Hollander, You are having panic attack!

Shane thinks it's soooo sexy when Ilya busts out those English vocab words btw. Listen to the way he says "When did your English get so good" and tell me he's not wet. He thinks it's so sexy that he is married to a bilingual baddie who knows what the word pedantic means despite English being his second language and he has a sexy accent when he says that shit. Shane can't even be mad at being called pedantic because he liked the sound of it in his husband's voice so much. "I'll show you pedantic," says Shane Hollander, as he plummets to his knees in the kitchen.

hollanov getting cuteness aggression for each other so bad that they fuck the most violently they’ve ever fucked and actually Draw Blood with their teeth and Ilya has to update his tetanus shot all because Shane couldn’t physically climb into his ribcage

i know that shane practiced and rehearsed introducing himself to ilya in his head before finding him. then he sees that ilya is smoking in a non-smoking section and all his plans and scripted conversation goes out the window because “you’re supposed to smoke over there”

Cliff Marleau is like have you seen this terrible movie. Ilya is like I don't watch shit. Cliff puts on The Room and Ilya has never been so confused in his life. Halfway through he texts Shane like please save me from this nightmare. The movie ends and Ilya is in shock that something is so bad. The next day Cliff comes into the locker room "give me my fucking money Denny!" Ilya cracks up and then Cliff scores a hat trick that night. Ilya is now forced to watch the movie every night before a game for like a month with Cliff until he doesn't score in a game. By the end of the month Ilya is just sending Shane vague quotes from The Room. When they finally see each other Ilya just goes "I like your pecs" with a tie around his head and Shane is certain Ilya has a concussion.

ilya sending shane a bouquet of lilies on his birthday every year after they first hook up just to get shane's reaction. why the fuck would you think it's okay to send me flowers. knowing how angry kitten shane would look. how it would get under his skin and make him pretend he didn't want to keep seeing ilya but in truth he's jerking off to those flowers. maybe he even saves one from every bouquet. he doesn't know why. they make his skin prickle and flush with the secret. they're not even signed, nobody would know except shane. but what if they found out. it's so hot and it shouldn't be. why is it so hot? and then the tuna meltdown happens and he starts dating rose and his birthday comes around and there are no flowers. no lilies magically appear on his counter where the housekeeper put them when they were delivered. and shane. shane breaks down. opens and closes his texts from lily about a hundred times. even starts typing a couple times. considers sending a picture of his gifts and saying "somethings missing" or maybe a picture of one of the flowers he's saved from years prior. but he can't. he can't. and now he's alone in his room on his birthday crying over flowers he didn't get and he can't even talk to anyone about it

#maybe he gets the old ones out#jerks off looking at them and thinking about one of his favorite times with ilya#and he's just thinking about his big gentle hands and the way his face looked when he pushed in#and he comes and he cries some more#and when they're at the cottage. he tells ilya that he was sad he didn't get flowers that year#not to guilt him just to be like hey. i missed you. i missed that.#and ilya sends him so many lilies the week after he leaves#they just keep coming#maybe once a day for a couple weeks#the rest of the time that he knows shane will be at the cottage#and shane feels so loved and taken care of#and it heals something in him#and he's gonna keep a flower from every one of those bouquets

conversely to that image of ilya being asked what it’s like being married to a faggot (very awesome), shane is asked what it’s like to be married to a manwhore, to which he responds with a picture of ilya he’s taken on their honeymoon, hot pink drink with an umbrella in his hand, sun-kissed skin and fluffy hair, floral shirt unbuttoned, sweaty six pack peeking through, short short shorts riding up his massive thighs, and he’s sprawled on a sunbed not giving a single shit about anything except for the man taking the picture (what do you think? 😍👍)

Actually Mr. and Mrs. Hollander I know you think I am the slutty one but your son regularly begs me to fuck him so hard that he cries so. Thank you for pasta