a kind but I didnât have it specially made. The artist doesnât do mass production.â
âWell itâs beautiful. What made you pick that one?â
âIt just seemed like something you would like. Was I right?â
âVery right. What you up to right now?â
âJust finishing up a lesson plan. Why?â
âYou gonna be in your office for a while?â
âMaybe a few more hours. I got office hours this afternoon.â
âCool.â
âWhat are you up to?â
âNothing. Just wondering.â
âYou sure?â
âIâm sure. Well I just wanted to thank you for my gift. I gotta finish up this proposal and take a nap.â
âYouâve been doing ok with working your normal hours?â
âAs long as I sneak a nap in, Iâm good.â
âAlright Baby. Finish your work and get some rest, Iâll see you at home.â
âOk. Love you.â
âI love you too, Baby. Bye.â
âBye.â
They hung up. Robyn glanced at the clock then looked down at the proposal on her desk, âthat can wait until tomorrow.â
She logged into her computer system and pulled up the online order form for her favorite restaurant.
âSomehow I just knew you were gonna pull up on me,â Chris said as he opened his office door. He took the large cloth bag from Robynâs hand as he leaned in to kiss her.
âI wasnât going to but then I said what the hell, I havenât seen your office yet.â
âYou haven't?â
âNope.â
âThatâs crazy. I thought I brought you here before but regardless, Iâm glad youâre here.â
âMe too. I needed to get out of the office.â
âTough day.â
âLong day. I was gonna just take a nap and get back at it but I decided to just take the rest of the day off.â
âMy couch is very comfy if you wanna stay and still take your nap.â
âIâm not trying to crowd your space, I just wanted to bring you something to eat for a change.â
âI like you in my space though.â
Robyn playfully rolled her eyes as she sat on the edge of his desk, âso whatâs the lesson for the week?â
âWe are working on basic scales on the piano. This is my beginnerâs Piano class that Iâm teaching this summer.â
âYou teaching composition classes?â
âNot this summer. I didnât want to teach anything too complex. Beginnerâs Piano lets me relax a bit because if I donât want to teach, teach, I can always give them practice notes and they can do that in lieu of class.â
âAh, good thinking.â
âI have good ideas sometimes.â
Robyn chuckled, âso when are you gonna play for me again? Itâs been a long time actually.â
âWell after lunch, I could take you to my classroom, I keep a keyboard in there for illustrations.â
âIâd love to.â
âGreat. So weâll eat, I take you around to see some stuff then weâll go to my class.â
                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
âDada!â
Chris pulled his attention from Robyn moving around the kitchen to Christian sitting on his lap. He carefully fixed his elongated curls and kissed his forehead, âwhatâs up, Baby Boy? Daddy not paying enough attention to you.â
Christian poked out his bottom lip and Chris chuckled, âyour sisterâs been teaching you a lot more than I thought.â
âDid he hit you with the pout?â Robyn asked with a laugh.
âHe definitely did.â
âI took his teddy bear this morning and he did it to me. Isnât it cute?â
âYea until he realizes itâs power.â
Robyn laughed, âlike Anesa has with you.â
Chris rolled his eyes, âwhatever.â
âOur daughter has you wrapped around her finger and you know it.â
âSheâs just like her mama.â
âI am not spoiled.â
âYea. Right.â
âWell if I am spoiled, itâs your fault.â
âWhatever.â
Robyn chuckled, âyou decide what you want for dinner?â
âIsnât it a little early?â
âIâm in a cooking mood so Iâd rather start while I feel like it.â
âI can cook dinner, Babe.â
âI know but Iâm not asking you that. Iâm asking what do you want to eat for dinner?â
Chris raised his brow at her and Robyn settled her hands on her hips as she tilted her head at him, âproblem?â
âNope.â
A big smile came over his face and Robynâs brow furrowed in confusion, âwhy you smiling so wide?â
âJust realized something.â
âSomething like?â
âIâll tell you later.â
âOk,â Robyn said softly, âyou know what you want?â
âOxtails.â
âYellow rice or rice and peas?â
âRice and peas.â
âMacaroni and cheese or cabbage?â
âCan you do both?â
âYup. Dessert?â
âIâll make it. What you thinking?â
âApple pie with ice cream sounds good.â
âI can do that.â
âGood. Iâll get the oxtails started and in the crockpot so youâll have your space for whatever you need to do.â
âCheck and see if thereâs any ingredients you need, me and the kids can go to the store for you.â
âI should be good. I did want to ask you something.â
âAnything, Baby. Whatâs up?â
âDo you have any friends?â
âAre you serious?â
âIâm very serious. I never hear about any or see you leave to hang out or anything.â
âI do have friends but we all have busy lives so we donât get together as much. Also I did leave most of our friends behind in LA.â
âDo you ever regret leaving LA, separate from the divorce?â
âHonestly? No. We lived there for a long time so thereâs not much I missed while living there. You?â
âI donât know. I think we spent so much time together and traveling all over the place, LA was a home base but it wasnât home, if that makes sense.â
âI get what you mean. You ever think about going back?â
âIâve thought about going to visit but never actively made plans.â
âWe should take the kids. Go to Disneyland, show them my other profession.â
âHow is the firm doing?â
âItâs going well. I havenât had any fires that needed to be put out so other than occasional conference calls regarding budgets and project approvals, Iâve been pretty hands off.â
âYou ever thought about going back to being an architect?â
âI get the chance to still be a part of the industry being on the board so I donât feel like I totally left in a sense.â
âUnderstandable.I also need to know if youâre going to my gala with me.â
âOf course. Iâm your forever date, remember?â
âI donât remember agreeing to that but ok.â
Chris shook his head with a laugh, âthere you go being stubborn for no reason.â
Robyn laughed, âIâm just saying that I donât remember saying that.â
âOK Wife.â
âOk Boyfriend.â
Chris stuck his tongue out at her while he stood up with Christian in his arms, âIâm gonna put him down for his nap then Iâll be back to help cook. Donât start without me, I need to see how you cook theseâ
âOxtails are not difficult to make.â
âFor someone whoâs been making them most of their life, of course not.â
âAm I giving you a cooking lesson?â
âYou could call it that.â
âI think you just want to be up under me.â
âUp under you and a whole lot more.â
âYou lucky heâs still an infant and not repeating you just yet.â
âI got some time before we have to start speaking in code.â
âYouâre silly.â
Chris left down the hall while Robyn began rummaging through the freezer.
âOk, you can put the peppers in now,â Robyn instructed as she glanced over into the crockpot. Chris gathered a pile of chopped green pepper and dumped them into the vessel, âthose arenât chopped too big?â
âNah, itâs gonna stew for a couple hours so theyâll break down. If we diced them to start with, theyâll disintegrate by time the food was done.â
âOh, that makes sense.â
âSo what exactly do you know how to cook?â
âAnything as long as I got the recipe.â
âYou donât cook from memory?â
âSome stuff, mainly stuff Iâve been eating the majority of my life but everything else, I need a recipe.â
âAnd here I was all impressed, thinking you were cooking from memory or something.â
âIt was still good though.â
âIt was but weâll work on that part.â
âWhat part?â
âLearning to cook from the heart and not from a cookbook or Google search.â
âThat sounds way easier than it is.â
âI think youâll catch on quick. So earlier, what was that big smile all about?â
âWhat smile?â
âWhen I was asking you about what you wanted for dinner.â
âJust reminded me of when we were first married. You get pretty feisty once you get comfortable with someone.â
âIâve always been comfortable with you.â
âNo you haven't, especially since we were kind of pushed into the next step of the relationship before either of us were ready.â
âWhat you mean?â
âWe had only been seriously dating for a few weeks then suddenly weâre moving in together. Iâm sure that was not part of your plan at the time.â
âI honestly didnât have a plan. You were the one ready to get married again.â
âGetting married again and having a baby are two totally different plans.â
âAnother baby wasnât in the plans?â
âConsidering your age, I wasnât exactly sure if you wanted to try for biological children, thatâs why I never brought it up.â
âWe never talked about kids?â
âNo. Nesa asked you about it once but other than that, the discussion never came up. And that was before we were even dating.â
âWe didnât talk about a lot of stuff.â
âNot exactly my fault though.â
Robyn cut her eye at Chris and he shrugged his shoulders, âyou had me walking on eggshells and you know it.â
âThat was never my intention.â
âI know.â
âYou know you couldâve broken up with me at some point.â
âThat was never an option.â
âWhy?â
âI trust you and your judgment, you know when youâre tripping and will adjust accordingly. Itâd be stupid as hell to break up over something thatâs easy to fix.â
âI guess.â
âDid you want to break up with me?â
âI didnât even want to get back with you in the first place, remember?â
âActually you did but you were afraid to, not the same thing.â
âFear was the reason. Not dating was the action. You and your semantics again.â
Chris laughed as he grabbed a bottle of juice out of the fridge.
âWhatâs so funny?â
âYouâre being feisty again.â
âYouâre annoying.â
Chris chuckled as he walked over to her and leaned against the counter next to her. Robyn rolled her eyes as she placed the seasoned meat into the crockpot and put on the lid. She set it to high then turned to face Chris, âso what do you wanna do until dinner?â
âLetâs keep talking about this feisty attitude of yours.â
âIâd rather not,â Robyn pointed a wooden spoon in his direction, âand if that smirk turns into a laugh, Iâma pop you in the head with this spoon.â
âNow youâre threatening me? Oh, I should definitely start planning our wedding.â
âYou get on my nerves.â
âAnd you love me.â
âYouâre just a glutton for punishment.â
âConsidering I dish it and donât take it, I will disagree with that.â
âThe lies.â
âI got some clips that say otherwise.â
âShut up.â
Chris took a sip of his juice, âif you were to get married again, do you want a wedding or just a reception?â
âNeither. Iâd rather just skip to the honeymoon.â
âYou wouldnât want to celebrate?â
âBeen there. Done that.â
âWouldnât hurt to make new memories though.â
âI just donât want the theatrics. An uneventful proposal and marriage day works. Simple works just fine for meâ
âReally?â
âYea. What? You over there taking notes?â
âNo, just asking questions.â
âI already know youâre gonna propose to me so you donât have to play coy.â
âIâm not proposing tonight therefore Iâm not playing coy.â
âWould you want a ceremony?â
âSomething simple to mark the moment, yes.â
âHmmâŚâ
âWhy you say it like that?â
âJust thinking. You wanna take a nap? The babies are still asleep.â
âSure. Bedroom or couch?â
âCouch, itâs closer to the kitchen for when I gotta periodically check on the food.â
âWorks for me.â
âWhen are you gonna make the pie?â
âAbout two hours or so before dinner, apple pie is better when itâs warm.â
âThatâs true.â
âYou gonna help me bake?â
âConsidering my dessert resume only has pound cake on it, Iâll learn from you.â
Chris smiled then took another sip of juice.
âYou and these damn smirks. What now?â
âFeisty then submissive. Just observing.â
âI am so over you right now.â
Robyn tossed the kitchen towel she was holding onto the counter and left out the kitchen with Chrisâs laughter following her.
                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
âChris, what are you doing here? I thought you had a class today,â Robyn said as she opened her office door. Chris held up a to-go bag from her favorite BBQ place and smiled, âI came to have lunch with my wife and todayâs my free day, remember?â
âIt definitely is. Well, this is nice. I was just thinking about you.â
âYou were? About what?â
Robyn shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed napkins and plastic utensils from the basket underneath her coffee table. Chris sat down on the couch next to her as she handed him some wet wipes.
âNothing specific. You just crossed my mind.â
âShould I be concerned?â
âHave you done something concerning?â
âNo.â
âThen you donât have to be concerned.â
Chris rolled his eyes and Robyn laughed, âforever the smart ass.â
âYou asked. I answered. So what did you bring me to eat?â
âChicken, hushpuppies and macaroni and cheese. Oh, and a Pepsi.â
âYou are ruining my diet.â
âYou arenât on a diet.â
âPrecisely my point, I canât start with you feeding me like this.â
Chris laughed, âyou donât need to diet. As long as your doctor says you're healthy, the rest is welcomed to stay.â
âYou just like my fat ass, you can say it.â
âYou already didâ
Robyn gasped and hit his arm, âyou werenât supposed to agree.â
âThat ass is fat. I donât know how you meant it but I know how I mean it and itâs perfect to me.â
âWhatever.â
âDo you really wanna lose weight or do you think I have a problem with your weight?â
âI donât think you have a problem with my weight, considering how you always rubbing on my butt, hips and love handles, Iâm getting the sense youâre enjoying it.â
Chris grinned at her and Robyn rolled her eyes, âbut Iâm still personally on the fence about it. Iâm not as self-conscious but Iâm still getting used to it.â
âUnderstandable. Well, since weâre talking about things you might still be on the fence about, I figured Iâd get this question out of the way.â
âI know you are not proposing to me right now.â
âAnd if I was?â
âChris, I am at work and sitting in front of you with Bbq sauce all over my hands and maybe on my face.â
Chris smiled as he used a napkin to wipe the corner of her mouth, âand youâve never looked more beautiful to me.â
âThis canât be the moment. This is ghetto.â
Chris laughed, âThis is not ghetto. This is real. This isnât about having some spectacular story to tell because I think everything about our journey has been spectacular. Iâve always wanted to believe that youâd come back into my life and for seven years I was deathly afraid to but God and fate saw fit to bring you back to me in a manner that I never imagined. It gave us both clarity and allowed us to remedy a situation that honestly never ended, it just stopped. Robyn Rihanna Fenty Brown, I would be honored if you would be my wife again.â
âOh my god, I need a napkin.â
Chris chuckled as he grabbed some wipes and gingerly wiped her hands, âbetter?â
âA little. I still think this is a bit unorthodox but...Iâm completely ok with it.â
âAnything else youâre completely ok with?â
âI would absolutely love to marry you again.â
Chris grabbed her face and kissed her deeply before hugging her tightly, âI love you.â
âI love you too. Now whereâs my ring?â
âI don't have it.â
âHow you gonna propose with no ring?â
âI didnât say I didnât get a ring. I said I donât have it, meaning itâs not on my person.â
âSo where is it?â
âYou got it.â
âHow would I have it?â
Chris smirked and Robyn hit his shoulder, âChristopher. Stop playing.â
âIâm not playing. You have your ring.â
âI did pawn our last ring.â
âI know and I wouldnât use that one even if you did still have it.â
âChris, where is my ring?â
Chris wiped his hands then walked over to Robynâs desk and grabbed the new marble art piece that was sitting beside her phone. Robynâs brow furrowed as Chris brought it over to the coffee table. She became more confused as he turned it upside down and pulled out a silicone plug. He shook it lightly and something wrapped in a white cloth fell into the palm of his hand. He placed the silicone plug back then set the art piece down on the table before turning to face Robyn. He carefully unwrapped the white cloth and a large marquise shaped diamond set into a platinum band that was covered in smaller circular diamonds glistened in his hand.
âYour hand, please?â
Robyn shakingly put out her left hand and Chirs slipped the ring onto her ring finger, âRobyn Fenty Brown, will you marry me?â
She nodded her head as she wiped the tears from falling down her face, âChristopher, itâs so beautiful.â
âI did good, huh?â
âYou did but how long was that ring in that piece?â
âSince the day I mailed it to you.â
âSo what wouldâve happened if you proposed somewhere, not my office?â
âThat was never the plan.â
âYou planned this? I am not even dressed up or nothing.â
âBecause I wanted it to be about us, not fancy dinners and stuff, which there is nothing wrong with, but weâve also done that already. I thought you would appreciate me not making a huge spectacle of it.â
âI do but Iâm also a little caught off-guard.â
âYou just knew I was gonna propose in front of the Empire State Building or something with fireworks, huh?â
âI was anticipating it.â
Chris laughed, âare you happy?â
âI am very happy.â
âGood.â
âWeâre getting married again?â
âWeâre getting married again.â
âEEK!â Robyn squealed as she jumped into his lap and kissed him, âI love you, Christopher.â
âI love you too.â
Chris Brown - Before The Party (Mixtape) - SoundCloud
Listen to Chris Brown - Before The Party (Mixtape), an album by DJ strike, LLC on #SoundCloud
Haven't heard this mix tape in a minute. S đ