sandbox

I cry before sex and I cry after sex, of course, but during sex? I have a fucking job to do.

Which is cry while getting pounded into the mattress, yea. Obviously.

cis people can reblog this but keep it on subject, please

Happy pride month everyone always remember that the sinkhole has an ecosystem large enough to house not only insects but likely several species of small birds or mammals

everyone always talks about Alfred polishing silver in the Manor like it’s some heinous chore, and yeah, obviously anything in bulk like that would be unbearable, but I don’t think people truly realize how satisfying it is to polish silver? silver polish takes away years of tarnish and water stains. you pull all the intricate details in the piece out, like initials or artistic embellishments. when you do a good job, the piece looks brand new by the end. Alfred Pennyworth is one (1) man with limited control over the craziness in his life but do you know what he has? an entire Manor’s worth of silver pieces (multiple sets, some in storage and some in active use), a bottle of silver polish, and enough stress to make doctors grimace. he’s fine.

I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh…hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

reblooog this post goddamnit

I have never, and will never, use "ofc" to mean "of fucking course". It literally stands for OF Course...

I've posted about this before but back home at my old job I used to get pho so fucking often that the owners of the place stopped asking me what I wanted and stopped handing me menus when I walked in. After I moved to NY and I could only go back to Chicago like once a year, I sat down and they gave me a menu and I was like "Oh no I already know what I want, can I get--" and they were like OHHH #36 WITH EXTRA NOODLES YOU'RE BACK and I almost cried

one of my least favorite tropes is when a character has a crush that is explicitely unrequited and hopeless, yet in the timeskip epilogue they inexplicably get married. like bro if you fruitlessly pine after someone and they show no interest for the whole 3 year run of the story and then suddenly change their mind. i think theyre settling for you. quite frankly both of you need to learn some self respect. get divorced immediately.