i’m not dead i only dress that way

made me laugh thinking abt if you do porn your boss could walk by and be like “fuckin hard or hardly fuckin?” and that might be pretty funny. well im alone there now. in our “special place”. waiting for you.

oh its bad back there.

Dude bensons gonna abandon his faith when he sees what weve done

Grab somebody sexy tell em Die

people commenting that this is written by AI have never seen a linkedin post before. they all sound like this. and this is someone I vaguely know, not a throwaway or satirical account, and not a story hallucinated by AI. this is a real actual thing someone posted to linkedin with their whole chest

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were at my house party and all they did was stand in the corner and blink in sync with each other. At one point I saw Mary-Kate put a cigarette to her mouth and take a long drag, then Ashley blew out the smoke.

i love the phrase "sex pervert" like. as opposed to what? abstinence pervert?

i think they're called catholics

The 4pm bird gets the weird and fucked up spider