Pretty Sure I’m a Jedi

idk what yall are mad about the new Lies Your Older Cousin Tells You machine is working great

Happy horse on mars day

"what if someone regrets transitioning" if you are 18 or over in free country usa you can walk into any tattoo parlor and ask for a tattoo that will be on your body forever and ever and ever and they will give it to you with the understanding that if you dont like the result or you regret it later that's your fucking problem and not theirs

boss asked me if i knew what a brony was today but he pronounced it like “brownie” then started explaining, but somehow I’M THE WEIRD ONE FOR INTERRUPTING WITH “Oh, you mean BRONYS, yeah, they do want to fuck horses!”

boss today asked me if I knew what a bear was and it took the incredible effort of forcing every bone in my body to solidify into one giant Super Bone and in the process fusing my jaw shut for me to stop myself from saying “uh, yeah dude, you but gay.”

boss texted me today about all the business we’ve been getting and i texted back “haha yup our dance card is getting pretty full!” followed immediately by two minutes of debilitating panic about whether that was an actual saying or just some nonsense I’d made up.

boss came to my office today strictly to tell me he got hamilton tickets and had the nerve to be insulted when i referred to him as “the biggest copycat there ever was.”

boss just came into my office to ask me a question, paused and said “what the FUCK are you listening to?” and when i sheepishly admitted it was a remix of the wii shop channel music, he just left.

op what is your occupation

Rascal. 

This human writes software. I will swear on everything holy that they do

i don’t even know what a comporter is

7/7/2026

I love rescuers I love the people who risk their lives to save another person's. I hope the people rescuing earthquake victims trapped under the rubble in Venezuela in the middle of a heatwave are safe

Sorry just watch a report on the news of rescuers of many nationalities coming together to rescue a man who is still alive under the rubble and I kinda almost cried at the office. I feel very weak and very useless

They rescued him successfully!!!!!!!!

Trying to escape military service like: "Poison Seller, I require your weakest poisons."

it's actually so amazing she helped save the lives of the honorable men who did not wish to fight, while killing the most vile men, that is so fucking based

Really haughty bandit wearing a tophat and monocle robbing you at gunpoint while insulting your social class, call that a snobbery.

I call it politics

big life tips dont be neurodivergent dont be poor dont get in any sort of situation and dont let yourself need or crave

not getting good reports back on your progress with this guys

Mitch McConnell will die two weeks from today (8/31/23)

there is no need to charge or cast i just be Knowing

genuinely if it becomes a film making trend to adapt 4chan/reddit posts into movies i think we should ban the moving image

no i don't want you to redirect me to your app i want to look at recipe

i am not going to a secondary location with you one of us dies here