I hate that I cant discuss certain parts of my autism seriously with anyone without them getting uncomfortable or telling me im gross.
I was taught how to do basic hygiene, but as a kid, and even now, I simply refuse to. Unless im going somewhere important or doing something where im going to be out all day, I genuinely dont see a point in showering or really taking care of myself (aside from brushing my teeth, I dont want those to fall out of my head, im very vain about my appearance when I feel like it makes sense to actually try) like, im just sitting around my house doing absolutely nothing with no one to see or hang out with, so why would I expend the energy showering when I could use that energy to make myself food or play a video game?
Another thing that I've never talked about with anyone, purely because people would call me gross it, is that im not potty trained.
It wasn't for lack of trying on my parents part, god knows they tried. I just couldnt get the hang of it. I can get myself to the bathroom when possible, but sometimes I just cant. I cant control it, and weather thats because of autism, trauma, or a bit of both I dont know and honestly I dont care anymore. I've given up trying to potty train myself at 19 years old, and im just done. (The trauma of my parents refusing to let me be in diapers again until I was 14 also did a fuck ton of trauma, but I wont go there rn)
And what's even fucking worse, is that while I am an adult, and I technically "only have level 1 autism" (pretty sure its actually level 2) means im not taken seriously when I need more support and act more like a baby then an adult. Yes, I use pacifiers and need diapers and I cant tie my fucking shoes and dressing myself is hard and god damn it im not actually an adult and I need help but I cant get it because no one wants to make the effort to get it for me!
(Rant over, I just had to get that off my chest cuz its been bothering me for a long while)