#surgery thoughts

is anesthesia.

Top surgery in 2 days. The excitement is starting to get real, even though the General worry about surgery is still there. I can't wait to: - wear tshirts more - learn to swim (comfortably) - be able to go to sleepovers and not stress about taking off my binder - not have to have my binder scrunch up all the time if I move to much - flat - really start working out without stressing about exercising while in a binder - less layers - just wake up in the morning and throw a shirt on and go out - bring in the trash cans without having to get a binder on first - stop wearing a big hoodie around the house cause I don't bind there - tuck in shirts comfortably - tank tops - tattoos on my torso - maybe a spray tan eventually??? - can go sky diving without worrying about the binder - roller coasters will be more comfy - look in the mirror better - be happier - less stress about 2 am fire drills at college - less stress about dorm life period - less stress - etc etc etc

This is the third time I've had some type of surgery, so I thought I'd share a few tips for getting through anesthesia: 1) Be honest about your health and habits with the medical team. They are not gonna care if you smoke or whatever, but it's incredibly important they know of anything that can cause complications. 2) If you need something to make you comfortable, ASK. Here's things I regularly ask for: * Anti-anxiety meds before going into the operation room. (This is usually standard, but not always. Just ask!) * That the IV never go in my hand. * Extra blanket when I wake up, preferably heated. * That I wake up in a reclining position and with my knees up. * For a little understanding that I might fight when I wake up. (Bless the nurse who had to struggle to put my knees up.) * A barf bag. * Water. I also ask random questions about machines, medicine, etc. When I was getting prepped in the operating room, asking "what's this?" and "what is that for?" helped me stay calm. Going UNDER isn't bad -- when you start to get groggy, you will not care, and then suddenly, you are asleep. Waking up is a little tougher (not nearly as bad when I had scalp surgeries 25 years ago) and reactions will vary. If you think you need something special when you wake up, just ask! Even something like a stuffed animal or music can probably be brought up pretty quickly for you by your caretaker. They want you out of recovery as quickly as possible, anyway. ;)

Had my first shower since surgery, and while it was terrifying for the nips it felt great overall. Little tough to wash under my arms and my hair, but I managed well enough. Took longer then usual though unfortunately. I made a separate post ranting about my surgical binder if anyone wants to read it. It got to long to be put here. In short I hate the thing with a burning anxiety-dysphoria filled passion. I'm gonna drop a class at uni because if involves a lot of movement. I'd have trouble with it while healing so since it's offered every semester I'll just push it off till later. Plus I'm really not fond of taking acting so like no biggie. I get tired sometimes during the day, but I refrain from napping. I can't wait to sleep in my bed again. Nipples are looking better than yesterday already. Might just be my optimism though. The right one definitely looks better then the left but I'm sure they'll catch up to one another eventually. I'm changing dressings twice a day now which isn't terrible. I usually give them a few minutes of air too. I miss going to the gym, but not to much luckily. Once in cleared for exercise I'll go to the one at school and start gentle. Maybe I'll focus on legs for a while and work the chest up slowly. I'm going to get some scar strips and cream to try and help make them fade and stay smooth. My right scar again looks better then the left. They're starting to bruise some, but that's normal. Tomorrow I'm 5 months on T so expect an update on that too.

Idk. Gesturing vaguely at the concepts of all of these things to document that I’m feeling stretched pretty damn thin here.

I'm very frustrated over this, but do keep my chin up. No need to worry about me. Worst thing I might do is getting a little drunk and rant online. I try to motivate myself enough to go swimming, but those damn opening hours don't agree with my sleep pattern... I'll figure things out somehow, I hope. But a swim would be nice, to hopefully ease some of these tensions. At least temporarily. I've still got some time to decide, but there might just be a couple of weeks left until I'll get a date set for surgery, and by then I kinda need to know what to do.