formerly the philosopher's bone

knew this woman who used to be a gay man and when he was a gay man he liked ‘ironically’ referring to himself as she/her and so when he came out as a woman he decided the next logical step was to also switch his pronouns to he/him.

not to brag but I just made a big financial purchase (one month of rent)

I want five hundred billion dollars and I want whoever reads this to have five hundred billion dollars

hold on. manifesting

Where’s my money, fish.

yeah man no such thing as thought crime. however you know that a thought is an inside action? your mouth and hands cannot be moving for it to be a thought

people got mad at me for this post where i simply state that your hands and mouth cannot be moving for your thought to be a thought. a thought ceases to be a thought once you start posting it online and telling people this is a principle you believe in. because then those are your values. if i start posting about how i find my tv hot every day and how i want to marry my tv and have sex with my tv then people will think i want to marry my tv because these are the words coming out of my mouth. i don't even want to marry my tv she may be a sweet lover but she is a cruel mistress

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

I can’t believe that this is how I find out.

in World War 1 around 8 million horses died but in World War 2 it was under a million which can only mean horses started to evolve bullet resistance

I could convince Joe Rogan that this is real

It’s really funny that the only long-term effect of someone trying to assassinate a presidential candidate has been the break-up of Tenacious D.

This is how I find out tenacious d broke up??

this is a great summary of ‘conditional probability’, a statistical property many people grapple with 

…I feel like this post just made me realize that both coconut trees and vending machines, items often quoted in wacky death statistics, are both things that people shake vigorously often.