Watch for Rain

I can’t say I ever stood out much as a kid. My days were filled with searching, though: searching for love, for attention, for perfection. Where my homelife was filled with uncertainty, I found comfort in the gatherings of friends at lunch, and in the way we could make jokes out of everything. In a way, I think that contributed to the person I am today: hunting for the praise and attention of those around me. Where I once hid in the back, dark hair, dark clothes, I turned myself into a billboard. I flaunted myself, from my pink hair down to the scars I carried. Sometimes, I forget about my younger self, about how she worried and feared, and I betray who I once was for who I forced myself to become. I say force, but it’s turned into a part of me.

INFORMATION

Age: 23

Gender/Sexuality: Non-binary, queer

Pronouns: They/Them

Diagnoses: Anorexia, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Occupation: Tailor 

Education: High school diploma, aspires to study film in college

Physical Description: 

The romance we posted about yesterday has a title now! It’ll be tagged with Loving Us

Loving Us is about Crew and Neil, who connect via their mutual struggles with mental health. Often in the battle against mental illness, we get lost in our own thoughts and struggles and forget to let those we love, and who love us, into our lives. Crew and Neil, having hit it off rather quickly at a group therapy session, must navigate their love lives as they struggle with their own minds. Loving each other is just as important as loving themselves. Will they find the balance, or will they build their walls and go their separate ways?

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

The main system has In Memory Of Us to work on, but it’s hard to communicate between main and subsystem about what projects we’re working on. For us, the subsystem, we are working on a currently nameless romance story about mental health and learning to love healthily beyond illnesses. Here is the opening portion:

“I can’t love you!”

Those words sunk their teeth into my fragile flesh and tore an ugly hole in my chest.

“I can’t love anyone like you.”

Her words were made of mud, slathered across my image. 

“Like me?” I scoffed. “Like me?” 

She spared me no details. To love me was to love a stone wall, a scarecrow, a worm. To love me was to tear your own chest open and bleed for someone who doesn’t care. To love me was to hate yourself.

I don’t know if I can fully call this a WIP, but it’s just a ‘vent’ project that I can put our negative emotions into. I thought the opening was nice, so I thought I’d share and see if anyone was interested in hearing more of it. There’s no real story, just a sick/mentally ill kid managing abusive relationships and his own mind. So, here:

I don’t know when I got sick, but I never recovered.