#the riddler

The Riddler: To free Batman from my trap, you must answer this riddle, little bird. I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?

Dick, eight years old and freshly Robin: *thinking really hard*

The Riddler looking at Batman dangling upside down: ?

Batman: He just needs an extra minute.

The Riddler:

Batman: English isn’t his first langauge.

The Riddler, feeling a little bad: oh, that’s… take your time, buddy.

Jason, twelve years old: *lifting a hand*

The Riddler: -uh, yes?

Jason: Can you repeat that? The riddle?

The Riddler: um, yeah, sure. I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?

Jason: Yeah, you’re a map but when you’re talking about multiple species of fish, which you probably are, you can say fishes. If you’re using fish, you’re only talking about one species.

The Riddler:

Jason: I just think you should know that. You know as a “genius”

The Riddler: The more you take, the more you -

Tim: Footsteps, where’s Batman?

The Riddler: No, you have to let me-

Tim: Nuh-uh

The Riddler: The fuck do you mean “nuh-uh”? Who raised you?

Tim, on two hours sleep, with two essays due on this fine Thursday night: *fucking launches himself at The Riddler*

The Riddler: I wear a mask but not to hide,

Steph: It's you. You're the answer.

The Riddler: You have to let me finish.

Steph, mimicking him: YOu HaVE tO LEt mE FIniSH

The Riddler: I have-

Damian: *launches himself at the Riddler*

I just love drawing him as the most obnoxious dandy manwhore

Today was a terrible day. A Scarcrow attack on his University in second period. A Joker attack during fifth period. A Bane attack on his way to and from school. And now he was stuck as an unwilling contestant in the Riddler's latest game. The Riddler, who kept talking and talking and talking into the camera, broadcasting this to the entire city, and possibly the world if anyone outside of Gotham cared to tune in. Danny was kinda just... blankly staring at the ground, mentally calculating how many fucks he had to give at the present moment to decide if he should just phase out and fuck off to go back to his dorm and catch some Zs.

At least he had been, until the Riddler suddenly demanded his attention by stealing his lanyard with his school ID front and center, the grown ass man grinning to himself like a satisfied child who thought bullying made him cool(no that particular thought was not personal at all why would you even say that) Only to pause with a look of increduality that was shown even through the eye mask.

The Riddler turned his attention back to the young man with soulless eyes. His voice was low but clear, and so was the disbelief in his tone. "Is your middle name seriously Danger?" The young man, probably a college student, chuckled to himself. "Aren't my parents hilarious?"

Texts From Superheroes

And it haunts him the whole time until they finally catch the Riddler and Jason gets to ask him about it before he gets locked up again, and turns out the Riddler just confused two diffrent barely similar quotes or something.

And Jason LOSES HIS MIND.

HE LOST SLEEP OVER THIS??! THIS?!?! HE THOUGHT HIS KNOWLEDGE WAS WRONG HE HAD TO REOPEN THE ORIGINAL NOVEL, HE'S BEEN CARRYING ON HIM FOR THE REST OF THE INVESTIGATION JUST IN CASE-