#(gotham rogues)

what Batman’s actually doing:

pushing past hour three of Riddler’s impromptu lecture on how tenses and verbal intonation affect the solution rate of his riddles

talking a random guy down from joining Penguin’s goon squad for better pay (“you’re not a killer, you just need friends” “…yeah”)

pulling electrodes out of Jim Gordon’s ass (again) because he’s the only one who won’t laugh

explaining compounding interest rates to Robin while doing 180 on the highway during rush hour

blacking out Harvey Dent’s window in Arkham because seeing the waxing/waning moon was giving him anxiety

jumping out at kids skipping curfew and scaring them

spending so much money on charity that Lucius Fox is impressed he can still successfully embezzle from WE at the same time

The Riddler: Robin I just tried harder, you know? He laughed at funny Riddles. Robin II smart as whip. Robin III & IV are assholes. They didn't even let me finish them half the time. Robin V fucking bit me once but the kid is respectful.

Penguin: Now, now, Robin III has his moments, kid is smart, Robin IV now she's an asshole. You're right bout Robin V. Kid scares me.

Poison Ivy: No, the kid has heart, a real passion for Mother Earth. Robin III is the asshole Robin.

Penguin: Lies. Robin III is the peak Robin.

Two Face: Fuck off. Robin I was the classy one. That kid had respect even when he was mouthing off. Almost didn't kill him after the coin flip.

Mr Freeze: But the puns.

Zsasz: Robin II now that was a Robin. Merciless, hilarious, never cried Bat when he was cornered. Miss that little bastard.

Bane: Robin V reminds me of him sometimes, though he's less prone to laughing at his own jokes. Less endearing. I don't like that child.

Killer Croc: What's this?

Poison Ivy: Oh yeah, you never come to these things.

The Riddler: We rank the Robins on humour, sarcasm, fighting skills, intelligence and general likability. We rank them one to five. Robin I is #1 for me, then Robin II, Robin V, with III & IV co-ranked for bottom.

Killer Croc: You guys always do this?

Scarecrow: Sometimes we watch bloopers reels. It changes the rankings.

Killer Croc: Sounds like fun. What about the Joker? What's his take on this?

Two-Face:... He's banned from this part of the meetings.

Poison Ivy: Because he's a fucking cheater.

Zsasz: *clinking his cocktails against Ivy in solidarity*

Killer Croc: What about Deathstroke?

Rogues:

Bane: He's not fucking welcome here.

Bruce: Damian, what did you do with the Riddler?

Damian: I apprehended him.

Bruce: When, where, and how?

Damian: Yesterday. Crime Alley. Stakeout.

Bruce: Why isn't any of this written down? You have to document it for future case references. You just wrote, "Done."

Damian: Because I'm done.

Bruce: But you're supposed to tell us the steps you took.

joker: chaos and order.

the foil to batman’s suppressed madness. bruce is discipline; none is above the code and justice. “you’re just one bad day away from being like me” WRONG!! bruce wayne has not had a good day since he was 10 years old. every good thing that happens to him is followed by 100 bad things. he is the universe’s punching bag. and yet he persists, does he not? does he not still believe in goodness in spite of it all? suck my dick joker he does not think of you AT ALL you are nuisance to him he wants to spend the one day off he has every year with his family and friends and you had to ruin it with ur lame jokes and terrorist attacks

riddler: obsession and intellect.

the foil to batman’s ego. bruce wayne is one of the smartest people in the world, by way of writer favouritism. wdym you outsmarted brainiac, a being of pure intelligence, just because ur the author’s favourite pretty princess? alright king whatever u say. but he never lets it rule him. his intelligence is a tool to of protection; it’s a shield, not a sword. he’d never raise it against the innocent. edward uses his intelligence to prove superiority, that he is better. he is batman without humility, and that is why he will always lose, because intelligence is nothing without wisdom

the penguin: wealth and corruption.

the foil to batman’s class. they’re both billionaires, Gothamite socialites. oswald embraces his privilege and uses it to oppress the poor. bruce wayne understands his privilege and uses it to pull others up. “you wear a mask too” yeah and it’s prettier than urs u ugly bitch. oswald’s socialite mask is a polished classy persona that disguises his inner evil. bruce’s socialite mask is just a himbo and remains true to his desire to help people

mr freeze: love and grief.

foil to batman’s ability to move on from the past. victor fries cannot let go of his wife and makes it everybody else’s problem. this is also the philosophy of grimdark batman, which is why it cannot apply to batman’s true character. bruce wayne is traumatized from his parents’ deaths, but it also inspired him to become the person who he wished had saved him in that alley. how many times has he looked into the eyes of a scared child on patrol and saw himself? he became the saviour for his 10 year old self left in that alleyway. he was able to heal; yes, his parents deaths has shaped him into the man he is, that’s literally what life does. healing doesn’t mean the grief will shrink, but your world grows bigger around it. he has a family again, built by his own hands

scarecrow: fear and power.

the foil to batman’s darkness. batman is iconic for instilling crippling terror into others by a mere look, psychics hate him because his mind is a screaming hellscape, he dresses like a bat because when he was a kid he fell into a hole filled with bats and he associates it with fear. jonathan uses fear to control the helpless, bruce instills fear in evil to protect the righteous. “you’re just as ruled by fear” WRONG!!! batman is ruled by love. it’s not fear that powers him when he drags his mangled, half-dead body off the streets at every dawn to go home for a costume change and immediately go to a charity gala for disadvantaged youths named after his street-rat son. it’s not fear that inspired him to keep lollipops in his utility belt for the children he saves. it’s not fear that makes him do the same old shit of throwing you fuckers into that useless max security prison twice a week after getting his shit rocked, knowing full well he’d have to do it again in a few days, instead of just killing you.

two-face: duality and justice.

the foil to batman’s divided self. harvey started off as a batman, a lawyer wanting to do good. his trauma split him, but bruce integrated it into himself. bruce wayne does not reject his pain, he lets it shape him and he asks himself: “ok that sucked. how do i make sure nobody else will experience that?” harvey dent is completely split, indecisive in his morality, good and evil depends on the flip of a coin. but batman? people say that bruce wayne is the mask and batman is his true self. dawg do u think his kids call him batman? that’s some shit he’d say in his 20s when he was figuring himself out but he’s a middle aged father now and his children would drag him to filth if he says his black-leather bat fursona is his “true self”. they are all him. brucie wayne isn’t completely his mask either, because it’s the persona he uses to fuck with rich people and you know full well he’d delights in that to the bottom of his heart