can't go home, got my dick stuck in the moon

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

notice that no one on MTV Cribs has an emergency eyewash station

i like boys who dress like icecreams and ignore me for video games and get food all over their face so i can wipe it off and spoon feed and baby them esp when they are mean to me it’s garbage i know but i can’t help it

boys who dress like ice creams still haunts me. even more than the rest of this which is objectively worse.

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

all movies are for children because the moving image is inherently juvenile. to be entertained by it even moreso

Staring for two hours at a painting doesn't make you deep.

i can stare for up to 7 hours actually

more women should have the body of a snake imo

more women should have 4 arms

"best I can do is going above and beyond the call of duty"