Assume nothing

My comment got nuked within minutes, no surprise there

That’s literally how German citizenship works currently lol

Poverty cuts off one’s ties to the old country and makes people say you have no claim to it. Interesting, that.

These rules are made up. They’re stupid rules. Citizenship requirements for residence somewhere are stupid. I’m not allowed to live in a place that I have cultural ties to and have family living there. Is that not stupid? Like what’s your requirements for who deserves to live in a place?

It’s 106 miles to chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, empty can of mr. pibb, half a bag of jack links beef jerky, full carton of fat free milk, 3 bags of goldfish, fifty knives, a red wrench, a gay wrench, one really pissed off scorpion, two swords, 1000 loyal soldiers, 10 ounces of cannabis rutica, gut full of flesh, half a picture of gangsta spongebob, half a 2007 honda accord,  an incredible vr experience, burnt cd of poorly compressed weird al songs, handful of loose peanuts, two tickets to paradise, 20th century howitzer cannon, tiao cruz megahits mixtape, a daft punk yaoi keychain, and a cassette to kd lang’s ingenue

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

Bagel what are your powers

THE BAGEL POWERS ARE WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS WORLD

chaucer, Troilus and Criseyde c. 1380

You know the form of language, too, can change. Within a thousand years, even the words that were most precious then, seem strange and foolish to us; yet they spoke them so and did no worse in love than we now do.

You will cramp. You will throw up. It will not rehydrate you at all. The medic will get to practice his large bore IVs.

it might make your stomach nerves uncomfy if you're super sensitive or not used to it, but it's not actually doing you physical harm

important points which I did not address but should be appended ☝️☝️☝️☝️

- cybersmith, for some reason

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.