#but whatever...

BLEGHH OWMTOBER DAY 4

— Might be quite bright.

uhh, never shading so much water again...

Based off: DREAM WORLD, one of worlds you can find. On Roblox.

" I wonder if this peaceful place is just another trick of my nightmares again. "

Close-ups undercut, i guess.

For a long time I've been very staunchly pro-endo. And like, I still believe that the experience of plurality is not limited to post-traumatic disorders (such as DID or OSDD). But I'm starting to squint harder at the whole "pro-endo" movement.

There's definitely a lot of appropriation of medical terminology for non-DID/OSDD plurality. I wish people could understand the difference between community terms and clinical terms. But both sides, anti and pro endo, love to conflate them.

Anti endos say shit like "you can only be plural if you have DID/OSDD!" which. No, "plural" is a community term originating in spaces inclusive of multiples who do not have DID/OSDD.

Then pro endos will act like "system" and "alter" are acceptable default terminology in the plural community. NO!! Those are CLINICAL!!

The terms "traumagenic" and "endogenic" have been watered down to "DID/OSDD systems" and "non-DID/OSDD plurals" respectively. Which is NOT what their coiner (The Lunastus Collective) intended.

Of course I support the concept of endogenic plurality (we fall on that spectrum somewhere, I'm sure), but the pro-endo movement is what I am taking issue with rn.

And throughout the community, especially on tumblr, I have seen people herald the intentional creation of new headmates as a total good. It's treated almost like making new toys. Especially fictives. Like a trophy of how you are XYZ Media's #1 superfan.

Even in tulpamancy circles (sorry my personal history is showing), this subject was treated with the weight it deserves. Creating a whole new sentient being. You have to consider how they will fit into your life, into your preexisting collective (if you have one), whether or not you really want them around forever (because they may want to stay), and how it is just as much their life as it is yours.

I see so many people in pro-endo circles treat this so flippantly! Make new headmates for funsies! And I'm not going to tell anyone what to do in their own head, in their own collective. But I hate to see this sort of thinking popularized and spread around.

At some point we had 40 headmates, and they were all very nice people. But ultimately, we all share one life. There is only so much time we have.

And so after our concussion a couple months back, we took some time to reset and tried to only keep the headmates who came back on their own and naturally fit into the collective, instead of seeking to get everyone back.

Now we have ~15 members, and it's much easier to function. Not that I don't miss those guys. I wish we all got our own lives, but alas.

Really that one thing (the flippant creation thing) is totally shocking to me. I remember being in tulpamancy circles, and having more than like, 3 tulpas was considered to be irresponsible, because you could not give them a full life.

And then also the REASON you create a headmate is very important. If you create someone just to fulfill the role of your favorite character, you're likely to give them a complex. You know what I mean? Though I see a lot of these guys' headmates just happily jump into that role. (Which makes me suspicious. But I don't believe that fakeclaiming is ever helpful.)

Back to origins terms: I genuinely do not think the terms "endogenic" and "traumagenic" serve their purpose anymore. I don't think this is helping anyone. I think this splits a (potential) community down the middle. I think it creates black-and-white thinking. You can be both. You can have some headmates that come from trauma and some that don't. You can have all your headmates come a little from both. You can just not remember or not care.

And frankly: Does it matter? What are people really asking for when they ask for your origins? Nowadays it is looking for a diagnostic label. This is stupid! These were community labels meant to explain diverse experiences! Each was an umbrella of its own!

And even then, what good is it to talk of origins all day? A system's origin doesn't tell you anything about their current, day-to-day functioning. How separate/individual are they? Do they have a headspace? What's it like? Are all the headmates friendly with each other? Lovers? Family? Something else? Can they communicate at all? How does their switching work? Their division of consciousness? These are all wonderful things to know, and they get FLATTENED by all of this origin nonsense!

Have four and a half minutes of me ABSOLUTELY STRUGGLING TO GET A CLEAN TAKE OF A SONG ON PIANO.

Like...I tried?? I was gonna have one nice long take, then a screwed up so I was going to do the chorus again and edit it, but stuff kept happening, so whatever. I have the incredible urge to make everyone listen to me screw it all up. I can do it just FINE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL I'M RECORDING IT, WHHHHYYYYY?????

Anyway...the song is my half-done cover of Waiting to Die by Harrison Boe. Not finished yet, but I never work on it, so...that might be part of it.

Also, I was gonna just do audio but apparently that doesn't work for me??? Did not know that, but now I do I guess...*sigh* Whatever. Hopefully this will work. And hopefully it's actually enjoyable to listen to, lol.

Tag List!!! (if you want on the tag list, comment on this post what you want to be tagged for <3)