when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character
hello vonnie
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occasionally subtle

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oozey mess
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One Nice Bug Per Day
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Not today Justin
DEAR READER
noise dept.
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@token-white-friend
when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character

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knew this woman who used to be a gay man and when he was a gay man he liked ‘ironically’ referring to himself as she/her and so when he came out as a woman he decided the next logical step was to also switch his pronouns to he/him.
not to brag but I just made a big financial purchase (one month of rent)
EVERYONE MOVE BIG FINANCIAL PURCHASE MAKER COMING THROUGH
NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY
FISH! OVER HERE! FISH!
After a successful exchange of funds, what moves can the people hope to see in the future?
i unfortunately will be doing it again next month

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I want five hundred billion dollars and I want whoever reads this to have five hundred billion dollars
hold on. manifesting
Where’s my money, fish.
please be patient I literally just started manifesting
yeah man no such thing as thought crime. however you know that a thought is an inside action? your mouth and hands cannot be moving for it to be a thought
people got mad at me for this post where i simply state that your hands and mouth cannot be moving for your thought to be a thought. a thought ceases to be a thought once you start posting it online and telling people this is a principle you believe in. because then those are your values. if i start posting about how i find my tv hot every day and how i want to marry my tv and have sex with my tv then people will think i want to marry my tv because these are the words coming out of my mouth. i don't even want to marry my tv she may be a sweet lover but she is a cruel mistress
i know this is themed after the taylor swift but there is something so deeply funny about getting a cutesy wootsy beaded bracelet at claires that says "tortured". who else is being tortured in this claires⁉️ if you're being tortured in claires make some noise ‼️💯
how do you always come up with witty responses. will the well one day run dry.
Yeah everyone knows you get worse at something the more you do it.
oh god... oh fuck...

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we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?
this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber
hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction
the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip
Biden dropped out, can you be the next president please
It would never work, I lack the raw sexual energy that Biden had in spades
I can’t believe that this is how I find out.
how to get over somebody
You guys don't even word these as questions anymore. You treat me like bitch google.
in World War 1 around 8 million horses died but in World War 2 it was under a million which can only mean horses started to evolve bullet resistance
I could convince Joe Rogan that this is real
It’s really funny that the only long-term effect of someone trying to assassinate a presidential candidate has been the break-up of Tenacious D.
This is how I find out tenacious d broke up??

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If you think people used to willingly stare off into the distance before smartphones, my dad told me he had this psychology assignment when he was in college in the 80s which was basically
Go to a restaraunt by yourself and eat a meal without a newspaper or journal or anything else to keep you occupied and then write a report about it
Which tells me that this was a way for a professor to inflict psychological torture on their students and that people used to bring little things with them to keep them entertained. Shown by those old pictures of everyone in a trolley reading a newspaper with one hand.
Frankly I think that the human brain has been craving smart phone forever. Perhaps we use it too much at times but if this was 1985 we also wouldn’t be talking to people. We’d just be looking at newspaper or drawing stuff on notepad instead. And the old people would all be shaking their fists about how kids spend too much time looking at that damn TV because yes this discourse has been going on long before smart phone
Fun statistical fact: Cows are about 300 times more likely to kill you than coyotes.
Minor sidenote to statistical fact: If it was common for people to keep several hundred coyotes on their property and routinely chase them into a corral and handle them, this statistic would be different.
this is a great summary of ‘conditional probability’, a statistical property many people grapple with
…I feel like this post just made me realize that both coconut trees and vending machines, items often quoted in wacky death statistics, are both things that people shake vigorously often.