Stranger Ships

Phew, never thought I’d write a post like this. So I’ve been off and on on Tumblr since 2015...That makes me feel old. I’ve always loved it here. I didn’t know many people who liked the same things I liked and I loved seeing all the amazing stuff this community creates- fics, art, gifs, analysis, and so much more. 

I’ve also been party to my fair share of Fandom “drama”. Although, I wouldn’t call it that in a lot of instances. Sure, I’ve seen drama where people literally made child actors anxious and act differently because they were shipping the two child actors so intensely. But a lot of the “controversy” I’ve seen play out has actually been necessary discussion on real issues of misrepresentation and diversity across multiple fandoms. I am so grateful for these discussions because they have helped me to understand my fellow fans better and to be a better reader/watcher because I am able to think more critically and hold creators accountable. 

That being said, I feel it is time to make a change. The overwhelming, all-consuming nature of social media has left me feeling like every time something comes up and whichever fandom I’m in is working through something, whether it be important social justice or the pettiest of squabbles, I am always sucked in. I cannot tear myself away. I’m reading every post and I have no sense of perspective on the matter as it relates to what’s next for the Thing I’m Passionate About™. I think if there’s anything that I’ve learned over the past few months, its that I am very bad at embracing nuance when it’s brought to my attention that a piece of entertainment has problematic elements. But I can’t just throw out every piece of entertainment that ages poorly. I have to take some time to decide for myself whether this thing that I love is too consistently problematic for me to embrace the nuance or if I can continue to consume that content while also continually acknowledging the problems that it has and committing to actively working to fix the wrong that this content perpetuates. That’s a hard judgement to make when you’re constantly bombarded with the most radical takes on a topic from either ‘side’.

I feel that I have learned enough from the amazing fans who have educated me over the years to critically analyze the content I consume in ways that weren’t always visible to me as a person with a considerable amount of privilege. I also feel that I have people around me and outlets of continued education that will allow me to stay on a more conscientious path of growth, even without being on this platform.

I also just genuinely feel shitty being on the socials right now. It stresses me out trying not to say the wrong thing while I learn and grow. I am not a perfect person. I often come to a conclusion prematurely based on faulty information. I want to believe that I can continue to keep my mouth shut until I am fully informed. But I am terrified of the day that I make a mistake that ends up following me and costing me. More than that, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Based what I’ve seen lately of how deeply some creators can hurt their own fans, I don’t ever want to make anyone feel that way. This may seem melodramatic, and you could absolutely be right, but as someone who has anxiety and knows what it can become, I try to really assess how I’m feeling so that I can live in the most peaceful way possible.