#chrisbrownff

Ashton

“So what? You about to just fuck and duck?”

She laughed as she used a towel to dry her damped hair “To my defense, I was trying to be as quiet as I could be.”

“You got somewhere to be?” I asked looking over at the clock seeing that it was barely nine o'clock.

I could see her momentarily debating if she should tell the truth or not “No, I actually don’t.” She finally said.

“Then why you tryna get away from me so fast? You regretting last night or something?” I said as I sat up

“Yeah, because I’m going to just give my virginity to someone and move on with my life.” She said and rolled her eyes

“That’s how it seems.” I countered

She probably was having second thoughts about us having sex but didn’t know how to admit it.

Narrator POV:

Destani’s eyes rolled for what felt like the thousandth time, maybe. Her head was starting to hurt, her bottom had been hurting, and she was completely drained. But she didn’t want to shut her eyes for too long and miss the announcement that her niece was here!

“Dez, I know you hear my stomach growling. Come go with me down to the cafeteria… I’m starving!” Tameka whined in her ear. Because of Destani’s evident attitude, she refrained from turning around and slapping her friend… she didn’t have time for an all-out brawl in the middle of the waiting room.

“Meka, it’s a whole entire bag of snacks Auntie brought right there. Eat that and calm down.”

Destani said, watching as Tameka huffed as hard as she could, slamming herself back into her seat even harder… and she rolled her eyes so damn hard Destani thought they would pop out of her head. So dramatic.

“Stop being a cry baby, Meeks.” Destani rolled her eyes yet again at the sound of Kendrick’s voice… where was this guy for the past ten minutes his girlfriend had been complaining?

“Uh…” Meka sat up in her seat and pressed the tips of the fingers of her right hand into her chest, “I know you not talking to me.”

“Nah baby, come on now…” Kendrick chuckled, nervously at that. Destani giggled at the sound… ‘he’s such a bitch when it comes to her’ she thought.

“Boy don’t nah baby me! You need to be worried about why your woman is sitting up in this stale waiting room in this uncomfortable seat, starving to death… and get out my business!” She fussed.

“Meka you know darn well you need to chill out. It’s too early for all them shenanigans now… each a nutrigrain bar and chill yo boisterous behind out!” Dontay snapped. He sat in the row across from Tameka and Destani swore she’d just seen him knocked out two seconds ago. His sudden outburst clearly disturbed Tawny who was curled up at his side, sleeping her damn self. She sat up with a confused look on her face, a deep red indention in her right cheek, and the right side of her curly hair meshed against her head… Destani couldn’t help but laugh.

“If all of ya’ll don’t calm down! Dontay is absolutely right… it’s too early for all this fussing. Tameka, baby… eat a damn nutrigrain bar and zip it, alright.” Everyone’s eyes bucked over to Ms. Joyce and that time, Destani had to slap a hand over my mouth to keep her laughter down. She knew it was early and she was probably on edge about her grandbaby, but geez… no one had ever heard her snap like that!

Tameka frowned and for a few seconds she looked like she’d really gotten her feelings hurt, but she certainly did exactly what Mama said and shut her damn mouth and took that nutrigrain bar.

They’d all been cooped up in the waiting room down the hall from Sy’s room for what felt like all of eternity and obviously everybody and they mama, literally, was getting extremely impatient. The best part about it was that they weren’t far from Sy’s room and they did get the entire space to themselves… seeing as they took up so much room.

After a while of sitting there, butt numbing in the most irritating way, Destani swore she could hear the faint cry of a baby. Staring down at the floor and squinting with concentration, she figured for a moment that the cry could have belonged to any baby because they were indeed in the middle of a maternity ward. But the sudden feeling of joy creeping through her chest told her that wasn’t just any baby… that was Cailah! She gasped and snatched her head up to face Mama Joyce, ready to scream out that the baby was here, but she was already grinning from ear to ear because clearly she knew too.

“Ya’ll hear that?” Tameka asked, sitting up in her seat. And just as Destani opened her mouth to respond, there was a sudden commotion that rendered them all speechless. The noise came from the same hall as Sy’s room, so of course a few of them immediately hopped up from their seats to go find out what was going on.

“What’s wrong with her? Hope, wake up… wake her up… now!” Destani damn near stopped in her tracks at the bone chilling sound of his voice… Chris’s voice. Except, he didn’t sound like Chris. Ms. Cynthia, Mama Joyce, Diana, and Sy’s dad all rounded the corner first and that’s when Destani realized something was terribly wrong. There were a few nurses who had Chris pinned against the wall directly across from Sy’s room and not a single one of them looked like they had him fully restrained, at all. But what did he even need to be restrained for… what happened?

“Tell me what’s wrong with her! HOPE… WAKE UP!” He barked, snatching his left arm out of a male nurse’s hand. He swung his hand back around and pushed the man away from him, sending him flying several feet away and landing on his back.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER!” He continued to scream and Destani’s brisk walk finally slowed to an intimidated teeter as she watched one of her best friends since child hood morph into someone she’d never seen before in her life. The veins in this boy’s neck bulged with the strength of a body builder, his face was so red she thought he would start bleeding right through his skin, and his eyes… were the exact opposite of their normal golden brown, they were almost black.

“What the hell is going on?” Hope’s dad’s voice was the first that could actually be distinguished over the rumble of chaos breaking out in the hallway. He somehow managed to zip past everyone bustling in the hallway and flew toward Chris, swiftly taking the place of the nurse who still laid out on the floor like he’d just been shot. Ms. Cynthia and Diana joined him, crowding around Chris who failed to make eye contact with anyone around him. His stare remained one with the now closed door of Sy’s room and he sucked in air so desperately it really looked like his chest would cave in at any minute.

“Oh God, I don… I don’t know. Lord, I don’t know what’s happening!” The girls all turned to find Aunt Maddie lingering near the closed door, her entire face saturated with tears.

“Madison, what is going on? What happened in there? Is everything alright with Sy’Diyah and the baby?” Diana asked, approaching Aunt Maddie and gripping her by her shoulders.

“I don’t know. Diana… I don’t know. She wasn’t responding.”

“Who wasn’t responding? Sy or the baby?”

“Sy’Diyah!”

The hall flooded with gasps of shock, Diana pulled Auntie forward and embraced her when it seemed like her legs completely gave out, and Chris hollered louder.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME! GET OFF ME!” At this point the boys all flew forward to assist with the maniac that was he, but even with a crowd of his family and closest friends surrounding him, he still wasn’t backing down.

Chris grunted and screamed, and lost himself… he completely lost himself in that hallway, and that’s when it hit Destani. He wasn’t even himself. She didn’t know much about his disorders… all she knew were the few minor details Sy had shared with her. And she knew about the tantrums he’d have when he would get angry as a kid. But never in her life would she have imagined this.

“Get off me, please God… get off of me!” His head slammed back against the wall and he cried so hard, it made Destani cry. She hated to see him this way and she hated even more that Sy’Diyah wasn’t here to bring him back to himself. He was here, right here in the hallway flinging people away from him like they were ants, but he wasn’t here… Chris was nowhere to be found.

“Baby, listen to me.” Ms. Joyce finally crept through the scene and even she looked weary to get too close to her enraged son, “Look at me Chris.”

His whole damn body was trembling and his face was sweating, but his concentration on the door ahead never wavered… until Ms. Joyce got just close enough to gently lay a hand against his face.

“Christopher, look at me.” Something about her voice or her touch grabbed just an inch of his attention and his ominous eyes finally dropped to her.

“Do you hear me?” She asked, gripping onto his face with both hands now. He nodded once to acknowledge her, but his harsh breathing never slowed down and his body continued to tremble.

“Don’t you take your eyes off me, okay?” She demanded. Somehow, Ms. Joyce managed to stay as calm as she was with the amount of tears she was crying. He followed her instructions though and kept his unblinking eyes glued to her, even as she carefully raised her left hand and the needle that was in it up to his arm. The girls all huddled together a few feet away from the chaos, stunned by the sight of that needle jabbing into his skin. It was a sedative. Ms. Joyce had been equipped with it the day Chris was released from the institute and instructed to only use it in severe circumstances… and this, was an extremely severe circumstance.

His body seemed to suddenly shudder and quake, then suddenly the fight was over. He stopped flailing, stopped putting up a fight against anyone in his near vicinity, everything just stopped. From the left they could hear more commotion, hospital security rushing along to regulate the situation.

“What’s going on here?” A tall dark chocolate man spoke, frowning at the sight of one of the employees just now being assisted back up onto his feet by Rashad. A shorter Hispanic man was with him and he too frowned the more he scoped the scene, taking in the sight of what looked to be an unconscious man pressed up against a wall with multiple people keeping him pinned there. No one immediately volunteered to speak up and explain an incident that still didn’t make much sense to the surrounding spectators, until Ms. Joyce turned to face them with swollen and moist eyes.

“Officer… everything is fine.”

  Omniscient:

Is there such a place where no one exists? Where pain is not pain, love is not love, beauty is not beauty, the heart does not beat, there is no spirit, there is no soul… but rather, one is not dead? Is there a place where chaos, turmoil, hate, violence, crime… cease to exist, but one is not in heaven? There are no walls, there is no ceiling, no floor for gravity to weigh you down upon, no air for one to breathe… but, one still lives within? There is a place, only… it is too far to touch with the hand of man. And yet, it is so close that it surrounds us constantly, short of our knowledge.

There is a bed here, in this place, and a woman who bores life, she exists on that bed… but only her, no one else. She grunts and groans with a feeling, a sensation, that cannot be determined because here… feelings and sensations do not exist. There is an extraordinary occurrence happening within that space and between that woman and that bed. She is granting life to another, who will surely go on to exist… in a world where there is air to breathe, water to bathe and drink, life to live. But she, that woman… does she exist?

It was her, Hope, and only that bed. And now, only one other being… her child, that she bore all alone, with no feelings or sensations… because they do not exist. The child was there, between her legs on that bed and crying out into the world that was nothing. But as if bound to that bed by ropes and chains that did not exist in this place, Hope stared at her… hopeless… motionless. But she wept, silently, emotionally, and without expression as she stared… and the child cried.

“She is chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from divine. She is your daughter… the loveliest little person you’ve ever known.”

A gasp that could not be heard fled Hope’s lips and her eyes danced upward, into the nothing. No one was there, but her and her child, but the voice was so distinct… she could feel it against her skin like a cool wind on a brisk day.

“Grandchild to me, she is… such a beauty.”

She could feel the voice in her bones, igniting her with some type of feeling… but, she had none. She could not speak, could not move a muscle, could not breathe… but she inhaled, somehow. ‘What is this? Who’s there?’

“My darling… my honey. I hear your fear. I feel your fear. But fear, you must not.” She hadn’t spoken… hadn’t said a word. But her cobalt eyes wept in silence, her blushed cheeks catching her tears and releasing them to her chest.

Her chest… covered by golden tresses cascading in thick waves down to her waist. She was naked, as was the child. ‘Who’s there?’

This voice, it swirled all around her and made her feel warm… and safe… even in this land of nothing. But she wanted to know who it belonged to. Who lived in her mind and plucked her thoughts without her consent?

Her eyes danced all about, and her head may or may not have moved from left to right… but she was surrounded by such dense nothing, and the feeling of no sensation overwhelmed her so… she could not determine whether she moved at all.

And there, at her feet, near the end of the bed appeared a swirl. It whirled about for a while, hypnotizing her in a way that her eyes could no longer blink. And from that mystic swirl, was a woman born. She was a beautiful woman, stunning in a way that Hope had never witnessed. Her hair was like water, even more golden than Hope’s own, and flowed continuously against the woman’s shoulders. Her eyes were a bright ice blue, and they were strong and demanding, yet too intimidating to hold onto for long. Her skin glowed as though she’d bathed in a sea of glitter and it would make even the most flawless woman envious. This woman… she was captivating.

She stood there at the end of the bed, smiling down at the whimpering baby, who writhed between Hope’s legs helplessly.

“Such a beauty.” She repeated in a voice just as captivating as her entire aura. She lifted her ice blue stare from the baby and it landed on Hope, who seemed to tremble from the intensity. There seemed to be an almost permanent smile on the woman’s face that reached something within Hope, something that aided her to breathe and feel at ease.

‘Who are you?’

She felt calm, at ease in the woman’s presence and filled with an overwhelming sensation… love, perhaps? But… could that exist in the land of nothing? And somehow, whoever this woman was, she was such an almighty existence that she was able to exist there at the end of the bed… as well as in Hope’s thoughts.

‘You are awfully strong, you know? In the heart, the body, and the mind. You remind me so much of myself.’

‘What is this place?’ Hope wanted answers and for some reason, the woman was refusing to give her any. It was as though she could interpret her thoughts, but it was impossible for her to respond directly.

‘It is what you make of it,’ Slowly and gracefully the woman reached down and forward to scoop the naked child into her arms and that alone ceased the whimpers altogether, ‘But, my child, you must strive to overcome this existence. For it is not your existence.’

My child… what did she mean by, my child? Gazing at the ice blue eyed beauty, Hope couldn’t deny an overpowering feeling of familiarity. And if she didn’t know any better, she’d say the woman looked like a replica of herself. But she did know better. Because the woman, and this place, did not exist.

‘You must find the courage to go back to him… for, this time, he will not survive in your absence.’ The woman floated around a few feet away from the bed, staring down at the child cradled quietly in the crook of her arm. Her smile never wavered… the little girl looked exactly like him. She hadn’t cracked those tiny eyes open yet, but the woman had an inkling that she would possess the same shade of blue as herself… and Hope.

Her eyes remained one with this perfect woman as she rounded the edge of the bed and stood graciously at her side. Lifting her head, she gazed down upon the young woman lying there, quivering in her skin. There were tear stains coating her cheeks, though she now looked completely at ease. The woman’s smile dimmed slowly and without the young girl’s knowledge, she lifted a hand to her cheek and gently grazed the tips of her fingers against her warm skin. Hope gasped, aloud this time, and failed to even blink as she stared up into those harsh eyes magnetically.

‘My child… here you are, in a place where you do not belong. I wish that I could keep you here, all to myself, and stare at your beauty for all of eternity. But this is not your destiny… this is not your home. You must go, be with him. He is for you and you for he.’

The stains that once coated her skin were moistened once more by the tears that flowed carelessly down her cheeks. This woman gripped onto Hope’s chin with such a delicate touch… a mother’s touch. She gasped, yet again, and again the woman’s smile returned.

‘I love you, my child,’ With ease and care she lowered the child into Hope’s awaiting lap and leaned down to meet the skin of her forehead with her lips, ‘Now go.’

  Hope

6lbs, 3oz, 19in.

 All ten fingers, all ten toes.

 Head full of slick, dark hair.

 Dark colored eyes and I wasn’t sure what color they would eventually end up.

 That addicting ‘baby’ smell that I’d been warned of, time and time again, filling my nostrils.

 I was utterly in love with Cailah Faith Brown… she was absolutely perfect. Before this day, I don’t know if I ever really knew love… not like the love I felt the exact moment I reached down between my own legs and touched my child, pulled her right out into her final destination. Feeling her tiny body in my grasp and pulling her up onto my chest, her head right against my left breast so that the first sound she’d ever know was the last sound she’d heard for nine months… my heartbeat. Hearing her cry the perfect cry that I could honestly admit, I wouldn’t mind hearing for the rest of forever.

And when I awoke from an emergency surgery to remove my placenta and Dr. Zeeta herself personally placed my swaddled baby in my arms, I cried like I’d never cried before. After Dr. Zeeta made sure I was stabilized and strong enough to do so, she left Cailah and I alone for one hour… our golden hour. I obviously didn’t get my hour immediately after giving birth, but that was okay… it was all okay. I was here now, with my baby, and for this hour… no one else mattered.

I stared down at her pleasantly sleeping face and wondered, how on earth could I create something so magnificent. What did I do to deserve this little girl? God, I’d never known this love.

“Hi mama’s baby.” I cooed, washing the edge of my right index finger delicately over her plump rosy cheek. I was so completely amazed and transfixed by her… she was honestly more than I ever could have imagined. I still couldn’t even fully feel my legs from the epidural, but I was assured that that would wear off soon. Pushing myself up further as best I could, I kept my eyes on my little prize and grinned at the sight of her tiny face contorting as I moved.

“Oooh what is that face?” I giggled, watching her face settle again, “Mommy’s sorry baby.”

I was so infatuated with her, I wanted to lay her on the bed in front of me and unswaddle her, just so I could stare at every inch of her to make sure she was really mine. I settled for pushing her pink hat back just enough to satisfy my urge to stare at her hair. I wasn’t just saying it because she was mine… this little girl was seriously perfect. Her hair was so divine and it swirled all over her head, I couldn’t help but wonder how I didn’t suffer from heartburn throughout the pregnancy because it was just that much of it. Just like her eyes, I couldn’t tell what color her tresses would be, but I had to remember… I had the rest of forever to find out.

I smiled and tugged the hat back into its rightful place over her perfectly shaped head. This felt so… right. This moment, right now, shared only between my daughter and I… was right. There was an indescribable emotion brewing in my heart and it left the muscular organ feeling like it would simply explode. I was filled to the brim with joy and love and infatuation and I knew that I never wanted this moment to end… I never wanted this feeling to go away.

I was meant to be a mother. I was meant to be this little girl’s mommy. If I was ever doubtful before, one thing I could be absolutely sure of now… this was my calling. I’d never felt so sure of anything in my life.

My eyes remained fixed on her and I watched her go through what looked like a handful of emotions as her face started to contort again. Until finally, her bottom lip dipped into her mouth and she started to suckle it. I laughed… she must have been hungry.

“Are you hungry little girl? Is mama’s baby hungry?” I asked, as if she would really respond to me. I guess now I could understand that odd exchange I’d heard so many women have with the tiniest baby’s in the grocery store… it’s like second nature to just talk to your baby.

Dr. Zeeta had explained, just after getting me situated with Cailah over half an hour ago, that if I felt that impulse to feed her I should go with it and at least give it a shot. She said she would be sending in a lactation consultant later just to go over a few tips with me and to check to see how comfortable I felt with the whole process. But right now, something about the thought of making sure my daughter didn’t go hungry made my confidence fly through the roof.

She would be breastfed, there was no argument to that. I had a heart to heart with Ms. Joyce once, one of the many that we’d had over the years, and she explained breastfeeding to me in such a way that sounded almost magical. She said there was nothing like it, because it was a guaranteed moment that only I could share with Cailah. Anyone could come along with a bottle and a fake nipple and call themselves feeding a baby, but no one could take away my ability to breastfeed. That would always be our moment… it would always be our ‘golden hour.’ It would constantly strengthen our bond, because I was the only one who could fill her up with the nutrients required for her to thrive… that was our moment.

Smiling down at her, I continued to coo gently because she looked like she would get agitated any minute. As I cooed and sweet talked her, I worked with one arm to slip the side of my gown down so I could get my left breast out. Once that task was done, and the five seconds I spent gawking in utter horror at my over engorged boob were over, I managed to get Cailah comfortably situated in the crook of my left arm. I loosened the front of her tight swaddle enough to free her tiny hands and her chest and carefully angled her right in front of my nipple.

Whether from instinct or just because she was my daughter and she was just that damn smart, I wasn’t sure, but somehow by the grace of God this little girl’s flailing arms made contact with my skin. I watched in complete astonishment as she found her way right where she needed to be. Of course with my guidance and support against her back and neck, she latched on like a dream and I just about cried again. I’d heard so many horror stories about mother’s who struggled to get their newborns to latch on. I’d even been warned by Destani’s mom about the latch assist tool, which she subsequently ended up using with only Destani because she was just that difficult latching. But never in my wildest dreams did I think my baby would be a pro on her first try… all on her own!

“Good job baby,” I giggled, ignoring the awkward sensation of her suckling my nipple with her toothless mouth, “Mommy’s so proud of you.”

Coaxing her forward just slightly, I snuggled her close to my skin and wrapped her blanket over her left side to keep her completely covered. Dr. Zeeta had also explained to me that the skin to skin contact was vital for a newborn, so I wanted to do that as often as I could.

I don’t think my eyes left her for even a second since she’d been in my arms… and they didn’t shift for even a second when the door of my room slid open on the other side of the curtain. I heard a knock after the fact and I didn’t bother to respond, I was that wrapped up in my moment with Cailah.

“How are you two doing in here?” It was Dr. Zeeta’s gentle voice that invaded the silent bliss and I raised my head with a beaming grin to face her… I was excited to show her Cailah’s first big accomplishment.

“We’re doing good… well, this little one is doing excellent,” I giggled, glancing down at her while she sucked to her hearts content, “She just latched on a few minutes ago, all by herself.”

Dr. Zeeta’s mouth flew open and a genuine look of shock washed over her smiling face “No she didn’t! Well go ahead Miss Cailah, be my superstar baby of the year girl!”

We laughed together, quietly amongst ourselves, and eventually turned our attention to my baby “Dr. Zeeta, I’m so in love with her… she’s amazing.”

She crept up at my side and pat the palm of her hand against my right shoulder “As you should be. You got a little angel on your hands, honey. Such a beauty…”

Her words… those words… ‘such a beauty’ sent an unmistakable chill down my spine. I shuddered as discreetly as I could and even shut my eyes for a moment, because those three words caught me so off guard. I’d heard them before, recently… I know I had.

“Well listen, I didn’t mean to disturb you two… you’re doing such a beautiful job with her. But your golden hour is up and you know your family has been counting down the minutes.” She laughed. I giggled along with her, pushing the thought of her bone chilling words to the back of my mind. I’d honestly forgotten all about my family thanks to this little one… she already had me wrapped right around her little fingers.

“But before I go, I just wanted to tell you… I am personally very proud of you, young woman. You have done a phenomenal job from the day I met you and today… you displayed such strength and courage. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anything like it in all my years. I’m excited for what’s to come for you and this little one. If you think you’re blessed to have her, honey God placed her in the right belly because she is truly blessed to have you.”

I stared at her back in awe as she moseyed away, not leaving me even a second to fix my face to cry even if I wanted to. There was something truly special about that lady… I think God may have etched it right into my plan to end up back home in Virginia, not only surrounded by Cailah’s loving village, but here in this hospital… with Dr. Zeeta specifically as my doctor. She was every girl’s dream throughout this entire process and I could honestly say, I was going to miss her when it was time for us to go home.

I guess she wasn’t lying though when she said my family was counting down the minutes of our golden hour… before I could register where she’d gone and what was happening, several pairs of footsteps could be heard teetering behind the closed curtain and by the grace of God, I was quickly able to snatch the thin sheet from my bed up over Cailah’s head… and my boob.

“My baby!” It was my aunt who appeared first, gasping and slapping her hands up over her mouth as if she hadn’t seen me in years. She trailed along into the room and everyone else followed along behind her.

“How you doing sweetheart?” My aunt asked, beelining straight for my left side. She leaned in over the bedrail before I could even respond and I instinctively flinched away from her before she could press herself against Cailah. She frowned for all of two seconds before it finally registered that there was indeed a bassinet in the room, so that must have meant there was a baby in here somewhere. Her eyes lit up excitedly and I giggled, shaking my head at her standing there looking like a kid in a candy store.

Carefully peeling the thin blanket back from my chest, I watched as she gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth, yet again. Her eyes even watered as she stared down at her great niece, who was still going to town on my boob.

“Jesus, look at her Sy’Diyah… she’s beautiful!” She cried. Everyone else filed in and headed straight for my bed, but my aunt held them off before they got too close by politely explaining that I was feeding. It was only the girls, my dad, and Ms. Diana though, and my dad swiftly shied away back toward the door, while of course the girls moved forward anyway and invaded my space. Luckily, Cailah seemed to have gotten her fill and my boob felt much more comfortable and deflated, so my aunt carefully helped me redress under the sheet and I passed the baby off to her so that she could be burped.

And that’s exactly when the girls bombarded me, each barely waiting for the other to lean over the bed rail to hug me. There were a few tears shed, because apparently they really thought they’d lost me. But once every eye in the room was dry, my aunt took the liberty to briefly explain what’d had everyone crying in the first place.

Postpartum hemorrhaging… my mother’s exact cause of death. My aunt said I apparently lost over five-hundred milliliters of blood almost immediately after delivering Cailah, which caused me to lose consciousness from the sudden drop in my blood pressure. She explained that Dr. Zeeta wasn’t initially concerned because she’d faced countless deliveries with even worse outcomes than the loss of consciousness. But she started to display her true concern after exactly twenty-two minutes of my placenta not expelling. At that point Dr. Zeeta prepped her team in the blink of an eye for emergency surgery to remove it. In the rarest possible scenario, my placenta became attached to the walls of my uterus… placenta accreta. It was something that should have been caught earlier on in my third trimester, but somehow flew under the radar… and nearly cost me my life on that delivery bed. The only reason I was knocked out for so long was because of the anesthesia.

As she quietly told the story while rocking Cailah in her arms, my eyes drifted naturally in the direction of my dad and that’s when the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. He tried to down play it by keeping his head down, but by the sound of the quiet sniffles, I could tell that he was crying.

He thought he’d lost me and it utterly broke my heart to know that I’d almost become the second person to put him through that heartache.

I watched, stared at his mannerisms and noted the way he tried to linger as close to the curtains near the door as possible, and my heart shattered even more at the sight. He was falling apart, just standing there, listening to my aunt go on so I finally stopped her.

“Dad,” I blurted, cutting my aunt off completely and silencing the room altogether, “Dad, please… come here.”

He sniffled hard and quickly raised a hand, swiping it up over his entire face to catch the moisture before finally raising his head to look at me through swollen, red eyes. Diana reached a hand up to pat him lovingly on the back, coaxing him to take a step forward closer to my bed. Eventually she ended up guiding him all the way to my bedside and I raised my right hand to him, letting him know that it was okay to get closer. He grabbed my hand and allowed me to tug him over the rail and the moment I wrapped my arms around him, and embraced him tighter, he whimpered and broke down right on my shoulder.

“Daddy it’s okay, I’m here… I’m right here. It’s okay.” I mumbled into the crook of his neck. I was fighting my own tears at this point, but I was determined to keep it together for his sake, because I hated seeing him like this.

He muttered something with his face pressed against mine, but he was crying and trembling so hard I couldn’t make out what he said. I only held him closer and swirled one hand against his back to remind him not only by my words, but by my touch that I was right here… I was okay.

“Sy’Diyah, I-I’m so… sorry. I-I’m sorry. I-I… I thought I… I thought I lost you.” He finally managed to get it together just enough to say those words and for a moment, I had to shut my eyes completely and get my thoughts together because I could feel myself on the verge of a breakdown.

“I thought I lost you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t handle that Sy. I just… I couldn’t take it.” He confessed. Opening my eyes, I allowed a few tears to fall down the sides of my face… his words pierced me right in the heart.

“But I’m here daddy, I’m right here. I’m so sorry I put you through that, but I promise you… I’m okay.”

Finally, he slowly pulled back to gaze at me through his painfully swollen eyes. The palms of his hands gently cupped the sides of my face and he stared at me for a while, then finally he tugged my face forward and pressed his lips against my forehead.

Somewhere behind me I could hear shuffling and at the same time, my dad loosened his grip on my face until he finally let me go altogether. Glancing up at him, I could see that something behind me had caught his eye. Turning my head only barely, I could see that it was my aunt holding a small bundle in a blanket. She had moisture trailing down her cheeks as she held a bundled Cailah out toward my dad. He stared at her, almost transfixed by her presence alone… she seemed to already have that effect on anyone around her.

“Oh, my grandbaby…” He whispered, reaching forward to meet my aunt halfway. She carefully guided my baby into his awaiting hands and I swore I could hear him whimper again as he snuggled her against his chest. She’d been successfully burped and her eyes were shut again as she drifted into another peaceful slumber. This was really a sight for sore eyes. This was my dad’s calling… he was meant to be a grandfather. He looked like he was right where he needed to be holding her right up against his chest, right against his heart… just as I’d done.

“Well hello there little one,” He cooed, quietly since she’d just shut her eyes, “Hi grandbaby… this is your paw paw.”

“I really ain’t sign up for all these tears today though.” I knew it was only a matter of time before we got some comedic relief and of course we had Tameka to thank for that. Indeed, her and the girls were all bundled up together beside Diana and Ms. Cynthia… each bright nosed and teary eyed as they watched the scene play out like a lifetime movie. Thankfully, she pulled a laugh out of each of us and I couldn’t have been more thankful. I was so tired of crying.

Tameka’s joke opened a door for everyone to relax and converse, which is what I needed more than anything. I didn’t want my child’s birth to lead to such a pity party, but it seemed like that’s all that’d been happening since I’d pushed her out.

“I’m so proud of you sissy,” Tawny was grinning wide as she crept up at my side, leaning over the rail to smooth my hair out of the way so she could press her lips against my forehead, “You’ve finally made me an aunt!”

“I don’t think I’ve met anyone as thrilled to be an Auntie as this girl.” Diana said. She stood at my dad’s side, ogling over the baby since he seemed to have a hard time passing her off to anyone else. I was quite alright with that though… this moment meant the world to him and who were we to take that away from him?

“You already know I’m proud of you bama. And you look good after giving birth and going into emergency surgery. God is good!” Destani said. I laughed at her silliness and reached up to hug her when she reached my side. Nalay trailed along behind her, hugged me quickly, then leaned back and stared at me for a moment.

“What… why are you looking like that?” I asked, laughter dying down and smile dropping from my face completely.

“You’re a whole mommy now!” She dipped down, yet again, and pulled me into another hug and I laughed into the crook of her neck. There was so much love in the room, it was almost too much to bear. And as if that wasn’t enough, there was yet another knock on the door. Diana called out that it was okay to enter, but I stayed occupied chatting with the girls as more commotion filed into the room. From the corner of my eye I could see an oversized balloon arrangement floating into the room first. It was decked out with a large pink foot that said “It’s a Girl!”, a few balloons shaped into pacifiers, and several small light pink and white balloons surrounding it. My brows creased with confusion, until I finally spotted Ms. Joyce’s bright beaming face on the back end of the balloons. How could I have missed her absence? She moseyed her happy self right over to my aunt, stopping briefly to greet her with a hug and to sit the balloons off in the corner.

It was what, or who, came rolling in behind her that had me at a loss for words… and breath. In came the boys, Dontay first, since he was clearly in charge of pushing the wheelchair. And in the chair sat Chris. His head was down, well propped against his right fist… his eyes were cast down. He looked completely nonchalant and almost like he didn’t realize he’d just been pushed, in a wheelchair, into this room full of people. What the hell happened to him?

The boys all trailed in behind him and Dontay, as boisterous as ever, but my eyes remained fixed on him. Something was extremely off.

“Congratulations sweetheart!” Ms. Joyce caught my attention for a moment when she rushed to my side and swept me into one of those hugs that only she could give. I smiled instinctively and enjoyed her aura for a moment, but with Chris lingering so close and knowing in the back of my mind that something wasn’t right with him, I couldn’t help but glance past her in his direction.

“He’s in an episode.” She whispered discreetly in my ear. She pulled back from me with a smile on her face that didn’t exactly match the reality of the situation… then I realized exactly what she was doing. She was acting as normal as possible. She didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention to the issue, but… if he was having an episode, when and how did it happen?

“When did it happen?” I whispered to her, hoping that no one would catch on to our conversation.

“Just after the doctors rushed him and Maddie out of the delivery room. You were unresponsive and that set him off. I think it was the worst blackout I’ve ever seen.”

My eyes danced in his direction and I wondered what she meant by that. Did that mean he blacked out in front of people? If that was the case, how did he not get dragged out of this hospital and thrown into the back of a police car? The longer I stared at him, hoping that by some miracle he would at least raise his head and look at me, the more my heart broke… how on earth could he have an episode on the day our daughter was born? This was supposed to be one of the happiest days ever for us. We were supposed to be celebrating our creation and basking in all the love and happiness surrounding us. Yet, there he was… completely oblivious to anything happening around him.

“I sedated him before things got too bad, and just in time too… security showed up at the last minute and I was able to talk them out of escorting him out of the hospital and calling the police. Madison got him into a spare room up the hall and we let him rest there while you were in surgery.”  Ms. Joyce explained, again, in the calmest tone.

“How’s he doing Joyce?” My aunt asked. I hadn’t even realized she was standing right beside Ms. Joyce.

“He’s alright, for now. Thanks again for getting him that room Maddie… I don’t know what would have happened if we would have left him in that hall.”

“Oh that’s no problem at all. I just wonder how long until he comes to.”

Staring at him, I couldn’t help but wonder the same thing. There was no way I could get out of bed at this point to actually get close to him, to touch him… remind him that I was right here. But a sudden idea crossed my mind and my head swung around to face Destani who was currently holding Cailah and gushing over her with the girls and boys huddled all around her.

“Hey Destani.” I called.

She turned to face me with a bright red nose and red, puffy eyes… I smiled, it was amazing how many emotions that little girl managed to evoke in one day.

“Sy, I love her… I think I have severe baby fever!” She sniffled.

“Tuh, well we better go get you some medicine for that, ‘cause I know you don’t.” Ms. Cynthia called out from somewhere on the left side of the room.

I laughed and turned my attention back to Destani “Can you bring her here for a second?”

Hesitantly she turned away from the group and I smiled… that baby fever must have been hitting her awfully hard. I didn’t even recall her acting this way with her own little sister when she was born. Once she reached my bedside, she carefully shifted Cailah over into my hands and I thanked her, then turned to face Ms. Joyce.

“Mama… will you…” Her lips pursed together and she nodded quickly, silently understanding what I asked of her. She lifted her granddaughter from my hands and cuddled her for a moment, because this was indeed her first time holding her. Then suddenly the entire room filled with a thick layer of silence as she made her way toward the end of my bed. It was clear, in that moment, that everyone knew what was happening. No one moved a muscle or uttered a word. Ms. Joyce moved along deliberately to the wheelchair and it was suddenly like a captivating scene from a movie that had everyone on pins and needles, waiting with their next breath caught somewhere in their throat.

She approached him slowly, lowering the baby just enough to put her within his eyesight… and waited. He didn’t move immediately and my heart broke a little more… what if this didn’t work?

“Chris, that’s your daughter.” I blurted. I needed, desperately, for him to snap out of it. And if that meant forgetting about every single person standing around this room and only focusing on him and our daughter, so be it. If I had to crawl out of this bed and go to him myself, I would. But that wouldn’t be necessary, thank God… he lifted his head slowly and I could see his dim eyes zoning in on Cailah. He scanned over her tiny frame, almost as if familiarizing himself with her. Cautiously his mother moved the baby closer, eyeing him closely to gage his reaction. He didn’t move much, but he did lift his head away from his closed fist and his eyes stayed on her, unblinking. With her now pressed lightly against his chest, his hands finally reacted and he reached to pluck her out of his mom’s hold. Ms. Joyce lingered right in front of him, as a precaution of course, as he examined Cailah. He looked at her for a while as if she was a foreign object then he swiftly pulled her closer to his face, pressing his nose against the top of her covered head.

Then I heard it. His eyes were shut, he was completely still, and his head was bowed over the baby’s… he whimpered. He was crying. After a while, his shoulders trembled in sync with his tears and the boys all moved to stand around him protectively. Even my dad made his way over and he dropped a hand against Chris’s left shoulder.

From the corners of my eyes, it looked like just about every female in the room was on the verge of shedding tears, if not already crying. But my eyes stayed glued to Chris, because I was in awe just watching him. It was really quite a task to be such a huge supporting crutch for him… mentally and emotionally. But, the way I see it… aren’t you supposed to be a crutch for your loved one? Aren’t you supposed to uplift them, be their shoulder to lean on, love them through the good times and the bad, help them see right from wrong, pick them up when they are down, and do it all… unconditionally? What Chris and I had may have been unconventional in the eyes of some, we may have seemed much too young to be this in love and now, to bear a love child… but I wouldn’t change a single line of our imperfect love story for the world. See, this was our love… made for only him and I. And I was content being his happiness, because it was exactly what made me happy.

And now, to pass that ability on to my daughter… to witness first hand her very own ability to bring such peace to her father. It simply made me melt. She’d had him wrapped around her entire fist from the moment I told him I was pregnant. So to see her, finally in his grasp, lulling him back to normalcy… God, I was so tired of crying! Shaking my head discreetly, I sniffled and swiped at the undersides of my eyes.

Eventually he stood up from the chair, with the help of my dad, and made his way across the room directly to my bed. I stared up at him, falling head over heels for the sight of him cuddling his daughter lovingly to his chest. He finally raised his bright beaming eyes to face me and my heart fluttered when he smiled. His face was still saturated with tears, but he looked happy now… completely over the moon.

Our family and friends filed quietly out of the room and I barely even noticed because I was so wrapped up in a moment I’d been waiting for, for nine months now.

“Hi.” He muttered, quietly, with his lips barely grazing Cailah’s cheek.

“Hi.” I giggled bashfully.

He smirked and sniffled, because for some reason the tears continued to fall from his eyes “I thought I lost you, you know.”

“Chris, don’t…”

“I thought you gave up on us. I thought it was all over,” I thought I was done crying, I really did… and I honestly don’t even know how my body could continue to produce tears at this point, “I really thought I lost you.”

“But you didn’t Charlie. I’m here.”

“I know I blacked out, I know that… because I thought you were gone. I’m sorry I lost myself like that. I’m ashamed that that’s even a part of me… I can’t even be heartbroken like a normal person.” He chuckled bitterly and shook his head, but his tears were falling harder.

“Don’t say that… don’t apologize. Chris please, just… stop crying.”

“I thought you were dead Hope. I can never get that image out of my head… I really thought you were dead.” His calm and subtle tears were coming down even faster now and my heart started to race because he was whimpering too. I hated to see him this way.

Thankfully, he took a careful seat on the edge of the bed and his arms rocked Cailah soothingly “I love you, so damn much. I don’t think anyone will ever understand that… hell, I don’t even understand. But this is how it is, my love will never stop… and I never want it to. You are the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me and now…” He paused to hiccup through his tears, “You’ve given me something so beautiful… so perfect. I can never repay you for this Hope.”

“I’m gonna marry you one day, you know?” He said, turning his head briefly to glance at me, “And I promise when I do, I’m gonna make sure you never want or need for anything, ever. And I’m gonna make sure you feel every ounce of my love every minute, of every day.”

My eyes stayed on him as he professed his love for me, as if he had never done so before. Though I could barely see him through the blur of tears, I made sure to keep my mouth shut and I gave him all the time he needed to express exactly what was on his heart… and boy was it a lot.

KADEN

“She dealin’ with some issues that you can’t believe...Single black female addicted to retail. And well...” - KANYE WEST X ALL FALLS DOWN

Circling the block once more, his frustration grew now killing the engine, that softly purred; it took more than two weeks to build up the courage, but he found himself in front of her building wheeling back and forth within his thoughts to escape the scene, or stay.

“Fuck this shit.” He thought it best to leave out of the ridiculousness he now felt. Unbeknownst to him, the person he was in search for casually watched from a distance amused. Right at this moment for the possibility of getting his ass handed to him with verbal assaults she was good for, was Jordan walking towards his car.

“You wanna move before you get a ticket mothafucka?”

“Shit! Jorda-...” He exhaled placing a hand over his heart.

“You can’t park here nigga…” Damn she got some little ass feet. He zoomed focus on her crisp white Nike Air Forces, and trailed up to the skin tight orange body suit that hugged her petite frame. The vintage red and orange Nike windbreaker to compliment her athleisure attire, concealed the throb causing assets: huge breasts.

“I’m straight. Listen, I need to talk to you.”

“That’s still up for questioning honestly, what you want Kaden? I got shit to do. I’m not up for your bullshit.”

Hope

Parting my lids to welcome the first few rays of sunlight through the blinds of the window, I yawned and raised a hand to toss several strands of my disgustingly tangled hair out of my face. I was still half asleep when my eyes adjusted and landed back on that window… and I realized there were no rays of sunshine beaming in my face. There was just a light on somewhere in the room and I wasn’t exactly sure where it was coming from… or who’s room I was even in. Turning my head to the right to do a bit more investigating, my eyes roamed past the clock on a nightstand that read 2:12 am, and when my stare finally found a stopping point I instantly smiled at the sight of Chris standing in the bathroom with the door wide open, directly in my line of vision. He stood shirtless, in only a pair of black basketball shorts that contrasted his colorfully inked skin to perfection. I could hear the sound of water running and I assumed he had the sink faucet on. My assumptions were confirmed when he leaned back, shut off the water, and grabbed a nearby towel to dry his hands. Once his task was complete, he dropped the towel on the counter and turned to make his way out of the bathroom. It wasn’t until he got half way through the doorway when he finally looked up and locked eyes with me.

“Hi.” He greeted enthusiastically with the cutest smile to match.

“Hi.” I giggled.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“I’m fine.”

His smile dropped within the blink of an eye and he frowned, glancing briefly at my belly that I’m assuming he covered with his comforter somewhere in the night.

“Seriously?”

“How am I supposed to feel?” I laughed, watching him closely as he moseyed closer to the bed with his shoulders slumped pitifully.

“After all that damn work I put in… you’re supposed to be in labor right now.” He fussed.

I full on laughed at the disappointed expression on his face and shook my head “You are something else, you know that?”

“I know that… which is why I was appointed to come in here and break your water. And here you are, busting my little bubble… talking about, you’re fine.” He shook his head with his hands wedged against his hips and I laughed harder, shutting my eyes and dropping my hands down to my belly. Whether from the hard laughter, or all the work he had indeed put in only about an hour ago, I wasn’t sure… but I could feel a distinct uncomfortable pressure in my lower abdomen that I hadn’t felt before.

Deciding to chalk it up to the fact that we hadn’t had sex in a while and Chris had indeed delivered more than enough powerful thrusts to at least shift a few organs around, I laughed at the thought and instructed him to come pull me up from the bed so I could go relieve myself. The moment I was on my feet, my legs ached and trembled enough for him to notice and smirk arrogantly.

“What are you smirking at sir?” I asked, gripping onto his shoulders as he stood in front of me, steading me on my swollen feet.

“If I can’t have the satisfaction of breaking your water, the least I can get is a pat on the back for almost breaking your legs.” He chuckled obnoxiously.

Squinting my eyes at him, I opened my mouth, fully prepared to fuss when I felt it… a pop. I could feel a very distinct pop right between my legs and sudden warm liquid trickling down my inner thighs. I could only pray that I hadn’t just fully lost control of my bladder and pee’d right on his floor, right in his face… there was no way I could explain that. Glancing down at the carpet beneath us, I stared in utter horror at the dark stain coating his floor and gasped… that wasn’t pee at all. If I wasn’t mistaken, my water had just broken.

“What? What’s wrong? Why are you looking like that?” He asked, gently pushing me back to peer down at what’d caught my attention. “I seriously thought I’d just pee’d on your floor… that would have been so embarrassing.” I laughed, feeling completely relieved that I wouldn’t have to awkwardly explain myself.

“Then what is that? What the hell just happened?”

“I think my water broke.”

“What!” He just about shouted in my face as he gripped my arms and pushed me back away from the puddle as if it were some foreign object, “Well what do we do? Why are you so calm? Why the fuck are you so calm?”

“Calm down,” I giggled, gripping onto him so I could continue my journey on to the bathroom because if I didn’t make it there soon, there would eventually end up being two puddles on the floor, “Can you go see if your mom is home?”

“Why? We need to go… and where are you going? We need to get your bag so we can go Hope. You can’t have this baby on the toilet!” He was clearly on the brink of a complete meltdown, I could tell that just by how flustered he looked and the heat rising in his cheeks. He continued to stand in the doorway of the bathroom as I waddled my way to the toilet to pee and the moment I sat down and turned to face him, I burst into laughter at the sight of him glaring at me like I had three heads.

“Can you please just get me a shirt and go get your mother?” Staring at me for several seconds too long, he barely managed to snap out of it and he whipped around to bolt back into his bedroom. Seconds later he reemerged with an oversized white t-shirt that he insisted on pulling down over my head for me. It took a bit more coaxing to get him to actually leave my side for just a minute to go find his mother, but eventually he reluctantly did but not before making me promise not to move. Not like I was really planning on it.

Now that I sat here alone with only my thoughts to keep me company, it hit me… my water had just broken. I didn’t feel any pain or discomfort yet, only an intense realization that… my water had broken… and sometime within the next twenty-four hours I was going to have a baby. Thoughtlessly, I slapped a hand up over my mouth and whimpered just before the onslaught of tears came. It was finally happening… I was finally going to meet my baby girl. I’d been preparing for this exact moment for nine months and no matter how many books I read, how many articles I obsessed over on Google, and how many tips and tricks that were passed on to me from my aunt, Ms. Joyce, and anyone else with any child birthing experience… absolutely nothing could prepare me for this moment. My heart raced with excitement and anxiety as I continued to cry tears of joy for what was to come.

“Sweetie, sweetheart… oh God, are you okay? Chris told me your water broke… are you feeling any contractions yet?” Ms. Joyce burst through the bathroom door and zoomed over to me, dropping down to her knees in front of me and reaching up to gently grip the sides of my face.

Shaking my head, I focused on catching my breath and calming down enough for the tears to subside. I hadn’t realized it until Ms. Joyce leaned up and meshed her lips against my forehead, but I was trembling from my unnecessary tears.

“Why are you shaking baby? You’re getting yourself all worked up, you have to calm down. It’s okay… I promise you, everything is okay.” The sound of her voice, as usual, did wonders to calm me down. I shut my eyes briefly and allowed her continued soothing tone to lull me until the tears had finally stopped then I took a deep breath through my nose and slowly released it through my mouth. Opening my eyes, the first thing my stare landed on was Chris… he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at me, wearing an expression I wasn’t sure I’d seen before. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous, scared, or excited… or perhaps it was a combination of all three.

I smiled at him warmly, because I needed to assure him that I was okay “We’re gonna have a baby soon.”

“I know…” He whispered.

“I’m gonna be a mom soon Chris,” My voice cracked from the pressure of the tears rebuilding and Ms. Joyce continued to kneel in front of me, caressing my leg soothingly… but I kept my focus on Chris, “And I’m ready… I’m excited.”

His stare was so intense… I could feel the goosebumps forming against my skin the longer I looked at him. But I never broke that stare… not even when his lips finally curled into the smallest smirk and my heart fluttered from the sight of it.

“Me too. I’ve never been so scared and excited in my life.” He chuckled and suddenly his tiny smirk stretched into a proud grin. That was all I needed… that smile. There was a sudden wave of comfort and relief that washed down from my head to my toes, because he smiled… and that told me that everything was going to be okay.

“Madison and James are over at the house getting prepared to head to the hospital, I called them just a few minutes ago,” Ms. Joyce’s delicate voice snapped me out of that blissful world where only Chris and I existed and I turned my attention to her, “Are you ready to go?”

She too wore a warm and genuine smile that helped to keep me calm and at ease. If everyone around me was going to maintain such a peaceful aura, perhaps this entire process wouldn’t be bad at all…

--

4:01 am… Narrator’s POV:

Holding her breath, Hope squeezed her eyes shut and tuned out the sound of every obnoxious voice around her, claiming that she was okay… that she had this. ‘God, could these people get out of my face, out of my room… hell, out of my life?!’ She thought, ‘This shit hurts!’

Yet another groan fled her lips as she gripped onto the side pole of her bed and held on like her life depended on it. Literally the only thing keeping her from freaking out on the extra bodies around her was the feeling of fingertips slithering strategically through her hair, tickling her scalp in the most soothing way. And that voice… the voice of her personal guardian angel whispering in her ear that he was there… that he had her. Chris had been by her side from the time they left his bathroom at the house, to the fifteen-minute-long trip down the stairs and to the car, to the ride to the hospital, and now… to her slowly dying in this suddenly uncomfortable hospital bed, because surely the baby was trying to simply claw her way out of the front of her stomach.

“Gooooood, Chris… pleeeeease...” She begged… for what, she wasn’t even sure.

“Hope, look at me,” He instructed, gently, yet firmly enough to get her to pry her moist eyes open and stare up into his brilliant gleaming eyes, “What did Dr. Z tell you?”

“Chris…” “Tell me what she told you.”

“Find my image… focus… and breathe.” She repeated the mantra he’d been repeating for the past hour. The imagery, she needed to create it in her mind… any image that erupted emotions strong enough for her to feel in that moment. Then she needed to focus on that moment long enough to take her away from her physical being and the pain… and never forget to breathe. But in the back of her mind, there wasn’t a single image in the world that could make anyone forget about this type of pain.

The contraction was over, the pain subsided momentarily, and Hope kept her eyes locked on Chris’s because she knew this break wouldn’t last long.

“Sy’Diyah, sweetie… you’re doing so good.” Her aunt voiced from the left side of the bed. Chris manned the right side, the side her nurse currently had her facing, because after half an hour facing the other direction she grew uncomfortable and restless and needed to be rotated. Aunt Maddie swept a hand over her back, prompting Hope to shut her eyes briefly to enjoy the calming feeling of the gesture.

“You sure are baby. I admire you for lasting this long without the epidural… I just about rammed the needle into my own back the minute I made it through the doors of the hospital with this one.” Ms. Joyce chuckled softly, nudging her son gently in the arm to indicate that it was he who caused her the most pain out of the two pregnancies she’d endured.

Hope laughed feebly and glanced over at the soon to be grandmother of three “I really don’t know how long I’m gonna last.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get Dr. Z back in here now? All you have to do is say the word…” Chris started, but with one low sigh through her nose he zipped his lips and Hope set her eyes right back on him with a frown.

“I really want to try to go all natural Chris. The pain is bearable…” And just like that, another sweat inducing contraction shut her up immediately and her eyes slammed shut instinctively… as if that would push the pain away.

Aunt Maddie and Ms. Joyce shared a worried glance, both uneasy by the sight of Sy’Diyah fighting through the pain in a way that not even a soldier could handle. But neither could begin to fathom the worry piercing Chris’s heart. It took everything in him not to break down at the bedside because he couldn’t bear watching the love of his life endure so much pain. There was nothing that could have prepared him to witness this. He wished and prayed that by some miracle he could have climbed in that bed and took every ounce of pain for her because this was entirely too much for his heart to handle.

But he stood strong at her side though, completely missing the silent exchange of words between his mother and Sy’Diyah’s aunt that resulted in Ms. Joyce quietly tip toeing out of the room in search of Dr. Zeeta. They were determined to do everything in their power to talk Sy into going through with the epidural.

Chris’s fingers raked through her hair and his eyes danced over her flawless skin coated in the lightest layer of sweat… no matter how ‘bearable’ she claimed these contractions to be, her trembling hand in his grasp and the perspiration on her skin told him otherwise.

“Focus baby, listen to my voice… hold onto it and focus, you got it... and I got you.” He whispered, leaning in close enough to share those encouraging words with only her. She whimpered against the side of his face as he remained pressed against her, but oddly enough it was working… somehow, by the grace of God, it was working. He was painting the imagery right there in her mind with only the sound of his voice and the feeling of him so near. That damned pain was an ugly son of a gun, but the power of their love pouring delicately from his mouth was the greatest thing that she had to hold on to and boy did she grip it and hold on. Before she knew it, the contraction was over, seemingly faster than all the others. Releasing a slow and steady sigh through her slightly parted lips, she opened her eyes and stared up at him as he slowly moved back just enough so they could make eye contact.

“You’re doing beautifully Hope.”

“Tell me that when I’m fully dilated.” They both cracked a smile and he momentarily leaned closer and pressed his lips against her forehead.

“Aww, my darling love birds,” Chris pulled back quickly and turned to face the door of the room, smirking at Dr. Zeeta who walked calmly behind his flustered mother, “How we doing mama bear?”

“Good, I guess.” Sy’Diyah replied, greeting the doctor with a soft smile.

“You guess? Well from what I’m hearing, you’re in here battling those contractions like Wonder Woman.” Dr. Zeeta laughed, making her way to the counter in the corner of the room to grab a pair of gloves. Sy’Diyah knew what that meant... she was about to check her cervix, since it’d been about an hour since the last check. And this time… she prayed she was closer to ten centimeters.

“Zeeta, I’ve told her over and over again that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting the epidural. I just hate to see her in all this pain.” Maddie said, worry lines creased deeply into her forehead.

“Now, now Madison… I completely understand how uncomfortable it may be to witness her enduring such discomfort. However, once a mother creates her birthing plan in her mind, it often tends to be a bit difficult to reroute that. Isn’t that right, Ms. Sy’Diyah?”

On the tip of her tongue were the words ‘hell no, give me the needle… now!’ but Hope had this determination in her heart, this powerful drive to push forward for as long as she could with no medical assistance. But let it be known that her vision was drifting… the pain was quickly creating a totally different image in her mind. An image… that included that needle.

“Yes ma’am,” She verbalized, though she could definitely feel that image becoming more pronounced by the minute, “I don’t think I’m ready for an epidural just yet.”

Chris eased off to the side near his mother, smirking inwardly as he stared at his woman and admired every ounce of strength she possessed… and boy was there a lot of it. His smirk was gone within seconds as he watched Dr. Z situate Hope in a way that she could get two fingers wedged between her legs so that she could check for further dilation. It was a part of the process, he knew that, but he hated the sight of the frown on her face. She said it didn’t hurt, but there was some type of pressure that was uncomfortable… he didn’t like that.

“Six centimeters Missy,” Dr. Zeeta called out, swiftly pulling her gloved hand away and disposing of it in a nearby waste bin, “You know what that means?”

Hope rolled her eyes playfully and smiled “Even if the contractions pick up?”

“You know I hate to say it, but even if the contractions pick up… that is exactly what we want.” The doctor explained. Now all they had to do was carefully help Hope out of the bed.

 4:45 am…

They stopped to take a break at the end of the hall, or really for Hope to grip onto Chris so that she could breathe through this contraction. Her face was buried between his shoulder and his chest and in that instance, she adored his height more than she ever had because he gave her ample opportunity to grip and snuggle, which was exactly what she needed to do to push through.

“Mmmmm.” She moaned against him. There was a hand swirling against her back and another two pairs of hands that were currently crossed over the chest of her best friend who stood behind her and slightly to the left… giving her a full visual of Hope’s discomfort, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Dez, why are you frowning like that?” Tawny asked, hand still swirling comfortingly against her sisters back as she continued to groan lightly into Chris’s chest.

“I don’t like this man… at all. Sy, you don’t even look like yourself… these contractions look like they’re taking over your whole life.” Destani fussed, frown deepening by the second. Thankfully that last one was officially over and Hope couldn’t help but snicker into Chris’s shirt before finally pulling back and glancing over her shoulder at her very concerned friend.

“Well thanks Destani, I’m assuming that’s just code for ‘you look like crap’.”

The girls all giggled quietly amongst themselves and even Chris chuckled a bit himself.

“Actually to be in active labor, you look pretty fabulous to me.” Tawny said.

“Thank you baby sis.” Hope smiled.

“You ready to keep going?” Chris asked, staring down at Hope who’d completely pulled away from him and reclaimed her position at his side, left arm hooked with his right. Her brows jerked upward as a response and she released a gust of frustration through her nose as he took the first step and she followed, wearily.

“Wasn’t nobody tryna say you look like shit,” Destani grumbled under her breath, arms still crossed like a pouting child, “You just look really worn out.”

“Aka… crap.” Hope said, glancing back at Destani just in time to catch the tail end of the roll of her eyes.

“Everyone is so excited to meet Cailah, Sy.” Tawny blurted, because she could already tell Destani was fully prepared for an unnecessary back and forth argument and she knew her sister didn’t have the energy to entertain that.

“And they’ll surely get to meet her soon, if my cervix will just cooperate.”

“I’m just surprised your water broke so quick. I swear, just last night none of us thought it was gonna happen and I just knew you would end up eventually being induced.” Destani chimed in.

“And the next thing we knew in the wee hours of the morning, all the lights were coming on in the house and Auntie was running around screaming about getting to the hospital, pronto!” Tawny giggled recalling the sight of her aunt bursting into the guest room she’d been occupying with Nalay. Tameka and Destani both occupied Hope’s room… they just so happened to already be at the house from the day they’d spent trying to induce Hope’s labor, so they all eventually crashed in the nearest beds they could find.

“Wait a minute…” Destani slowed down in her tracks and eyed the back of Chris’s head suspiciously, “The last thing we suggested before ya’ll left the house was for Chris to try to help get the ball rolling…”

Chris stared straight ahead, never bothering to slow down the pace that Hope had just picked up… one, because he was fully committed to working on her time throughout this entire process, and two… he did not want to engage in the conversation he knew was to come. There was complete silence between the group, with the exception of their light footsteps padding down the partially empty hall.

The two girls were honestly very curious to know if it was indeed the groups suggestion that landed Hope in the hospital, now just a few centimeters from giving birth. But the dotting couple made sure to keep their lips zipped because neither had any interest in divulging their night time activities.

“So neither one of ya’ll have anything to say?” Destani probed. And just as Hope went to part her lips to deliver a hefty ‘no, now shut up!’ to her best friend, yet another contraction rendered her speechless. Wordlessly Chris stopped in the middle of the hall and gently gripped her arm, leaning back against the nearest wall and tugging her along with him. She bent over and hunkered down against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut so she could conjure up her calming image.

“Ya’ll really did do the do, huh? And you broke her water… you damn heathens!” Destani whispered harshly, as if speaking any louder would disrupt her friend’s concentration. Tawny giggled behind the palm of her hand and caressed Hope’s back, while Chris simply glared at her while holding onto the sides of Hope’s belly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Dez.” He muttered.

“Oh you don’t? So her water just conveniently broke all on its own, just hours after what we discussed in the den?”

Finally pushing through the last second of that horrendous contraction, Hope kept her body relaxed in Chris’s hold, but turned her head to glare at Destani “No, now shut up!”

 6:27 am…

Chris sat huddled in a chair not even a full foot away from Hope’s bed, staring at her. She was fast asleep now and he couldn’t have been more thankful for that. She’d been in more pain than she could comprehend for the past few hours and finally, with a bright red face full of tears, she cracked from the pressure of the excruciating pain and hollered for the epidural. The contractions were rolling through more intense than ever, what felt like every 5 seconds and she simply couldn’t take it anymore.

He wanted to throw up at the sight and sound of her crying like that, but again… he refused to leave her side. Especially since she held onto his hand with a vice grip that he couldn’t get out of if he wanted to.

Now she was resting, or at least that’s what he hoped because she was trembling so hard beneath the three thin blankets the nurses had tucked her under. As he sat there, butt numbing from the extremely uncomfortable chair he occupied, Chris could feel the exhaustion creeping through him. He wanted so desperately to shut his eyes for a while and succumb to the sleep he knew his body needed, seeing as he’d only slept for about an hour the night before after putting in some serious work with his girlfriend. He smiled at the thought. What they did in his bedroom only hours ago was truly something magical and his only regret was that he’d waited that long to reclaim his home within her. He didn’t want to focus on the memory of it for too long, because then he’d have a problem in his pants… and there were too many people floating in and out of the room for him to have to explain that to. But he knew he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t, hands down, the best love making he’d ever experienced in his life.

Suddenly a hand gently collided with his shoulder and he flinched hard in his seat, eyes shooting open abruptly which he didn’t even remember shutting in the first place. He heard the sound of muffled laughter before he could fully register that it was Hope’s dad who’d startled him and apparently, he thought it was hilarious that he’d almost given the boy a full heart attack.

“I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to startle you. You were sitting here smiling with your eyes closed… didn’t think you were asleep.” James cackled as quietly as he could without disturbing his sleeping daughter… but boy, that really had him cracking up.

Chris, who refrained from rolling his eyes, forged a soft chuckle and pushed himself to sit up straighter in his seat “Sorry about that James. I didn’t even realize I dozed off.”

“Aww baby, you haven’t gotten any rest,” His mom said, making her presence known as she teetered in behind James, “They have that little pull out bed over there on the couch. Why don’t you get yourself some rest? That baby isn’t coming anytime soon.”

This time, Chris really did roll his eyes, playfully of course “Ma, that’s not a bed… and it doesn’t pull out anywhere. I’m alright.”

“It’s not?” Making her way across the room, Ms. Joyce stopped once she reached the couch and tugged one of the cushions up from it, frowning when she realized there was nothing more to it other than the base of the couch.

“They still haven’t bothered to upgrade any of these maternity rooms, huh? I still remember the day Sy’Diyah was born and I curled up as best I could on the hardest couch I think I’d ever touched in Faith’s room. Take it from me Chris, you’re better off right where you are man.”

Chris smiled and stared at James for a moment, to this day not completely sure when or if he would ever breakdown from his constant mentioning of his first love. Maybe it was just easier for him to talk about the good memories of her openly rather than bottling them all in. Whatever the case, Chris wasn’t sure… and he wasn’t too keen on the idea of being around if the poor man ever broke down.

“Definitely can’t say the same for these beds though,” Ms. Joyce chimed in, “Sy looks like she’s having the best sleep of her life in this therapeutic looking bed.”

They all laughed quietly amongst themselves and for perhaps the hundredth time in the past half an hour, Chris found himself gawking at Hope unintentionally.

“Why is she shaking like that?” He finally asked just above a whisper… and totally against his will. He’d meant for that to be a thought.

“It could be a side effect of the epidural… or from all those fluids they got running through her. It could be anything really, but it’s completely normal baby.” Ms. Joyce explained.

He had no choice but to believe what she’d said, because it was indeed his mother who’d explained that… she wouldn’t make that up.

With a sigh Chris slumped back in his chair and his gaze fluttered around the sleeping beauty, before finally landing on her father who’d taken a gentle seat on the edge of her bed.

“I can’t believe you guys are making me a grandfather.” He muttered with a smile. James’ gaze was casted on his daughter and he gawked at her, still truly not believing that within the next couple of hours he’d be meeting his very first granddaughter… he still couldn’t fathom the thought.

“Thank you for this,” James continued on after almost a full minute. Chris only stared at him, curious to know what he meant, but respectful enough to allow him to continue speaking at his own pace, “For everything you’ve done for her in the time that you’ve known her… and I know it’s been a long time.”

“No problem James.” Chris responded quietly, almost in a whisper.

“I know…” James started, hesitantly at first just before turning his head and locking eyes with Chris who was already staring at him wearily, “It hasn’t been the easiest road for the two of you. You have had a rather… unconventional relationship, to say the least.”

Chris cracked a nervous smile, but only once he’d gotten confirmation to do so after seeing the smile on James’ face.

“But you keep her happy Chris… you keep a smile on my baby’s face. You’ve given her love that no one, not even myself or her aunt, will ever be able to compare to. I understand that there have been moments between the two of you, some not so great moments when perhaps… she wasn’t always smiling, she wasn’t always happy, and your relationship just about didn’t survive. But… you two always managed to find a way back to each other through it all, because that’s what you do when you’re in love. And even as her father, who am I to interrupt that? There was even a point where I couldn’t help but envy you, because once she allowed me into her life and I got to witness firsthand the way her world works… I saw the love shared between you two, and it frightened me. I didn’t think I would be able to find my place in her life because apparently, you’d already come along and taken up all the love she had to give. I didn’t think she’d have enough for me… I thought she’d allowed you to fill the void I knew I should have been filling from the day her mother brought her into this world. I also thought that maybe the two of you were too young to be that in love, but I knew there was no way I could even attempt to slow it down because I simply didn’t have the right to.”

James’ eyes danced back over to his daughter and he watched her for a moment, silently bothered by the sight of her shivering lightly beneath the linen… but he was accustomed to it. He’d witnessed it twice before, but he had to admit it was still a bit difficult to see firsthand.

“Who was I to try to intervene? I fell in love with her mother the very first time I laid eyes on her and I was only a kid myself when it happened, but I dared anyone in the world to try to take that away from me. If I didn’t have anything else in this world, I had Faith and she had my heart… she held it completely captive and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” His speech had Chris utterly speechless, because he honestly wasn’t prepared for it today… of all days. But what had his brows raising with surprise was the sound of James sniffling quietly… and the sight of him quickly swiping a hand beneath his left eye.

“It’s a once in a lifetime experience, really… when you find your soulmate.” Chris stared at him, long and hard… completely in awe. If he was hearing him correctly, he’d just openly admitted that it was Hope’s mother who did, and still to this day, hold his heart. He’d gotten remarried to Diana and surely he loved her, otherwise the marriage and Tawny would have never happened… but his soul was directly connected to Hope’s mother… now and in the afterlife. The thought alone sent chills straight up Chris’s spine.

He’d almost forgotten all about his mother’s presence in the room, until she crept quietly alongside James with a box of Kleenex in hand and a warm smile on her face. James briefly turned his attention to Joyce and smiled in return, graciously plucking a few of the Kleenex out of the box to dry up his moistened cheeks.

“Thank you for all that you’ve done for my daughter Chris. Thank you for showering her with the love that she constantly deserves and for being there in her corner for all these years. And thank you Joyce for strategically living in that house all those years ago when Madison moved in.” The trio laughed quietly amongst themselves, but quickly turned their attention to the door that smoothly slid open. In walked Dr. Zeeta with her exuberant aura and a beaming smile on her face.

She stopped abruptly just feet inside the door and eyed the three of them for a moment, her smile steadily widening “My, my, my… there is a whole lot of love spreading in this room at this very moment. I feel, overwhelmed by it. This little one doesn’t know what she has in store for her… her village is mighty, mighty strong. Quite phenomenal.”

She continued her journey on into the room and in a split-second Chris’s gaze swept past his mother who was still smiling… and she winked, right at him. His face was heating up and he felt flustered so he looked down into his lap, because he suddenly felt too overwhelmed by James’ speech to do much else. He hadn’t even noticed it, but Hope was awake now because it was time to check her cervix for about the hundredth time… at least that’s what it felt like to Chris anyway. His patience was slowly wearing thin and he was really starting to believe this little girl was never going to come…

“Well mama bear, I hope you’re ready to push,” Dr. Zeeta swiftly tugged her hand back from between Hope’s raised and parted legs and grinned, “You’re fully dilated.”

 7:15 am…

The preparations didn’t take long… no longer than half an hour at most. There seemed to be a sudden hoard of people bursting in and out of the room and Chris stood huddled in a corner near the head of Hope’s bed, overwhelmed by it all. Someone rolled in a tiny little bassinet just for the baby that he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of… he really couldn’t believe she would be here any minute now.

His nerves had been all over the place in the past thirty minutes, especially after his mother and James had left the room and Aunt Maddie took their place. Hope had specifically requested her to be at her side along with Chris, who was now beginning to hope and pray he didn’t pass out before she even started to push.

“Charlie,” Her sultry voice called out to him and he floated to her almost magnetically, “Why are you standing all the way up there?”

He was indeed tucked all the way into the corner of the head of the bed, hoping to somehow blend in with the wall.

“Sorry…” He muttered… his voice cracked and he hoped she hadn’t noticed. He was truly on the verge of a break down. Hope peered up at him, somehow managing to smile through the intense pressure bearing down on her abdomen. It was the most uncomfortable sensation she’d ever felt in her life and she thanked God she’d agreed to go through with the epidural at the last minute… she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to feel the pressure along with the pain.

“Aren’t you gonna hold my hand?” She lifted her right hand from her side and waited for him to grab it and when he finally did, his racing heart and high level of anxiety slowed and dropped immediately. Her touch alone calmed him, though he shouldn’t have been the one worked up in the first place… he wasn’t about to push a whole human being out of his crotch!

Gripping gently onto her hand, his gaze swept around the room and he absorbed Dr. Zeeta near the bottom end of the bed with several nurses surrounding her, prepping her for her fifth delivery of the day… and it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet! He glanced at Hope’s neat pile of belongings in the corner on the couch, the top zip of ‘the bag’ pushed open to reveal a soft pink and gray polka dot receiving blanket… the blanket she insisted on bringing Cailah home in. He smiled… then swept his gaze over to the fancy looking bassinet closer to the door. He’d been staring at it since it’d been wheeled into the room and he had to remind himself to look away after a while, or Hope would surely notice his odd behavior and question him. He couldn’t help it though… it was so intriguing. Finally, he faced forward at almost the same exact moment as Aunt Maddie, who’d been busy chatting with one of the nurses she worked with. She gazed at him for a moment, with a look on her face that he couldn’t quite comprehend. There was strength in her eyes, intensity… and when she smiled, she looked so proud.

“I’m proud of you two, you know?” She stated… because it sounded more like a powerful statement than a question. Aunt Maddie’s brilliant eyed stare roved from Chris to Hope and she quickly swept her left hand into her grasp and glanced back up at Chris, “Chris, my sister would be in complete bliss if she were here right now. Well, who am I fooling… she is here, right here at her baby girls side coaching her on. I know she is. I can feel her.”

Her right hand suddenly flew up to cover her mouth briefly and she shook her head with disbelief as her eyes glazed over “She’s so proud of you both. And today, Sy’Diyah, your mama is right here with you… she’s gonna make sure you deliver a beautiful, strong, healthy baby girl. You hear me?”

Hope sniffled herself as she stared up at her aunt lovingly, almost in a trance by the sound of her empowering words. She almost forgot she was even perched up on this bed getting ready to push out a whole baby… until that immense pressure ripped through her abdomen for the umpteenth time, forcing her to shut her eyes and breathe deep through her mouth.

“I hear you Auntie.” She whispered breathlessly.

Chris had been so caught up in staring at Aunt Maddie, replaying her every word that poured straight into his heart… he nearly missed the most important words of his entire life.

“Push Sy’Diyah!”

He was yanked harshly back into reality when he felt a crippling pain in his left hand, the hand that Hope was holding onto, and squeezing, for dear life. He didn’t know whether to stare down at her or try to get a peek at the action happening on Dr. Zeeta’s end. He was quite positive the moment he caught sight of even a splotch of blood, he would pass out… so he quickly decided to stick to looking down at Hope.

Her face was the brightest red he’d ever seen and the veins in her forehead bulged with the strength of a warrior as she pushed for the ten seconds that her aunt and the lingering nurses counted.

“Good girl, you’re doing excellent. Catch your breath, settle your mind… and push.” Dr. Zeeta instructed like the remarkable professional she was. Again, Hope bore down into her lower half as best she could with her eyes squeezed shut and every ounce of her focus on getting this baby out. Her lopsided bun was toppled to the right side of her head and straggling pieces of her hair were beginning to stick to her neck with desperation. Her grunts and groans held Chris captive because he simply could not believe this was happening… and he was right there to witness it.

“Okay, okay let’s take a break… darling when I tell you, you are doing so good. Two pushes in and her head is just about out… I’m proud of you honey.” Dr. Zeeta coached, her smile reaching all the way up to her eyes which was the only part of her face to be seen behind her mask.

Hope nodded her head quickly as she wheezed heavily in and out of her mouth. The exhaustion was beginning to set in, though there was a rush of adrenaline offsetting it. She continued to feel the strongest urge to bear down, but the doctor had told her to take a break, so that’s exactly what she did.

Unconsciously, Chris raised his left hand and swept it up over Hope’s forehead, gently pulling back a few of the strands of hair clinging to her skin. She turned her head to face him with the smallest smirk and he nibbled into his bottom lip as he watched her.

No words were exchanged between the two, but their eyes spoke volumes… until Dr. Zeeta broke their silent conversation by directing Hope to bear down and push for another ten count. And push she did, though she could feel herself weakening by the second. It was her determination shining through though, the determination to deliver her baby safely and to hear her cry for the first time… Hope craved that. According to Dr. Zeeta’s analysis, just a few more pushes, and she would finally come out. Hope didn’t want to take anymore breaks, no matter how many times the doctor suggested it. So she pushed, and pushed, and bore down… and pushed.

It was a tradition of Dr. Zeeta’s, primarily with first time mothers, to allow them that once in a lifetime experience to be the very first to physically hold their child… to create an instant bond with their creation by gripping them in a way that only a mother could. It was an opportunity for mommy to give their baby their very first ounce of encouragement. With proper instructions from Dr. Zeeta, Hope finally released the bone crushing grip she had on her aunt’s hand and Chris’s, and she dropped her hand down past her bloated belly to touch her child… for the very first time. As many tears as Hope had cried in all her life, never had she felt a surge of emotions strong enough to compare to this moment and these tears. The feeling of the tiniest body snuggled securely in her hands, depending on only her to pull her to her final destination… her heart almost couldn’t take it. Dr. Zeeta didn’t do much other than ensure the baby remained secure in her mother’s grasp and she herself grinned like a proud mother as she watched Hope pull her baby up onto her stomach.

“Oh my God… oh God…” She panted breathlessly, tossing her head back with finality against the stark white pillow and slamming her eyes shut. Then she heard it… that cry. The most beautiful sound she’d ever heard, ringing out throughout the room, demanding the attention of everyone in the near vicinity. Her baby’s wail sounded like the purest magic to her ears and for a moment, it was only Hope and Cailah crying together, bonding in a way that no one else would be able to.

Then there was her aunt, weeping frantically at her side as she gazed down at her niece and her great-niece. Aunt Maddie’s heart was filled to the brim with love and she struggled to contain herself.

And last but not least… the father… Christopher. He was sucked into a daze, some type of out of body experience he didn’t even understand. He stood there protectively at Hope’s right side and stared unblinking at his daughter. The doctors were moving in now and chaos seemed to engulf the room because of all the movement and shuffling bodies. But his eyes remained glued and unblinking on his daughter. He was crying, he could feel the moisture coating his cheeks, but his expression was blank and shocked. It wasn’t until a male nurse crept up at his side, summoning him to come cut the cord, that he finally blinked and turned to the man. Chris nodded his head to acknowledge he’d heard the nurse and he was overjoyed to be drafted into such an honorable role.

Now that he’d taken his first blink, his eyes didn’t seem to want to stop as they fought to clear his tears so he could see straight and not cut the wrong thing. Dr. Zeeta tugged her mask down to her chin and pat the young man on the shoulder, guiding him and his hands to exactly where they needed to be to get the job done.

Chris gripped the scissors carefully in both hands and after two unsuccessful snips against the slippery cord, it finally snapped and the moment the utensils landed safely back in the hands of the doctor, his bottom lip quivered on cue… and his tears began to flow like a raging river.  

He whimpered as he wept and nearly crumpled right down to his knees, until Aunt Maddie noticed him emotionally caving in and she rushed around the chaos to grip him up by his shoulders.

“I got you baby. Auntie’s got you, it’s alright.” She tugged him in close and hugged him tight as he gripped onto her. He dropped his head into the crook of her neck and cried like a baby… like his baby. Her boisterous cries were still the main soundtrack in the room and he quickly remembered to get it together so he wouldn’t miss a second of her. Slowly lifting his head up, Chris turned to face that fancy bassinet in the corner of the room and he fixed his eyes on Cailah’s tiny body. She was flailing under the warm lights attached to the top of the bassinet as the doctor’s continued to clean her up. Chris could feel his lips curling up into a smile as he watched her closely… in his mind, he’d already deemed her a daddy’s girl.

“Hope,” He sniffled, breaking himself out of yet another trance thanks to the newest love of his life, “Hope, she’s perfect.”

He continued to grip onto Aunt Maddie and they both turned to face the fatigued mother, but the bliss was only short lived. The smile quickly dropped from Chris’s face and suddenly he found his strength again, politely excusing himself from Aunt Maddie to move closer to Hope’s bedside. Her eyes were closed and her head slumped to one side… and she hadn’t bothered to respond to a thing he’d just said.

“Hope?” He called out to her… but again, she failed to respond. His heart dropped to his feet as he scrambled to her side. Why wasn’t she responding?

“Hope?” There was more urgency in his voice and he could even feel her aunt pulling at his side, trying to get a look at her niece who wasn’t even budging.

“Sy’Diyah?” Aunt Maddie called out. There was no way she could be asleep at a time like this… they knew she was drained from the ordeal, but… no… why wasn’t she responding?

And when Dr. Zeeta’s nurses stepped in front of the two, asking them to please leave the room… he could feel the blackout sneaking up on him and this one, he knew he wouldn’t be able to control. Why wasn’t she responding? 

Chris

Almost forty weeks pregnant and still determinedly independent and stubborn… I sat on the edge of my bed, shaking my head and chuckling at my thoughts. Hope was determined to get herself ready for bed tonight, from taking her own shower to getting fully dressed on her own. Actually, she never allowed me to lift a finger past the bottle of oil she let me use to rub down her skin. But she absolutely refused to let me or anyone else assist her in any other way. But my one rule stood firm… she wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door. And whenever the shower water got to running, I religiously cracked the door open just to be completely sure I could hear her clearly.

We’d made our way over to my mom’s house, which was still empty because they were all still out enjoying their night on the town. It wasn’t planned or anything. Her aunt’s house just felt… crowded. Though I assured her that she had no reason to worry, I wasn’t planning on making a move on her… I couldn’t get the thought off my mind. Ever since the crew had a fully detailed discussion about exactly how they thought she could safely induce her labor, I’d been low-key obsessing over the thought of their last suggestion before we left her house. In all honesty, sex hadn’t crossed my mind since I’d been home. I mean, yes I got urges because I’m a man and my girlfriend is sexy as fuck, but I’d been pretty satisfied with pleasing her and nothing more. Though the last time we were intimate, we both got totally carried away and she took it upon herself to show her appreciation for my constant desire to taste her. Tonight, was different. Tonight I was on a mission…

I froze up for a second when I heard the shower water shut off and stared like a deer in headlights at the crack in the bathroom door. I could hear her shifting around and I paid close attention to any sounds of struggle. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how and why she thought I could just casually go along with her need to be independent, at almost forty weeks pregnant. Again, I chuckled at the thought of her trying to pull on some pajama pants, knowing she could barely even bend over enough to pull them up her legs.

The door slowly cracked open further and I nearly held my breath as she emerged, extra-large towel wrapped snuggly around her chest and belly poking through the slit in the front because it was too big to be contained by the soft fabric. Her hair was tossed up in it’s signature messy bun, which was tilting as usual to one side. I knew she hadn’t rubbed a lick of oil on her skin, because the bottle was sitting on the nightstand beside me, but her skin glowed like she herself was the sun. And on her face was a frown… a deep frown that made me laugh because the wrinkles between her brows were just the cutest.

“What the hell is funny?” She barked… I bit my lip to contain my laughter.

“What’s with that face?”

“This bathroom is too damn hot and I can barely get this towel to fit around me. I’m fat and I’m hot and I feel ashy.” Her nostrils flared a bit as she fussed and I nearly drew blood from my bottom lip because I didn’t want to give her another reason to be upset by laughing anymore.

“Aww babe, I told you to let me…”

“I’m not disabled Chris. I don’t need help.” Waddling out of the doorway of the steamy bathroom, she made her way over to the nightstand and snatched the bottle of oil from it. My laughter stopped immediately and it was now my turn to frown.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m just gonna pour this on myself. I don’t want to feel ashy anymore, it’s pissing me off. And I just want to go to bed.” She continued to fuss as she turned and made her way back toward the bathroom.

“So you’re not gonna let me do it?” Bolting from the edge of my bed, I rushed forward and caught her arm just before she set foot in the bathroom again.

“Chris, I just wanna go to bed…” Her face held the cutest pout and I smirked as I stared down at her. I could tell she was beyond frustrated at this point and I hated to see her that way.

“Let me help you Hope.”

Nibbling into the corner of her bottom lip, she stared up at me for a while before finally releasing a defeated sigh and turning to make her way back into the bedroom. Quickly shutting off the bathroom light, I turned to face her and instantly became transfixed by the back of her damp shoulders as she stood there impatiently waiting for me to oil her up so she could finally go to bed. As I made my way closer and the insanely delicious smell of her rose oil body wash tickled my nose, I could feel my heart begin to race. There was this particular way that the small droplets of water caught in her hair dripped onto her skin that had me in a daze and I almost got caught staring like a fool when she turned her head to look back at me.

“Here.” For all of two seconds I didn’t even realize she was holding the bottle of oil up in my face, so I quickly got it together and smiled politely as I gripped it from her hand. Popping the top and pouring a dime size amount in the palm of my hand, I quickly closed the lid and dropped the bottle onto my nightstand and took a deep breath. Rubbing my hands together, I glanced at her shoulders just before diving in and dispersing the warm oil over her skin.

“Can we just skip the full body rub down and get straight to my stomach and hips?” She wore her impatience on the very shoulders I stood massaging and I chuckled as she leaned further into me, tilting her neck to accommodate my roaming hands.

“Or we can skip the whole rub down altogether and get straight to business.” Her breath hitched the moment I leaned forward and spoke with my lips just centimeters from the warm skin of her neck.

“What are you talking about?” She muttered.

“Hope,” I kissed her neck, relishing the soft feeling of it against my lips, “You’re overdue… we gotta get babygirl outta there.”

“Chris, we don’t have to do that…”

“Why can’t we try?” I kissed further up, to a space I favored just below her ear leaving her to shiver in my grasp, “Hm? It won’t hurt to try.”

“I just… I…” She stuttered and gasped as I swirled my tongue up along her jawline, stopping only to press my lips firmly against the corner of her mouth. Gripping her hips in my hands, I slowly turned her to face me and smiled at the sight of her blushing cheeks.

“I won’t hurt you… or my daughter. Let’s just try.”

She was so clearly flustered, she couldn’t even raise her gaze to meet mine. Glancing down at the knot that kept her oversized towel intact, I couldn’t help but notice the way her chest heaved. She was nervous, that was obvious, but shit so was I. If she continued to stare at my chest any harder, I was sure she would eventually be able to see my heart pounding through my shirt.

If I thought about it too long, I knew I was gonna chicken out and this would quickly become day four past her due date. So without further ado, I leaned forward and quickly pressed my lips against hers. She moaned softly at the sudden contact and I reached forward to grip onto her face, lending her my wrists to grip onto to maintain her balance. There was something about the feeling of her, the sensation of her incredibly soft skin against me, her entire aura surrounding me, that sent me swirling into a rare blissful world… a world that only her and I shared. I could feel my breath fanning harshly against her face as I desperately tried to remember to breathe as I attempted to devour her mouth. My head tilted in one direction, hers in the other, as our lips parted and our tongues claimed each other like long lost lovers.

Letting go of her face with my left hand, I blindly reached down to find the knotted fabric of her towel and before she could even think to stop me, I snatched the knot apart and allowed the hindrance to pool at our feet.

“Chris.” She gasped, suddenly letting go of my wrists and dropping her hands down to grip my shirt.

“I got you baby. I promise, I got you.” I mumbled, struggling not to simply bite her delectable skin as I shifted my lips to her jaw. I was quickly beginning to lose myself and my sanity… she was completely naked in front of me and her body heat radiated against me, wrapping me in a whirlwind of horny frustrations. Continuing on down to her neck, I slowly backed her up toward my bed, making sure to keep her fully distracted by suckling her skin and massaging her right breast in my hand. She didn’t even realize we were on the move. She was so caught up in moaning and maintaining her grip on my shirt, because surely she was being pushed to the brink of insanity right along with me.

Kissing a trail down to her chest, my mouth finally caught up to my left hand that continued to fondle her right nipple. I salivated at the sight of her breasts at their perkiest… God I was gonna miss these things when it was time for her to start breast feeding. Honestly, we could probably save a little money on a breast pump because I would gladly volunteer to do the job for her.

With a smirk, I dove in for the kill and shut my eyes at the immediate satisfying taste of her hardening nipple on my tongue. It was like candy, I swear it was just like a chocolate covered caramel Hershey kiss… just delicious and it melted in my mouth. I was on a serious mission tonight, so in the forefront of my mind I had to remember to keep the foreplay to a minimum. Glancing up at her, I almost nutted at the sight of her perfect neck as she tilted her head back and gripped on to my shoulders. Damnit, my shit was already on at least twelve and I needed to make this shit last. The hell would I look like trying to help her induce her labor, only to tap out before I could even get in it?

Reluctantly snatching away from her breasts, I stood upright and captured her lips once more as I guided her back on the bed. Gently she landed and I never bothered to detach myself from her as I made sure to carefully lay her flat on her back. The moment I did pull back from the kiss, she huffed and frowned and I blinked quickly with confusion.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concern lacing my unintentionally seductive voice.

“I think the last time I laid comfortably flat on my back was when you put this baby in me.” A smirk breeched her lips and once I realized what she’d said, I chuckled and sat up.

“Is it bad?”

“Very.” She giggled.

Swiftly dipping down to peck her sweet lips, I smiled and pushed up completely from the bed “I got you.”

Not wanting to seem too eager, I walked calmly to my bedroom door to lock it, made sure to flick the light off, and twirled back around to make my way back to the bed and multitasked by yanking my shirt off. I was less than five feet from the bed when my pants came off and by the time I reached her and climbed on the edge, my dick was literally bursting at the seams of my boxers. Reaching above her, I tugged two of my pillows down to where she was positioned and peered down at her lovingly as she stared right back. I had to take a moment, a serious ass moment, to really take a long hard look at this woman… my woman. Such a got damn woman she was… on the brink of motherhood and laying in the middle of my bed in all her naked glory looking like a full course meal. I briefly tried to recall a time when I’d ever been this aroused in my life and after only a few short seconds, I realized I couldn’t. I could honestly say that I’d been attracted to Hope from the day I first laid eyes on her at only nine years old. The last ten years had done nothing but allow my attraction to grow to perhaps some pretty unhealthy levels, but I couldn’t help it even if I wanted to. 

She was beautiful… stunning… the most perfect person I’d ever had the honor of loving. The longer I kneeled in front of her, staring at her like a creep, the more I felt the strongest urge to cry… God gave her to me. He handcrafted her and delivered her damn near to my doorstep that day all those years ago. I was grateful and honored and so extremely blessed to have her all to myself and if I’d never known before, I certainly knew now that I had to stop asking why and how… he gave her to me, he molded my heart just for her, and that’s all I needed to know…

“Daddy,” My stomach dropped like I was mid drop on a rollercoaster at the sound of that sexy shit and my brows furrowed with focus as I finally drifted from my daze and back into reality, “What are you waiting for?”

“Shit…” I muttered, again, fighting the urge to bust one right in my boxers, “Sit up for me.”

Giving her my right arm to latch onto for support, she pulled herself up just enough to give me space to situate the two pillows beneath her and she fell back against them with a sexy giggle.

I damn near ripped my boxers off as my eyes roamed her insanely thick and very pregnant body. Reaching for her knees and peeling them apart, my stomach did yet another ninety degree drop when my eyes landed on her soaking, leaking, drenched pussy. That shit was… fuck, it was beautiful. I wanted to taste it, I knew that just by the way my mouth salivated again, but I simply swallowed down the extra spit and licked my lips.

Gripping up her legs, I aligned the cusps beneath her knees in my hands and glanced down at my concrete hard erection as I angled myself at her opening.

“Chris…” Her gentle voice snatched my attention and I looked up at her, giving her half of my undivided attention. The other half was completely focused on the sizzling heat of her pussy so close to the tip of my dick… a nigga was about to break a sweat if I didn’t slide in soon.

“Please go slow.” She whispered.

I nodded, much too afraid to open my mouth because I could feel the guttural growl clawing in my throat. This girl made me feel like the fucking king of the jungle and damnit if I wasn’t ready to just pounce on her ass and feast. Inching forward, I made sure to keep my eyes on hers… because if I looked down and witnessed what I was feeling, I was gonna pass the fuck out. I felt like a virgin again. Her walls seemed to constrict around me the further in I pushed and I felt like an absolute, unexperienced ass virgin.

“Fuck… ooooooh fuck…” I grunted, head tossed back and eyes squeezed shut. I could see stars behind my lids as I continued to make my way in and her moans and heavy breathing became an encouraging soundtrack for me to keep going.

“Oh my God… Chris!” Hope squealed.

“What? I’m hurting you… is it hurting?” I groaned… and silently prayed that I wasn’t hurting her because there was no way I could stop.

“No. No… baby, God!” She gasped.

I hadn’t even delivered a full thrust yet and we were both already on the verge of crumbling. I wasn’t quite all the way in yet and suddenly I snatched my eyes open and stared up at the ceiling… was it really gonna be okay for me to fully penetrate her? The goal, obviously, was to help initiate labor, but what if I really did hurt her in the process? Oh God, that was slowly becoming my main focus and if I didn’t get it together soon, my dick would quickly deflate and I’d be useless.

Dropping my head down to face her, fully prepared to pause this whole ordeal so we could actually discuss this, I froze the moment my eyes landed on her hands… which were planted over her breasts, and her fingers were openly fondling her nipples. She was still moaning softly and once she realized I’d stopped moving, her eyes flew open and she gazed up at me.

“You okay?” She asked softly.

I stared at her for a while and she stared back, then I nodded slowly and continued to stare. We were almost hypnotized by each other and the longer I stared, the more difficult it became to contain my smile. I smirked at her, biting down into my bottom lip and she eventually smiled back bashfully.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re beautiful, you know that.” I stated, because it was more of a fact than a question.

“As much as you say that, I hope you’re not lying.” She giggled.

Shaking my head, I glanced down at the precise connection our bodies made and felt an unmistakable jolt of excitement. I really couldn’t believe I’d completely paused the stroke so we could have a full conversation.

“You ready to have my baby?”  I asked, eyes steadied on her as I retracted my hips and started a slow stroke. Her face instantly contorted from the movement and her lids drooped with lust.

“What if this doesn’t work?” She moaned.

With a confident smile, I licked my lips and focused all my attention on the glistening connection my body made with hers “Guess we’ll just have to find out.”

--

Skin smacking, heavy breathing, moaning, groaning, sweating, and wet sloppy kisses… I was honestly surprised I managed to last this long. We were lost in our own zone, our whole own world as I thrusted my hips like my life depended on it. On more than one occasion, Hope had to beg for me to slow down and a few times I could actually feel her pressing a hand against my lower abdomen in an effort to contain me. It was all too much really, the heated atmosphere that warmed up like a sauna to coat our skin in thick layers of sweat, the moisture she continued to coat me with that had me going insane every single time I slid in, the pregnant pussy that literally felt like heaven on earth… it was truly phenomenal.

“Oh shit baby, yes! Yes!” Hope had been screaming and moaning so loud, her poor voice was starting to give out. After fucking her nearly off the side of the bed, then having her mount me for a while to give her a bit of a break, I was currently spooning her… and giving her all I had from behind.

“You like that shit? Huh, talk to me… tell me you like it.” I grunted nastily in her ear. I honestly don’t know what the fuck had gotten into me, but I was hornier than ever during this particular session and would have thought I’d ingested a full bottle of liquor with the way my stamina was holding up. In the back of my mind, I knew this could very well be the last time, for a long time, that I got to slide in some pregnant pussy and secretly, I regretted it… it was by far the greatest sex I’d ever had in my life. It became a situation of mind over matter after maybe her third orgasm. I was fully aware that I needed to bust soon because Hope was becoming more and more exhausted by the minute, but I literally never wanted it to end.

“Liiiike iiiiiiittttt… I-I like iiiiiittttt…” She groaned, tossing her damp hair back against my shoulder. The sexy sound of her hoarse voice sent a jolt of tingles straight through my dick and I instinctively reached up and snatched a handful of her hair, releasing it almost immediately because I couldn’t afford to be that rough with her.

“You fucking love it baby?”

“Yesssss Chris… I-I love it…”

“If you love it, tell me you fucking love it. “I love iiiiiittttt…”

“Say you fucking love it.”

“I fucking love it daddy!”

At that precise moment, everything about this sex and her entire existence struck me like a lightning bolt, then I felt it… the lightning bolt zipped through my body, starting at my scalp and working its way down to my toes. I all but blacked out as that familiar electricity shot through my dick and I could do nothing more than grip onto Hope’s right hip with one hand and a handful of her hair that I promised myself I wouldn’t grab again as my body endured the jolt of a lifetime. It felt like a doctor had just lit my ass up with a thousand-volt defibrillator as I lay there with my face wedged against the back of Hope’s head and my body trembling from head to toe.

I’m not even sure how long it lasted, a fucking hour maybe, but by the time I finally came the fuck to and opened my eyes, and actually managed to see past the swarm of intergalactic swirls and shapes in front of me, I thought I was paralyzed.

“Chris?” Hope whispered weakly.

“Hm?” I grunted, still trying to come down from whatever the hell other galaxy I was floating on.

“You okay?”

“Mmhm,” No, I wasn’t, “You?”

“Yes… I’m cramping now though.”

‘Shit’ I thought to myself. ‘Please Lord, don’t let this labor start now… I can’t move!’ Not to mention, now that all of my senses were kicking back in, I swore I could hear commotion somewhere outside my bedroom door. Perhaps my mom was home… ‘Pleeeeeease Lord, don’t let her water break now. And if my mama is standing outside, give her the strength to get away from the door’ I needed to get it together, fast.

“Did your water break?” There it was… my voice, I smiled triumphantly at the raspy sound of it.

She giggled and shook her head “I don’t think so.”

“Good. Get some rest. We’ll see how you feel in the morning.”

“Okay… I love you.”

Hope

Cailah Faith Brown. My baby girl… our baby girl. The “C” placed proudly by her father who insisted that some part of her name needed to have his mark on it… though she would carry his entire last name. The night Tawny, my dad, and Diana got in town they all spent at least half an hour ogling over the size of my belly because all our Face Time chats apparently did it no justice. Tawny then proceeded to spend the remainder of the night fussing at Chris and I for failing to give our child an identity. She demanded that we sit down with her and at least come up with a list of options that we could choose from the day the baby was born. But the moment she tossed that name out as a mere suggestion, I fell in love. Cailah… my daughter, honorably named by her aunt. Faith, her middle name… a direct tribute to my mother… Faith Marie Donsen. And Brown… the thought of my child proudly carrying her father’s last name filled me with envy and happiness all at the same time.

Today was officially day three past my due date and honestly, today was officially the day that I was completely over the whole pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my pregnancy… every last minute of it. I wouldn’t change a single aspect of it, other than the months where Chris wasn’t by my side like I’d always envisioned. But there comes a point in a woman’s pregnancy, well at least mine anyway, where she’s just over the whole damn thing. I was tired of being tired all the time. Tired of feeling so ridiculously large from my neck down to my ankles. Tired of feeling so insanely in love with the father of my child, yet feeling uncontrollable urges to whack him upside the head at the most random of times. Simply put… I was tired of being pregnant and I may or may not have made the mistake of sharing that with the girls, and Tawny, because now… they had made it a personal mission to help me induce my labor. 

 “Let me lay it on the line I got a little freakiness inside  And you know that the man  Has gotta deal with it  I don’t care what they say I’m not about to pay nobody’s way Cause it’s all about the dog in me Mmhmmm…”

I stood in place between Destani and Tameka, hands swirling around the front of my belly, hair pulled up into the messiest bun that was tilting pathetically from the side of my head, and perspiration coating my exposed skin. The coffee table that was once situated in the center of the den had been pushed to the side, offering maximum floor space for our shenanigans. Nalay stood feet away, orchestrating our choreography and Tawny maintained a red face from trying to refrain from laughing as she held three different phones up trying to capture the whole thing on video. 

“I want a freak in the morning A freak in the evening, just like me I need a roughneck brother  That can satisfy me, just for me If you are that kind of man Cause I’m that kind of girl I got a freaky secret, everybody sing Cause we don’t give a damn about a thing…”

“Dip low Sy, dip low. Don’t forget to squat. We gotta expand that cervix girl!” Nalay yelled out, coaching me into the proper positions she believed would make my water break.

“Like this bitch.” Destani dropped down to my right, into the lowest possible squat I’d ever seen, then seductively lifted her body back up with her tongue sticking out and her hands running up the curves of her torso and chest.

“Nuh-unh bitch, if you gone squat on it… fucking squat on it!” Tameka exclaimed and the next thing I knew, down she went… right into a full split. The girls howled as she bounced in place a few times on whatever imaginary “it” she’d just squatted on. Eventually she leaned her torso forward and flattened herself out against the floor, sliding her legs straight behind her and propping herself up onto her shins so she could have better leverage to twerk it in the middle of the floor.

“Nigga we tryna get her to go into labor, not seduce Chris into putting baby number two in there before number one can even make her way out!” Destani cackled.

“Meka, where the hell did you even get that from?” Nalay was now hunched over, gripping onto her knees as she laughed and wiped at the underside of her eyes.

“Ya’ll bitches better take notes… how to keep a man 101. Ask Kendrick where I got it from!” Rolling over onto her back, she did some type of acrobatic move, rolling her entire lower half up into the air and pressing her hands down on the floor beneath her to complete a roll that eventually landed her on her feet.

“Nah, nah… Sy’Diyah the one with a whole baby up in her. She the one who should be leading lessons on how to keep niggas. With Chris ole sprung ass.” Destani said.

“You ain’t lying though girl.” Tameka chuckled, breathing hard as she neared Destani and slapped hands with her.

“Um, ladies… I still have videos recording here. We aren’t done.” Tawny giggled.

“Oh shit. Rewind the song like one-minute Nay.” Destani instructed, quickly shifting back into position to my right. Tameka fell right back into place at my left and we anxiously waited for Nalay to get us back to where we left off.

I could honestly say that I was enjoying myself. I was exhausted, but enjoying myself non-the-less. Since early this morning, the girls had taken this whole thing right into the palms of their hands and personally made it their mission to get some type of activity from this little girl in my belly. Leave it to her to be a stubborn little thing and refuse to come on time… she was three days late to be exact. As I’d mentioned before, however, I was truthfully not interested in rushing her at all… mama just wanted to give her a little encouragement is all.

I continued to swivel my hips to the heavy beat of the song, courtesy of Destani’s JBL Bluetooth music box, and actually shut my eyes and momentarily lost myself in the beat. 

“Boy you’re moving kind of slow You got to keep it up  Now there you go There’s just one thing that a man must do Mmhmm I’m packing all the flavor you need I got you shook up on your knees Cause it’s all about the dog in me…”

Completely lost in my own zone, I stepped away from the trio and allowed the beat to consume me and my hips. I swirled and twirled, dropped it like it was hot on whatever the imaginary “it” was from Tameka’s show earlier, and bent over to catch my knees so I could transition into a smooth twerk.

“AYYYYYEEEEE, that’s my got damn bama right there! You better get it baby mama… fuck it up girl!” Destani yelled, cheering along with the girls, and hyping me up even further. I could feel a smile gracing my face as I reached up to tug the miserable hair tie from my locks, freeing it in the sexiest of ways. My belly was completely exposed, because I no longer cared much for clothes. I was in the company of my girls tonight, so I figured there was no harm at all in a pair of comfy spandex shorts that had risen and exposed the cusp of my butt cheeks. And the only thing covering any portion of my top was a turquoise sports bra from my collection of many. I was in my element and there was no one and nothing that could stop me.

I could hear extra commotion in the room at some point, but the girls were shouting even louder and hyping me so much I paid no mind to it at all. My aunt, dad, and Diana had gone over to Ms. Joyce’s a few hours ago to help her with a few last-minute touches to the nursery and she’d already informed me that once they were done there, they would be stepping out for a bite to eat. So it was just the girls and I for the evening, and I was perfectly content with that. As usual, I had no real knowledge of where my boyfriend was and I refused to allow thoughts of that to ruin my night and thankfully the girls respected my unspoken wishes to not bring him up.

I had just run a hand through my wild and waist length tresses, swiping a handful of the golden curly mess out of my face. While that hand was occupied in my hair… the other was gripping onto Tameka’s right shoulder so that I wouldn’t lose my balance and go toppling over as I alternated between rolling my body and twerking my butt. When I felt the sudden sensation of another pair of hands right at the cusp of my widened hips and my bulging belly, my eyes shot open and an immediate frown fell onto my face. 

“One to the two, to the two, to the three Sy’Diyah do you wanna have a baby with me? One to the two, to the two, to the three  Sy’Diyah do you wanna have a baby with me?” The altered verse was chanted a few more times into my ear and I could feel a rhythmic bump against my backside, matching the beat of the song perfectly. The crotch of this mysterious person was pressed firmly against my butt and I nearly gasped at the feeling of their semi hardness rubbing against me.

“Baby daddy better get that shit bih! Get it Chris, get it Chris!” The commotion in the den of the house was at its loudest now, if that was even possible, and I could hear both male and female voices yelling at the top of their lungs like we were in the middle of a close NBA game. Swinging my head around to the left, I strained my neck to look back into the grinning face of none other than my child’s father. His grin made me grin, but his crotch still pressed against my butt caught my attention again before I could fully acknowledge him.

“Ain’t I tell you that pregnant shit turns me on?” He’d wedged his face into the crook of my neck and mumbled those panty soaking words against my skin. I was thankful that my spandex shorts were black.

He maintained his grip on my waist, but I managed to turn completely to face him and held onto him the best way I could with a thousand pounds attached to my front side “Down daddy.”

He hissed sharply and chuckled against my neck then slowly pulled back and glanced down at my lips “You tryna get me riled up in front of all our friends baby?”

God I loved when he talked like that. I smirked and pulled away from him, but not before he meshed his lips against mine and puckered them three times, followed by his hands roughing up my butt cheeks a bit.

“Aye nigga, don’t let these kids see all that now. They don’t need to know exactly how ya’ll made that baby.” Dontay laughed obnoxiously as he pushed his way through the living room, beelining directly toward Tawny. She stood there smiling and biting her bottom lip bashfully, awaiting his arrival… they were so stinking cute.

“The hell ya’ll in here doing anyway? Sy, you tryna give the homegirls lessons on how to get like you or what? No lie… if Meeks gone be doing that shit on the dick tonight, she might be next up.” Kendrick set off a heavy chain reaction of laughter that rumbled through the whole crew and I couldn’t help but drop my head against Chris’s shoulder as I trembled with laughter.

“Boo, if you would have seen the shit yo girl was in here doing like half an hour ago, Meeks probably would have been first in line, okay!” Destani howled. Tameka laughed ratchetly, stuck a middle finger up at Destani, then turned to her man and greeted him with a nice sloppy kiss.

“See man, that’s that shit… ya’ll niggas is just nasty, both of ya’ll,” BJ chuckled, pointing a finger toward Chris and Kendrick, “You ain’t gotta do all that show boating to greet your woman.”

“Nigga shut yo philosophical lookin ass up!” Rashad called out, igniting a fresh batch of laughter. I was much too worn out from the hours of nonstop dancing we’d just put in to continue entertaining our over-enthusiastic group of friends, so I discreetly waddled over to the love seat, but was stopped in my tracks before my butt could connect with the seat. It was Chris who’d stopped me, because now that he’d just randomly made his appearance at the house after disappearing for hours, he suddenly wanted to be all up under me… literally. He plopped down on the couch before me and gently grabbed me by my waist, carefully pulling me down to claim my seat on his lap. He helped me maneuver my body to the side, because it was the most comfortable for me, and I ended up looking like a large child cradled in his arms from the way he held me. I smiled at the thought. It never failed to amaze me how easily he could take my mind off of my irritation with him… he made it impossible for me to be mad at him for too long.

“What were ya’ll doing?” He asked. I couldn’t help but take in the amusement on his face. His smile always made me smile.

“The girls really wanted to help me induce labor.”

“Oh okay. But… what were ya’ll doing though?”

We held eye contact for a while before we both burst into laughter and I slapped him playfully on the shoulder “I mean, what did it look like? We were dancing.”

“Oh word? Kinda looked like you were tryna seduce the girls… that shit was sexy.”

“You’re silly,” I giggled, “But while you’re asking me what we were doing, I think I’m the one who should be asking you that.”

His bright eyes roamed the room for a while before he dropped his gaze to me, absorbing every inch of my face as his tongue slithered out over his bottom lip “You think so?”

“Christopher…” I started, attempting to push myself up further to sit eye to eye with him, but obviously the task wasn’t as simple as I thought so I quickly decided to just frown up at him instead.

“Sy’Diyah?” He smirked.

That annoyed me, so that’s when I decided to face the struggle of sitting up because now I wanted to remove myself from his lap completely. He had me in a good mood for all of five minutes and just like that, I was over him again.

“Babe, wait… what are you doing?”

I didn’t respond, because I couldn’t respond, because I was too out of breath from scooting myself around and struggling to get up from his lap. He still held that same amused expression on his face and that really left me with an urge to slap him. Did he really think this was a joke? Because no one was laughing…

“Hope, I was playing. Chill out before you hurt yourself.”

“Oh, you really do think it’s a joke?” I mumbled under my breath. All the grunting and huffing and puffing I’d done to twist my body around to face forward meant absolutely nothing when he simply tugged me backwards and sat up straighter so I would at least be a tad comfortable when he meshed my back against his chest.

“I had some business to take care of.” He tried to reason, with his voice all soft and his lips pressed gently against my skin.

“Whatever Chris. Let me go.” And of course, he did the exact opposite. He held me closer and continued to peck his lips against my neck discreetly as the crew babbled on in front of us about some new movie on Fandango and who was going to input their debit card information to purchase it.

“The boys were with me, if that makes you feel any better.”

Smacking my lips and rolling my eyes, I sighed heavily through my nose and crossed my arms over my chest “So you have them out there dabbling in stuff none of you should have any business in? Seriously Charlie?”

The low rumble of his chuckle in the crook of my neck had me shutting my eyes briefly, but I quickly gained my senses and snatched them open because our position was compromising enough and I didn’t need to draw any unnecessary attention to us in a room filled with nosy spectators.

“Is that what you think? Somebody is dabbling in some illegal shit? Girl you funny… thought you knew your man better than that.”

“I thought I did too.” My words were laced with attitude and I’m sure he could sense that from the way he momentarily tensed beneath me.

I could feel his lips parting against my neck in preparation to say something else, but the newest conversation floating around the room quickly gained my attention and I strained my ears to make sure I was actually hearing it correctly…

“Well they should be out for a while, so I don’t think it would be a problem. Even if they came back earlier than we’re thinking, we’ll just make sure we’re down here to cover for them.” Tawny spoke quickly and quietly, surprising me completely because if this was what I thought they were discussing I was shocked that she’d be in the thick of it.

“Unless they go to Breezy house. Won’t it be kinda awkward in this house full of people?” Kendrick chimed in.

“Nah nigga, we’ve endured this shit plenty of times before. Them niggas is wild… the entire city of Richmond could be in this house and the homie gone still put it down.” Dontay cackled. A few of them laughed, but I could hear a few quick “shhh’s” telling them to keep it down.

“Don, what if you just let them go to your place and you just stay here? So they can have more privacy and shit?” Tameka asked.

“Meka, why don’t you fucking let them go to your place? If I’m there or not, I will still know in the back of my mind that the homie is fucking my friend into labor.”

“What the fuck are ya’ll talking about?” Chris blurted before I had a chance to open my mouth. I hadn’t even realized that he was listening, because I’d tuned in so intently I forgot I was even in his lap for a second.

“Aww shit, we ain’t think ya’ll was listening.” Destani giggled, failing to do so innocently.

“Okay, but what are ya’ll talking about though?” I asked.

“We’re just trying to help you induce this labor Sy…” My gaze shifted to Nalay in amazement… they were all in on whatever this sick plan was?

“Wait, ya’ll are all sitting down there discussing this right now?” Chris asked. I could hear the humor in his voice, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to crack a smile… were they serious?

“I mean, we just wanna make sure our niece comes… she’s already almost a week late, right? We just as excited to see her as you nigga.” That was Dontay… having the audacity to sound offended that we were possibly offended about the conversation they’d been engaging in, that no one had actually stepped up to confirm yet.

“So no one is going to tell us what you were actually talking about?” At this point I was already well aware, I just wanted one of them to say it.

“Girl we done tried everything today. We walked your ass three miles this morning, went and got lunch at that Thai place up the street from Meka house, put together full choreography for the past few hours… the only thing ya’ll ain’t tried yet is sex.”

Again, I could feel Chris tensing beneath me and his face suddenly found its way into the crook of my neck again. Subconsciously I reached down to caress his thigh, my touch relaxing him almost immediately.

“You’re seriously admitting to me that you guys are sitting right in our faces, talking about… that?” I asked with the blankest face I could muster.

“I actually found the topic a bit weird myself Sy…” Kendrick spoke up, only to be quickly popped on the shoulder by his frowning girlfriend.

“We ain’t ask you how you felt about it nigga,” Tameka fussed, rolling her eyes and her neck around to face me, “What ya’ll think about it?”

“I think we should no longer continue this conversation because Kendrick is absolutely right… it’s very weird.” I said.

“See…” Again, Kendrick attempted to speak up to defend himself, but the hard glare on Tameka’s face shut him up abruptly.

“Ugh, fine,” Dontay drew immediate attention to himself when he huffed and sighed loudly, “Ya’ll can just go to my place. I know it’s for a good cause… as long as you promise me and T can have your room Sy.”

I could feel a headache creeping on the harder I frowned. My friends had all officially lost their minds.

“Tay!” Tawny gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth as a deep blush set in on her face. I would have laughed at the sight of her wearing her shyness right on her sleeve, but I suddenly remembered a certain shy someone who still had his face bashfully hidden from everyone in the room.

“Breezy, come on baby. I’m offering you my whole crib so you can get some pus…”

“Dontay! You gone make this man pass out… you see he ain’t tryna hear you right now.” Nalay blurted, thankfully cutting Dontay off before he completed his brash statement which, as she’d stated, would very well push Mr. bashful to the brink of simply passing out.

“Wait, hol up… have ya’ll… have ya’ll even done that, yet?” My eyes narrowed in on Destani and I glared at her, refusing to respond to her or to even continue to entertain any of them and this unnecessary awkwardness.

“Charlie, don’t listen to them. They’re all crazy.” I muttered, attempting to turn in his tight grasp to face him.

I could feel him shaking his head as his face remained one with the skin of my neck and I couldn’t help but giggle when I felt his lips start to move “It’s okay. Maybe they’re right…”

This time it was my turn to tense up and gasp at the sudden realization of what he’d just said… as well as the feeling of his lips pressing softly against my neck.

“What do you mean?” I whispered. There was something extremely intimidating about the way all of our friends were sitting there staring at us, all of them smiling as if watching the best new series on Netflix. I wasn’t too keen on having a whole private conversation with Chris right there in their faces, even if we were whispering.

“You have tried everything… but that. I mean, I’ve heard that it really does work… the least we can do is try…”

I wasn’t even sure how to respond. Was he serious? Were they serious? Sure I was more than ready for this pregnancy to be over, but… was I really that ready?

For a while the crew continued to sit there, chatting lightly amongst themselves and glancing awkwardly at Chris and I every few seconds. I had hopes that by some miracle everyone had forgotten about that conversation and it seemed as if they had… until I felt myself being lifted from Chris’s lap.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I think we should call it a night now…”