#batman rogues

But other rogues from outside of Gotham? They better not touch their Bat or his Robins. Imagine if you will:

Lex Luthor arriving into Gotham and cornering the Bat only for Harley Quinn to show up, kneecap Luthor with her hammer, nod politely to Bats and walk off into the night like nothing happened.

Nightwing has been shot in the side, he's dragging himself to safety before Deathstroke can find him. A car pulls up, door pops open, it's Don Falcone, "get in kid".

Red Hood is caught with no bullets, empty holsters Lady Shiva closing in and he's down some alley, where a door opens and it's Two Face, jerking his head for Jason to get his ass inside.

Robin is about to get taken out by a sniper sent by the League of Assassins, the Joker drops an anvil on their nest because he's the only one who kills Robins in this city.

Dr Psycho is targetting Red Robin and Killer Croc bursts out of the sewers, snapping him up like the "fucking mosasaurus in Jurassic World" according to Tim later on.

what Batman’s actually doing:

pushing past hour three of Riddler’s impromptu lecture on how tenses and verbal intonation affect the solution rate of his riddles

talking a random guy down from joining Penguin’s goon squad for better pay (“you’re not a killer, you just need friends” “…yeah”)

pulling electrodes out of Jim Gordon’s ass (again) because he’s the only one who won’t laugh

explaining compounding interest rates to Robin while doing 180 on the highway during rush hour

blacking out Harvey Dent’s window in Arkham because seeing the waxing/waning moon was giving him anxiety

jumping out at kids skipping curfew and scaring them

spending so much money on charity that Lucius Fox is impressed he can still successfully embezzle from WE at the same time

like some teenager gets saved and just goes “thanks, batman :) you’re doing great, actually” and he literally freezes because no one has said that to him since 1997. he just stands there in the smoke like some medieval knight having an emotional crisis. suddenly news anchors are saying stuff like “batman was seen preventing a mugging last night. great job, king” and the police scanner has gcpd officers doing it too “uh… b-man? mr batman, sir? rooftop on east. you’re doing… good. proud of you. over.” and batman’s cape very subtly twitches like he got shot

the batkids IMMEDIATELY clock what’s happening and it becomes psychological warfare:

nightwing on the group chat: You’re doing amazing, B!

robin: Father, I am… impressed. Do not make this embarrassing

red hood: nice punch. proud of you, buddy.

batman: Enough.

red hood: <3

babs starts leaving sticky notes on his gadgets like “good job charging your equipment :)”

and tim schedules google calendar notifications including “you matter. drink water.”

cass passes him in the hallway and bumps her shoulder into his like you’re here. so am i. she signs safe before disappearing again.

steph starts trailing him on rooftops yelling “DARK KNIGHT AAATE” until criminals leave out of secondhand discomfort

even the rogues are in on it. they all pool together to make a large bouquet (which looks totally incohesive, by the way) tied with a pretty bow and a small glittery card: thank you <3

he just. stares at it