#and specifically

Because of this massive power imbalance there must be care taken on Bruce's part if he wishes to maintain that semblance of equality. This is partially why he gives Duke the Hatch, while yes, a massive gift like that is an example of the imbalance, its also an attempt by Bruce to allow Duke his own space outside of Bruce's direct control.

This doesn't mean it's 100% safe of course, Bruce has taken away smaller hide outs from others before, and I'm sure in a fit of assholery would do it to Duke as well. :/

Bruce also gave him the Signal suit, this one is a more direct example of the quasi-control Bruce can exert over Duke. Re: the conversation Duke has with Shiva about the color of the suit.

Bruce does a lot of things (re: the hatch, the suit, the bike, etc) without Duke's direct input, these things just happen to him. I think that's an issue on the part of the writers, it would be much more impactful to have them pool together on these items. If they want to actually show Duke and Bruce as semi-equals then they should have them as equals. But back to the point.

It is therefore not a stretch to assume that Bruce would modify/change gifts given to Duke without Duke's express knowledge or permission, correct? Bruce will surely just tell Duke when it becomes relevant to the mission.

Therefore I have set a scene in which Bruce does these things, and it backfires spectacularly, causing property damage and frazzling Duke.

What is the correct response here?

If you said civil conversation ripped straight from a psychology manual then you are in the wrong fandom.

The answer is there isn't one. What is the correct answer to a breach in trust and privacy? Yelling? I would yell if someone came and changed my computer settings without my knowledge and it blew up. There's no amount of "civil discourse" that can be had when you messed with my shit and didn't tell me. I'd be fucking pissed.

Now, granted, I come from a yelling culture so maybe that's just me, but given Duke's canon appearances of yelling under duress, I think that's more or less in line.

So anyway, lets get into the lesson here.

I received this comment on the above post (don't go and harass the person making this comment):

I would kick Duke out. That’s not how you approach someone. That’s toxic af. Imagine if a husband reacted like that to a wife. Or a parent to a kid. Just cause Duke is the kid doesn’t make it okay. Communicate and use your words.

Now, in all fairness, the person later retracted their comment about kicking Duke out. That was very good of them, but you also have to understand that society's racism lives in our gut instinct. I will focus in here, because like I said: the first reaction has the most racial bias.

"Communicate and use your words"

"Fucking tell me when you put something new in my kit."

This is the second sentence out of Duke's mouth. He has laid out his demands very clearly, he is asking Bruce to communicate changes to his equipment.

We have communicated, and in fact, used words. So clearly that is not the problem here.

"That’s not how you approach someone."

Ahhhh right right.

It is impossible to have a conversation between Bruce and Duke without the inherent racial overtones of their dynamic. I hate to say it but: we live in a society.

Therefore, when approaching a conversation with a critical lens, one must realize that power dynamic.

"Imagine if a husband reacted like that to a wife. Or a parent to a kid."

You have already lost the plot, that is an impossible power dynamic to map Bruce and Duke onto. Duke can never hold power over Bruce, you understand that right? Not in this context.

The worst Bruce can do is essentially ruin Duke's life in every way imaginable. The worst Duke can do is hurt Bruce's feelings.

Sit with that.

Now, to go back to something else this person said, casscainmainly helpfully linked an article about tone policing. This was the response:

There is a difference between having an angry tone and coming in arguing and refusing to communicate. Don’t use this to justify toxic or abusive behaviour.

Now, this person clearly could have some justifiable critiques of me, and my abilities as a storyteller. I thought that people would be able to read between the lines and I didn't have to provide a write up in post detailing the ways that this is Bruce's fault, but here we are.

You have to remember that there is a difference between characters inability to communicate and the author's inability to communicate. The characters are subject to the whims, biases, and knowledge of the author and their craft.

But we aren't here to talk about that because this person did not level criticism at Me, they leveled them at Duke.

"coming in arguing"

As in, getting attention, and laying out demands? That's arguing to you? I'm not sure you're mad at the Contents, I think you're mad at the Delivery.

There's a word for that I think.... hmmm..... what could it be..........

Oh right TONE POLICING.

In fact, some of the examples in this article right here:

“Calm down. There’s no point in engaging if you can’t even have a civil conversation.” “I’m happy to discuss this rationally, but I’m not going to listen if you’re going to yell.”

Is really interesting in the context of something this person said here:

"I have this rule. The moment you start yelling. Your argument is invalid. Want to tell me something I did wrong? Talk. Don’t yell."

So yes, my dear, you are, in fact, tone policing. You are no longer engaged with the ideas being presented (a white man in a position of significant power changed something for a black kid without their knowledge or consent and then tried to lie about it) and are instead focused on the Delivery of the message.

Regardless, expecting perfect, adult conversation from a scared child is not only ridiculous it also plays into Another racial bias: Adultification.

These have real world impacts, these biases have body counts. This isn't ha ha fun headcanon time, make fun of the racist, you need to examine your biases because they kill people.

I don't make this post to bully this person, or to paint myself as a victim, or any of that nonsense. I make this post because black fans deserve better, hell non-black fans deserve better but this ain't about them. This is a place where everyone comes to forget about the world for a little bit, and if fans of color can't get even a little break out here what is the point!

You need to be better, I need to be better.